War between two doctors
by sydney563
Summary: AU- Bo and Lauren are humans. this is from Bo's POV. Bo is a doctor fresh from war and has to work with her ranking officer and new boss Lauren. Bo's get it done style as a doctor clashes with Laurens methodical, OCD ways. Personalities conflict and as usual drama. Doccubus through and through. I wanted to try something where Bo was a doctor.
1. Chapter 1

**This is something new, Bo's POV and based off an idea sent to me by Athena64 and a strange curiosity of what if expanding on Lauren's own service. I am trying something new, who knows if I will keep this or kick it. But I needed a break from the other stories and this came to me fast and well we shall see if this is something to continue! no worries, strangers is still being worked on as well as partners, but a new story inspires new ideas for old. That and I love the idea of Bo with a English accent...anyways. **

**AS usual. I do not own anything lost girl. I just borrow the characters.**

* * *

My story starts at sea... a perilous voyage to an unknown land... a shipwreck... the wild waters roar and heave... the brave vessel is dashed all to pieces, and all the helpless souls within her drowned... all save one... a lady... whose soul is greater than the ocean... and her spirit stronger than the sea's embrace... not for her a watery end, but a new life beginning on a stranger shore. It will be a love story... for she will be my heroine for all time.

-Shakespeare.

* * *

The overwhelming roar of the transport planes engines rattled me to the bone. I was thankful for the earplugs that a young private gave me when I was situating my bags on the plane. I had been staring at the metal floor for an undetermined amount of time, letting the coinciding vibrations of metal being shaken heavily as we traveled through rough airspace, numb my body along with my mind. I could feel my fellow passenger's eyes on me since I had sat down.

Even though we were all swathed in beige and brown camouflage, I stood out. I was a sight for sore eyes to the men going home and a surprise to the men just starting their new life in the desert. I was the only female and officer on the plane, pulling most of the attention and stares as soon as I walked on. I broke my stare and looked around the inside of the old AC 130, everyone was so young and full of nerves. I smiled lightly at one young soldier who had to be fresh out of high school, he smiled back, blushing as he began to fidget with his uniform sleeves. I sighed heavily; my own nerves were boiling over inside me.

The epic length of the flight was a chance for me to stop and think, collect my thoughts some could say. I had jumped on this flight with a bit of bribing and promises of goods sent from home. I had been just on the edge of the green zone in Saudi Arabia. This flight was full with a handful of veterans and the rest fresh faced new recruits, replacements who would be landing in Iraq in a few hours and getting the first taste of what I had for the last year and a half. I was going home and I couldn't bring myself to look at all of the young eager faces, knowing what waited for them. my orders were handed to me the moment I arrived in the British Naval hospital in Saudi Arabia, I had gone with a critical patient to make sure that he survived the bumpy helicopter trip. As soon as I handed him off to the doctors there, a army sergeant ran up to me with a package, winking at me as he handed it over. I instantly knew what it was and began the bribery process to get onto the first flight back to Iraqi so I could get the first flight back home. I could already smell the smells home brought with it, the tastes, the feel of the rain on my skin.

I smiled as the thoughts of home filled my head, a shaky but strong voice broke my daydreaming, "excuse me ma'am." he was yelling over the sound of the engines, a few other passengers looked at him, but most was caught up in their own worries or had their IPods up louder than recommended.

I looked up to meet the voice coming from the fresh out of high school solider, I smiled at him.

"ma'am, sorry to bother you, but can I ask what a navy officer is doing on a plane full of army?"

I laughed, "It was the only ride in town." my voice echoing through the rumble of the engines.

the soldier smiled and shook his head, "you in a hurry to get to Iraq?" I could see his eyes run over me, smiling wider as I knew that this was his feeble attempt at flirting with an officer.

I didn't answer him back, I just shrugged and let the sudden turbulence end the conversation. I didn't want to tell him that I was going home, he was about to start his year long experience and I didn't want to make a homesick kid anymore homesick. I flashed him a wide grin and motioned him to sit as we hit another bump of turbulence.

I kept my stare on the metal floor for the rest of the flight. I wanted to avoid anymore casual conversations with anyone. When the plane landed, one of the flight crew came up the middle of the ramp and started yelling instructions to the soldiers who instantly sat straight up, standing up on cue and clutched their bags. when the rear of the plane opened up, throwing desert sun and sand into the mix of airplane smells, I sat and squinted. I stayed seated as everyone was herded out with yelling and screaming. When the plane was empty, leaving eerie silence with the rumbling of the idling engines, I moved to stand at the edge of the plane and took one last deep breath of the sand, the heat and the stink of the war I was leaving behind.

* * *

Almost six hours later I was sitting in a cool, quiet airplane seat that had me fidgeting at the overall sense of calm atmosphere that I had not experienced in a long time. I was freezing; I had changed in a terminal bathroom in Berlin. My hands shook a little as I stripped my uniform off in the bathroom, throwing on dirty civilian clothes I had in my carry on, stuffing the sandy camouflage into my backpack. I wanted to avoid anymore unwanted comments that my uniform brought forth. My weary, worn uniform had been drawing too much attention and too much unwanted conversation, one fellow passenger was relentless in asking me what I did in the military, looking at all my ribbons and my bars, when I responded that I was a combat doctor in a trauma unit that saw heavy casualties on a daily basis, he then asked me if I watched anyone die. I gave him a dirty look and told him go fuck himself and had sit in the plane bathroom for a half hour, calming myself down. I had lost what little patience I had when I was younger, replaced by a quick fierce temper that offered no apologies.

I was exhausted and looking forward to sleeping for the last leg of the trip. It had been a hard goodbye, saying farewells to my trauma unit nurses and fellow doctors. My right hand, Betsy the best nurse any doctor could ask for, had given me a letter and a small package that had a photo album of my last year at the 85th mash unit, in the heaviest part of the conflict right outside Baghdad. all of my team had signed it, citing that Lieutenant Ysabeau"English Bo" Dennis, USN, loved by many, hated by more and will always remain the sand princess, but was one of the best doctors any of them had ever worked with and an officer that they would envy to serve under again. I had cried for the second time in a year, tears of joy mixed with sadness. I was leaving my second family and so fearful of what lay ahead for them, and feeling guilty that I was given the ticket home.

I pulled up the square of red felt the airline called a blanket and snuggled into it, trying to find sleep, absently placing my hand around the dog tags that sat warmly on my chest. I had lucked out, the seat next to me was empty, a missed flight. The silence around me was painfully deafening for my ears. There was the hushed tones of mixed conversation, peanut packages being devoured, ice moving in plastic cups, all of it sounded so foreign to me. I had to put my earplugs back in just to shut the noise out. I closed my eyes and let the gentle vibrations of the plane calm me. I went to pull down the window shade and caught a glimpse of myself in the night reflection, My dark brown eyes always stood out against my shoulder length dark brown hair I inherited from my mother. My face was made up of edgy angles that friends commented often on, saying that I could have been a movie star instead of a doctor. That I had the graceful face of an old time English actress, There could been some little truth behind those guess-timations. I was English, but I was also American. The dark brown hair and the matching brown eyes was all my mother. My mother was American by birth and married my father, an Englishman, who met my mother as she went to college in New York City, where I was eventually born. I had my father's smile but every inch of my facial features was my mother, down to the tip of my nose. I traced my fingers round my reflection, noticing stress wrinkles settling in around my eyes, at twenty nine I was wearied looking. I reached up and slammed the window shade down. I started thinking about how I got here, how different my life was almost three years ago.

close to three years ago I was just Bo Dennis, graduating med student. Graduating from NYU medical school, looking to start a unique residency in pediatric surgery at Mount Sinai, I was the epitome of privileged girl living a privileged life, minus a few hiccups. The nickname "English Bo" came when I was in college, my accent was thick and still lingered almost ten years later, but now I was able to turn it on and off when needed. I blame my Aunt Grace, my mother's older sister, my best friend and the only family I have. I was orphaned at 6 and never knew I had an Aunt until Grace swooped onto the doorstep of our New York brownstone and took me to London, where she raised me until I went to college in new York. I only knew that my parents were extremely wealthy and I would want for nothing. My Grandfather, Ftizpatrick McCorrigan had gained immense amount of wealth as liquor distributor and horse breeder. Grace would constantly talk about my mother and father, telling me stories about my mother and what she was like as a child. Always happy stories, Grace never told me anything sad, pictures of my parents filled the halls, so I would always know as I grew up, exactly who I looked like and whose smile I inherited. it was only a year ago that Grace told me the exact happening of my parents death.

My family wealth was the reason why I was able to pursue medicine. Money was no object and I could dedicate to studies and pick any college I wanted to. I chose New York City because I craved to go back to the city I was born in and in a small way I thought it would bring me closer to my parents.

my first year of college was the typical college experience, I partied, I drank, I ran around crazy, free from the traditional and conservative watch of grace. In college I also came to discover the true difference between sex and love. I was pursued by male and female suitors and rarely would turn down a date. I became immersed in the fluid sexual culture New York had to offer a young beautiful girl. I dated on and off until I met him, Dyson. Dyson was a ravishingly handsome tall blonde man that swept into my life via a prerequisite modern history class, he was pursuing a degree in Ancient Languages and his bright toothy smile melted my heart. We became study partners for the history class and soon we were dating and enveloped into each other. I found myself carried away by his spirit and zest for life. He was, what I used to call a poor mans Chris Martin, and I loved him. we dated through the last years of college and became serious in my second year of medical school, moving into a spacious loft in Brooklyn living a domesticated life. He was going to grad school to finish his masters in ancient dead languages, I was closing in on getting a prestigious residency at the foremost pediatric surgical training hospital in the country. life was on track. I was happy and there were talks that Dyson and I would return to London and start a life there when we were both done with school.

then came Christmas, almost three years ago. I had bought Dyson a plane ticket back to England, I wanted him to meet my family and show him the apartment I had picked out for us to live in. I knew he was the one I wanted to marry, and I wanted to hurry it up. As I clutched the blue envelope in my hand on the subway home, my heart was full of the future. it was two days before Christmas and I had snuck out of my lab group early to make it home and surprise Dyson with my gift. I literally ran the entire way home, skipping up the stairs to our apartment. I slipped the blue envelop in my pocket, and as I reached for the house keys I had to take a deep breath to settle my heart. as I slid the key into the lock, I heard muffled voices behind the door. I was mildly confused, Dyson was not supposed to be home for another hour. I pushed the door open, and the voices grew louder. one was Dyson, the other a female voice that I did not recognize. they were giggling and talking in hushed tones. I shut the door softly behind me and crept towards the bedroom where the voices were coming from. the door to our bedroom was closed but not all the way, I tip toed and began to get a sinking feeling as I slipped my hand onto the door and pushed it open.

the rest of that memory was hazy, but in a cliff note, I caught Dyson in the middle of extracurricular activity with his program thesis advisor. a much older woman, that as I screamed at Dyson, found out the two had been fooling around behind my back for the last three months. it seems that I had not been filling my end of the relationship with Dyson. I tried defending that he knew I was a medical student and had no time to even pee, but it just exasperated the situation. the screaming match turned into an epic breakup. the program advisor locked herself in the bathroom while I went toe to toe with Dyson. it was useless, the whole scenario ended with me throwing the blue envelope in a crumbled ball at Dyson, hitting him in the face and causing the plane tickets to flutter the floor and one slid under the bathroom door. my last words to Dyson were, "You can sell those tickets and buy some ben gay for your new girlfriend, you fucking bastard."

I stormed out of the apartment and stayed at the Waldorf Astoria, I never flaunted my money, but I wanted to be the furthest away I could be from Brooklyn. I locked myself away in that hotel room, I only ventured out to attend class. The thought of the military never entered my head until i was walking out of class and walked past the common area where there was some recruiting fair going on for future graduates. There was a United States Navy recruiter standing in the corner, the only reason I gave her a second look was because she was gorgeous, standing in her navy whites and contrasting red hair hidden up in a tight bun. she caught me looking and beckoned me over to give me the speech. as she was going down the lists of how the navy can benefit a soon to be graduate like me, my phone rang. it was Dyson, texting me, begging me to come back to the apartment. That he had no idea, about the trip to meet my family, the apartment. I looked at the recruiter and said, "if I sign up today, when can I leave?"

it took three months for me to actually leave. I graduated medical school, two days later I was on a bus to officer candidate school where my nickname came into to play full force. My drill instructors were not used to a trainee with an English accent, more confused as to how I was an American but had the slightest hint of a royal English accent. I made it through boot camp, highest honor in my class and was given the choice of stations. I was now a lieutenant in the navy and a doctor. I had the option of working in the best hospitals in the world, or I could work in a trauma unit in Iraq. I signed up for the trauma unit. I wanted to disappear, the only person who knew that I had joined the navy was my aunt. she had written me numerous letters confused as how I was in the American military, but supporting me and telling me that Dyson had continued to try and contact me. my heart was shattered in a million pieces, I wanted a complete distraction to keep me from feeling like I was a liar to my heart for ever loving Dyson.

a gentle hand shook me awake, I looked up and met the face of a smiling stewardess, "miss, we are about to land in London." I nodded my thanks and straightened up in my seat. I reached over and slid the window shade up, taking a deep look at the city I had left almost ten years ago. The grey skies and ancient buildings seemed to reach up to me, welcoming me with open arms.

Everything felt so foreign to me as people exited the airplane calmly without any yelling. I held my carry on bags, more so I clenched them as I saw the masses of people in the baggage claim. I had a wave of nerves rush over me. I stepped slowly through the gate, letting the other passengers move past me. I made it out into the terminal and saw Grace standing, primly off to the side looking cautiously over the masses of air travelers. I felt a tear slide down my face as I looked at her. my Aunt Grace was the pure and clear definition of a English lady. she was wearing a iron grey knee length skirt, a delicate light blue silk blouse, her everyday pearls hanging at the appropriate length around her neck, and she was also wearing one of her many, many wool button up cardigans. Her silver grey hair up in a modern but modest bun. everything down to her makeup was elegant, conservative and perfect. that was my Aunt Grace. she was a beautiful woman whose age only touched her hair, her face was flawless, angled in the right places, and a mouth that was creased by the tremendous amount of smiling she normally did, but was now pursed in agitation.

she caught my eyes and tried very hard not to break down as she rushed towards me, smothering me in a rib crushing hug. "Welcome home Ysabeau."

I couldn't speak; my words were caught in my throat. I was home and it had been a long time since I saw grace. Neither of us spoke a word until we got to the car, she kept breaking down as we waited for my bags on the luggage turn style.

it wasn't until we sat in the back of the black car grace had hired to take us home that the silence was broken. grace fluttered her hands that held a tissue, "how long will you be home, Ysabeau?"

"I am here for good, grace." I smiled lightly as I reached for her hand.

grace wiped her eyes, "your accent is different, all those etiquette lessons lost." I could hear the tsk tsk in her tone.

I couldn't help but laugh, "its still there, I just had to learn to adapt." I looked out the window at the passing countryside, we had left the city and I was overwhelmed by the sight of green things everywhere. my life had been encased in beige, brown and splattering's of red for so long, I had begun to forget there were other colors aside from those three. I suddenly felt Graces hand on the side of my face, "you look different, there are lines." I could feel fear and concern in her touch.

I covered her hand with mine, pulling it from my face, "I am home now, Grace, stop fretting over me."

grace huffed quietly, turning her attention to the purse on her lap, "you said you are home for good, what exactly does that mean, Ysabeau?"

"it means that I am home. I am not going anywhere. I finish the last bit of my commitment at the Royal Naval hospital. Teaching their combat doctors combat medicine techniques. I have six months left and I am a free woman."

"I am still confused as how you joined the American navy." there was a tone of diligent irritation in her voice. she had groomed me to be a elegant lady doctor that would practice in London and simply be a lady. I threw her world in a twirl when she got the notice from my recruiter that she had been listed as my next of kin. we had not properly discussed my activities for the last three years, and at that moment I had no intention. I just wanted to take a long hot shower, eat real food and sleep in cotton sheets that were completely sand free. I let silence be my rebuttal and lost myself in the raindrops that started to appear on the window. I missed rain, clean, clear rain without the smell of mud.

* * *

we pulled up to the house, and I bent my neck so I could get a better look. the house sat outside of London in the quiet countryside. the house is an old English manor that my aunt brought me too all those years ago, I smiled deep when I saw it. the manor was old and survived world war II, it had off white granite brick walls, chimneys dotting the hearty slate roof, breaking up the smooth flow of the architecture. it was a thirty room manor, that sat on over five acres of land that would hold onto the morning fog like it was a security blanket. Excessive for two women, but the space was perfect for my aunt and I to stay close but maintain personal space. the floor to ceiling windows were my favorite part of the massive property. the entire house was constantly bathed in light and I suddenly ached to be in the rooms again. I stood outside the car letting the light rain splash on me as grace ran around with an umbrella telling the driver to put my bags inside the foyer. I took a deep breath and savored the smells of green trees and wet grass. everything smelled alive.

Aunt grace eventually had to push me inside the house, "go, go. I am sure that you would like to freshen up after your long trip. Your room is exactly as you left it, just smells a bit better." she winked at me as she said it. She then quickly shoo'd me away.

I carried my bag and walked the expansive hallways realizing how long it really had been since I came home. I found my room and smiled when I opened the door, it was just as grace said. exactly as I had left it that summer before my sophomore year in college. My bedroom was in pristine order. it resembled a new York city apartment in the style and furniture I purchased years ago when I had been consumed by the city and wanted to be surrounded by it even when I came home for holidays. I never did return home after that first summer I met him, I was caught up in Dyson and rarely made the trip home; grace would always come to the city for holidays. I walked around the room, tracing my fingers along the walls. the walls were a light grey with darker highlights here and there. the bed was a queen size and often my favorite place to be. there was more bookshelves filled with knick knacks, random toys and a handful of bestselling books. A small desk was against a window, facing out into the field behind the house, it held a medium size television that I could tell was brand new, I laughed, grace had definitely planned out everything. My walls were full of photographs of London and NYC that I had taken when I was dipping into photography for awhile in college, before medicine became my life's calling. I threw my bag onto the floor and headed towards the bathroom, stripping off the clothes as I went.

A puff of steam trailed behind me as I left the bathroom, I had the towel over my head as I dug in my drawers for old clothes, I had no energy to go through my bags. I found an old pair of jeans that now hung off of me, they were littered with holes and had an occasional paint stain. I threw them on and found a old, soft grey pullover and relished in the softness that it encased me in, I had to pull out my dog tags to prevent them from catching on the soft material. I looked down at them; I had not taken them off in a very long time and really didn't know how to go about it. I didn't have to wear them constantly now, but at the same I felt like if I took them off it would be like removing a wedding ring, difficult. I held them up in the light, they were dented and worn, like me. in the corner of one there was half moon bend to the tag. I ran my finger across it remembering, there was still sand trapped in the edges of the metal. I slipped the tags back under my sweater and dug into my bag looking for my journals.

I sat down in the wooden chair at the small desk, laying the towel over the back and looked out the massive window the desk sat against. I looked out into the acreage that I ran around and through when I was younger. it was raining heavier now and the sound of it on the roof was invigorating. The rhythm of the rain was making me sleepy, I stood up from the desk and collapsed into the pillowy softness of my bed and instantly fell asleep.

I woke up a few hours later, covered in sweat and my heart racing. a rumble of thunder shook me from the dream I was having. it was one that I had often, it was not anything in particular, I would just dream about the bad nights I had in Iraq. trying to do surgery as bombs dropped all around me, the colors and smells, and the screams were all too real. it took me a second to gather myself and realize where I was. I fell back into my pillows trying to settle my heart, telling my brain to settle. I was safe, sound and nowhere near bombs. I stared at the ceiling, recounting the words of my exit counselor who briefed me as I sat in the terminal in Saudi Arabia. "you are a combat veteran reentering a non combat zone. life will take time getting used to. it will all feel foreign and you may not know how to handle a life without the intensity and the fear you have endured for the last year." he then suggested I start therapy when I got into the world. I wasn't ready to start talking about all that I had been through, I never was much of a open and honest talker, and I honestly believed that all that I had done and seen, no one would believe.

I laid in bed for what seemed an eternity until I heard Graces heels click down the halls and stop at my door, her knock coming lightly against the door. "I am awake." I rolled over and sat on the edge of the bed as Grace pushed the door open.

she smiled widely at me, "I don't meant to be a bother, I know you are exhausted. I have your bags downstairs, I was going to see if you would like me to launder your clothes? they all seem very dusty."

grace stood with her hands folded in against her waist, I could tell by her tone that she was very unsure of how to act right now. I smiled at the thought of my tough elegant aunt being nervous. I rubbed my nose where the headache I woke up with lingered, "I will be down in a minute, I want to sort through the bags. I cannot remember what's in them, most will need washing and I will take care of that, grace. You don't have too."

Grace shook her head, "no bother, my dear, I just want you to feel like your home."

"I know." I stood up, "lead the way, I fear I have forgotten how massive these hallways are." I walked over to grace and gave her a big hug, "I have missed you so much aunt grace. I am sorry for being gone so long."

I could feel her sob lightly in my arms; she cleared her throat as she moved out of the hug, "Ysabeau, no need to apologize. I am glad you are here now. you are my only niece….."she trailed off as the tears came. she wiped them away, straightened herself up, "alright, enough. Let's get you downstairs and fed."

* * *

as my piles of clothes washed, I sat down for lunch with grace and we chatted about random things. I could tell she wanted to ask about Iraq but was not sure how to bring it up. instead she just asked me non invasive questions.

she wiped at the corners of her mouth, finished with the chicken salad sandwiches she had made for the both of us, I had devoured mine in two bites, "how long are you on rest leave before you start at the hospital."

I was picking at the crumbs left on my plate, wanting to make sure I ate every crumb, "I only have today and tomorrow, then I start at the hospital Wednesday morning."

"well that's not much time at all, you should ask for more time off. Get, adjusted to things."

I shook my head, "I'd rather get adjusted to life through a normal work schedule. I don't want too much downtime. I will start thinking about things…." I trailed off.

Grace set her tea cup down, making a sharp clink noise, "you let that boy speak for you, you left without getting your word in. I think it's time, you take full advantage of all that life has to offer you now." she gave me a hard steely gaze. I knew in an instant she was talking about Dyson and still held a grudge that Dyson was the one reason why I ran for the hills. Grace never liked Dyson, always staying polite and respectable, as a lady should, when she visited. But often she would quietly suggest that I would be better off looking deeper at whom I was in love with, grace told me more than once she had an ill feeling about Dyson. I just ignored it, thinking it was just my aunt being a mother, Cautious of her only child's relationship choices.

"He is a world away now, grace, literally and figuratively. I intend to keep him that way." I smiled to put grace at ease. "I'm home and that's all that matters to me right now, the rest will come what may."

* * *

Wednesday morning came quicker than I thought I was ready for, my alarm went off and I woke up early in the morning disoriented and soaked from another bad dream. I showered, standing in under the hot water for longer than was necessary. I was excited that I could take a hot shower without the water running out in three minutes, and no one was pounding on the door yelling at me to hurry up. I dressed in a fresh service uniform, opting for the thick polyester pants since I was still adjusting to the English chill. I ran my hands down the crisp feeling of the khaki top and how everything on it, my rank bars, my ribbons and nametag, shined so brightly on me, and how silly I felt. I took a deep breath and headed out the door. I drove into the city, stealing my aunts 1964 green mg. i opted to drive in rather than take a cab or the subway, I didn't want people to ask questions, I was not socially ready to talk about my uniform.

I roared through the London traffic, making it to the hospital earlier than i expected. I pulled the car into the parking garage, getting a few comments from the door guards about it. After parking the car, I pulled my new orders out of my briefcase and headed towards the front door. the hospital was modern and shiny inside and out, more than anything it was clean. the inside was alive with activity, a mix of uniforms, military and medical, swarmed like bees through the reception area. The hospital even smelled clean and cold as I walked towards the large black reception desk. Behind it sat a rosy cheek, brunette Scottish girl who smiled as I came up to her.

"hi. could you possibly point me in the right direction of a Commander L. Lewis's office, please?" I leaned across the high desk, casually looking around at all the people.

"of course, let me see here." I could tell she was a civilian by her ease of communication. my lieutenant bars had no effect on her and she treated me like anyone else. she clicked across her keyboard at light speed. "Commander Lewis third floor, suite 204." she looked up at me, smiling, "if you take the elevator behind you it will let you out two doors down from the suite."

I smiled, "thank very much."

"You're welcome, enjoy the rest of your day, Lieutenant." I could have sworn there was a wink behind her voice. I nodded at her and headed towards the elevator.

I rode the elevator up, with two British officers, in scrubs, who were rambling about their upcoming surgery. it was a simple foot surgery and they were going over tactics in the operating room, their voices full of bravado and the egotistical confidence that came with being a surgeon. I listened intently, suddenly realizing that I had very little traditional operating room experience. My entire repertoire of surgery skills was created in the temporary tent city we called a hospital. The two officers left me as they exited on the second floor, leaving me even more nervous.

The elevator dinged, pulling me from my mind fog. I stepped out and took a left, counted two doors and knocked on the door that carried a nameplate broadcasting "Commander L. Lewis. M.D. Royal Navy."

I heard a lovely Irish accented voice call out from behind the door, "please come in." I opened the door to find a tiny, but very pretty blond woman, wearing the enlisted uniform of the royal navy, sitting behind a small desk. she was typing away on her computer and looked up as I entered. she smiled wide to the point that her deep green eyes smiled as well. She stood up immediately, saluting me. I returned the salute and as I dropped it she came towards me with her hand out to shake mine. "Hello, Lieutenant Dennis. It is very pleasant to meet you. I am Petty Officer Jane Leeds; I am Commander Lewis's administrative assistant. Please have a seat and I will let the Commander know you are here."

Petty Officer Leeds pointed me towards a couch that faced her desk then hurried off to a second door that was kitty corner from her desk. she knocked once, then went in. a minute later she came out, smiling still, "please follow me Lieutenant Dennis."

Leeds held the door for me as I entered the second office. it was different than what I was expecting. it had bookcases that carried massive amounts of medical texts, there were files upon files jammed into one of the bookcases. There was a large oak desk that was clean and orderly, and behind it sitting in a large leather chair was a woman. She was young, around my age, and she was bent over filling out some paperwork. When the door clicked behind Leeds, the woman looked up. she stood up and smiled, coming around to meet me. I saluted her and she causally returned it, holding out her hand, "please, in this office we can forgo military formalities, I am Commander Lauren Lewis, It is an intense pleasure to finally meet you Lieutenant Dennis." her grip was warm but gentle. "Please, have a seat, and please call me Lauren." her voice was smooth and hinted at the same type of English etiquette classes I had taken but American life had taken away from me, I also noticed she was lacking a thick English accent like I was expecting from a British officer.

I sat down in a leather chair as Lauren went back to sit behind her desk. as she smoothed out her uniform shirt, I took a better look at her. The first thing that came to my mind was how beautiful she was. Lauren was taller than I, her long blonde hair was pulled up in a tight, perfect bun, exposing the delicate angles of her face, lines that rounded in places that accentuated her overall beauty. Her golden brown eyes were sparkling in the light of the morning sun that peeked through the windows in her office. I found myself staring into them for longer than I should; there was something about the sparkle that had me instantly curious. Lauren was wearing a similar version of the uniform I was wearing, but it was tailored perfectly. Fitting to the curves of her body in a way that showed you just enough without being too bold and offensive to the military way. it was obvious Lauren kept herself in shape. I absently cleared my throat, slightly embarrassed that I was looking at this woman in front of me like I was. it had been a long time since a man, let alone a woman made me blush. Lauren was absolutely gorgeous and it made me blush. I went to cover up that I was blushing by bending down to my briefcase, so I could pull out my orders, handing them over to Lauren. "Here is my file and my orders. They told me that you had requested to see them?"

She took them with a smile and began flipping through my file, "I did yes. I always thoroughly investigate those doctors whom I will be working with." she went quiet as she read a few pages in my file. I was feeling nervous and suddenly felt the need to fill the air, "if you have any sort of questions please ask."

Without looking at me, "your accent, it's a mash up. I detect some New Yorker, mixed with Queens country. Tell me, Lt. Dennis, how does an English girl end up in the American navy?"

Her question caught an edge in me, I knew I had a little snap in my voice as I spoke, "Technically it's an American girl in the American navy. I am sure if you read the front page of my file it will tell I was born in New York City. Should I point out your lack of a English accent? Do I detect a little Canadian in it?"

Lauren did not look at me, she raised an eyebrow, ignoring my jab, "yes, dual citizenship. I clearly understand that but you were raised in London from age six to age eighteen. you do realize that your duality would have also allowed you to join the Royal navy."

"I fail to understand what your point is, Commander." I was getting irritated, I was far from used to paper pushing officers and it showed.

Lauren looked at me with a smirk, "my point is, with your credentials and your resume, I am only expressing jealousy that we had not gotten to you first." she set down my file, folding her hands on top, "how long have you been out of the desert?"

"counting today, three days." I stared at her hard.

Lauren nodded as if suddenly things made sense, she moved my file off to the side, "I would like to formally welcome you home and to this hospital, Lt. Dennis. I am excited to have you as a part of the team. as you already know this hospital is a teaching hospital but does also function as a trauma ward and a veterans care center. your skills will be well suited here." she smiled at me and for a second I felt a little warmth wash over me.

"thank you Commander, when do I get started?" I was anxious to do something, I was not used to having idle time and I was beginning to feel trapped in the confines of an office.

"I will give you the tour then you will meet some of your students." Lauren went to stand up and she turned to me, a questioning face pointed in my direction. "Lt. Dennis, can I ask one question, you may refuse to answer, but your assignment here has me curious."

"go ahead."

"how did you get this particular assignment? you are the equivalent of a doctor in their second year of residency and you are now teaching others?" her tone had a twinge of ego.

I stood up and looked at her, "one year of intense combat medicine/surgery gives me more experience than you." my comment took down a hard right hook at her ego, "as for my particular assignment? if it's not in my file then you don't need to know, ma'am." my tone was hard on the ma'am at the end.

I could tell Lauren was biting her tongue from spilling out the irritation I could see rise in her, instead she squeezed out a hard smile, "there is a lot not in your file, Lt. Dennis, which raises more questions." she glared at me, hoping for me to crack, I glared back, "lets start the tour."

"lets." everything about this woman bothered me, she was a desk jockey with the ego of a neurosurgeon and had the false sense of entitlement the bars on her uniform brought. as I walked behind Lauren I thought to myself, "she might have a great ass, but what a pain." I stepped lightly behind her as we left her office, six months. that's all I had to do, six months.

* * *

Lauren took me through the administrative floor, showed me where the cafeteria was and finally, upon my request took me to the operating room then the emergency room. The hospital was clean and everyone was wearing hospital garb, other officers would either be in scrubs or their own uniforms wearing doctor coats. I noticed that as I walked with Lauren, I would catch looks and stares from most of the staff. Sensing it, Lauren turned to me and said, "you are the first American doctor we have had on staff, you are a rarity."

"I have the same feeling towards them, seeing doctors in coats and not covered in dirt is a rarity for me." I was beginning to feel resentment towards some of these people, it was obvious they chose desks and clean coats over sand and blood. Lauren didn't make a comment, she just smiled tightly at me and pointed me towards the ER doors.

I had done my trauma rotation at Bellevue hospital in new York, I was used to the hectic pace and chaos that came with an inner city hospital. as I pushed through the double doors I expected to see bustling activity, yelling of orders for drugs, blood on the floor, but instead I pushed into a very quiet, orderly unit where the nurses where chatting lightly over coffee. there was only one patient on a bed, a young British army doctor was talking to the patient nodding as his questions were answered. I just stood and stared for a second. the only thing that stood out to me was everything was so calm and clean. I turned to Lauren, "this. this is your emergency room?"

Lauren smiled with pride, "yes, we have one of the best trauma units in the city. We often take on cases when other hospitals are overwhelmed. right now as you can see, it's a quiet day." she nodded at a few of the nurses.

"how many cases do you average on a day?" I was getting a uncomfortable feeling.

"two or three. the weekends we see up to ten, again depending on the surrounding hospitals."

I let out a deep breath, my uncomfortable feeling was realizing that I was coming from a trauma unit that dealt with fifty to sixty cases a day to two or three. it was like switching from driving a Ferrari to a model T. I had a bad feeling that I couldn't shake.

Lauren kept walking and talking. Showing me all the equipment that I would have sold my soul for back in Iraq. She took us over to another bed where a crowd of white coats surrounded a patient who appeared to have their head wrapped in gauze. "oh, and here we are. This is the group of students you will be teaching in the coming weeks. let's make our introductions." Lauren was remarkably stuffy and cold in her entire demeanor, it was mildly off putting to me.

we stood behind the crowd and I listened with a half smile. An ancient looking Captain was going over the basics of a concussion, asking questions to the mash of young faced military doctors. it reminded me of my first day in a hospital, all nerves and fear and wanting to constantly wear my white coat that said Dr. B. Dennis. your first day as an official doctor is one you never forget. I looked at all of the faces circled around the old colonel, I suddenly felt very old at the advanced age of twenty nine.

Lauren whispered to me that as soon as the feeble Captain was done I would be introduced to the students, I nodded and kept watching the faces.

Halfway through the diatribe of how to treat a concussion, a strange beeping noise came through the overhead speakers. All of the students heads turned in unison, looking towards the noise, all of their faces seemed to turn sheet white. The white haired Captain hobbled from the crowd and picked up a telephone. I looked at Lauren, silently asking her what was going on, she smiled tightly, "it's an incoming trauma. That beeping noise is the alert system, when you hear it, pick up the nearest phone and the charge nurse will describe the incoming case."

the Captain set down the phone and looked right at Lauren, "it's a multiple gunshot victim, overflow from the Evanston Hospital. you're the only senior doctor on this floor, you have to take it Commander Lewis."

I saw no change in emotion come over Laurens face, as she saw all the students stare at her, watching for her reaction, she quickly nodded, "right, right. what bay?"

"its coming in bay three."

Lauren turned on her heels and yelled back at me, "you are more than welcome to come along, we may need a few extra hands." she started to jog back towards where we came from, stripping off her uniform jacket and grabbing an extra white coat. I jogged after her, eager to see what this hospital really was made of and secretly I wanted to watch Lauren at work.

as we rounded the corner the paramedics broke through the double doors, shouting vitals and directions. "Twenty five year old white male, four shots to the mid chest. Appears to be small caliber weapon by the size of the exit wounds. we were able to slow down the bleeding, heart rate is dipping constantly. we hit him with a few cc's of adrenaline to keep him from passing out. no allergies, no prior health history." the medic that was yelling turned to Lauren as his partner started handing the patient off to the nurse who had swarmed from out of nowhere.

I looked at the patient and had a strange feeling wash over me, I couldn't place it but my heart rate went up and as I watched the swarm of nurses I started picking out what they were doing wrong and what they were not doing fast enough. I looked over at Lauren who was nodding as the lead medic spilled more info to her, it felt to me that she was moving in slow motion as she pulled on gloves, nurses looking at her for direction.

One older nurse looked up at Lauren, shouting, "his heart rate is dropping fast…he is about to go into defib."

Lauren looked at the nurse, keeping her calm as she began giving calm, orderly directions, I couldn't stand it anymore. I pushed past Lauren and started barking orders, "get an iv drip going right now, start charging the defib just in case." I pulled on a pair of gloves and started prodding into the gunshot wounds, "three are clear of bleeders, and oh…yep. number four is where it's at. I need a clamp, his main artery has been nicked and he is bleeding out." I had my left hand in the hole closest to the man's heart, I had pinched the vein between my fingers, "scalpel!" it was slammed into my hand by a relieved nurse, with my right hand I cut a longer gash by the gunshot wound so I could get a small clamp around the vein and see what I was doing. I was able to clamp it and stop the bleeding. I took my hand out and started looking at his vitals, "stabilizing, you…" I pointed at Lauren," call the OR. he needs to get into surgery immediately. it feels like his spleen is damaged and his belly distended, could mean he has internal bleeding." Lauren clenched her jaw, "that was exactly what I was telling the nurses to do, Dr. Dennis."

Lauren motioned to the nurses to assist her, I shook my head and yelled again, "he is going to need blood transfusions, keep him on the iv line, pack the other three wounds with gauze for now, stop up any other bleeding he may have. the boys upstairs can stitch up the rest. move it, move it. lets get this kid into the operating room."

I stepped back as the nurses started following my orders, they all seemed frightened by my yelling but also relieved. I didn't stop until the orderlies and the surgeon Lauren had called, came downstairs and took the gunshot victim into their care. I had stabilized him and stopped his bleeding, getting his heart rate to level out. the surgeon looked at me and as he ran by me next to the patient he said, "well done yank."

I watched at the elevator doors closed and I finally let out the breath I had been holding, I let myself come out of the adrenaline push that always hit me when I was in a trauma. I looked down at my hands and saw I was covered in blood all the way up to my elbow, and some was on my uniform. I shrugged at myself, not unusual for me. I turned and saw Lauren standing, clean and still wearing the unused gloves. I looked at her, she was staring at me hard, oozing authority, for some unknown reason I felt an intense amount of anger towards her. I wanted to call her out right there and ask her what kind of doctor she was exactly. before I could the older nurse who initiated my response came up and put a gentle hand on my shoulder, "thank you, you saved that mans life."

I clenched my jaw, "where can I clean up?"

the older nurse pointed me towards a wash room off to the side of the bay I was standing in. I looked hard at Lauren as I stripped off my gloves and threw them to the floor, as I moved past her I mumbled, "excuse me, doctor."

I scrubbed furiously at the blood on my arms, watching the swirls of red and clear water mix together and fall down the drain. I was tired suddenly; I wanted to swirl down the drain with the water. I lost myself in the scrubbing until I heard the door open behind me and Lauren's voice.

"i had a handle on the situation, you did not need to cowboy up like that and take over." She folded her arms, "But Nurse Johnson is right, you did save his life."

I didn't say anything I just scrubbed harder, Trying to keep my anger to a minimum.

"let me have one of the nurses bring you a fresh pair of scrubs, so you can change." I looked down and saw that my whole front was covered in blood and it was drying.

I turned around, looking hard at Lauren, "what exactly kind of doctor are you, Commander Lewis?"

I caught her off guard with my sudden question, she answered harshly, "I am a cardiologist."

I threw the towel in my hand onto the floor, "when's the last time you actually dealt with a major trauma? just out of curiosity."

Lauren swallowed hard, "is there a problem with my credentials? Lt. Dennis?"

I stepped close to her, "my problem is, that not even thirty minutes ago you were running me through the ringer about my "lack of experience" while I just watched you stand like a first day medical student as a man bleeds out in your trauma unit. Making safe, slow decisions."

Lauren's face flushed, I knew I hit a nerve, "I don't think this is the time to argue, Lt. Dennis."

I laughed, "argue. I don't want to argue with you, but when is the last time you had blood on your hands? me? four days ago. 18 year old kid, more holes in him than this guy. I had to keep both my hands inside his chest, keeping him alive." I shook my head, "I can't argue with a desk doctor, who only gets their hands dirty from paper cuts. I have never seen a hospital like this, filled with fearful doctors."

Lauren was furious at me now, "I am not going to continue argue with you, but if you feel that this hospital is not suited for you, I am sure we can find you a more appeasing assignment." I could feel the strain in her voice and I knew it was embarrassment folded over into anger.

I stepped an inch away from Lauren's face, staring hard into her golden brown eyes, "I am staying, I want to make sure that these students? That they learn how to be real doctors that they learn that fear is to be left at the door or they need to find a new career." I pushed past Lauren, "excuse me, commander I think I am done here."

Lauren yelled after me, "you still have to report to me, Lt. Dennis."

I turned and saluted her, "yes ma'am, and I will. first thing in the morning, but I need to go home and change my uniform. "I shrugged at the bloodstains and left Lauren standing in the middle of the trauma bay.

* * *

before i left the hospital I changed into a pair of scrubs and threw my ruined uniform into the back trunk of the MG. I sat in the car for a minute taking a moment; I knew my temper and my confrontation with Lauren may cause me some trouble. But it was clear in my file that I had a temper and would often ignore authority when it came to the heat of the moment. One of my commanding officers in Iraq flat out told me that I was the biggest insubordinate asshole he had ever met in his life, but also one of the best trauma doctors he ever saw in his life. My ability to react and think quickly and save lives was what saved me from many a court martial from insubordinate behavior. That's where I had earned the notoriety of a being hated by most. it was about my ego, it was about working fast to unravel the tangled bodies that came my way, I would call out a general for being sloppy in the middle of a case, I didn't care.

I tapped the steering wheel, I knew that my blow up with Lauren would cause some ruffles for me in the morning, but I laughed, what's the worse they could do? Send me to war. Been there done that. I slammed the car into gear and sped out of the parking garage, feeling calmer with each passing mile.

it was late afternoon by the time I got back to the manor, I pulled the MG into the garage and grabbed my uniform. I placed the uniform in a bag and set it out for it to be sent to the cleaners. I then made my way to my room, immediately heading to the shower where I sat on the tiled floor letting the hot water pound on me. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. I looked at my dog tags, the water running off of them, the only thing I could think of was how much I just wanted to stop and be quiet. I took the teaching job to escape the chaos of my unit, I had seen too much death and wanted to be so far away from it, but now I doubted my own ability to function as a normal person without the chaos to balance me.

the next morning I went into the hospital a little early, expecting a reprimand session from Lauren or an higher ranking officer that Lauren had managed to rope into dealing with my behavior yesterday. I went right to her office because I realized that in the midst of yesterdays trauma and leaving that I had not bothered to finish the rest of my tour. I didn't know if I had an office or a corner to call my own.

I took a deep breath before I knocked on Laurens door. Petty Officer Leeds opened it and had the same big smile she had met me with yesterday, "lt. Dennis, good morning, how are you doing?"

I gripped my briefcase, anxiety bubbling up, "I am still adjusting to the quiet life, how are you petty officer?"

"grand. please give me two seconds and I will get my things ready." Leeds was fidgeting with files on her desk.

I kept looking at Laurens door, waiting for something to happen, instead Leeds came up to me with a handful of files in her hand. she caught my gaze, "Commander Lewis is in a meeting and will meet with you after lunch. I have been placed in charge of getting you to your office and started on your daily schedule." She held out a hand towards the door, "shall we, ma'am?"

I chewed my lip, something was off and I desperately wanted to get my reprimand out of the way but I preferred not having to see Lauren first thing. I smiled at Leeds, "lead the way."

my office was on the third floor next to the classrooms where I would be lecturing at the end of the hallway from where Laurens office sat. I couldn't help but smile when I saw my full name and rank on the door. the office was much smaller than Laurens but it would suit me. I had a window that looked out onto the courtyard below and the bookshelves were already full. there was a oak desk with a cushy leather chair. my computer was already humming and on, Leeds walked right to it, sitting in the chair, "I will set your email up, ma'am, and show you how to access everything you will need." she then placed her hand on the phone, "the phone is easy peasy, pick it up dial the extension of anywhere in the building, list in the upper right drawer. to call out dial 7 then the full number." I nodded that I understood. Leeds then busied herself with my computer, a handful of clicks later she had shown me it all. she looked at her watch and stood up, "okay. right on time. your class schedule is in your email, these files are all of your current students. class starts in three hours. Basic orientation for today, it will be a easy day for you and the students." I marveled at her efficiency.

"I think I got it petty officer, thank you." I couldn't help but smile when I was around Leeds, she just oozed sunshine. I enjoyed it.

"yes, ma'am. if you need anything at all, please call my desk and I will do my best to get your righted." Leeds then hurried to the door, "welcome to RNH Doctor Dennis." I swore she winked at me as she shut the door behind her.

I sat down and spun around in my chair, I picked through the files that had been left for me. Most of my students were royal navy, I had one army and one royal marine. None of them had combat experience and were fresh out of medical school and this hospital would be there residency, then who knew. I turned my attention to my email, sorting through it all getting my bearings. I had not had a computer to my own in a long time, nor did I have "company emails" to deal with. I sat clicking wondering how much more I could piss Lauren off if I stole Leeds. I became lost in webpages, I had managed to navigate out of my email and found the internet had open access, I was reading articles about what I had missed being elbow deep in sand and how the outside world felt about the war. as I scrolled I heard a soft knock followed by my door opening, I looked up and a older man stuck his head in, he had a huge smile on his face, "pardon me, are you Lt. Dennis?"

I quickly clicked out of my internet reading seeing the colonel insignia sitting on his lapels, I stood up and saluted, "yes sir, I am Lt. Ysabeau Dennis, how can I help you, sir?"

the colonel returned the salute, "at ease, Lt. I wanted to stop by and introduce myself." he came over to me with his hand outstretched, "Colonel Nigel Windsor, Royal Navy, M.D. and chief of staff of this fine hospital."

when I let go of his hand he placed both on his hips, "Welcome to RNH, I am ecstatic that we have you on staff. I heard about your work yesterday, well done. well done, especially for a yank." he winked at me.

"thank you sir. I was just doing my job." I swallowed hard, maybe Colonel Windsor was here to reprimand me.

"do you mind I sit?"

"no, sir, please have a seat."

Windsor plopped down on the couch that faced my desk, crossed his legs and stared right at me. "I do apologize that I did not get the chance to meet you yesterday, meetings and such. first thing today, I made my way here. I am so very interested in meeting the American Navy lass, your reputation stands alone, Admiral Williams just gushed about you, if that's possible for a admiral to gush, but his recommendation was more than enough for me to skip any hesitation welcoming you here. Admiral Williams and I go back to Vietnam, grand fellow, better soldier. "Windsor winked at me.

I could feel myself blush, "thank you, sir, but I am not any different than the next doctor."

"oh on the contrary, Lt. your file landed on my desk and filled with recommendations and commendations that I have never had the pleasure of viewing." he uncrossed and leaned forward, "I truly am happy that you are here, I just hope in time I can persuade you to carry on after the six months. this hospital can benefit from a physician like you."

I just nodded, I was so embarrassed that I couldn't make a sound, receiving compliments had always been hard for me.

Windsor leaned back, "you settling in fine?"

before I could answer, the door opened and Lauren came in, "Lt. Dennis, glad you made it in." her tone was beyond friendly.

"oh hello Commander Lewis! the financial meeting end early?"

Lauren was startled and snapped into a salute when she saw Windsor. "yes sir."

Windsor returned his salute, stood up and placed a hand on Laurens shoulder, "from what I understand, Lt. Dennis saved your ass yesterday."

Lauren shot me a deadly look, "some might say that." I had just been a direct result of her being embarrassed by a ranking officer, epic faux pau on my part. I knew I deserved the death look she was shooting my way.

"haha, well done. No worries Commander, I have made sure that you receive trauma rotation at least once a month. Time to dust off those doctors coat and put it to some use." he looked at his watch. "well, I must be off. Meetings."

I stood up and saluted the colonel, Lauren following my lead. Windsor returned them, "Lt., Commander, enjoy the day. oh and Dennis, let me know how the assignment suits you, I am always happy to help out a fellow Navy man, next time you see Admiral Williams, give him my best wont you?" he winked at me then disappeared through my door.

I turned to see Lauren standing, uptight, she was visibly confused by Windsor's parting comment, Admiral Williams was the admiral in charge of the USN operations in Iraq, compare him to general Patton or Schwarzkopf, he was a man with status and fame in the military world. his name made anyone stand straight, regardless of whose country they served for. Lauren was clenching her jaw when she spoke, "I see Petty Officer Leeds has you situated."

"yes, she is amazing. very efficient and quick on her feet, nice quality, rare quality around here, but still." I knew I was picking a fight, but I couldn't help it. her being uptight and knowing she came here to reprimand me was making me itch to get it over with.

Lauren blushed, and pushed the door closed, she then stepped close to my desk. "I don't care who you are, the wonder kid, the incredible yank. one incident proves nothing about you. so far all you have shown me is that you are arrogant and combative." her tone was harsh, "I don't appreciate you making a fool out of me."

I smiled, "whoa, you made a fool out of yourself."

she shook her head at me, "arrogant American." it came out as a harsh whisper.

it was my turn to get harsh, I stood up looking Lauren right in the eyes, the big brown eyes that when she looked back I swore I saw a sparkle, the sparkle made my heart twinge, good lord she was beautiful up close, I shook the feeling out before I spoke, "arrogant? Not at all, combative yes, maybe. But I am here to be a doctor, teach other doctors. I am not here to push you off your pedestal or steal whatever thunder you may think you have." Lauren was infuriated now, "I don't want everyday to be a shouting match with you, my intention yesterday was not to step on your toes or make you look like an ass." for some reason the fight in me fell out the longer I looked in her eyes, it was a first sign that I was mildly attracted to this woman, bad news. "I acted on instinct, if you can't deal with that, then I feel sorry for you." I threw my hands up, I just wanted to leave the room. "do what you need to, court-martial me, reassign me to Greenland or hell, send me back to Iraq. but I am not going to apologize for saving a life."

I sat back down waiting for the rebuttal, there was a moment of silence before she spoke.

"I am not on a pedestal, I just want to be treated with respect."

I couldn't help it, I looked her dead in the eye, "then earn it, doctor."

I could see the frustration run rampant in Lauren, but before she could explode, my phone rang, it was Leeds informing me that my students were ready for me. I hung up the phone and looked at Lauren, "are we done here?"

my lack of concern, infuriated her, "far from it Lt. Dennis, tread lightly or you will find yourself in an undesirable position." she slammed my door as she exited and for a split second I had an inappropriate thought about what kind of position with Lauren would be so undesirable. I rubbed my eyes, it been way too long since I actually looked at anyone in a sexual, desirable way. Lauren was a bitch on wheels and that's all I needed to keep in my thoughts.

* * *

the rest of the day I kept my inappropriate thoughts in the back where they belonged. I met my students, ten of them, and introduced myself. all of them were proper English kids who kept wanting to call me ma'am or by my rank. finally by the fiftieth ma'am I interrupted, Rupert, my only army student, "listen, I know we all have to follow military protocol, but to be honest when you are in the combat zone, rank means very little. you are all lieutenants, I am a lieutenant, big deal. at the end of the day I am a doctor you are all doctors. so from now call me Dennis or Bo, it makes me feel less like a boss and more like a person. truthfully the more comfortable you feel with me and what I have to teach you, the better prepared you will be if ever the day comes you find yourself in a warzone trauma unit. save formalities for someone else."

it was like I hit a decompress button, all of my students seemed to let out a huge sigh and loosened up, they all agreed to just call me Lt. Bo, a compromise of names. the rest of the orientation was spent them asking questions about my path into the USN, and what it was like in Iraq. I only shared the fun stories, the first day was not a place to share the gruesome I had seen, it was still too fresh for me and I knew if I thought about it too much my bad dreams would be worse than normal. I dismissed the group a little early. I desperately wanted to go home and start my weekend. as I walked through the hallway I passed Lauren's office and caught Leeds waving to me, I stopped and waved back then awkwardly made eye contact with the blonde doctor, who stared cold and hard at me, making no moves. I smiled and whispered, "bitch on wheels, what a waste of an attractive woman."

That night when I got home, I wandered the halls of the manor. I was still unused to the intense quiet that filled the house. There was nothing but the sounds of outside, the creak of the floorboards where I walked, and the quiet hush tones of Grace milling around the house, preparing for bed. During the day there were groundskeepers and housekeepers helping grace with the daily maintenance, but at night it was silent. something I was dealing with. I couldn't sleep and found that walking barefoot through the wooden floored halls settled my mind. whether it was the solid feeling or the ridges of where each plank met, but something about the floor made me feel safe. right before she went to bed, grace tracked me down near the library and tried ushering me into bed. offering to make me warm milk, a snack, anything. I could see the worry on her face when she asked, I had started wandering the halls the second night and grace was becoming more concerned. "Bo, are you alright? we can get you a new bed in the morning if that's the problem." I smiled at Grace forgoing my formal name and using the shortened version my parents called me.

I laughed, "no grace, my bed is beyond perfect. I just don't sleep much." I kept smiling, I didn't want grace to worry and I didn't want her to find out that I dreamt every night of horrid things I could never share with anyone. "I just miss these floors."

Grace smiled but I could see worry in her eyes, "fair enough, I feel they have missed you as well. Sleep, Bo, it will do you good." she squeezed my shoulder and shuffled down the halls, her slippers making hushed whispers.

I made my way back to my room and collapsed into bed, I was exhausted but still had a dream that pulled me from sleep, I sat up in bed breathing hard. this dream was the same, there was never anything specific. just me back in the 85th, dealing with the causalities that came my way. one after another that they piled up. there was yelling and screaming, more blood than an ocean and then the bombs fell. it was always the one that landed right next to me that would scare me awake. I swung and sat on the edge of the bed, peeling off my soaked shirt. I shivered as the air hit my sweaty body, I wrapped myself in a blanket and looked at my clock, I had only slept three hours. I never got much more sleep than that while in the desert, but now I craved like a drug addict to sleep a full night, and it was beginning to feel like it was not allowed. I went to the bathroom and showered, hoping the heat and steam would settle my brain.

I redressed in an old NYU shirt and crawled back into bed, i pulled open my bedside drawer. Reaching for the crinkled prescription paper, reading it. It was the prescription given to me by my exit counselor, for sleeping pills. I guess it was standard procedure to dole out drugs to combat veterans to make the transition easier, I never filled it. I was determined to mind over matter and it had not been a week since I was home. I dropped the paper back in the drawer and flicked it shut. I rolled over and buried my face into my pillows. I stared out the window into the yard that was illuminated by the moon, I just needed to give it some time. Eventually I fell into a dreamless sleep.

I only got four more hours of sleep before grace came into my room, she was trying to be quiet but the clicking of her heels on the floor was enough for my still sensitive hearing to shake me awake. I squinted at her as she set down my laundry and a couple of boxes. she then tried to tiptoe out but saw me staring at her, half asleep. "oh Bo, did I wake you?"

I shook my head no, "don't worry, the birds woke me up." I sat up, "what is that?" I pointed to the box.

grace was persistent, "go back to sleep Bo, I am going to leave these things here, please let me know when you would like something to eat."

I sighed, "grace, don't fret. I am awake, and you can stop worrying about what I need. trust me I will tell you if I need anything, just like when I was a kid." That brought out a smile in Grace, when I was little I was a handful, whenever I asked for something and was told no, I would say that I needed it, saying that I had needs that had to be met. it was a line I heard from a crazy neighbor in new York that I gotten stuck in my head when I was little and I used it until it became an inside joke when I was a teen.

I drew attention back to the box, "so what's in the box?"

Grace picked it up and brought it over to me, "it's a new cell phone, I purchased it yesterday while you were working, the shop boy said it's the top of the line."

I opened the box and held the touch screen phone in my hand, it felt odd, I turned it on and suddenly felt like a child with their first computer. I looked at grace, "thank you? I mean I think its great I just cant picture you in an electronic store, grace." I started to laugh a little.

grace folded her hands, "well I thought it necessary for you. I wanted to call you and realized I had no way to. so I went out and purchased this." grace reached into her sweater pocket and pulled out a similar phone to the one in my hand, "I also got one for myself."

"you? the queen of anti technology? you have a cellphone?"

she was proud, "yes, I have a cell phone, you of course, will have to help me learn the use of it. but I don't ever want to be unable to talk to you, Ysabeau." she dropped the phone back into her pocket as she said, "I have had my fair fill of that."

I felt my heart squeeze tight, I squeezed the phone in my hand, "I just hope you don't become addicted to texting me constantly, I don't want your arthritis to get worse."

Grace laughed, smoothed out her dress, "I will let you get ready for the day, find me when you want lunch and we will have our first phone lesson." she nodded curtly and clicked out of my room.

holding the phone I had an overwhelming urge to take a walk outside, see the city and sweep away all the foreign feelings I had of being back in a civilized setting.

I dressed and had lunch with Grace, getting her setup with the phone to the point that she now knew how to dial out and do basic texting. she was frustrated with the technology and threw in the towel before too long. I left grace talking to her neighbor on the new phone and headed into London for the day.

* * *

it was busy on the streets, people and tourists milling through the streets of London. The sun was shining and I felt like I was flipping through an old yearbook. I had not been in London since I left almost ten years ago. it was so familiar and so strange to me all at once, the excitement of the city invigorated me. I headed towards my old stomping ground near Piccadilly to see if the old magazine stand/bookshop I hung out in as kid was still there. Maybe getting into a book would help me fall asleep at night.

I found pages and fonts in the same spot, I was so excited that a part of my youth lasted. The shop was the size of a large hallway. Filled with bookshelves and magazine racks, floor to ceiling. When I pushed the old door, ringing the bell that I swore was the same one from when I was a kid. I took a deep breath of the paper smells that flooded the shop. the smells of old books mixed with the distinctive scent of new, fresh off the printer magazine smell. I nodded to the clerk sitting behind the high desk, he looked over his glasses to acknowledge that he knew I was in the store. I walked past the magazine rack, avoiding the garish headlines shouting at me to read about the latest affair of movie stars. I walked towards the back, to the used classics section. I ran my eyes over the spines looking for something large and something I had never read before. I had found an old copy of the fountainhead hardcover, I slipped it slowly out of its spot and started flipping through the pages, I had never finished the book the numerous times my aunt tried to get me to read it. I glimpsed through chapters, feeling as though now was the time I could dedicate myself to finishing the epic novel. sleep was not a interruption.

as I turned pages, I heard the door bell ring and a strong female voice carry on to the clerk. the girl was asking about magazines and if this weeks edition of some tabloid rag had come in. I kept listening and a slow recognition settled over me. I closed the book and placed it under my arm and moved towards the voice. When I got around the corner I saw a tiny dark haired girl, dressed in an artistic flair of mixed and matched items, she had her arms full of magazines and juggling a cup of coffee. when she spoke her voice was the same as it had been when I met her on the school yard when she moved to England from Russia., "oy! you have the new OK!? Becks is on the cover and my flat mate has wicked crush on him. Can I set these down? don't get your kit in a bind, I am buying all them." she turned and looked up at me smiling, then she took a double take and stepped closer to me, squinting. the moment she put her hands on her hips and jutted one side out, it hit me. there stood my best friend since second grade, Kenzi. I could see the same recognition wash over her face, I had not seen her seen three weeks before I broke up with Dyson, she still had the same energy that kept us in trouble throughout most of our lives.

she spoke first, "Bo Bo? is that really you?" she was still squinting, mildly unsure that it was me.

"Kenz." I shrugged.

Kenzi ran over to me and literally picked me up off my feet, squeezing my ribs until I was sure they would poke through my sides. "holy shitsticks! Bo Bo is back in black!"

she set me down and held me at arms length, looking me over, "you look fabulous as ever! what the hell are you doing here? I thought you were over in the states!"

I shook my head, "no. at least not yet. I just got back into London a week ago. I have been stationed here for a little while."

hands back on hips, "Balls! still in that old navy?"

"yes. but I am on the last few months then I am out, a free woman."

Kenz reached up and grabbed my arms, "you are thin! and a little beefy! they make their lady officers weight lift in the US of A's navy?"

I laughed, "no, I just….i have been out of town on assignment for the last year." I stumbled over the words. the last time I spoke to Kenzi was a month into my OCS, I sent her letter telling her what was going on and the how amazing of a life choice this was. I lost touch with her and while in the 85th I only had enough time to consistently write Grace letters. I felt guilt, Kenzi had literally been the sister I never had from the moment we shared paste in the second grade. She even came to new York city with me to go to college, but like most things when relationships come into play, I focused more on my love than my friends. we drifted but still were tight. then the break up, I joined up, left and was too distraught to try and keep up with Kenzi. Standing there having her squeeze me like she always did, I felt how much I truly missed her over the years.

Kenzi grabbed my hand, "lets go. the pub waits for us, you have to tell me an entire world of tales. starting with what happened to your accent? You sound like a Midwest mom."

I couldn't resist, she dragged me with her, only stopping to allow for her to pay for her pile of magazines and me to pay for the book. then she linked my arm into hers and dragged/skipped me down the street to a pub that we used to sneak into when teens, it had a different name and a different look, but it really made no difference to me. The moment I stepped inside the pub, I craved the taste of an real beer.

Kenzi and I caught up on life within three pints, she was a PR agent for large entertainment firm, explaining the massive stacks of magazines she lugged with her. She had come back to London right after graduation and told me flat out she had no intentions of leaving. Kenzi had a wonderful boyfriend, Hale who was an entertainment lawyer and they were heading down the path to marriage. Kenzi's life was a perfect story of everything falling into place at the right spots in time. I envied her. when she was finished gushing about her last client she squinched her face at me and said, "bring it out, Bo. where have you been? your auntie wouldn't tell me much when I came back to England, said you made her promise to keep a lid on your whereabouts. so, did you become a secret agent? get assigned to Russia chasing some of my unsavory family members?" she wiggled her eyebrows at me, I groaned, I would have to tell her or she would harass me until I gave in.

I took a large sip of my beer then started, "no Russia, no secret agent. I was in Iraq, stationed with a combat trauma unit for the last year where I was one of the lead doctors for the unit. you could call it a ER on speed. four times the amount of patients and four times the danger."

I paused to look at Kenzi, to see her reaction, her face was pale and she was still. it was the same reaction I always got when I told people where I had been, the war was something that you stepped lightly around when someone said they had served in it. I reached over and squeezed her hand, "you can say what you want, I won't be offended. it was my choice to go, I wanted to be the furthest away I could."

Kenzi let out a sigh, sipped her beer, "you wanted to be away from that asshole Dyson, right?"

hearing his name still struck a nerve, "you could say that yes, but I don't regret my decision. I did a lot of good over there."

"Bo, it breaks my heart. no wonder you didn't want grace to tell me, I would have been over there kidnapping you and taking you back home. Iraq. wow. and as an American."

"I am American, remember?" I smiled to ease the awkwardness that was drifting in, "anyways, I am almost done with my service. I am over at the RNH teaching and in six months I will be discharged and intend to live the second half of my duality as a full English lady. "I held my pint glass up, "to Kenzi! the best little sister I never wanted."

Kenzi grinned her giant mischievous grin, held up her glass and clinked against mine, "to Bo, the little brother I always knew I had." She shouted out a quick toast in Russian as we both burst into laughter, after it died down, bits cocked an eyebrow and nudged me, "so, any special sumthin sumthin in your life?" she waggled her eyebrows at me.

I kept my stare on my glass. Kenzi had been the first person to catch me kissing girls after she caught me kissing boys in high school. I made her swear not to tell anyone, but she let it spill out at dinner with grace that same day. Grace never got mad, or went on a rampage, she quietly told me later on while I was in bed, hiding in embarrassment and fear, "you are going to be who you are, I cannot change it nor do I wish to alter anything about you. just live and love to the best of your ability, least of all, live honestly. I will always love you Bo you are my family, nothing will change that." after that Kenzi was my constant matchmaker, the only boy or girl she didn't set me up with was Dyson. therefore Kenzi always hated Dyson.

"no, no ladies or gentleman callers at all." I took a second, thinking, "actually there has not been anyone since Dyson. wow three years, I just did not have time to try or really want to try and find someone." the reality of how alone I was sunk in. at the same time, I could barely adjust to a silent night let alone sharing my life with anyone, I was emotionally empty.

Kenzi clapped her hands, "well lets get that fixed!" she rustled through her purse and pulled out a day planner, flipping through pages, "ah! yes! here we go. next weds, double date. you, Hale, me and sally."

"what? who is sally?" I sipped at my beer faster, enjoying the numbing feeling it was giving me.

"sally is the assistant to this movie star fancy pants that I work with all the time, she is a cute little irish redhead and feisty. I think she would be a good choice to get your feet wet."

before I could open my mouth, Kenzi kept on, "no ifs ands or buts. I just texted her, it's a blind date!"

I groaned again, I couldn't argue with Kenzi. I was going on a date, but the idea of meeting a feisty redhead tantalized me, a quick flutter of Lauren's face came in my head. Maybe it was time to shake the dust off, if anything I could make a new friend. I drained the rest of my beer and let Kenzi prattle on about this and that and what kind of outfit I should wear. it was like I had never left, and I loved it.

I spent the rest of the day and the rest of the weekend with Kenzi. She came over to the manor, reconnected with Grace and had me running through the house like I was ten again. laughing and sliding on the floors in our socks. Kenzi stayed over in my bedroom Sunday night, I was going to give her a ride into work that morning. we had spent most of the day running around and I was exhausted so when I fell into my pillows, falling asleep instantly I had high hopes that I would sleep through the night. it didn't happen.

I had the dream again, but it was slightly different. When the last bomb that always woke me up hit, the dream continued. this time the bomb shattered and shrapnel went everywhere, striking everyone. in the dream a huge chunk hit me in and I felt no pain, just looking around, I started to yell for help but everyone around me was gone. I kept yelling until it became a scream and I woke up screaming, and crying. I didn't hear Kenzi come up next to me asking what was wrong, I didn't even really feel it when she hugged me trying to calm me down. all I heard was her whisper, "that damn war…."

I couldn't speak, I just squeezed tighter to Kenzi, I was scared. she finally got me up and into the bathroom for a shower. she waited outside the bathroom, helped me get back into bed and sat next to me in the bed, asking if there was anything she could do. "just talk to me, its better if I don't think, stay distracted."

Kenzi put her hand on my back, then just started rambling about stories of her meeting movie stars, and just pure nonsense stories. I eventually fell back asleep, calmed by having someone around me. my last thought was I hoped this dream was not a start of a new trend.

* * *

I woke up four hours later, Kenzi passed out next to me tangled up in the afghan I had given her. she was snoring and mumbling. I slipped out of the bed so as to not disturb her, I went and got ready for the hospital. I got out of the shower and wiped the steam off the mirror and took a look at myself. I looked exhausted, I had circles under my eyes, and as I pulled at the corners of my face I swore wrinkles were setting in. I took an aspirin and rubbed the bridge of nose remembering that I would have to deal with Lauren today, I had not slept well the second time around and was borderline crabby. Fingers crossed she would be tied up in meetings all day.

when I was dressed in a fresh uniform, placing the last few ribbons in their rightful spot over my chest, Kenzi stood behind me, rubbing her eyes. "what's with all the flair?"

I joked, "they show that I have been a real good girl."

Kenzi reached out and hit me on the arm, "Bo, be chatty and tell a girl. I always wondered when I see them what they all mean."

I turned around, feeling inclined to indulge her request since she had endured a hellish moment with me. I had twenty ribbons on my chest, I pointed to them and told bits, "this one is for good conduct, this one was given to my unit, its called a Navy "e" ribbon, this one outstanding service, overseas campaign ribbon, Iraq campaign ribbon, expert rifle, expert pistol, these few are for finishing OCS at the top of my class, a couple are basic good attendance ribbons, etc. the navy likes to give out medals for being a good soldier. "I skipped over the last one, a purple on. I turned back to the mirror to fix my lapel, Kenzi noticed my ignorance of the last two. she poked at them on my chest, "The purple one looks familiar, is it what I think it is?" She frowned lightly.

I pulled my collar down further, hoping they would hide things better, I was able to keep them out of sight. "Kenzi we are going to be late."

Kenzi stared me down, "That's the purple heart, isn't it." she folded her arms.

I chewed on my lip, looked at Kenzi in the eyes and couldn't help it, she was the only sister I ever had, my best friend, so I took a deep breath as I smoothed out my jacket. I said nothing.

Kenzi stared at me, "When were you wounded, and why didn't you tell me."

I clenched my jaw, "because there is nothing to tell." I turned and gave her a look that told her the conversation was done with. "Bo Bo, I want to know what happened to you."

I turned and looked her in the eye, fixing my lapel to cover the ribbons again, "not right now Kenz." I pushed past her and started busying myself with my briefcase.

"does it have anything to do with your "dream" last night?"

I sighed, "please, not right now. "I turned to look at her again, my face telling her more than I could in words. Kenzi slowly nodded, "right, right. when you are ready." she pushed off the bathroom door and went to start the shower, I could hear her whisper, "damn war…."

when the door shut I let out a deep breath and tried to calm the shaking hands that were trying to jam files into the briefcase.

the drive into work was mindless chatter, Kenzi kept looking at me hard and I could tell she was trying to figure out what I was hiding, thinking if she bore holes in me I would break. I dropped her off at work with the promise that she would email me and call me about the blind date.

* * *

I managed to make it to my office without running into Lauren, I collected my paperwork for the day and headed off to my students. today I would be starting the basics of combat medicine, I decided that listening to me all day, lecturing and writing on a whiteboard would do no one any good. so I ushered my class down to an empty operating room and started going over what you should have in an operating and what you will actually have out in the field. I made a show by pushing monitors and racks into the corner and dropping equipment onto a tray. "Everything on the tray, you will want, and desperately need in the field. but for one reason or another you won't have it or run out of it. So I am going to teach you how to use what you will have for multiple uses."

I started showing the many uses of surgical tubing, how you can make the most out of gauze. it was truly backwoods medicine but these kids had to learn to work with little. as I was lecturing and letting my students get their hand into practical learning I did not notice Lauren hovering and staring at me through the OR door windows. the day ended and my students thanked me and even offered to meet them up at the local pub, I politely declined. I had wanted to keep some distance between them before I tried talking them all out of careers in the military.

packing my things into my briefcase I was feeling good about my day, I had not run into Lauren and felt that I had actually begun to teach something to someone, all the students seem very receptive and continuously asked questions. jamming my notepad into the briefcase I heard my door push open, I looked up with a smile, thinking it was a student trying to persuade me into a pint. instead it was Lauren, standing straight arms folded and furrowed brow.

"commander." my smile faded and I busied with trying to click the clasp close on my briefcase.

"where exactly did you go to medical school, Lt. Dennis?" her tone was even.

"NYU, its in my file. you know where my degree is from." I looked at her, "why?"

"I am just curious to know if they teach all of their students to throw medical equipment to the ground and shove very expensive equipment into a corner as if they were shopping carts."

my temper began to flicker, "why do you feel it necessary to spy on me?"

"it was not spying, I was at the nurses station, getting my weekend trauma rotation schedule when I heard clattering. I came and saw you, I guess, teaching? if you dare to call it that." Lauren was mocking me and the flicker was now at a flame.

"perhaps you should have stuck your head in and said hello. then you would have seen that, yes I was throwing medical equipment on the ground, to teach those kids how to react when a nurse or a fellow doctor knocks over a tray full of equipment due to shelling or enemy fire. I was teaching them how to make do with what's left and how to quickly decontaminate. Basic introduction to combat medicine."

Lauren was not giving an inch, "all I saw, Lt. was a doctor being sloppy in the operating room, makes me wonder how you really are in the operating room." she glared, hoping that her comment would bite deep.

"all I see, is a doctor who feels inadequate enough to spy and pick holes in another doctor, where exactly did you go to school, Commander Lewis?"

Lauren sucked in a breath, hissing, "Cambridge medical school, top of my class."

I shrugged, "fair enough, but I have yet to see any top form out of you."

bingo, I lit the flame, Lauren dropped her arms and stepped hard to my desk. I could tell she wanted to be inches away from my face but the desk stopped her, her voice was one step away from an all out shout, "I am done with your combative disrespectful attitude, you have no regard for your co-workers. you are making a mockery out of the image of this hospital as a teaching institute, demanding your students ignore rank and military protocol."

I smiled smugly, "you really are spying on me, do I smell jealousy in the air, Commander?"

Lauren clenched her jaw so hard that I thought it would snap, for a second I found it incredibly attractive, "you are not in a war zone anymore, Lt. Dennis. I am ordering you to weekly therapy sessions, its obvious that you have authority problems and I think, I know you need to get your head back into the real world."

it was my turn to clench my jaw, therapy. it was the last thing I wanted to touch. I wasn't ready to sit and face my demons, I had no strength to fight back. I choked back the urge to tell Lauren off, she was my boss, in truth, and I had to follow her orders. I just gave her a hard cold stare, Lauren smiled, "not one comeback? really, you are always quick with the words." I let her have her win.

I just uttered, "yes ma'am whatever your orders I will follow."

Lauren did not seem to relish in her victory as much as I thought, she straightened up, stepped back from my desk, "petty officer leeds will have the therapist information for you in the morning. you are required to go or face reprimand."

I should have kept silent, I didn't, "I haven't been here a week yet, you already want to make my life complicated. tells me you have no competitive spirit."

"for someone who claims to adapt and react quickly, a week is more than enough time. I am done with the attitude. your first day of therapy will be weds morning, any missed session will result in your reassignment."

I stared at her, feeling sick emotions rise in me, "you really have no clue."

Lauren folded her arms, "nor do I desire too. good evening Lt. Dennis."

she turned and quick stepped out of my office shutting the door behind her. as soon as the door was closed I dropped into my chair and covered my face with my hands, I wanted to cry but I had forgotten how to a long time ago.

* * *

the next day I debated calling in, I did not sleep at all and the vicious dream I had when Kenzi was over came back, I knew it was going to be a regular thing. I went into the hospital and did a quiet lecture, went to a faculty meeting then went home. I did not see Lauren, she was at a meeting in another hospital. the only interaction I had was when Leeds dropped off my therapy orders, smiling at me as if she understood it wasn't my fault. at home I stared at the therapy sheet, laying in bed. the longer I stared the more angry I became at Lauren for forcing this upon me and not giving me any chance at all. finally I sat up and went to my computer, I did not want to pull strings but there was no way I could deal with a therapist picking in my brain when I knew he would not understand and prescribe me drugs, I was still determined to give myself time to heal on my own. I turned on my computer and emailed Colonel Windsor and Admiral Williams', requesting that my ordered therapy be adjusted to non military therapy that would start in a month's time. I claimed that it would interfere with my teaching schedule and it would be better if I started my sessions right at spring break when I was adjusted to being home. I also requested that this email stayed quiet and that the order for off base therapy would come from the therapist Lauren ordered me too. I knew it was lying, but I wanted to keep a secret that I had so much pull, it would just add to the negativity Lauren had for me. I would appear to be a rich kid who had her money talk for her instead of her work.

I knew it was an asshole move, but I was not going to be forced by someone who had no idea what I had been through, not given me a chance to explain why I was the way I am, and lastly Lauren had pissed me off. I ended up not sleeping at all that night, I was too worked up.

Wednesday morning I went into the office early, sitting in my inbox was an email from Colonel Windsor. it was basically informing my request had been granted and that if I needed anything to just send a line. I breathed a sigh of relief. there was also an email from Leeds informing me that my therapy orders had changed and the updated paperwork would be on my desk by noon. I felt lighter as I went to lecture. I refocused my exhaustion into more practical work, teaching my students how to keep the elements around you out of wounds. the class went quickly, the day always went fast when I was teaching. I was distracted and enjoying sharing my knowledge with eager young minds.

I sent the students home with a research project, realizing that I was required to actually have them express their absorption of my instruction on paper. when I returned to my office, my new therapy orders were on my desk, reading them I smiled, there was no hint that I was responsible. just that the current therapist would be unable to see me for a month due to caseload and he felt, in his opinion that off site therapy would be best for a combat veteran. I slid the papers back into the envelope and went about closing down for the day, expecting Lauren to come in at any moment with a diatribe of prissiness, nothing came. it was the second day in a row that I did not deal with her. I should have felt relief but for a split second I missed her, standing in my office spewing anger and staring at me with those intense brown eyes that I knew hid a lot. "whatever." I said out loud. I headed out for the day, to home and to prepare for my blind date.

* * *

Kenzi had not stopped texting me until I met her in front of the restaurant/pub. she introduced me to her boyfriend, Hale. he was boy next door handsome and kind. he was taller than me and thin but in his handshake I could tell that he was a strongman. When he spoke he had an instant charisma about him, that made you feel like you could tell him anything and made you want to be around him. he was an entertainment lawyer and had met Kenzi at a charity function a few years ago. he absolutely adored Kenzi and showed it openly as he held doors for her, pulled her chair out, and just treated her like a lady. I was happy for her.

after introductions I looked around, "so Kenz, where's my date?"

Kenzi clapped with glee, "she is already inside sitting at the table, oh Bo Bo you are going to eat her up."

I just raised my eyebrows, "we will see."

my date, sally, was a very pretty girl, short reddish auburn hair, round but cute face and a runners body, but that's where my interest stopped. sally dominated the conversation, she was an assistant to so and so movie star and would ramble about all the events she went too, people she met, and so on. I only was able to tell her that I was a doctor before she went on about how her boss played a doctor in a movie. I stared at Kenzi across the table, holding her hands out as if to say sorry, I just smiled. I enjoyed being in Hale and Kenzi's company, but it was obvious that sally and I were not a love match. right after the appetizer was cleared away I excused myself from the table. the endless rants of sally had me craving whiskey.

I used the bathroom excuse and weaved through the restaurant. The restaurant was a mix of pub and eatery, had that kitschy feel of an old pub but modern feel of the high end restaurant it was. I found the bar near the front door off to the side. I stood up against the bar and nodded to the bartender, a young disheveled man who fit the bars atmosphere perfectly. he smiled as he asked in a thick Scottish accent, "what you be having?"

"two shots of Jameson."

his smiled widened, "ah, an English lady with a bit Irish fire?"

I laughed, my accent had come back thicker than normal during the evening. being around all of the citizens of London had brought it out, it made me feel normal, taking the edge off the effects of the day and the residual sadness of my shitty dreams. I winked at the bartender, "Irish fire yes, but always a lady." I picked up the first shot glass and downed it in one shot. quickly feeling the addictive burn of the whiskey slip down my throat. I savored the second shot, taking my time sipping it. my ears were ringing from the constant noise of sally talking, and needed a moment. I looked around the bar, getting lost in the people watching. the bar top was filled with young people enjoying the Wednesday night. I looked at all of the laughing and smiling faces and felt a pang of sadness, the bar crowd reminded me of the nights at the officers club at the 85th. young kids laughing, drinking the day away, trying for a split moment to forget before the hell rained down again. I missed my trauma team, I missed the family I left there. I closed my eyes letting out the feeling in a slow steady breath. that's when I heard an all too familiar voice. I leaned forward on the bar looking in the direction of the voice.

what I saw pulled a laugh from me. at the end of the bar was the one and only Commander Lauren Lewis, obviously on a date. what made me laugh was that her date was a very attractive pharmaceutical representative, a female pharmaceutical representative. The rep had long brown hair and a supermodel face that was plain but exquisite. I smirked to myself as I watched to the two interact in a way that was a blatant advertisement that they were romantically involved. the woman kept touching Lauren, on the face, the arms and occasionally reaching up to brush hair out of her face. Lauren looked different, her hair was down, making her look completely different than what I was used to seeing her at work, she was dressed down and even I had to admit she looked even more beautiful in a pair of jeans than she did in the uniform pants. I whispered in her direction, "I know your secret." I then swallowed the rest of my shot, then did something that could be considered as a bold asshole move, but Lauren had pissed me off with the therapy order. I could not refrain; my temper was begging me to do it.

I set down my empty glass, motioned to the bartender to meet me down at the other end. I then walked to stand right behind Lauren, with my accent , now even more heightened by the whiskey, I stepped to the bar, "another shot of Jameson, mate."

I could see Lauren turn slightly in my direction, obvious that my voice was some familiar to her, but the accent, it threw her.

as I picked up my shot, I purposely bumped into Lauren, she smiled and half looked at me, in silent acknowledgment that the bump was forgiven. she was far too engrossed in the woman.

"apologies, Doctor Lewis, I guess I am a little sloppy in and out of an operating room."

Lauren was pale when she turned and her eyes met mine, I had a devilish smile that was dripping with sarcasm. She stumbled on her words, "uh, bo, I mean Lt. Dennis, I didn't know you were here." I had her in shock.

I kept my smile, "why would you? I came to the bar for a drink. I have to get back to my date, sorry if I disturbed yours." I smiled at the rep and she smiled back. I had chatted to the woman once during a lunch; she introduced herself to me and then tried to make a move on me, where I delicately let her down. "Nancy, good to see you again, thanks for the pen, works like a charm." "I stepped away, "Dr. Lewis, enjoy your evening."

I pushed through the crowd and back to my table where Kenzi was telling a story about our school days to Hale and sally. The rest of the night I paid little attention to the conversation, just had a little smile on my face. I was excited for the next day of work and the conversation that was to come. The pedestal Lauren kept herself on was about to get kicked out from under her.

the evening ended with an awkward hug and an attempt at a kiss by sally, but I pulled the whole move it to the cheek. Sally was a lot more into me than I was into her, but I knew sally and I would be great friends in the future. I caught a glimpse of Lauren as I exited the bar, she was still sitting talking to her date but seemed overly aware of her surroundings. I laughed a bit and could not wait for the next morning at work.

When I got home it was late, the house was dark and quiet, it made me edgy. I walked through the hallways to my room, falling onto my bed. I was a little woozy from the drinks I had earlier and was close to passing out. I lay there, staring at the ceiling thinking about the look on Lauren's face as I surprised her, it was one mixed with a small amount of fear. it was evident that Lauren was caught completely off guard, she did not have time to put on her cold demeanor and keep control. The ball was in my court, and it was not something that I cherished, I felt a small amount of guilt. her brown eyes had sparkled even after she saw it was me, I let out a sigh that I had no idea where it came from, I suddenly realized there was something about Lauren that lit a fire in me and I had no idea if it was a good fire or a bad fire, but she definitely kept me on edge. I fell asleep replaying the look on Lauren's face.


	2. Chapter 2

**in regards to Bo in this story, she is fresh from a war zone and not used to delicate conversation and normal interaction. when she looks at life in the normal world, it all appears slow motion or far to slow for her. broken hearted and tired. But anyways, I have no idea what will come of this, if it will make it to a full story or what. I just wanted to do a story where Bo could be as intelligent and amazing as LAuren as a doctor, she is street smart and I found it to be fitting for her to be a combat doctor. both of these ladies have backstory that have left character flaws and scars...and well we all know where doccubus leads too...just be a bunch of bumps in the road as we go. Enjoy! **

My dream that night was more intense than the last few, I woke up sobbing and not remembering anything about the dream, which was unusual. I woke up clutching myself and shaking. I couldn't get back to sleep, instead I changed my sheets and read the book I had bought the day I saw Kenzi in the shop. I sat in the big plush chair that I had moved into my room from the library; I curled up in a blanket and tried reading to calm the overwhelming anxious feeling I had running through my body.

I read until the sun broke through the night, I had not gone back to sleep at all. I was exhausted but it was something I was getting used to. I showered and dressed in my uniform, I was very quiet as I ate a small breakfast with grace, who questioned me about my previous nights activities. I was very vague and just mentioned the date, Sally and that she would end up being a good friend. I was more exhausted than I had been since I got home and I could feel my patience was thin.

At the hospital I did not run into Lauren, no messages or anything from her. For a second I thought about calling Leeds and asking her if Lauren was even in, but I shook it off and went to class. I stuck to a lecture and assigned my students their weekend project, I told them all to work in the ER at least one of the two weekend nights, just to observe other doctors so they could get a feel of how hectic the pace can be. I called it an early day right after lunch, I was worn out and knew I would be no good to the students. They eagerly took the early day and scattered out of the hospital. I went back to my office going over student evaluations that I would have to do in a few weeks. I couldn't even focus on that, my lack of sleep and intensity of the dream had knocked me off my orbit. I tossed the papers aside and decided to go for a walk; I had to go to the trauma unit to make sure the nurses were aware that they would have my students observing during the weekend.

The hospital was so quiet, it felt odd, this particular hospital was always quiet but as I rode the elevator down it felt eerily quiet. I knew that was a bad sign. When I stepped out of the elevator and made my way to the nurses' station, the beeping alarm signaling a trauma was coming in, went off. The nurses all stood up as one picked up the phone, gathering the information of what was coming. I looked at the head nurse, making eye contact, she nodded in silent acknowledgment. I ran and grabbed a pair of gloves, while tossing my uniform jacket behind the nurses' station; I rolled up my sleeves and asked the nurse, "what do we have?"

the nurse rattled off the details to me in clipped, clinical speech, as we walked towards the bay that was getting set up, that there was a bus versus bicycle accident and we were getting the bicyclist with a few of the minor bus injuries. I decided to take on the cyclist, I was informed that he had hit the bus head on and then rolled under the bus where he was clipped by the back wheels. Internal injuries were an unknown since the paramedics did a grab and run. I nodded and started looking around to make sure everything was set up, IV bags ready, the crash kit setup and charging, I called for one of the other nurses to call and ready the x-ray machine and the MRI and get the surgeons ready. As I double checked everything I heard Lauren's voice as she spoke to the head nurse, asking for the information I had just gotten. I looked over at her, she was dressed in scrubs and looked way different than she did in her uniform, her hair was clipped back and for a second I smiled, she looked like a real doctor and very attractive. Lauren met my eyes, there was an intense moment that passed over them. I knew she wanted to talk to me about our encounter last night but she had work to do. I smiled and nodded at her. she patted the nurse on the back and walked over to me, "Lt. what are you doing down here? as I recall you are not on the trauma rotation." she had a little bite to her voice.

I shrugged, "I know, I heard the trauma bell, and figured I would offer a hand."

"I think we have it covered, Lt."

Lauren was being icy, covering up whatever she was trying to hide from me. I could smell it on her, she would use authority to cover up her insecurities. before I could answer the fury hit. the bay doors slammed open and two stretchers came rushing in. the one that came Lauren and I was a bloody mess, it was the cyclist. I had to gently push Lauren back out of the way as the stretcher flew in front of her before she was clipped by frantic paramedics. I didn't have to listen to the paramedic as he spewed vitals. I could tell in a look that this body in front of me was a mess, broken and bloodied, I had seen this more times that I would ever want to recount. I looked over at Lauren and she didn't seem as slow and cautious as the first time I was in the trauma room with her, she stepped up and started taking action. she was directing the nurses and started to look for brain activity, she looked over at me and slightly nodded for me to step in. I started to palpate the torso to see how much internal bleeding there was, the belly was rigid, I knew his spleen was done for. I yelled my findings over to Lauren, she nodded and yelled for a chest tube, hearing fluid in the lungs and his heart rate was unsteady. she stepped off to the side and cut a slit into the side of the chest and expertly slid a chest tube in, the blood instantly pouring out.

we both shot our heads up when we heard the flat line, the pressured dropped too quickly and the cyclist was going into defib. I looked at Lauren and yelled, "shock him now, if two won't work, we are going to have to crack it open, I think there is blood in his chest is from a torn artery."

Lauren looked at me, nodding in agreement, "You are right, Lt." then yelled for two shocks with the defibrillator. Both didn't work, we had to crack his chest and try to clamp the bleeder. I went to grab the scalpel but Lauren got to it first, she was moving with expert precision and a quick efficiency that proved me wrong about my first impression of her skills. She was brilliant.

Lauren cut the chest and had an orderly help her crack the ribs, the chest was full of blood. I leaned over on the other side of the stretcher looking with Lauren for the torn artery, I finally found it and pinched it closed, then looked up at Lauren, "We are going to have to pump his heart for him, we can't waste a minute getting the defib recharged."

Before I could finish, Lauren reached her hand in and grabbed the heart, pumping it for the cyclist. she kept her perfect composure and yelled at the nurses to get the orderlies down here to take this guy up to emergency surgery.

it felt like an eternity but in less than a minute two orderlies came down with a cardiovascular surgeon and took the cyclist, I watched as Lauren straddled the cyclists and had both her hands in his chest, pumping his heart, keeping him alive as they pushed the stretcher to the elevator. she made eye contact with me as the doors closed shut on her.

I stripped off my bloody gloves, pulled on a new pair then went to go help with the other accident patients that came in. I patched up a few scrapes, did a few stitches and wished the patients well. it was strange for me, it had been a long time since I dealt with minor injuries that just needed a band aid and a pat on the back. it felt surreal and I felt like I had not done any real work. I handed off the charts to the nurses and threw away  
my last pair of gloves. it had been almost three hours since the cyclist came in, I was curious what was going on. I went to the nurses station to grab my uniform jacket I had tossed aside earlier, and asked the head nurse. "patsy, how is that cyclist doing?"

she looked up at me from her mounds of paperwork, without a hint of emotion she said, "he did not make it Lt. Dennis, he died before they got him onto the table for surgery, he bled out. There was just too much damage to his internal organs, the surgeon said that there was little we could do."

I nodded and let out a deep breath, death really didn't bother me on face value. working in this type of environment, being told of a death was just as common as asking to pass the salt at dinner. I nodded as patsy turned back to her charts, I took a step away then a deep unsettling feeling hit me, I turned back, "Commander Lewis, does she know?"

"yes, she continued to pump the young mans heart and had to be forced to stop when they called it."

I thanked patsy again for her help, and started walking back to my office. I had a sick feeling, it wasn't for myself, it was for Lauren. I shook my head and told myself to try and not worry, she was stronger than I thought. I sighed, I had to head home before I collapsed in a linen closet. I took the stairs instead of the elevator, the climbing felt good after standing and applying band aids and listening to the stories of the bus riders. I was lost in my own thoughts when I turned to the third flight of stairs when I heard a soft sound that sounded like a whimper. I stopped and turned my ear towards the sound. I heard it again, a little louder. it was someone crying. I followed the sounds and came to a fire exit door to the outside fire escape, the door was cracked open and the cool evening air was slipping through. I reached out and slowly pushed the door open.

Lauren was sitting on the fire escape ledge, knees to her chest, head in her hands and she was sobbing. I felt my heart catch in my throat. I was frozen as I looked at her, she was far from the tough, icy, cold woman that had been haunting me for the last few weeks, she was broken down right in front of me and I felt guilty for spying on a moment that made her so human to me. I couldn't leave her though; I let the door close quietly behind me, then stepped next to her, sat next to her. Lauren felt me sit next to her and was startled when she looked to see it was me. she quickly wiped away her tears and tried to compose herself. I stared out at the city below us, we were sitting on the side of the hospital that had no buildings surrounding it. the view of the city went on and on, we where high enough up that we wouldn't be noticed. the air was filled with the hum of evening rush.

I didn't look at Lauren, she moved slightly away from where I sat, not wanting to touch me. before she had the chance to say anything I folded my legs under me, sitting Indian style and started speaking, "I will always remember his name. Private Andrew J. Colton. Twenty years old and in his second tour in the army. it was my third day in the unit and had not dealt with a mass casualty run yet. Andy came in with his unit, he had been on a recon trip that was hit with a rocket attack, his Humvee was hit, flipping and tossing all the passengers out like they were nothing. he was okay after that first hit, but then he went in and pulled out three of his buddies. As he went back in to grab the medical bag, a second rocket came his way." I took a deep breath, I could still taste the sand mixed with the smell of blood and I could see Andy staring at me.

"he came to me broken beyond repair, but I was determined to save this kids life. I kept doing CPR until my arms almost came off my body. I had to be physically restrained after one of his buddies pulled me off Andy. I screamed and screamed at my nurses to give more adrenaline, to keep doing CPR. I looked at the faces of the men that he had saved. They all told me it was okay to stop, that Andy wouldn't want me to keep trying on him when I had others to save."

I took a quick look at Lauren, my breath catching at the sight of her in scrubs that were covered in blood, her eyes were still filled with tears but she was looking at me in a way that I couldn't place what it meant. I turned back to the city movements, "I ran out of the trauma tent and kept running until I reached the edge of the barracks. I threw up until I couldn't breathe then cried until I ran out of tears." I bit my lip, the memory of that day carried with me clearer than any other, I swallowed hard. I reached over and put my hand on Lauren's arm, "Lauren, you do what you can, you give them your best and they will always thank you for it, just remember that, you fought for them when they couldn't."

her arm felt cold under my hand, there was an awkward silence that passed, as I went to move my hand I felt hers cover mine and squeeze. in a quiet voice she said, "he died in my hands. I tried so hard, I am a heart doctor, how could I not succeed in keeping him alive?"

Laurens hand felt warm against mine, it drew me to look at her. I met her golden brown eyes that were red. I reached up as a tear slid down her face to wipe it away, "I know."

for whatever reason I let my hand linger for a second as it sat against Lauren's face, I wanted so badly to grab her and hold her close to me, protect her and take away the pain she was feeling in this instant and just tack it onto my desensitized heart. I stared in her eyes then turned away, the air suddenly became heavy and my heart began to race, I spoke to break up the air, "let's get you inside, cleaned up."

I didn't finish, my sentence broken by Lauren moving towards me, her hands coming to my face pulling me gently towards her, our mouths met in a long, gentle kiss that slowly became passionate, I melted into the intimate gesture, kissing was something I had not done in a very long time and I missed it, as much as I wanted to pull away, push her away I didn't. I had not had human contact on this level in a year plus. I heard Lauren moaned softly, as she opened her mouth wider to let me in, I was caught up in the moment as her soft lips mashed against mine. she took my breath away and I became lost in the feeling of her tongue against mine.

When her hands came around me to the back of my head pulling me into her, I snapped back into reality and broke off the kiss, we were both breathless and flushed. my heart was pounding so hard that I swore Lauren and everyone in the city could hear it. Lauren snapped back into reality too, and became embarrassed, "I'm sorry, Bo, Lt. Dennis, I don't know what, what came over me."

I cut her off, "its fine, um. let's get you inside and warmed up…." I was confused and full of a feeling that I thought was long lost to me. I quickly stood up and helped Lauren up. We went back inside and maintained silence until we walked to the locker room. Lauren smiled weakly at me, folding her arms like a little kid, I could tell she had no idea what to say to me. I was in the same boat. we made eye contact and I felt the heat rise in me and could feel my cheeks flushing. Lauren stared at her feet and whispered, "thank you, I'm sorry." she made a strange hand movement acknowledging the kiss. I closed my eyes and said, "you don't need to."

Lauren nodded then with a rush of air disappeared into the locker room. leaving me standing in the middle of the hallway wondering what the hell had just happened.

I almost ran up the stairs to my office, trying to shake the mix of emotions that was making me queasy. I grabbed my things and ran down the stairs to my car, trying to avoid everyone. I drove like a mad woman all the way home and could not strip off my uniform fast enough when I made it to my room. Throwing on a pair of linen pajama pants and a old t-shirt, the feel of the uniform made me think of Lauren.

* * *

I ate a quiet dinner with Grace, listening to her talk about how she learned how to text on the cell phone and prided herself in showing me how. The silly conversation kept me at ease but I would drift into thoughts of the kiss and suddenly feel uneasy. I couldn't place the exact reason why I felt so uneasy, and it was driving me nuts. Lauren was a beautiful girl, and I knew the kiss was just a reaction of her shock, a release of emotions, but deep down I kept ignoring the feeling that I wanted it to be more than just a knee jerk reaction. I had to remind myself that Lauren was a pain in the ass and her ego and standoffish behavior towards me would override any sort of honest feelings I could be developing for her, that and I was relearning civilized social interactions.

I helped Grace clean up the dinner plates and chatted about the day for a little while, I then excused myself with the lie that I was going to go to sleep. Sleep and I were still on shaky ground. I tried reading my book, but my thoughts kept drifting to Lauren. I had an urge to call her to see how she was, I just wanted to hear her voice to make sure she wasn't crying anymore. I held the phone in my hands and squeezed it tightly when I suddenly realized I was developing a strange crush on Lauren and I knew it was not the best thing in the world to have her get inside my head or my heart. I set the phone back down and headed to bed, curling up into my blankets and surrounding my head in pillows, hoping the plush feathers would block anymore thoughts from breaking in. I eventually fell asleep replaying the kiss over for the millionth time, my last thought was "what is happening, it's like I am a sixteen year old girl again."

that night I dreamt of Andy, I had not dreamt about him in months and months. the dream was so vivid and so real I could smell everything around me, the sand, the blood, the smoke residue. I did everything I did that day in trying to save him, then the bombs came and as I threw myself over Andy to protect him from the dust and shrapnel I looked down at him. he wasn't covered in blood, he was clean and fresh faced as in the picture that his parents had sent me in a letter, thanking me for doing what I could to save their boy. Andy looked up at me, very innocent blue eyes, he reached up and put a hand on my shoulder pushing me away, "its okay Bo. I am safe, and now you are safe. you don't have to forget us, just let us go." I looked at him confused, he pointed behind me. I looked up and saw the faces of everyone that I had tried to save and couldn't. All of them, smiling at me, broken bodies whole again. I stood up and started sobbing, I reached out to touch them and that's when a huge boom and a flash of light hit. I woke up gasping and sobbing uncontrollably. I fell out of bed and barely made it to the bathroom before I threw up. I was shaking so bad and crying so hard I didn't hear Grace come in, frantically asking me what had happened, why I was sobbing. I didn't even feel her as she wrapped her arms around me and I cried in her arms until I passed out.

I woke up a few hours later, in my bed with Grace snoring lightly next to me. it was a little after six in the morning, I was beyond exhausted and could barely move. I called Leeds and called off sick for the day. there was no way I could go to work, my head was a mess for more reasons than one.

I spent the day in bed, Grace doting over me like a mother hen. I could see on her face she wanted to ask me what had happened during the night and what happened when I was in Iraq, but she couldn't find the proper moment. she finally left me to make some breakfast, I laid in the bed looking out the window, watching the morning fog lift and dissipated into the rising sun. I closed my eyes, I was so tired and I could barely keep them open. I wanted to fall asleep so badly but I was scared, I didn't want to dream anymore. maybe I would have Grace fill the prescription I had, I needed to sleep and I was running out of options to make it happen. as I reached for the bedside table drawer my phone rang. I picked it up and saw Lauren was calling. my heart skipped, I answered the phone, "hello."

"Lt. Dennis. Petty officer Leeds has informed me that you are taking a sick day?" Laurens voice was steady with authority.

I covered my eyes with my arm, "yes, I think I have the flu." I lied, but my voice was shaky from nerves and being exhausted that it added to my lie.

"you are to call me and inform me if you are unable to make your commitments. I have a room full of medical students who have no idea what to do for the day. Wasting time is not something we do here at RNH." her words felt harsher as her firm tone pronounced key words.

I was suddenly angry, Lauren was definitely moody today, i couldn't hold it in, "well I won't waste anymore of your time, commander, but I won't be in today. I have the flu." I hung up on Lauren and threw my phone on the floor. I covered my head with my arms trying not to yell out my frustration. Lauren was under my skin in more ways than one and it was pushing me to places I hated for more reasons than one.

* * *

I ate breakfast in bed and later on Kenzi came over, Grace had called her and I was actually really happy to see Kenzi and her infamous, endless abundant energy come rolling in like a tumbleweed.

Kenzi threw herself onto my bed and turned on the TV that had not been on ever. I smiled as she flipped through channels, "well its nice to know the TV actually works."

Kenzi looked at me, "what? you mean you never turned this brand new fab boob tube on?"

I shook my head, "All I do in here is try to sleep, stare out the window and maybe read."

"well, shit, we need to get you back into the swing of things." she flipped through channels like she was a race car driver, a hundred around the bends.

Kenzi rambled as she searched for something to watch. she talked about her work, talked about the upcoming weekend, then asked me if I had chatted with sally.

"no, I texted her a few times, but I am so not interested in her. she will be a good friend but…"

Kenzi looked at me, "but! I know when you say that there is another object of desire that has your eyes on them. Soooo who is it? A tall handsome male surgeon? Or a tall handsome lady marine?" she wiggled her eyebrows at me.

I waved it off, "there isn't anyone. I am just not looking for anything right now. I barely got home, getting used to work, dealing with my irritating boss." I sighed hard at the thought of kissing Lauren and then going toe to toe with her for a simple attendance policy infraction.

Kenzi squinted, "that's Lauren right? The sexy, icy, blonde doctor?"

I nodded, "she can be a bit too much. Called me this morning ranting and raving about how I need to inform her if I am calling in. I just can't figure her out, one moment she is a this amazing, impressive doctor shoving authority down my throat then the next she is a quiet vulnerable woman who kissed me." I squeezed the pillow I had in my hands out of frustration as I remembered how soft her lips felt against mine.

"whoa! your boss kissed you?" Kenzi was now sitting right in front of my face. Her bright blue eyes, blinking at me, brighter as they contrasted against her black hair. "Start talking now Bo Bo."

I cringed, I had not meant to let that part out. "shit. yes. she kissed me yesterday, i was trying to help her after she had a patient go south on her."

Kenzi was all a fluster, "wait wait wait, WAIT. You have been bitching about this Commander Doctor Lauren Lewis since the beginning. Now she is kissing you?" Kenzi looked at me hard then suddenly her eyes got wide, "Shit damn! it's her. She is the other one that makes you not like Sally." she pointed hard at me. I shook my head, "no no no no no." I covered my face with a pillow.

"it is! you have a crush! you are denying like you did in grade eight when I called you out on the crush you had on our soccer coach, 'member her? Coach Kathleen! Haha!" Kenzi bounced in her spot, smiling and swatting at me.

I threw the pillow at Kenzi, "stop! its not like that at all." Even though secretly, deep down classified secrets secretly, it kind of was exactly like that. I had a massive crush on our soccer coach when I was thirteen, the feeling I had in my stomach was the same now as it was then.

Kenzi flopped down on her stomach and put her head up on propped elbows, "so, spill. she kissed you! I had no idea she was into lady lurves."

"I did. I caught her on a date with Nancy, the pharmaceutical rep that has been texting non stop to go out for one drink? She was at the restaurant we were at." I told Kenzi the bar story. When I was done she rolled around on the bed like a teenager giggling. I kept hitting her with a pillow, "stop. I don't like her, she is rude to me and has this stupid air about her that she cant even step out of for a moment to be a real human. the kiss, it was what it was. I don't think it was anything to her, just something to make herself feel better, boost her ego? I really don't know, she is hard to read and understand at times."

"I bet she likes you just as much as you like her, but she can't handle giving into her emotions. make her ego seem less, perhaps?" Kenzi was doing her best to analyze.

"I don't even care to think about it or her. I just really want these last few months to hurry up and be done. I am free and clear and wont ever have to see Lauren again." as the words came out I felt a sudden pang of sadness, never seeing Lauren again, something I had a feeling I would not like as much I thought I would.

Kenzi pointed at me, poking me in the chest, "you love her or are falling for her. I know that face, I know that look. it was the same you had for that Dyson whore." Kenzi squinted at me, "And I am certain that you are giving her as much shit as she is giving you, you are one sassy pants mutha trucka since you came home. I can imagine you have pissed her off once or twice, meaning she is just giving back what she is getting."

I cringed when I heard Dyson's name. Dyson was the last one I had any feelings for, matter as fact the last person I had any feelings for since I left for the navy. I just stared at Kenzi and shrugged. "im just not ready Kenzi, I need to feel home before I start feeling anything else."

Kenzi frowned and pulled me into a huge hug, "feel the good things, it will force the bad things out."

I hugged Kenzi back hoping she was right but knowing I was a long way from that, no matter how much Lauren made my heart feel like it could be mine again.

Kenzi stayed with me the entire weekend and for the first time I was feeling calm, we hung around the house, walked for hours around the house and sat with Grace talking about when Kenzi and I were kids. how Kenzi was the one who forced the New York out of my accent and how Grace had to put the lady back in the half russian, half cockney accent Kenzi taught me.

it was an incredible weekend, I checked my phone a few times and had one text message from Lauren that I deleted before reading it. after that I shut the phone off and hid it in the drawer. I needed to clear Lauren out of my head, it would be Monday and I would have to deal with her reprimand or whatever she could throw my way for not respecting her attendance policies.

* * *

Monday came too quickly, I dragged myself out of bed, having only slept for a few hours. I had shitty dreams all weekend long but they were less intense than normal, and I would wake up with a start. the sound of Kenzi snoring on the couch across from me, that we brought in for her to sleep on, was the only thing that filled my room. it kept me calm, having someone around me and I could settle myself without too much effort. I had my fingers crossed that the nightmare I had about Andy was the climax to my torment and everything after would just be a slow downhill slide into normalcy.

I dressed and as I got halfway to the hospital I had an urge to call in again, maybe I could call in and quit. I talked myself out of quitting, I had a commitment to finish and it would mean a lifetime of doing nothing when it was all done, I just had to keep moving through the months. I took the stairs to my office, trying to avoid everyone. I got to my office and checked my email, my day brightening up when I read an email from Lauren informing everyone that she would be out of the office for the week, up in Manchester for a week long health conference. a week. I would not have to see her or deal with her, it was more time that I could shake her out from under my skin. I could do my job, teach and not have to have her breathing down my neck. more than anything I would not have to confront the kiss incident or the fact that I had feelings building for her, they would be gone by the time she came back. At least I hoped

I went to class with a spring in my step.

the week went quickly, I taught with more zeal than before, I wanted to make sure each one of these young officers would be prepared for the combat zone if ever it came their way. I took them to another hospital and watch as trauma after trauma came in and how the trauma team worked like a well oiled engine, all parts moving together in perfect harmony. I finished out the week on a high, my students were testing well and I was getting good remarks from them in return. I drove home on Friday feeling great, I had not thought about Lauren or our kiss in a couple of days and not seeing her made it easier to push her out of my head. I was in such a good mood that I planned to come in the next day, on my day off to knock out the student evaluations.

I quickly regretted my Saturday visit decision when I saw how involved the evaluations were, I groaned as I had to write essays about strengths and weaknesses of each student. it took me all day to get through half of them and as I was finishing up the last three, the clock was tipping close to nine at night. I wanted to go home and sit, watch movies with bits and grace, drink a beer and eat popcorn. I was filling out the last few lines when my phone rang, I picked it up, "Lt. Dennis."

"Commander Lewis is in trouble, there is a man in trauma, he has a gun." Leeds voice was urgent and full of fear.

I had forgotten that Lauren was doing back to back weekends in the trauma unit, the doctor who was to do it this weekend had called off so he could play golf.

I didn't even ask Leeds the details, I slammed the phone down and ran for the stairs. My heart dropped when Leeds uttered that one sentence, and was pounding with each step. I had heard the incoming trauma bell come over the loudspeaker, on the weekends it went through the entire hospital so wherever the on call doctor was, they could hear it, I didn't pay much attention to it. it was a rainy day and there was a beer festival going on two blocks away, I just figured drunken brawlers would be coming in and out through the night.

I heard the yelling as I pushed through the trauma doors. a man's voice yelling frantically, "I want to talk to someone in charge!"

I slowly came around the corner, what I saw gave me a feeling that I had my first week in Iraq. pure unmitigated fear mixed with adrenaline.

a young man, in his early twenties, bleeding heavily from a cut on his head, obviously drunk, had Lauren in his grasp, elbow around her neck and a 9mm pistol in his right hand, waving it erratically and occasionally pointing it at Lauren. the entire trauma team was standing away from him, paralyzed as to what to do next. A couple of the male orderlies tried to be the hero and talk to the young man, only resulting in him yelling at them to shut up and pointing the gun their way. I kept looking around at everyone, all were paralyzed with fear to the bone. I caught Lauren eyes, glassy with tears and staring right at me, she squeezed them shut as soon as my eyes made contact with hers. my heart choked at the sight of her and every fiber of my being was filled up by her. I took a deep breath, feeling the adrenaline rise, I had to do something. I let out the breath and whispered, "fuck it."

I took a step forwards, catching the young mans attention, he swung the 9mm towards me, "you! are you fucking in charge of this shithole?" before answering I sized up the young man. he screamed soldier, the army issue buzz cut gave him away. his deep, sad brown eyes stared through me and past me, it was the stare that one only got from combat experience. on the arm that was around Lauren I glimpsed a tattoo slipping out from underneath his sleeve. it was the symbol of a US army unit, one that I saw often on soldiers who came to me on stretchers. this young man had seen more than his fair share of hell.

i nodded at the soldier, "yes I am in charge of this place, Lieutenant Bo Dennis, USN. how can I help you?" I kept moving forward as the soldier seemed confused by my introduction. the gun still pointed at me, "you are American?" he stared at me harder, as if searching for the answer, I was also out of uniform, adding to the confusion.

"you bet, its my day off, no uniform today, and by your non limey accent I am going to guess you are as well." I laid on my American accent thick to build trust with the soldier.

he jabbed the gun at me, "stop moving, ma'am"

I did as he asked, I met his eyes and saw he really was just a scared kid, he swallowed hard, "I want painkillers, but this bitch," he yanked Lauren towards him, making her yelp a little, "she wont give them to me." he squeezed her hard, forcing her hands to grab at his arm. I had to hold back from reaching for her.

I spoke evenly, "I bet I can get you what you need. but will you tell me your name? make it a little more casual around here." I smiled lightly trying to ease the soldier.

he was looking around nervously, "PFC. Joe Dillinger, ma'am, US army, 1st division."

"the big red one. you guys are some tough soldiers."

"thank you ma'am" Joe seemed to relax a small bit.

I started stepping forward, "Private Dillinger, can I take a look at your head? its bleeding pretty badly."

Joe jerked back, "no, stay where you are. I just want the painkillers." Joe absently reached up and started rubbing his temple, "just fucking hurry up and give them to me."

I had seen soldier upon soldier come in after a IED incident, they all had head trauma that could be compared to the worst headache you ever head magnified by a million. it caused a few to lose sanity when the migraines got so bad. "Where were you stationed Joe? Your headache, from an IED blast?"

Joe glared at me, "Fallujah. " he stared at me and for some reason, trust fell between us, "my Humvee rolled, I made it out." he tapped his head with the gun, "big chunk of metal jammed into my brain." his anger started to build up again, I took a step closer seeing pure panic in Lauren.

I kept talking, "you have nightmares, every night." Joe stared past me again, I kept walking slowly, taking a deep breath, I had to end this standoff. I kept walking and talking, "nightmares so vivid, you can feel the burn of the desert sun." just empty stares replied to me. "I do too, Joe. every night I wake up screaming. I was on the border, near Baghdad, 85th mash unit. I saw amazing guys like you every night and day. I can help, Joe. I understand your pain, lets put the gun down and work it out, together."

Joe suddenly went off, screaming, making Lauren tear up again, "how the fuck do you know about pain! you are just a fucking rear officer sitting on the sidelines as the rest of us get dealt this fucked up hand." he tapped at his head again. during his rant I had gotten so close I could reach out and grab the gun. I kept talking. looking at Lauren, trying to reassure her when all I wanted to do was grab her and pull her to me.

You are right Joe, us officers do sit in the back, watching. but not me, Joe. I was in the front side by side with you guys. I know pain."

"the fuck you do." he squeezed Lauren tighter and put the gun against her.

"I do Joe." I started to unbutton the shirt I was wearing and pulled up my t-shirt underneath, revealing the splatter of small pink scars across my right side. "I went out on a rescue mission, I was the only doctor around, it didn't matter that I was a female, or a officer, just that I was a doctor. I was in the lead truck, we were in a hurry, the driver swerved and smacked into a roadside bomb the disposal team dug up earlier in the day. the explosion threw me out of the truck like I was a cheap toy, that's all I really remember." I looked down at my scars that I avoided looking at on a daily basis, "they dug out at least a pound of metal." I looked back up at Joe, I was now standing right in front of him. Lauren was crying uncontrollably. I held my hand out to Joe, looking in his eyes that were also full of tears. "let me have the gun, I promise I will take care of you." he nodded slowly and lowered the gun from Lauren. He was starting to hand it to me.

as he let Lauren go, she ran to the nurses' station leaning against the edge of the desk, I could see she was worried about me as I walked closer to an armed, disparaged man. I smiled, "its ok, no one got hurt and neither will you Joe." he nodded in agreement. I was an inch away from the gun being in my hands when the trauma doors swung open, shouts filling the room. The police came rushing in, yelling, and startling Joe.

I heard the loud firecracker popping sound that was all too familiar to me and a burning sensation run through my body. I looked at Joe confused, he was looking down, then suddenly was tackled by a police officer. the last thing I heard before I fell to the floor and blackness swallowed me was Lauren screaming, "oh god Bo, no!" and Joe yelling, "you scared me! I didn't mean to do it." then the overwhelming sounds of yelling and people rushing past me carried me deeper into the darkness.

I woke up, disoriented. It took me a long time to figure out I was in my own bedroom. what kept me confused was that even though I was in my own bedroom, I was hooked up to IVs and there was medical supplies sitting on my desk. I tried to sit up but the intense pain in my shoulder forced me to sit back down. I pulled my covers back and looked over; right under my right collarbone was a large bandage that was soaked in blood. I stared, trying to remember what happened. when I reached down and poked the wound it hurt so bad that I ended up passing out from the pain, my last thought was I found it fascinating that my existing scars seemed to skirt the edge of whatever wound was now there, as if it was ignoring the new scar like a new kid to the old neighborhood. I was definitely out of my mind and wondered if my lack of sleep was now affecting my sanity.


	3. Chapter 3

**you guys are great with the reviews! I know this is a very different route for these ladies, but its intriguing to see them, at least in my head, go perfectly toe to toe in their stubbornness and Bo is definitely struggling with a lot more than what she is showing...and lauren. she has secrets. So enjoy! tomorrow I will be working on the next bit to strangers!**

I felt different, looking up at the ceiling. I didn't feel weary even though I still felt pain. the bandage on my body was free from blood and when I poked around the edges it didn't hurt as much. I still wasn't clear as to what was real and what I had dreamt. the medical supplies that I vaguely remember seeing on the desk were gone, I still had an IV that I slowly pulled out of my arm. I sat up in my bed looking around trying to find anything to clue me in as to what exactly was going on. I swung my legs to the side of the bed and tried to stand up, my knees buckled. clue number one, it was obvious I had been in bed for awhile. I gave it a second try and was able to get my legs to slowly work with me. I walked out of my bedroom and towards the kitchen, I could hear voices laughing and chatting. I stepped slowly using the walls as my crutch. my body was weak but my mind sharp, minus the missing chunks of how I ended up in bed.

I edged around the corner to the kitchen and looked in. sitting in the breakfast nook was Grace and Kenzi, sipping tea and eating biscuits. I leaned against the kitchen door frame, "the smell of those biscuits are driving me insane, will someone please let me have one?" I suddenly felt my body begin to shake from hunger.

Grace and Kenzi both swung their heads around so quickly I feared they would fall off, Grace was the first to jump out of her seat and rush over to me. "Ysabeau, dear, what are doing walking by yourself?" her voice was shaky as she wrapped her arms around me, helping to steady me. Kenzi was staring at me as if she was looking at a ghost. "grace I am fine, I just want a biscuit then will you tell me what the hell happened to me?"

Grace nodded lightly and helped me towards the table, sitting me down in a chair next to Kenzi, who was still staring. "Kenzi, stop staring you are making me feel like a zoo animal." they were both making me feel uneasy and even more confused.

Kenzi smiled a little, "sorry Bo, I am surprised and happy to see you up." she was choosing her words carefully. I was about to ask what everyone's problem was, but I was starving and my only goal for the moment was to get my hands around the biscuits. I reached out to the plate in the middle of the table and noticed there was another tea cup aside from Graces and Kenzi's. I smiled, "you two were obviously expecting me." I was trying to cut the tension that was flooding the breakfast nook.

that's when I heard the side bathroom door open and heard her voice, "Grace, I am going to check in on Bo one more time, then I will be on my way." Lauren came around the corner and stopped hard when she met my gaze. the sight of her caused me to forget about the biscuit that was inches away from my mouth. I suddenly felt irritated when I saw her and said, "what are you doing here?"

Lauren was frozen, "when did she wake up?" she looked at Grace, her own voice in quiet shaky tones.

Grace shook her head, "it seems just a handful of minutes ago, she startled Kenzi and I, lurking in the doorway." Grace was looking at Lauren with concern and relief.

I was fed up, "will someone please talk to me? why is this woman in my house, and why are you all treating me like a little kid?"

it was Lauren who spoke first, "lets get you back to your room, your bleeding." she pointed to my arm where I had pulled out my IV, I didn't do a great job removing it, and there was blood running down my forearm. I absently wiped at it, frustrated with the three women around me.

"its nothing, will any of you please just talk to me! what the hell is going on?"

Grace stood up and motioned to Kenzi, then bent down in front of me, putting her hands on my face. It looked as if she was about to cry, "Lauren will explain it all. I am so glad to see you awake, Bo." she kissed my forehead and smiled at me, a tear escaped and Grace quickly stood up wiping the tear away, pulling at Kenzi to leave the kitchen. I was now left in the kitchen with Lauren, who kept looking at me in a way that I had never experienced before and made my stomach wiggle. She came to me, "lets get you up and back to your room." her smile was gentle and genuine, but I could see worry behind her eyes.

I stared at her for a minute, then realized she wasn't going to leave me alone, "fine. can I take this with me?" I waved the biscuit in front of her. She nodded and half smiled, laughing lightly. Lauren then bent slightly as I put my arm around her shoulders and lifted me up, carrying half my weight. I took a sharp breath when I felt her body next to mine, it was warm and filled my own body with her body heat. I cursed myself; at least I knew my libido was more healthier than it ever had been, if the innocent touch of this woman made me gasp. Lauren and I walked slowly back down the hallways, my legs had seized up again. As we walked, Lauren began asking questions, "when did you wake up?"

"I don't know, maybe twenty minutes ago, why is everyone so concerned with when I woke up?"

Lauren ignored my question, "did anything wake you up? A sharp sound? Any sudden pain?"

I was about to give a smart ass answer but I felt Lauren's hand come around my hip tighter, trying to hold me steadier, It sent a strange tingle through me that I wanted to run away from but knew there was no way, "uh…I just opened my eyes. I stood up and came to the kitchen; I don't understand what the big deal is."

Lauren kept quiet as we came into my room, she sat me down on the bed then asked, "will you please lay back, Bo, I need to look at your bandage." her voice was full of authority but it was softer than usual. I looked at her, nodded and scooted to sit against the headboard as Lauren used delicate hands to pull up my shirt, I swallowed hard as I twisted to allow her to get at my shoulder. I half blushed as I felt the cool air hit my bare skin and caught Laurens eyes drift to uninjured places on my body. Lauren checked under the bandage, then cleaned up my iv mark. she tried to reinsert it, but when I saw that it was a painkiller cocktail I pushed her hand away, "no drugs. I am foggy enough." I could tell she wanted to ignore me, but just nodded and covered up the sore spot with a small band aid. Lauren's movements were careful and precise, as if she was afraid to touch me too much. "good, good. you are healing well." She held my shirt as I snaked my arm back in, quickly pulling the shirt down, I folded my arms.

"super. Now answer my question. What's going on?" I wanted to grab her and shake her to talk to me like a person and not a patient.

Lauren sighed then sat on the bed next to me facing away, not looking at me, "do you remember anything that happened? how you got your wound?"

"All I remember is vaguely waking up here, my desk was covered with medical supplies, my bandage was soaked in blood and I couldn't move without passing out from the pain. but I am not sure if it was a dream or not."

I could see Lauren clench her jaw, she paused before speaking, "you have been in a partial coma for three weeks, Bo. Today is the first time you have been awake and up since we took you out of the ICU and brought you home."

I laughed, "I don't sleep, Commander, I have not slept more than three hours in almost two years. is this a joke?" Lauren flinched when I called her Commander.

Lauren turned to look at me, her eyes were watery, "Your body was tired, is tired. You would not wake up after surgery. that's when I, we became afraid and brought you home." she drifted off. "You have not been taking care of yourself since you got home, sleeping, eating, resting. Have you?" She whispered it all, as if it was a quiet realization of what I had been through rather than a question.

something in her eyes told me she was far from lying to me, she looked away swallowing hard. I was even more confused. "I don't remember how I got here." I also drifted off. I knew lost time was a part of the coma process but I was in disbelief and wanted answers.

Lauren suddenly reached over and grabbed my hand, holding it in hers, "we will talk about it later, After you get your bearings down." she stood up, letting her hand linger in mine, "I will be back later, try to stay in bed for a little while, try not to move around too much until you get some fluids and food in you. I will ask Grace will bring you some food." she stole a glance at me and I could see tears on the edge of spilling out. Lauren dropped my hand, whispering something I didn't hear. She left my room without looking at me. I rubbed my face with my hands, trying to rub some of the memories that were hiding up to the front of my head. I was missing pieces and no one around me wanted to give them up easily. I ran my hands through my hair and found that I desperately needed a shower. I fell out of bed with a little more ease than before and shuffled into the bathroom. I leaned in the corner of the shower, letting the corner of two walls be my foundation. The hot water felt incredible and as I closed my eyes it made sense why I felt so clear minded. I had been asleep for three weeks, and it had been more sleep than I had gotten in what felt like a lifetime. I was angry that it was because of the painkillers and it was another reason why I don't remember any nightmares invading my sleep. It was also probably the main reason why I couldn't sketch out the missing memories of why I was in this state.

I reached down and pulled off the bandage Lauren had just put on, the hole was healing well like Lauren said, I stared at it and ran my fingers around the sore, pinking edges. I kept staring at it when I heard my bedroom door open, Graces heels clicking on the floor as she set a tray down on the desk. I reached to turn off the shower when I heard Kenzi's voice drift into my room. They were whispering, I could not make out their exact words. I stepped out of the shower and yelled, "I will be out in a second, Grace." I knew if I didn't say anything she would come in with her worried face and ask vague questions. I covered myself in a plush towel; grumbling as I remembered I left my clothes on the bed.

As I reached for the door knob I heard Kenzi turn the tv on, flipping through channels. She stopped on what sounded like an action movie, I laughed, Kenzi was addicted to any and all action movies she could get her eyes on. I kept smiling as I pulled the door open, when I was a step out of the bathroom I heard a loud series of firecracker pops that stopped me in mid step.

Something clicked in my head, I heard another firecracker pop and instinctively put a hand over the healing wound. Everything flooded back to me and I dropped to my knees. The memories hit so fast and so hard that I had to squeeze my eyes shut. "oh my god."

Grace and Lauren turned at the sound of my voice, both rushed over to me, with worried faces. I looked up at Grace, tears falling freely down my face, "where's Lauren?" Neither of the said anything, they just looked at each other with sad, panicked faces.

I had fallen asleep as soon as Grace and Kenzi helped me dressed and back into bed. The small bit of moving around I did had worn out my body. They continued to hover around me, I now understood their overwhelming concern for me. I tried to apologize to Grace but she just shushed me and squeezed me in a tight hug, "all that matters is you are here, Ysabeau." she kissed me on the forehead and left with Kenzi. I slept through the night without any nightmares, I still had some drugs in my system and for once I was grateful that they were there.

* * *

the smell of breakfast drew me out of sleep, I sat up in bed to see Grace setting down a fresh tray full of food. She turned to face me, folding her hands in her lap, smiling. "morning." her face was more at ease that I had been the day before. I smiled back, "morning, I am starving."

Grace helped me out of bed and to my desk so I could eat sitting like a normal person, my body was still adjusting to the fact that I now wanted it to move after all this time. I was starved but only ate half of the food Grace brought, seems my liquid diet had caused my stomach to shrink and I could not eat like I used too before I went to the desert. Grace sat with me, talking about random things I asked her to tell me, the local news, the weather, anything. I wanted to put my Aunt at ease and let her know that i was back. Finishing the last bite of eggs Grace smiled and asked, "what would you like to do today?"

"I want to walk around as much as possible. I hate feeling like a piece of wood, I also want to find out about work, what is going on there since my, um..break." I had not been to work in three weeks and was curious how far behind I was with my students.

Grace patted my arm, "we will walk around the property, the fresh air will do you good. As for work, I don't think that's very important right now, but I can call the hospital for you and see what I can see."

"Please. Find out when I can come back to work." Grace gave me a motherly work, but said nothing. I wanted to get back to the routine of life, I couldn't sit still for long, I felt an overwhelming sense of duty that had been burned into me. Others needed me, I could not sit and wait knowing that.

It took Grace and I more than a minute to get me dressed and up. My body was still sore, the painkillers were falling away, I could feel my wound and how it would not let me move in certain directions. I had to use Grace as a crutch, allowing her to hold onto my arm. I knew I had to retrain my muscles and start some sort of physical therapy, walking was the first lesson. My legs were stiff and fought me on every step. By the time we made it out the front door and to the gate leading down to the woods, my legs were working better. Grace and I kept up a slow steady pace and feeling the air, the sun, and smelling the greenery outside I felt better. Grace and I chatted about random things, keeping conversation light. she would look at me every so often and smile, I could see in her eyes she so badly wanted to ask all the questions she had since the day I came home. After the fiftieth look I patted her arm, "you can stop looking at me like that, I know you want to ask me questions, you can and I will do my best to answer them."

Grace took a deep breath as she looked around at the expansive open acreage, "I know, I am not sure I want to know, Bo. A parent feels helpless when their child hurts and there is little you could have done to prevent it."

My heart broke hearing Grace, "it was my choice, my only regret is that I put you through this."

Grace nodded, "I know dear, I just wish I could take the pain away and take away the bad nights you have. No one who saves others deserves that pain." she squeezed my hand on her arm. I let the conversation drop. I knew there was no real way I could tell her everything, there was also no real way I could tell anyone what I had been through. We walked in silence for a few until Graces cell phone beeped. She pulled it out and looked at it, she then smiled at me, "I have to run inside for a quick moment, a package at the door. Will you be fine if I leave you outside, here?"

I shrugged, "It's not like I can run away, grace." She gave me a funny look, I smiled and gently pushed her away, "It's fine, the sun feels good on me and I honestly could not stand going back to bed right now."

Grace helped me to the white fence that surrounded our property, leaving me with something to grab onto. She hurried away and I let out a breath, I felt like an invalid and kept walking, letting go of the fence, forcing my body to regain its natural balance. I would just stumble and have to grab onto the fence to right myself. "God dammit."

"You would think that a doctor would listen to doctors orders." Lauren's voice was quiet but it seemed to echo around me. I hung my head down, feeling a twinge in my wound. I didn't turn to look at her as I said, "I'm not one to sit around."

Lauren came up to stand next to me, "This I have grown to realize." I looked at her, she was smiling at me and her eyes were a lot less heavy than the night before when she surprised me in the kitchen. "Grace told me that you wanted to walk more?"

"I need the fresh air." I felt nervous and awkward, my heart was beating a little faster and I couldn't place if it was because I remembered what happened or if it was something more.

"Can I walk with you?" it was the first time Lauren asked me for anything since I met her.

"if you would like." Lauren held her arm out like a gentleman offering a hand to a lady. I reluctantly took it, sliding my arm around hers but trying to keep my distance. Her hand was warm against mine as we started forward. A moment of silence passed before Lauren spoke, "so, how are you feeling today?"

"Wobbly. that's the best word I can find to describe it." I heard a small laugh from Lauren.

"I can imagine."

We walked a few more feet from where Grace had left me before I asked, "where is Grace?"

"She had to take care of some things, left me in charge of you." Lauren half smirked.

I bit my lip, I knew Grace had left me on purpose so Lauren could come out here with me. I couldn't resist asking, but I wanted to know, "why are you here?"

Lauren dropped her head for a second, I could see she knew the question was coming, she raised her head and looked at me, "I just stopped by." she was lying, it was all over her face.

I pulled my arm away from hers and stepped to the fence, forcing Lauren to face me. I searched her face, Lauren was smiling lightly, I saw that she was still under the impression that my memory was failing me and I didn't remember her with a gun to her head. I stared at her for the first time since I woke up from my lengthy nap. She looked different to me, her hair was not perfect like it always was at the hospital, she was not wearing her uniform, just dressed in jeans and a button down shirt covered by a zip up fleece. My eyes settling on her lips that I still could feel on mine, if I closed my eyes, and simply thought about the moment on the fire escape. Lauren was beautiful and as I made eye contact with her I admitted to myself that I felt more than I should for her, my feelings ran away from her being a pain in the ass and toward that she was one of the most beautiful woman I had ever come across. What kept my feelings on edge was I had no idea why she was in my house, why she was now in my private life, why she was standing in front of me and not shoving her ranking officer authority down my throat. "You just stopped by? you live in the city, I am an hour outside of the city, in a unlisted old manor." I stared at her, "You now know that I come from a silver spoon childhood and I am sure that you will hold over my head the next time I screw up." Even though I was speaking calmly, I was unnerved that Lauren had infiltrated my very private life outside of the hospital and outside of the military, a life that I kept private as soon as I signed on the dotted line with the Navy. I did not want to be her pity party.

Lauren fidgeted, "I am here, because…."she paused, looking for what to say, "I am your physician and I want to follow up on you." she straightened up and I saw the doctor's tone she carried at work slide in.

"thank you, but I can take over from here." I was suddenly mad that Lauren couldn't leave her ego even for a minute and speak to me like a person, a friend even.

Lauren flinched, closed her eyes, "I didn't mean that, I am sorry, Lt. Dennis." her walls were coming up, and her using my rank was a defense mechanism.

I had enough, I felt suddenly very tired as I was gentle in my voice, "look, don't worry about it, I won't tell anyone that you were out here, acting like a person and not a hospital administrator. Your secret is safe with me, Commander Lewis, both of them. I will back to work soon enough and you can hover over me there, just let me be at home. "I turned to walk away from Lauren, "When you go back in, please tell Grace to come out here to help me walk to the house."

She said nothing, I could feel her eyes on me but I didn't want to look, I heard her feet crunch on the gravel road as she moved to walk from me, I couldn't hold it in any longer, "I knew what I was doing, that night. Don't ever blame yourself, Lauren. It was my choice to put me between you and the gun. Don't let your guilt be my pity. "it was soft and void of any anger, I needed her to know so I could know if her presence with me was out of guilt or out of something more.

Her footsteps stopped, she whispered, "you remember."

"I do, hit me like a wall of brick. I just needed a trigger and the gates opened." I leaned on the fence, my body feeling heavy from being overused, I looked up at her, "I don't want you here if you feel obligated. I have lived my life up to this point without ever having felt owed, and I sure as hell am not going to start with you. It's not fair, to you or me." I took a deep breath.

I dropped my head, I was tired but didn't want to show it to Lauren, I just wanted her to leave. she didn't, "I think you are mistaken, I am not here out of obligation I am here, Lt. Dennis."

I cut her off "Please stop calling me lieutenant right now, right here. It has no place here not here not now." I didn't mean to yell as loud as I did but I had enough. "Maybe you should go." my exhaustion was amplifying my temper, it was also hard for me to sort through the emotions I had rolling through my body.

Lauren stiffened up and I saw her cheeks redden, "what is your problem with me, Dennis?"

I shook my head, "Just go. please get grace for me on your way out." I turned to ignore Lauren, but took a step and stumbled a bit, I felt Laurens hand on my arm steadying me. I pulled it away quickly, "I'm fine."

As Kenzi would say, I was about to get what I had been giving out to Lauren, her tone was firm with me "no you are not, and you are too stupid to see it." Lauren was on the verge of yelling at me. I stared at her hard, "Please, go."

"oh I fully intend to, and I promise I won't be back." her words made my heart twinge, I shook it off. Lauren stepped closer to me so I was forced to look her in the eyes. "I have no sense of obligation, I have no ego, I am here because," she paused searching my face, "I care about you." Lauren reached out to touch me but pulled back.

My irritation spoke for me, "You don't care about anything aside from your silly policies and procedures. you proved that to me day after day, in the way you push me around at the hospital. I want nothing from you, that's why I am confused as to why you are in my house and here telling me that you care about me. Am I in the way of your next promotion?" I stared hard at her, "what is it really Lauren?" I had failed in keeping my temper at bay, it was rolling freely with my words.

"you really want to know? Lt.?" she stared hard back, my rank falling out of her mouth with pure venom, "I am here because I am done running from the feelings you bring up in me, I can't stand you but I cannot stand to be away from you. that night on the fire escape, you took my pain away selflessly, and I wanted nothing more to sit with you but I could not help myself and kissed you. You make me feel so much, that I can barely handle it. You are just some stupid pompous American, that's what I keep telling myself, keep trying to tell myself. I put a wall between you and I, my heart was doing all of the thinking for me and It was the last thing I needed." Lauren was angry but speaking from her heart, I stared silently, listening with a blank face but deep inside my heart was choking. "That's why I took the out of town conference, I didn't want to see you, I wanted to get you out of my head, you have been in it since the moment I saw you at the bar and you saw me on my date. You know things about me no one else knows and you don't use it to gain anything from me." Lauren closed her eyes, breathing deep, "I didn't even know you were in the hospital that night, until I saw you come through the doors. I was so scared."

She reached out to me again, but for whatever reason she couldn't bring herself to touch me, "You saved my life, Bo, and what scared me more than anything, was as I saw you fall, all the blood, everything. It scared me that you saved my life and I would never be able to tell you how much you save me every day I have you in my life."

She looked at me in the eyes, full of tears, she opened her mouth to say something but I didn't let her. I stepped forward and pulled her to me, kissing her, not clearly thinking what I was doing, only knowing I had to kiss her in that split second.

The intensity of the kiss increased, and without thinking I leaned into her, losing my balance and almost falling into her, Lauren had to reach up suddenly and grab me around the waist, pulling me into her closer, I broke away from her and leaned my head against her forehead. Both of us were breathing heavily, I whispered, "Sometimes you just need to shut up Lauren." Lauren pulled me into her arms, holding me so close to her I could feel her heart beat against mine. She reached down and intertwined her hand in mine; she pulled it up and placed it on the fence, steadying me. Lauren stepped out of the embrace she had wrapped me in, looked at me with a look that I couldn't place, "I will go get Grace." she let her hand linger on mine for a second, "I have to go." Lauren started to slowly walk away from me, I reached out grabbing her arm, dropping my cane, "No, don't. I don't want you to go. When I said that earlier, I was bullshitting you." I smiled weakly.

We just stared at each other for a second, finally I said, "Walk with me?" Lauren smile and took my arm like she had before, but this time holding my hand in hers, waiting patiently as I readjusted my balance leaning against her more. We kept walking along the fence, there was a calm but awkward silence that was settling between us. My mind was full of words but I had no idea how to get them out. it was Lauren who carved away the silence, "I'm very intrigued as to how a American girl ends up living in England for the better part of her life but still falls into the American navy?"

I looked at her, half smiling, "Are you asking me the basic first date, so where are you from question?"

"Pretty much, yes." Lauren smiled back, "so where are you from? And do you come here often?"

"I was born in Brooklyn, New York. That is where the good chunk of my American accent is from and the best parts of my poor grammar at times." I winked at her.

"Alright, second part of my question, how is it that you came to be who you are now? Were you adopted? Taken away from the family of wolves that I often wonder you were raised by?" Lauren nudged me lightly as she said it. I just shook my head.

"ha. Funny. My mother is from here, born and raised with Grace and two other brothers, my uncles that I have never met." I glanced at her, "And now you know, this is a very wealthy family. The McCorrigan's are horse breeders and liquor distributors that go back four generations all the way to my grandfather Fitzpatrick, who moved the family business, to Spain. Grace still runs the behind the scenes operations while my two uncles run it in Spain."

"okay, right. Your mum is English, check, Where does the American bit come in?"

"My mother left for America when she was sixteen, ran away to New York to try and make it as an actress. that's where she met my father, an aspiring but struggling photographer, also from England." I shrugged, "They lived miles apart from each other here, but it took them to the other side of the ocean to find each other. They fell in love and when my mother sent word home that she was marrying a poor Brooklyn boy, it divided the family. In the fashion of all upper crust English families, grandfather opposed along with my two uncles. After much fighting and arguing, my mother married my father and was cut out of the family. I was born shortly thereafter and my parents lived a very quiet and simple life."

I stopped walking, looked at Lauren, "I know, you are going to ask how is it a Brooklyn born brat came to be raised in England."

Lauren smiled and nodded.

"My parents passed away when I was six, I don't remember much from that day except sitting with the next door neighbor who babysat me occasionally. She picked me up from school early and I could tell she had been crying, but didn't say anything to me. She sat with me on the steps to our house and that's when Grace appeared from a shiny black car. she knelt in front of me, tears in her eyes and told me she was my aunt and that she would be taking care of me. I was six, didn't understand much outside of my tiny little world. I asked her where my mom was, she just cried. the next thing I knew I was sleeping in a room that was bigger than the entire living room in the brownstone. Grace raised me, was and is my only family I know. I have only seen my grandfather a handful of times in my life, he never quite moved past what my mom did, and that she did it against his will. I grew up here, following the road to being a fine English lady until I went to new York for medical school, and lets just say that was the catalyst of me joining the navy and heading into the desert for the last year and a half." I drifted off as Dyson flashed in my head.

I looked over at Lauren, "that's my story. I am a rich English lady who came from a poor Brooklyn parents."

Lauren had a weak smile on her face, "I'm sorry, I didn't know." I could tell she was embarrassed and at a loss of words.

"Nobody does, outside of Kenzi and you now. Everyone I worked with and know, only know me as the stubborn navy doctor. my secrets are my secrets, Dennis is actually my father's last name so no one knows that I am the heir to the McCorrigan fortune." I stared out into the acres of land that i was heir too, "everyone has secrets."

Lauren squeezed my hand tighter, "very true. I just don't know what to say, I feel like I need to apologize. I falsely judged you, criticized you."

I shrugged, "I am nobody special, I am just me, a stubborn tired girl."

Lauren turned to face me, she reached up and put her hand against my face, "Bo, I think you are absolutely fantastic. A stubborn, frustrating woman." I couldn't help but smile when she said it, "I don't know what it is about you, but you have me hooked, Bo."

Lauren ran her thumb over my lips, I felt my heart pick up and I wanted to reach out and smother her with another kiss again when I heard grace call out to us. Lauren turned, dropping her hand from me, "we better head inside, its getting a bit chilly and I think Grace wants us to join her for tea."

I laughed lightly, "the only thing I hate about being part English, tea time can be an awful interruption."

Lauren laughed, "its still early." she held out her arm and I took it eagerly, this time sliding my hand into hers, letting her pull me close to her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note: these ladies in this story are a bit OOC, so please bear with me as I navigate them in a new arena. there is a reason why they are as they are and it will reveal itself as the story unfolds...**

Tea was short, grace chatted about this and that, I barely could focus. I was tired and I kept wanting to look at Lauren and every time I did I would think about how badly I wanted to kiss her again. Lauren kept her attention on grace, like good manners would want. after tea was done, it was decided by grace and Lauren that I get some rest and take it easy for a little while. I wanted to protest but when I stood up I could feel how worn down my body was. Grace shooed Lauren away from cleaning up and politely demanded she help me to my room. I had to lean on Lauren more than I wanted to, my balance was completely gone and I needed the steady hand, as we walked down the hall to my room I said, "I apologize for Grace, she can be very bullheaded at times."

Lauren smiled, "it's quite alright, but I can see where you get it from."

"ha. ha." I tried to pull away from the body contact with Lauren, but she kept a gentle grip on me, keeping me close.

"Here we are." Lauren pushed open my door, helping me to sit on the edge of the bed. I leaned forward, exhausted. a wave of nerves fell over me, it had been a long time that I was in a bedroom with anyone that I liked and I could not remember what the basic protocol was. I sat up and saw Lauren standing, looking around my room, looking at the photographs on my walls, I watched her for a moment. the Lauren that I had spent the last little bit with was not the one I was used to, she was a very quiet and caring woman that kept me drawn to her. I caught her eye and she stepped towards me, "I would like to check your wound one more time before you get some sleep." she nodded lightly at me, very cautious with her movements now. it felt like she was afraid that any touch she placed upon me, for fear she would break me. I scooted back onto the bed so I was laying down, allowing Lauren a little more working space. She delicately lifted my shirt up just enough to look at the bandage and carefully peeled the edges up. I smiled, "I wont break."

Lauren blushed, "I know, I know, I just." she brushed a hand across my older scars, "forgive my question, but what did it feel like?" I caught my breath at the feel over her hand grazing across my skin, it felt electric.

I let out a sigh, "It felt like I was being splatter with a hot pan of grease, other than that I don't remember much. I woke up an hour later wrapped in gauze, got up out of my bed and went back to work. I was supposed to be shipped to the rear so they could get plastic surgeons to repair the burns, but I ignored it and had another doctor take out the pieces of metal he could, clean me up in between surgeries, and I went back to what I was suppose to do. Help as many as I could."

Lauren looked at me with a pale face and a look that I had seen on the few faces who actually saw my scars and knew what I had done in the last two years. I felt like I had piled on bravado in my careless but honest explanation, "I am not trying to sound all Rambo, I just had too much to do and wanted to get back to my soldiers." I dropped my gaze, reached down and pulled my shirt back down, I felt embarrassed and exposed. I rolled over so I could slide under my blankets. Lauren was still standing over me awkwardly, "you can sit down if you like. I am pretty sure I won't be falling asleep anytime soon." the drugs had finally exited my system and I was back on my irregular sleep pattern. Lauren shook her head, "no no I better go, you need your rest."

"I want you to stay, I like talking to you." it was my turn to feel awkward and sheepish. I really didn't want Lauren to leave, I had not talked to anyone about who I was since Dyson and it felt therapeutic to just talk to someone that was not family. Lauren smiled a little and looked around before grabbing my desk chair, pulling it close to my bed, sitting in it so she was close but on a diagonal to me. An urge to reach out and pull Lauren close to me overcame my entire being, but I didn't move. I finally pushed the urge down and asked, "what's your story? how did a girl like you end up being my commanding officer?"

Lauren smirked, "its nowhere near the grand tale of your upbringing." she sat back in her chair, "my mum is a retired nurse from Canada and my father is a navy shipbuilder in wales, they met when my father worked in Canada for a summer and they never left each others side." Lauren smiled as I went to make a comment about her lack of a welsh accent. "yes I am welsh and grew up in wales, and before you ask, like you I had many many etiquette lessons as a little girl to get the welsh accent out of my system. My mum wanted me to have the best and for some odd reason felt the only way to get the best was to become a lady." Lauren held her hands up to say as if in the end it really matters, "I really wanted to be a shipbuilder like my father. Then one day when I was twelve he had an accident while I was visiting and cut his arm deep, first time I ever saw blood and the bits our skin hides from us. I was intrigued and soon began following mum around begging her to teach me all she knew about medicine." she paused to look at me, to see if I was still awake, then scooted closer to me and went on, "I went to university, then on to medical school. Even after graduation I still had the desire to be around the ships I was raised with, logical reasoning told me that I should join the Royal Navy and I could be near all the ships my heart could handle. Instead I was ushered up into the world of medical administration, I have never been on a ship, have yet to serve a term on any sea in this great big world. I wanted more than anything to combine my two loves, sail the world and help people, instead I push papers and sometimes practice medicine." she looked at me full on, "I envy you, Bo, and I believe deep down that's why I had such a competition with you. It was like I had to prove that I was still a doctor and not a administrator when you came into the hospital and threw my perfect order into chaos."

"Don't envy me." I looked hard at Lauren, I wanted to pour my heart out to her, everything I had done, seen and the dreams I have every night. I was not anything special; my heart broke a little when Lauren told me she was envious. I changed the subject, "You could request a transfer, put yourself on a ship and see how fun it is to share a bathroom with forty other women."

she laughed lightly, "i tried three years ago when I was assigned to RNH, heartfully denied, I am too valuable at this hospital to leave." she shrugged. "So they say. it is what it is, I am coming close to the end of my service for her Majesty's navy, I will just ride it out, as you Americans say." Lauren smirked at me. I smiled and looked at my hands, her smile had a way that found its way to my heart, making it flutter, "Lauren, you are a brilliant doctor, you should be doing more than filing out band aid orders."

Lauren sat there, even though she was smiling I now understood why she had so many walls up and kept her ego high. Life was a Rubik's cube and every time she got close to solving it, a small hiccup came her way. I was lost in my thoughts of Lauren when she suddenly asked, "forgive me, but can I ask why did you go? Join up?" she looked out the window, "Considering you probably could be anything you wanted and do anything you could possibly dream of."

I closed my eyes, "Sometimes when you run away from something you run in the direction that will take you the farthest away." I rubbed the bridge of my nose; "Can you get me a glass of water?" my simple request was my way of dropping the line of questioning I knew was heading my way. Lauren nodded and stood up, "would you like anything else?"

"Just water, there's no hurry, in case you run into grace and she wants to chat." I looked up at her, trying to smile to put her at ease. I knew my drastic subject change would raise suspicions. I was more than comfortable talking about my near death experience but would rather die than talk about Dyson.

Lauren left my room in a quiet whisper. I lay back in the pillows and stared at the ceiling, reliving certain moments of what led me to be where I was now, sighing at the good and the bad memories. Before I knew it my eyes closed on their own and I was asleep.

* * *

I dreamt about the night I received the shrapnel wound. it was all in vivid and graphic detail, like most of my nightly dreams. it was as if I was teleported back to that moment, I knew what was going on, what was coming but could do nothing to prevent it. I was paralyzed and when the impact of the roadside bomb exploded through the Humvee and through my body, I felt the heat spread across my side, burning me. I woke up screaming like I had the moment of impact. I sat straight up in my bed, it was dark now and I was panicking more than I had before when a dream shook me. I couldn't hear anything and I was breathing heavy.

I held my hands out in front of me to look at the blood I knew was on them. That's when I saw someone move off to my left side. I was still disoriented and scared, when I felt the hand on my shoulder I tried to push off. I couldn't hear Lauren trying to calm me down, I kept scooting away until I fell off the bed on the other side and curled up, trying to hide. Lauren came around to the other side, kneeling beside me.

"Bo! Bo! it's okay, you are safe. You are home and no one can hurt you." her voice was shaking.

I covered my head in my hands; I was starting to cry when I felt her arms come around my shoulders. My consciousness slowly snapped me back into reality. Lauren kept comforting me telling me I was safe, I was still crying as Lauren got me up and walked me to the bathroom to get me some water. I glimpsed her in the mirror and saw that I had scared her. She was doing her best to not show it, I whispered as I leaned on the sink, "I'm sorry….if I scared you."

"are you okay?" her voice was also a quiet whisper.

"Eventually." I was exhausted and turned to go back to bed. Lauren helped me back in and sat next to me as I tried to settle back into the bed. My heart was still racing and my side hurt from where I fell out of bed. I was still crying, I couldn't get myself to stop this time around. Lauren reached around and put her arm around my shoulder as I leaned forward and tried controlling my tears. For some reason I couldn't bring myself to cry in front of her, I had guilt for scaring her. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were in the room." it came out in a broken whisper.

"I came back with your water and you were asleep, I let you be and when I came back to check on you, I fell asleep in the chair."

I looked up at her and when I saw the look of worry and fear mixed on her face, I let go of the tears. I was tired, so tired, of scaring people I cared about and not being able to give them the answers to put them at ease. Lauren reached down and wiped away a tear with her thumb, I couldn't hold myself back, I reached out and pulled myself into Lauren's arms, letting her envelope me. I whispered in-between tears, "will you stay with me?" I knew I sounded like a lost little kid, but I didn't want to be alone, my panic from the dream still had me shaken.

"I would even if you didn't want me too." she wiped away another tear, letting her hand linger against my face.

After a little while I finally got myself under control, and went to lay down in the bed. Lauren laid down next to me, letting me curl up in her. I laid my head on her shoulder, wrapping my arm around her waist. The slow up and down movement of her breathing mixed with her warm body, made my whole body settle down. I felt her reach down and brush some of the hair away from my face, her hand dropped down to my arm where she gently squeezed me to let me know she was still there. I pulled myself tighter to her, wanting nothing more than to be wrapped in her arms. I fell asleep to the gentle sounds of her heart beating with mine.

* * *

The sun spilled in through the windows, giving off gentle warmth that slowly woke me up. I was lying on my side and I smiled when I saw Lauren's arm draped across me, gently holding onto my arm. She had her head buried into my neck, sleeping heavily. Her body fit perfectly into mine as we lay side by side. My side was sore from sleeping on it, but I did not want to move and disturb the feeling of having someone next to me. "good morning." a low, soft voice murmured in my ear, I closed my eyes at the sound. Lauren stroked the skin on my arm, sliding her hand into mine, lacing our fingers together and squeezing me closer to her, she released it when I slowly rolled over. Lauren lifted a little to make room for me, my head finally settling on the pillow we were now sharing. Our faces were inches apart.

"good morning," I said softly, lifting my hand to push away the messy strands of hair that had fallen across Lauren's face. "thank you for staying." Lauren smiled, reaching up to hold my hand against her face. we lingered for a moment, staring at each other. I didn't know what to say, I just took my hand from her face and traced her lips with my thumb. Lauren closed her eyes at my touch, she kissed my thumb and leaned in to brush her lips against mine, sitting for a moment before pulling back with a smile. "how did you sleep?" Lauren asked awkwardly, I didn't speak I just leaned in and closed the gap between us, bringing our lips together softly as Lauren had, sucking gently on her lower lip and brushing my tongue against her. Lauren closed her eyes and pulled me closer, slipping her hands around to my back. I wanted to feel something, anything, to chase away the fears that laid just so close to the surface. My dreams, what I had left in New York all those years ago, the pieces of myself I left in the desert. I had numbed myself and the woman next to me, gave me a desire to feel again.

I couldn't hold back anymore, there was little room between us, but I was able to move my hand to Lauren's neck and follow it with soft kisses down then back up to the bottom of her jaw. Lauren moaned lightly, our lips came together again. I meant for the kiss to be brief but I quickly lost myself in the softness of Lauren's lips, the gentle glide of her tongue against mine, her hands moved up into my hair pulling me closer to her, before I knew it she had rolled me over and was now on top of me, pushing herself into me as our kiss deepened. In her touch, her kisses, I could feel that she needed something similar to what I was seeking out in my own movements. A reason to feel again.

My hands went to her hips squeezing her hard. my head was swimming and we kissed for several moments until Lauren reached down to the edge of my shirt, sliding her hands underneath, gently caressing my stomach with her warm fingers, a moan escaped from me and I arched my back to feel more of her hands on me.

As Lauren's hands where at the swell of my breasts, there was a loud knock on my door, followed by Graces soft voice calling out to see if I was awake. Lauren broke off the kiss and looked at me with a hazy desire that made my stomach flop. She rolled away from me, embarrassment was creeping in on her face and settled back in the pillows. We were both breathless, she covered her face with an arm as I smiled and ran my hand over her arm, "obviously now is not the time to do this properly." her tone had a slight laughter in it.

I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, seeing the smile on Lauren face, "Grace didn't know I had a slumber buddy." I wiggled free from the bed and hobbled to the door, opening to find Grace, hands in her lap, smiling at me, "good morning Ysabeau, I just wanted to see if you would like something to eat?"

I nodded, "that would be perfect."

Grace tried peering behind me, "is Lauren still around? I knocked on the guest door and there was no answer."

"She is, she stopped in to check on me. We will both be down shortly." I pulled the door closer to me so that Grace would not see Lauren fidgeting in the bed.

Grace smiled and nodded, then with a quick breeze she turned on her heels and clicked away back down the hall. I closed the door, turning to look at the bed. Lauren was not in it, I took a few steps and heard water running in the bathroom. I limped back to the bed and sat down on the edge. I felt shaky from the moment of passion I just shared with Lauren, I also felt shaky because I remembered why she stayed with me. The bathroom door swung open and Lauren stepped out, she had her hair pulled back and smiled tightly as she rushed past me to her bag. She began dropping her things into the bag hurriedly. I turned to her, "Grace is making breakfast."

"Tell her thank you, but I have to get to work." Lauren's tone was short and businesslike. it threw a sense of worry through my stomach. I stood up and walked to her, putting my hand on her shoulder, "Call in for the day, I don't want you to leave."

Lauren squeezed her eyes shut, "I can't, I am needed at the hospital." her tone was cold. I kept my hand on her shoulder, "I frightened you didn't I?"

she paused for a second, then went back to shoving things into her briefcase and bag. I felt like crying all of a sudden, "I'm sorry, if I came on too strong last night and a few moments ago, I guess I still haven't gotten used to being around people again." I turned away and walked back to the bed, I wanted to crawl back in and lay there quietly.

"Don't apologize, Bo. You are not to blame for anything, I just lost my head for a minute. you are still healing and I came on to you like a cat in heat. I don't know what I was thinking." her voice wavered, I looked back at her and met her eyes, they were soft and looking at me as if in a second she would wrap me in her arms and hold me forever. I took a sharp breath, "Stay."

Lauren dropped her head, and came towards me, putting her hands on my arms, "You need to rest, Bo." she looked up and met my eyes again, placing a soft hand on my cheek, "you didn't sleep well last night…" she cringed a little and I could see the toll my episode last night took on her. I tried to smile to ease Lauren. She bent forward and kissed me lightly on the cheek, "rest, I will try and stop by after work." Her hand lingered on my face before it dropped down to my hand, squeezing it tightly. she left my room quietly, leaving me full of too many emotions that I could not sort through. I just went to the bathroom and showered then crawled back into bed, looking at the pillow Lauren had slept on, clenching my jaw at the moments we shared, how they turned on a dime. One moment, we were lost in passion the next, it was back to business. I knew I had it bad for Rachel and I knew it was the last thing I needed but was everything I thought wanted.

* * *

After a few hours of laying in bed, I got up and started on what was becoming a daily routine, I had breakfast with Grace, then we walked around for a few hours before my body demanded me to stop for the day. I sat in the massive library in the house; I was beginning to get tired of always sitting in my bedroom. The giant leather couch swallowed me up as I laid on it, the old books that surrounded me on the walls made me feel safe and the smell of the books relaxed me. Grace sat with me in the chair next to the couch, she read the paper and just filled the air with comments on the day's headlines and what gossip she had heard at the market. I was not listening, my head was constantly replaying Lauren and I, in my bed that morning. it made my heart race and my whole body ache for her, for something. Lauren had not called throughout the day and my stomach had dropped, I didn't blame her if she was wary of me, being around me, after my nightmare. I had not thought how my bad nights would affect someone who was not family, it was a scary situation that could only be dealt with unconditional love. Lauren was full of lust for me, so it seemed in my mind. I began talking myself out of having any feelings for Lauren, it would be better this way, if I just stayed clear headed and worked through my injury and healed completely. it was not fair to ask someone to pick up the pieces after every bad night I had. I fell into sleep listening to Grace's soft voice read the local engagement notices.

Grace gently shook me awake, "I think its time we get you into bed. this couch is not good for your aching bones." I gave Grace a dirty look, "I am not a ninety year old woman, my bones are far from achy."

Grace cocked and eyebrow then laughed as I tried to sit up, but was too stiff to do it without help. Grace held out her hand and I took it reluctantly, shaking my head.

we walked down the hallway, slowly, Grace patting my hand with every other step. I had a sudden flashback of grace doing the same thing when I was little, walking me to my room after a rough day at school, patting my hand to keep me relaxed. I looked up at her; she smiled at me and said, "she has not called, dear. I believe she is rather busy, Lauren has not been in to the hospital for a week."

I stopped, "she hasn't been there in a week? what do you mean?"

"I mean, that she has been staying here for the last little while. Making sure you came back to us, frankly that girl never left your side until I forced her to come down and eat."

I dropped my head, "I didn't know."

"there was no reason to tell you, you can see it all over her face how much she feels for you, Bo."

I sighed hard, pulling closer to grace, "i think I scared her away."

"how so?" grace and I started walking again.

"I had a bad night last, my dreams. She rushed out in the morning…after I woke up." I left out the part where Lauren and I made out like home alone hormonal teenagers.

Grace patted my hand, "Give her a minute, your nights take a minute to adjust too." her voice was distant and I felt even more guilt for something I knew I had no control over but every day I wanted to be able to. Maybe therapy was necessary.

Grace delivered me to my room and stood at the door as I walked on my own to sit down at the desk, she smiled at me, "I love you Bo, call if you need anything." I nodded and as soon as the door clicked close I leaned forward and held my head in my hands. My head hurt, I turned to look out the window and saw it was well into the night, I still had not heard from Lauren. I sighed and debating calling her, but discouraged myself and busied my hands with the stacks of mail that sat untouched on the edge of my desk. I flipped through a few envelopes, it was just nonsense, there were two letters from the Navy that I set aside to read later. Whenever the Navy sent letters it was rarely good news, especially in my case. When I reached the bottom of the stack I came across a letter that had a New York return address. the handwriting on the envelope made my stomach come up my throat. The postmark was recent, discouraging any thoughts that it was an old letter. I stared at Dyson's elegant but strong, cursive writing as it formed my name on the front of the envelope. I had not heard from him in years and wondered how in the hell he knew I was home. Grace was not a big fan of Dyson so I could remove her from the list of suspects, Kenzi had nothing but pure spite for the man as well, so no go there. I shook the thin paper in my hand, why right now, of all times. My head was already too full to have Dyson come in and scramble it even further.

I wanted to throw the letter out, burn it, but deep down I wanted to know what it contained. Without a second thought I tore open the edge and opened the one page that was folded in half. It was only a few lines.

"Bo,

I heard from a friend who knows a friend of yours that you are back home. I am so happy to hear you are safe, I had no idea that you were in that horrible war. I would like to hear from you, I have missed our long conversations, I have missed you.

I am sorry for everything.

Dyson."

It was typical Dyson, short and without too much care. I threw the paper onto the desk and stared at it. I had a sick feeling in my stomach and a wave of anger come over me. I wanted to pull out a piece a paper and write a scathing reply, send it one day air to make sure he got it first thing in the morning, but I also wanted nothing to do with him. I pushed off from the desk and stood up quickly, it hurt and I had to bend over to steady myself on the edge of the desk. "God dammit." I pounded on the desk so hard my phone fell off and hit the floor. I cursed and grabbed it, as my fingers closed around it, it began to vibrate. There was a text from Lauren coming in. I opened it,

-I will be by in the morning, and hospital is busy tonight. I hope you sleep well, call if you need me or need to talk to me.-

I frowned when I read the message, in that instant Lauren reminded me of Dyson, they both had that standoffish attitude. I angrily replied to Lauren, with a typical "I will be fine." hit send and tossed the phone onto my couch. I clenched my fists, "why was the desert so much easier to deal with than romance." I rubbed at my eyes, I was tired, irritated at the collision of my two worlds in the blink of an eye. A long lost relationship rising from the dead as my heart was finding a spark in a completely different place than I had been used too. The world I left behind was meeting the world I left it for.

I gave in and ignored the buzzing phone on the couch and crawled into bed, for the first time since I can remember I turned on my television and lost myself in a ridiculous antique appraisal show on the local cable channel. I wanted nonsense to fill my head and chase away everything else that was piling up in there.

* * *

Lauren did not come over that night or the next day. I found that she would only come to the house when I was asleep, it felt as if she was doing it on purpose. I would wake up with a note by my bed or a message left with Grace. Two weeks had passed since the night Lauren stayed with me and I had little contact with her. I was upset but at the same time I felt relieved, it was better that I put any notion of a budding crush to bed. It was obvious that as much as I liked Lauren, it was shaping up that it could not be meant to be, for whatever reason she was also putting distance between her and i. I didn't need more distance in my life when I was trying to close all of the gaps I had created over the years.

I finally got the all clear to go back to work, I was still very wobbly and moved slower than I wanted, as the muscles in my body gradually adjusted to going from stagnant to the old non stop pace I had put them through over the years. I had been hurt worse than I thought, I knew it was partially my fault for not sleeping and taking proper care of myself. The recovery time was going to take more than I desired.

my first day back at the hospital I walked into my office full of flowers and well wishes from the other staff and even my students. I smiled a little as the sweet smell of the fresh flowers filled me up. I stood reading a card when Leeds bustled in and stood next to me, "If you would like, I can get a space cleared for you to do some work." I turned to look at Leeds, I had missed her sunny energy while I was gone, I patted her on the shoulder, "its fine, I can manage, but can you get me a list of everyone who sent me well wishes so I can make sure to thank them?" Leeds nodded curtly, "of course, ma'am." she then went to my desk and organized my paperwork for the day, "Everything is ready for you. these are the updated class files. The Colonel made sure to take notes of everything he and Commander Lewis did with your students. All the notes are thorough and should get you up to speed over lunch."

I set the card down I had in my hand, "The Colonel and Commander Lewis? What do you mean?"

"Colonel Windsor and Commander Lewis took over your class while you were out." Leeds folded her hands matter of factly as if the information she just shared could be the only explanation in the world.

I stood still for a second; I didn't know how to feel. I was shocked to hear that the head administrator of the hospital was teaching a simple first year medical school class and that Lauren had also stepped in. for a brief second I felt embarrassed that I had not been able to return to work as quickly as I wanted too.

Leeds saw the panic on my face, "don't worry, Colonel Windsor volunteered to take over your class and Commander Lewis did as well. They both were eager to roll up their sleeves and be the teacher."

I just nodded lightly, Leeds asked me if I needed anything else, I shook my head no and she left my office in a breeze. I wobbled over to my chair and sat down, flipping over the files. On the top of the first file was a note from Colonel Windsor, "Glad to have you back, yank, stellar job on teaching these young ones. They taught me a thing or two themselves."

I held the note as it felt like it had been years since I was gone, it really had only been close to two months, but I felt it was a lifetime. I set the note off to the side and continued reading, getting myself up to speed with where my students where. A few hours later I wobbled down to the class and was happy to see all the familiar faces of the young officers I had been teaching. After the cursory welcome back chatter, I dove back into teaching. The students were moving along well and I could tell that Windsor and Lauren had done an excellent job teaching. While I stood behind two of the students watching them as they did sutures on a pigs leg, I suddenly had a rush of want flow through me, I wanted Lauren to bolt into the room and stand over me. I had missed her more than I wanted to recognize since that night. I ached to just see her walk through the hallways of the hospital, I would even welcome a in my face bicker match. I just wanted to be around her.

Class went by fast and I was tired but happy, I felt like I was finally getting back to normal. I went back to my office to close up shop for the night; Grace would be by the hospital in a half hour to take me home. I could drive myself, but Grace was adamant that she would be my personal cabbie.

There was a light knock on my door, the door pushed open and Lauren slid in quietly, shutting the door by leaning against it. She looked up at me, a quiet "Hi" coming from her. I looked up and stared. Lauren was in her uniform and it suddenly looked so foreign to me, for the last two months I had only seen her in regular clothes, her hair unkempt and now as I looked at her, she was still beautiful as ever, but it wasn't the same as she stood in my office. I could feel that things were different.

"Hi." I tried not to stare or give any inkling that I had missed her, she was the one who disappeared on me.

Lauren pushed from the door and stepped towards the desk, she stopped right as she got to the side, I could see hesitation in her. "How was the first day back?"

I shrugged, "It went well." I pushed the last of the files into my bag, without looking at Lauren I said, "I hear that I have you to thank for keeping the class on track."

"You don't need to, I enjoyed it, you have taught them well. "Lauren's voice was very soft and full of hesitation.

I didn't say anything, I had too much to say and could not get it all straight enough to actual let anything fall across my lips. I closed up my briefcase and tried to stand up, I moved my arm in a strange angle sending a sharp pain that made me buckle, I had to lean on the desk for a second, closing my eyes.

I felt Lauren's warm hand sit on my side as she tried to steady me, "easy, Bo, let me help you."

I grimaced at her touch, it seemed to go through my body and right to my heart. I wanted to pull away but more than anything I wanted to push into it. Lauren helped me stand up straight and as I opened my eyes, she was standing very close to me, her hand still on my side. We made eye contact and I couldn't help it, "where have you been?" it came out as a rough whisper.

she swallowed hard, "Work." it was one word but it said so much.

I nodded, "I understand." I moved out of Lauren's grasp. I reached down and grabbed my briefcase, "I better go, Grace will be waiting."

I didn't want to deal with anything; my head was full of emotions that were stirred back up by the sight of Lauren. I started to walk to the door.

"I didn't mean to disappear, Bo. A heavy workload is a half truth, the whole truth is…I'm scared."

I sighed, "We all are Lauren. fear is what keeps us all grounded."

Lauren ignored my comment, "I'm scared because I have no idea what comes next, you are the first thing to come into my life that I have not planned explicitly."

"Why do we need to plan anything? Let it be, see what happens next." I stared at Lauren.

She didn't say anything, I slipped my briefcase under my arm and went to make my way out. I stood a few feet in front of Lauren, wanting to touch her. "the one thing I have learned in the last couple years is you can plan for everything to be perfect, but it never works out, sometimes the best things are the least planned." I reached out to hold her hand, but stopped, it didn't feel right, far too personal now. "follow the unknown path, Lauren."

I smiled and reached for the door, the silence in the office was awkward. I didn't know what to think at that moment, I just wanted to go home and rest. Lauren was not letting me in, and I had tried to let her into my life further than most, and I think that's where most of the fear came from, on both our parts. I smiled at her and moved to open the door, I suddenly felt Lauren's hand on my arm, "can I see you later? I've missed talking to you Bo." her voice was quiet and honest.

I looked at her, "you know where I live, Grace would be happy to see you." my tone was even, I was confused by this strange moment in my office. Lauren nodded and held the door for me, I walked as fast I could out and didn't look back.

* * *

Grace met me in the lobby and helped me to the car, I didn't say much as we drove home, letting Grace fill the air with chatter about flowers and ladies gin night. As Grace prattled on I found myself drifting to memories of Dyson, his letter had me thinking too much about the past. The letter still sat in my desk drawer as I agonized over crafting a response or not. Dyson could always stir up intense emotions in me no matter what, now mixed with Lauren being distant and strange, my head was definitely full of nonsense. Grace and I ate dinner and afterwards we did our nightly walk around the house, it had become a nightly thing so I would be loosened up and tired before I went to bed. The late afternoon was quickly passing into night and I had not heard from Lauren, making me even more certain that whatever spark that was between us was slowly burning out. I sighed, I would be done with the hospital in a few short months and that would be that.

Grace and I were on our third trip past the library when the doorbell rang.

Grace paused, "oh I do believe that is Mary, she was going to bring over those gardening books I asked for. Shall I sit you on the sofa for now?" she motioned towards the couch in the library.

"Don't worry Grace! I am more mobile than I used to be, go and see Mary, I will be in here reading a little then off to bed."

Grace smiled and patted my arm, "call if you need anything."

I just nodded and continued walking in the hallways as she made her way to the front door. The click of Graces heels echoed through the hall as I moved to sit down on the old leather couch. I leaned back and stretched out my legs, staring at all of the bookshelves surrounding me. I began to absently count how many weeks I had left in my hospital duty, then drifted off into what exactly I was going to do with my life when I was finally discharged. I would have to begin researching hospitals or private practices, or research becoming something else, maybe dabble into photography or just be the laziest person I could be for as long as I could, maybe I would see if Kenzi could find me a job as an extra in films. I leaned forward and stood up to go to the desk Grace used, I began writing down notes on hospitals, silly ideas of acting, and lastly where exactly did I want to live when all was said and done.

I chewed on my pen as I suddenly thought about going back to New York, then to no one but the books that encased me I said aloud, "London or new York? which one should I pick fellas?"

Expecting nothing but silence from my literary friends, I was startled when I heard her smooth voice say, "I am partial to you staying here, Bo."


	5. Chapter 5

**Short one, I know, but blame breaking bad...forgive me as I am trying to weave multiple layers of drama here, why? because why not, bolo love in my eyes excels and gets good when there is drama. I am working on strangers, its taking longer as I try to figure out what I am going to do next with the family. so in the meantime, enjoy this nonsense... :)**

Lauren was leaning against the bookcase closest to the door, she was dressed down and had a half smile on her face. I shifted in my chair so I could look at her without twisting too far; I glanced at her before saying "I didn't expect you to come."

Lauren's smile faded slightly, "I finished up earlier than I expected." her voice was soft. She moved to sit on the leather couch next to the desk I was sitting at, but paused before she sat, Lauren reached over and put a hand over mine, "how are you feeling today?"

"You know, every time you ask me that, it sounds extremely doctorly? And not all personal?" I glanced at her, keeping an even tone to hide that I was more upset than I wanted to admit at her disappearance over the last little while.

Lauren kept a tight smile, "it is an old habit." she looked me in the eyes, "it doesn't mean that I don't actually want to know."

I tapped the pen on the desk top, pulling my hand away from hers, "I feel the same as I have for the last few days, better but tired." I leaned back in the chair. Lauren nodded lightly, "As long as you are feeling better, Grace has told me that you are sleeping longer at night, and the dreams are lessening?"

I stared at her for a moment, "Do I scare you." I asked flatly, I had to know. "My bad nights, the memories I have." I looked at her golden brown eyes, searching.

She looked down, "Bo, you don't need to ask me that." her voice was quiet.

I set the pen down, "I do. You ran out of here the night after I fell apart, then you have slowly began to fade away from me." I folded my arms, "I cannot deny that I have some sort of feelings for you, and that it hurt when you took a step back. I know that I am still healing, physically and emotionally, I know it will take time, but I can't figure you out Dr. Lewis."

Lauren looked up at the old ceiling in the library, "That is not the first time I have heard that." it came out softly, as she looked at me, "I have walls up, that I don't know how to break down myself. And yet, you blow into my life and seem to know how to permeate all of the small cracks I have. It scares me, and to answer your question, yes, you do scare me." she walked over to the desk closer, "but not because of the nightmares you endure, the lingering pain you carry that I wish I could take from you, or your secret life as a heiress." she sat on the edge of the desk, "you scare me because you make me feel something I cannot control."

I held her gaze, "we all have walls and secrets, Lauren, you just happen to know more of mine." I sighed, and looked back at my scribble. I had heard her words, they went straight to my heart, but at the same time it felt like she was trying to excuse her distance, "the hardest part is letting someone in to see the walls and the secrets and let them decide if they are strong enough to break through it all."

"I was twenty one, when the first wall went up." Lauren started speaking, she was looking at the massive bookshelves around her, "It was at school, my first year at Cambridge, my first love. Frankie was a second year medical school student and we met in a lab group, and fell for each other fast. She was an avid cyclist, everywhere she went she rode that damn bike. I tried warning her that the drivers in the city would not be as careful as she hoped." she laughed lightly and looked at me, "You remind me a little of her, in your cavalier attitude." she took a deep breath, "one Saturday afternoon she was meeting me at my dorm room and I watched as careless teen driver cut into her path, hitting her while she rode her bike." Lauren stopped completely.

I spoke quietly, "that night in the emergency room, the cyclist."

She nodded, "Reminded me too much of Frankie and how she also died in my hands as I tried so desperately to save her with the little amount of knowledge I had. Over the years I built upon that first wall, dating and engaging in simple relationships to pass the time or keep the aggressive fresh faced doctors from hitting on me." Lauren stood up from the edge of the desk, "Then you came out onto the fire escape, seeing me in one of my weakest moments, and a old familiar feeling came creeping in my heart, but stronger."

I stood up and walked over to her, my hand on her arm, "feel the good things, it will force the bad things out." I smiled lightly as I dished out Kenzi's words of wisdom, "Lauren, I like you. You are the first good thing I have felt in a long time and I want to hold onto it as long as I can, regardless of what happens next."

Lauren turned to me, her eyes were glassy as her hand covered mine, "Bo, I..."

Before she could finish the library door opened, my eyes drifted towards the door. A strong deep voice came into the room before the owner, "Holy shit, if I live and breath, the one and only English Bo! Alive and looking oh so amazing!"

Lauren and I both stared at the tall, brown haired, blue eyed, handsome man who limped into the library and scooped me up into a massive bear hug, and a quick closed mouth kiss on the lips, forcing Lauren to take a step back. I was in shock as I wrapped my arms around the man, holding back tears. When he set me down I held his face in both of my hands, "Aaron?"

His eyes closed as he smiled and nodded, "Nothing, not even death could keep me from you, English Bo. " he opened them and looked around at Lauren, then at me, "oh I am sorry, your Aunt told me that it was okay to come back here, I didn't interrupt anything?"

I was still mesmerized by the man standing in front of me that I did not notice the look in Laurens eyes as she straightened her jacket, threw on a tight smile, "Oh no, no, I was about to leave. I am her co-worker." she rushed out of the library as I felt tears coming.

I stepped back from Aaron. "I thought you died, no one could tell me what happened after the accident."

Aaron took one of my hands in his, squeezing it gently, "That is my father for you, he already didn't want anyone to know I was in the war let alone wounded." he smiled his wide bright grin.

* * *

Ensign Aaron Williams stood before me, very much alive and very much in my arms. He was Admiral Williams youngest son and the only one who did not desire to follow in his father footsteps and take a safe rear career to higher rank. Aaron had joined up straight out of college and ended up in my unit. No one paid him much attention, mainly his last name, it was a war zone. There was too much to do to wonder if he was linked to the Admiral. He was part of the transport team that was assigned to my trauma unit, he had told me once or twice that he did have interest down the road in pursuing medicine, but had to follow the family military footsteps. There was something about Aaron that intrigued me, aside from his incessant desire to learn as much as he could from me, spending a lot of time with me in and out of truamas, he never once hit on me or asked inappropriate things, like so many of the soldiers I worked with and saw on a daily basis. We would spend nights talking about home, college days, what the first thing we would eat when we got back home, he became my closest friend in the unit and I grew attached to him like a little brother. I eventually told him what had happened in New York with Dyson and he told me some of his own secrets. He filled the gap of the people and family I had abandoned.

Then one night, six months into his tour, an emergency roadside call came in. It was in the middle of the night, I took it since I was still up checking on the last round of patients to have come in. Aaron ran into the ward, "English, we gotta go. Six miles up, convoy attack. They have no medic with them and two of the guys are critical." Aaron was grabbing the medical bags, I tossed my charts to the desk and ran after him as he ran to the Humvee that was already running. As I went to climb in he handed me a flak vest, I pushed his hand away, "When we get there, you know how they make me feel claustrophobic." Aaron gave me a hard look, "At least wear the helmet and hold this in front of you." he shoved the vest into my chest. The Humvee began rolling as soon as Aaron closed the door. We sat in a loud silence as we raced to the scene, I was sorting through the bag making sure I had everything I needed. As I looked up at Aaron and saw him smile at me as he always did right before we went to work, all of the sound fell out of the Humvee and I was thrown to the roof of the Humvee.

After the Humvee settled from rolling, I found myself on the roof of the Humvee, bleeding from my head and there was the strange burning sensation all over my stomach. I tried to grasp onto what had happened as I pushed myself over and looked out the crushed window. The front end of the Humvee was on fire and the driver was dead. I crawled out of the window, knowing I had to get away from the fire. I was dazed and things were blurry as I felt the sand under my hands. I pulled myself out of the metal shell of the vehicle and looked back, there was a large crater where the bomb had been, it had sent the vehicle close to twenty feet away from the point of impact. I ran a hand over my stomach and felt the warm stickiness of blood. I pulled my shirt up, when I heard a moan.

I looked to the rear of the Humvee and saw Aaron lying there, caught under the edge of the rear. I scrambled to my feet and ran to him. He was bleeding from too many places as I fell to my knees next to him, I began working on the large laceration on his leg, he whispered as he looked at the blood on the front of my shirt, "Should have actually put the damn thing on, English."

I shrugged as I tried to make a tourniquet, "Should have, but didn't. Where else are you hurt?"

Aaron looked down at his leg, "i really can't feel anything, Bo." I began to panic, working faster as I saw him pale a little at the blood lost. I looked up in his bright blue eyes, and smiled, "i will get you out of here, I promise."

he smiled, "Bo, you know you are my best friend here, right? I think you are an amazing lady." he swallowed hard, I put a hand against his neck, feeling his pulse was fading. I whispered, "I know, you are mine, Aaron. You are the only guy here that hasn't hit on me and it means the world to me." I smiled as I moved my hand up to his cheek, watching a slight smile etch its way across his face, "Save your energy, I can hear the others coming." I looked up at the slightly distant roar of another run of Humvees coming for us, the blast was loud enough and large enough, that I knew the others would be coming. I smiled as I saw headlights, "Here they come." I looked down at Aaron and saw he was lifeless, his pulse had ceased. I shook him, nothing, I leaned close and heard nothing. "Aaron, god dammit." I began CPR on him as the trucks closed in on us, I was pumping his chest and as a young faced medic ran to me, I waved him off. I pumped for Aaron until we got him loaded up, he came back to life just as we pulled into the unit helipad, gasping for air and coughing. I was gently pulled away as he was loaded up and taken to the waiting helicopter with one of our best trauma surgeons.

The next morning, I heard nothing about Aaron as I laid in my own hospital bed, allowing one of the doctors to clean out my wound. I heard soft bootsteps come into the room, a strong male voice asking where I was. I was half awake and half asleep with my arm covering my face, I only looked down when I felt the doctor stop working on me and heard him stand up. He was standing at attention as an older man in crisp fatigues came into the curtained area. He looked exactly like Aaron, but older and with salt and pepper hair. He saluted the doctor, "Young man continue working on this fine woman." the man smiled and came closer to me, that is when I noticed the stars on his collar, "Lieutenant Ysabeau Dennis, it is an honor to meet you, I am Admiral Williams."

I stared at him, "Sorry if I don't salute, but as you can see." I nodded to the doctor who was pulling out more shrapnel. The older man smiled and nodded, "it is perfectly forgiven." he pulled up a chair and sat down, holding his hat in his hands I could see his nerves, "i am here to thank you, Lt. For saving Ensign Williams yesterday."

I bit my bottom lip, "How is he? No one will tell me anything." I didn't care that the admiral in charge of naval operations was sitting across from me, the boss of all bosses, I was worried about Aaron

The older man nodded, "That is partly my fault." he looked at me with gentle eyes, "Aaron is my son, and I want to keep things quiet until he is stabilized and better."

I blinked, staring at the Admiral, "Your son?" I was shocked and confused, Aaron showed no signs of coming from such a prestigious family, he was just a goofy, kind-hearted and intelligent kid that followed me around like a little brother.

The Admiral nodded, "Yes, and I owe you more than I can ever repay for saving his life."

The Admiral meant what he said, he was the reason I was back home and everything that came with it. He promised me a lifetime of favors if I ever should need them.

* * *

I stared at Aaron as he moved in front of me and sat down on the large leather couch, his left leg jutting out at a weird angle, "The boys were all jealous that I you did CPR on me, that I was the lucky bastard who got to kiss you." he laughed lightly, "if they only knew you are definitely not my type."

I smiled sheepishly as I leaned against the edge of my desk, "They never said anything to me. No one actually ever found out that you were the Admirals son, I went back to work and I could never get anyone to tell me anything about you." I looked at him, tears setting on the edges of my eyes, "I honestly thought you had died."

Aaron nodded, "That was partly my fault, Bo. I tried to write you a letter when I finally woke up in Germany, but my fathers people thought it best that we keep things quiet." he held up his hand, "Politics."

I walked over and sat on the table in front of him, "How did you find me?"

He smiled wide, "As an Admirals son, I can find anyone. Especially the woman I owe my life too."

I looked down at his leg, he caught my glance, "it's still mine, but it ended my navy career." he sighed, "I am in England on a teaching conference for Columbia, I figured I would look up my lady."

I stood up suddenly and hugged him, catching him by surprise, "I am so happy you are here, Aaron, alive."

"so am I Bo." as I pulled back he looked at me, "That very attractive woman that was in here, you two appeared to be having a bit of an intense conversation, that I am pretty certain was not work related." he squinted at me.

I closed my eyes, "oh shit. Lauren." I instantly knew why she had left in a hurry when Aaron burst into the library. I leaned forward holding my head in my hands, "i need to call her, she probably thinks you are my long-lost boyfriend."

Aaron smiled and shook my arm, "If she only knew, but she did have a wide-eyed what the fuck look on her face when she ran out of here like her ass was on fire." he looked at me as I sighed, "Is she your? I mean she is gorgeous." he drifted off, not knowing exactly what to say.

"We were figuring that out when you walked in out of the blue." I met his blue eyes, "I think I am falling in love with her." Aaron grabbed my hand, "and by the way she looked at me, I think there's a good chance she has already fallen for you."

I tried to call Lauren as soon as I realized what she could be thinking about the handsome man who scooped me up and kissed me, I even called her. I got nothing in return. Aaron and I spent the day together, catching up. He had been discharged from the Navy, his leg injury would never allow him to do much outside of walking and maybe jogging. He became a military history professor and with his fathers push, was able to work at Columbia University teaching young eager minds. He was healthy and I would often find myself staring at him, I had honestly thought he had died. He would smile and wink at me, "I am not going anywhere, Bo, I can guarantee that."

When he left me later on that night, we promised to keep in touch and that when I was out of the Navy I would come to the states and have a proper visit with him and his family. I hugged him harder than ever and his parting words to me was, "Whoever that woman is too you, go get her. It was the only time I ever saw your eyes light up when you looked at someone." he kissed me on the cheek, "if you want I will call her and tell her I am no threat at all to her." he winked at me as I playfully poked him.

"i think that would make it worse. I just have to corner her, fight it out with her. She is so stubborn."

he smiled, "Just like you, Bo. Perfect match." He left me with another hug.

I walked back to my room, checking my phone for the millionth time to see if there was anything from Lauren, nothing. I walked over to my closet and dug out my backpack from the desert, I dug around and found the plastic bag of photographs. I dumped them out and pulled out the ones of Aaron and I. I smiled as I found an overwhelming sense of peace that he was alive. I set the photograph on my desk. I dug around and pulled out the lumpy envelope and dumped out the letter from Admiral Williams and the worn, insignificant decoration he gave me. I sighed and set it in front of the photograph and crawled into bed, hoping that after seeing one of my ghosts alive, would chase away the dreams of the others.

* * *

The next morning I woke up, checked my phone and saw there was still nothing. I dressed and had breakfast with Grace where I told her about Aaron and finally the story of how I was injured and how it came to be that I was able to come home. She sat silently, wiping away at tears. I had never told her what happened, I stood up and hugged her, "I didn't want you to worry, Grace."

She smiled and patted my arm, "i worried about you every minute of everyday you were gone."

I went to work, feeling lighter, shedding some of the secrets I held so close to my heart for so long was liberating. I walked into the hospital, wanting to find Lauren immediately and shed more of the weight I was carrying. I went to my office and dropped off my bag, quickly heading to Laurens office.

I smiled as I saw Leeds tapping away at her computer, "Leeds is the doctor in?"

Leeds smiled at the silly joke, "No she isn't, Lt. She is with Colonel Windsor." she reached for a small file, and handed it over to me, "They are waiting for you." I looked at her with a cocked eyebrow, she smiled, "You never checked your email before you left did you?"

I shook my head like a little kid caught for not doing their homework. Leeds stood up, "Follow me." She hustled out of the office with me close behind, "You and Commander Lewis are scheduled to have a meeting with Colonel Windsor in a half hour, it is in regards to sending the two of you to New York for a medical conference on combat medicine." she motioned to the file in my hand, "You are attending as the hospitals liaison for combat medicine and Commander Lewis is there as an administrative capacity."

I frowned as I looked over the boring conference memo, "Why me?"

Leeds smiled, "That is up to you to ask the Colonel." she stopped in front of a door and opened it, revealing Colonel Windsor sitting at his large mahogany desk, Lauren was sitting across from him. Looking perfectly pristine in her uniform she gave me a cold look as I walked in. Colonel Windsor waved off my salute even before I gave it, "Have a seat, my dear." he nodded to Leeds who took her exit as soon as she opened the door.

I looked at Lauren and saw that she was staring straight ahead, doing her best to stay emotionless as the Colonel began to speak. "Ladies, as I am sure you are already aware of things from the memo, I wanted to sit you both down and go over the finite details of this field trip."

I pulled my eyes to look at the older man, "Petty Officer Leeds was filling me in, I apologize I forgot to read up on it, I had a busy weekend."

I heard Lauren blow out a small irritated laugh, I looked over at her quickly and saw her smile at the Colonel as she clenched her jaw. I looked back at the Colonel, "Why are you sending me?"

The Colonel smiled, "Why not you Lieutenant Dennis? You have proven to be one of our best teaching doctors in the field of combat medicine and you have fresh eyes on what is going on over there and what will be best for current and future students." he smiled as he leaned back in his chair, "The two of you are my best Doctors on both sides of the line. I want the two of you to work together after this conference on restructuring our first year program."

I swallowed hard, "where is the conference again?"

He flipped through his own stack of papers, "let's see, ah, here we are." he held up the paper and read it "New York City, the conference is being held at NYU in accordance with Harvard medical school." he set down the paper and smiled, "Represent us well ladies, as I know you will."

I swallowed even harder, New York City. The one place I had no intentions of returning to, especially after the letter from Dyson fell across my desk. I nodded and said nothing, my head was swimming and the heavy feeling around my heart began to grow. It was a big city, the chances of him still being there or even if he was, the two of us coming across each other, was immense.

Lauren nodded, "Of course, Colonel." she stood up and glared hard at me, her eyes full of sadness and what I was sure was a hidden anger. "Thank you for this opportunity, sir."

The Colonel smiled, "Of course, Commander." he reached over and handed both of us large manila envelopes, "here are your travel arrangements, you leave in two days." I took the envelope and stood up, Lauren and I were waved out of the office by a smiling Colonel.

Lauren left with the office in quick steps, I had to jog to catch up to her, whispering, "Can I talk to you?" I didn't want to speak to loudly, there were too many people milling about in and out of offices.

Lauren stayed her course, "Bo, I am very busy today. Whatever you have to say, unless it is work related, will have to wait."

I rolled my eyes as the walls of ice were in full force, "Please, just will you hear me out."

Lauren shook her head, her back still to me, "I think I heard and saw enough."

I groaned in frustration as she began to pick up her pace, I reached out to grab her arm gently, "Lauren, please."

She stopped and looked at me, her jaw was clenched. I looked at her and stepped closer, "What you saw, was not what you think you saw."

She pursed her lips tightly, turning back around and walked to her office, pushing the door open, I followed without invite. When we were in her office, I closed the door behind us. Watching Lauren as she pulled off her uniform jacket and hung it up, "Aaron is a friend, an old friend of mine."

Lauren nodded, "Old friends of yours kiss you like that?" she would not look at me as she tossed her travel packet on her desk. "Bo I really don't want to hear about how an old boyfriend of yours reappeared to reclaim his long-lost love." her golden brown eyes met mine, "If you don't mind, I have work to do."

I felt my temper rise at the ice storm that just blew in and smack me right across the face, "Lauren, you really are blind at times." Before she could throw me a comeback, I dug into my pocket and pulled out the crumpled envelope I had pulled out of my bag the night before. I had intentions of getting a new ribbon to put on my uniform, now that I knew Aaron was alive. I was going to have Leeds help me with that process, instead I tossed the envelope on front of Lauren. "Aaron, Ensign Aaron Williams, USN is a friend, one of my best friends from the desert and only a friend. A friend that I thought was dead for almost a year." I tapped at the envelope, "Here is what is not in my file, a secret I no longer have to keep , one I kept for a good reason." I stood back up, "I would tell you myself, like I had intended, but I have work to do."

I turned and walked out of her office, slamming the door behind me as I rushed past Leeds and back to my office.


	6. Chapter 6

I did not stay in my office long, I went to my students and worked until the day was over. I had not seen Lauren at any point throughout the day, I was glad for it, I needed to keep my mind distracted. I left the hospital as soon as I finished the last class, I bypassed my office and raced home. Calling Kenzi to meet me at the manor as soon as she could, I need some de-stress time with my best friend and tell her about Aaron and everything else. I was ready to let it all out, pour everything out and be free from as much as I could.

Kenzi was already at the manor when I arrived, I stripped off my uniform and quickly changed into an old pair of jeans and a new York Mets shirt. I met Kenzi in the kitchen, she was eating the leftover sandwiches my aunt had made for lunch. "Yo bee-boo, are we going to need a ton of booze? Your urgent call had a tone that booze was desperately needed." I looked at her, nodding, "as much as we can get our hands on."

Kenzi raised and eyebrow, "I am going to go out on a limb here, a rather frustrating, but hot doctor with blonde hair kind of limb, but I am sensing that you are having issues with said limb?"

I stared at her, "You really need to work on your metaphors. But yes." I walked to the liquor cabinet, pushing past the dusty bottles my Aunt kept for company only and yanked out a ancient looking bottle of whiskey. Setting it on the counter I grabbed two glasses, filling them halfway. I took a deep breath as I held the edge of the glass close to my lips, the strong, woody scent of the amber liquid filling my nose, "I got a letter from Dyson and in two days I have to go to New York City with Dr. Lewis for a conference."

Kenzi snatched the glass out of my hand and downed the whiskey in two gulps, slamming the glass down, "You are right, we will need as much as we can get our hands on." she shook her head, "What did the asshole want? And you called her Dr. Lewis, did ya'll have another cat fight?"

I shook my head and filled the empty glass, "We did. She came over the other night, I called her out on being distant."

"or disappearing act, you aren't the only one who noticed that she is playing magician with you."

I took a large sip of the whiskey, cringing at the burn as it slid down my throat, I looked at the glass wondering how old this bottle really was, "As we were making head way with our feelings, a ghost from my past appeared." I looked at Kenzi, "I know I have not told you much about the war and what happened."

Kenzi shrugged, "I figured it would be when you wanted to tell me, I can tell shit was not a holiday for you, from your awful nights." she pushed her glass towards me so I would refill it, "who is this ghost?"

"Ensign Aaron Williams, United States Navy, Kenzi. Your best friend here, saved his life at the risk of her own." Laurens voice was soft as she stood in the doorway of the back kitchen door. "I did look into the file after you left it on my desk."

Kenzi and I looked at her, she was not in her uniform. She was dressed in dark blue jeans, a pink button down and a black leather jacket. Kenzi turned to look at me, mouthing if she wanted me to leave, "No, you can stay Kenzi. I am sure Dr. Lewis is just dropping by." I knew I was being a jerk, but her cold front attitude in the office earlier was still under my skin.

Lauren looked down, "I came by to return this." she held up the crinkled envelope and a larger manila one. She stepped towards the counter Kenzi and I were leaning against, her eyes met mine, "I tried finding you around the hospital, but you are quite elusive when you want to be." she set the envelopes own gently. Kenzi stood up to make a quick exit, Lauren smiled at her, "Please stay, I will only be a second." Kenzi shrugged and drank half of her whiskey, looking at me with what the fuck eyes.

Lauren slid her hands into her pockets, "Bo, I am sorry that I didn't give you a chance earlier, I was irritated." She paused, I saw a slight flush of embarrassment come over her face, "I had no idea about that." she motioned to the envelopes.

I laughed, "Oh I could tell that, you did not hide your irritation very well." I grabbed the envelopes and slid them over to me, I looked at the manila envelope confused, "I already have my travel itinerary, what is this."

Lauren smiled lightly, "open it and you will find out." she turned to walk out, I could tell she was feeling less than welcomed, she nodded to Kenzi, "It was good to see you again Kenzi." she them met my eyes with her soft golden brown ones, "Bo." she smiled and walked out, I sensed a strange vibe of defeat come over her as she walked out of the kitchen. I shook my head as I opened the manila envelope, shaking out the contents I looked down as Kenzi leaned over, "what it is in that box?" I said nothing and stood up, running out of the kitchen hoping to catch up to Lauren.

She was unlocking her car door as I shouted for her, "Lauren! Wait." I did absently take note that the doctor was driving a vintage mini cooper, with the giant British flag on top. It caught me off guard but did not distract me from my goal.

Lauren opened the door and looked at me, "Grace thought you were alone, I met her out here as she went to start her walk." she fidgeted with her keys.

"How did you get it? I lost it long ago during a rocket attack, all I had was the ribbon."

Lauren smiled lightly, "I pulled rank and was able to get the administrative office over in records get me a rush on getting your replacement. I also have some pull in the American armed forces, a general owes me a few favors." she looked at me, "The Navy Cross is not something you should stuff away, Bo." she leaned against her car, "Aaron is not an old boyfriend." as she said it, it was if she was confirming it to herself and not questioning me.

"He never was, never will be. He is, like I tried to tell you, a friend I thought who was dead." I folded my arms, "When he came into the library it was the first time I had seen him since that day." I cringed as the memory of that day was still fresh, more so now.

Lauren nodded, "I realize that now, I read the report and everything I found in with the access codes you gave me to your file." she looked deep into my eyes, "Not only are you an incredible doctor, but you are a hero. It makes sense why you are here at RNH and can do no wrong." her tone as she uttered the last bit was sincere and not a sarcastic attack.

I stepped closer to her, "I wanted to tell you, in the office. I want to tell you everything. That yes I do get some special treatment from saving the life of the Admiral's son, but it was also kept quiet for as long as I could because I didn't want any special treatment. That's why the file I gave you on day one was thin and full of holes." I closed my eyes as I shifted in my stance, the gravel crunching under my feet slightly.

Lauren pushed off the car, "I as horribly jealous in that split second he came into the room, scooped you up and kissed you like I wished I could." she pushed her hair from her face, "I was made at myself for getting jealous, I don't have you like I want to have you, we don't have anything that would justify my jealousy. I was angry at my reaction and maybe a little angry at you, for pulling out those feelings in me."

I phased out listening to her as soon as I heard I don't have you, "Do you want me?" I blurted it out, not paying attention to anything else Lauren was saying.

Her eyes flickered, staring at mine, she swallowed hard, as she whispered, "More than I can fathom."

I smiled at her nerdy speak as I rushed to her, grabbing her face with my hands pulling her into a kiss. I felt her arms wrap around me, pulling me close as our lips met in a slow, but hungry way. I pulled back, her face still in my hands as I whispered, "Stop running and you can have all of me." Lauren closed her eyes as a single tear fell out, she leaned her forehead against mine, "what is it about you Lt. Dennis that has me in such a state?"

I smiled as I gently kissed her again, "it is possibly the same thing about you that has me wondering the same thing." I felt her pull me into a hug, my head fit perfectly in the space between her neck and shoulder, "Lauren, I am not perfect, I am a veritable mess and I have the temper of a small child, but after seeing Aaron, you were the first person I wanted to tell about him and let out some of things I have had bottled up for so long."

Lauren held me tightly, "After this conference, let's work this out, figure out us."

I smiled and looked at her, "Are you sure?"

Lauren nodded, "I am sure." she bent down and kissed me gently, "I would love to stay, but Kenzi is staring at us through the window, if you are going to share the things you have been through, she should be the first."

I looked back and saw Kenzi pressed against the massive window in the front reading room, staring at us with a stupid grin on her face. She pointed at me with her fingers as if they were guns and held up the bottle of whiskey. I waved at her, "Yea, I think you are right." I stepped out of Lauren's arms, "Will I see you at the hospital tomorrow?"

Lauren shook her head, "No, I took the next couple of days off before we leave, I have to take care of a few things beforehand." she sighed and stepped back, gripping onto the car door, she looked as if she wanted to say something, instead she smiled and sat in the drivers seat. I watched her until she pulled out of the courtyard and drove off.

* * *

I walked back into the house and was bombarded by Kenzi, bouncing around as she asked me a million questions, "So, you guys kissed and made up? Are you going to marry her? Did you tell her that she makes your panties bunch up in all the right ways?"

I shook my head as I laughed, "We have agreed to work on things after the conference." I sat down and no longer felt the undying need to drink myself into passing out. I pushed the glass away and sat staring at the medal box and the brand new ribbon. I sighed as I held it in my hand, Kenzi bumped into me as she tried to sit on top of me, the whiskey she had downed was beginning to take effect.

She snatched the box out of my hand and opened it, "Oh boo, I was hoping this was some sweet I am sorry I am in lurve with you and am a dick earrings." she held up the medal, "What is this, Bo Bo?"

I looked at her, grabbing her in a half hug, "Lets go to the theatre room and I will tell you the story of how I saved the Admirals son."

Kenzi looked at me wide eyed, setting the medal down, "Wait, are you telling me you guys have a home theatre and never told me?" she pouted at me, "This is unacceptable."

I smiled and laughed as I kissed her cheek, "I had it put in a few years ago for Grace and her old movies, I forgot about it." I picked up the bottle, "Did you even hear what I actually said? About the Admiral's son?"

Kenzi smiled, "I lost track after you said home theatre." she looked at me softly, "These are going to be some rough stories aren't they?"

I nodded, "They are, but I want you to know where I was and what I did."

I did tell Kenzi as much as I could, how I was wounded and who Aaron was. She tried not to cry a handful of times, but eventually gave in when I told her about the things I saw on a daily basis, the good and the bad. I ended up breaking down and crying harder than I had since the day I left Dyson. It felt good to let it all out and finally share something with the people I loved so dearly. Kenzi and I both passed out after drinking most of the bottle and eating the kitchen empty.

* * *

I woke up in, what I thought was the middle of the night, sweating and feeling strange. I slid off the couch and walked down the hall to the bathroom, I couldn't remember if I had a bad dream or not. I was sweating and pale, even after splashing some water on my face and walking to my bedroom, I still felt shaky as I crawled into my bed. I shivered as I pulled the blankets closer to me, my drying sweat was making the room extremely cold. I felt my hands shake and I grabbed my phone, it was only a little past nine at night, I could still hear Grace milling about the house as her nightly routine demanded. I sent Lauren a quick text, "I wish you were here, I think its going to be a rough night." I hit send before I could talk myself out of asking for her help as I began to settle into what I knew would be a bad night. I was grateful that I had told Kenzi most of what I was holding, but it reopened long forgotten wounds, bringing my mind to the forefront of all the things I had ignored. I closed my eyes and fell into a shivering haze of a sleep, not hearing the phone or if Lauren replied.

I didn't know if it was minutes or hours later, I woke up with a start, a bad dream flooding my mind. I was shaking, colder than I had been when I passed out, I went to pull the blankets closer when I felt a warm body slid into the bed, followed by gentle but strong arms sliding across my waist, pulling me closer to the warmth. I went to pull the arms away, thinking I was hallucinating from the dream, when I heard her soft voice, "I am here, Bo."

I felt tears roll down my face as I pulled her arms closer against me, "Lauren."

"Sleep, Bo. I wont leave unless you want me too." She held me gently, it was immediately comforting to me, I felt my heart settling down with every second I could feel her arms around me.

"I don't."

I held her close for the rest of the night and eventually fell asleep as our breathing synced up, chasing away the lingering fears of my bad dreams.

I woke up the next morning alone. I rolled over to see the pillow dented from Lauren and it reaffirmed that she had actually come in the middle of the night. I ran my hand over where she had slept, swallowing hard at the simple gesture of her coming when I needed her. I rolled out of the bed and pulled on a sweater, staring at the empty spot. I closed my eyes as I felt my heart beginning to tumble fast just at the thought of the blonde doctor. I walked past my desk, smiling at the picture of Aaron and I, when I caught a note underneath it. I picked it up and recognized her messy but readable doctor's handwriting.

-Bo, I had to leave for a last minute meeting. I will call you later, if you need me. Just call me. Lauren.-

I smiled at the note and set it gently down, I walked out of the room and heard Grace getting ready for the morning, the smells of fresh coffee and biscuits woke me up even more. I had at least three hours before I had to go in to the hospital for the last day and half before I left for New York City. When I walked around the corner into the kitchen I found Kenzi guzzling coffee while she wore her giant sunglasses, she nodded at me, "Boozey bo, good morning." she grabbed at the biscuits Grace placed in front of her, "We can't do that shite again on a work weeknight. I have the biggest hangover and I have to meet with that pompous jerkface actor in that new Jane Austen movie, he thinks his shit doesn't stink and is made of gold."

Grace even laughed at the comment as she pushed a fresh cup towards me, "Ysabeau, I will have to agree. You are looking a little pale this morning."

I nodded and took the cup in my hands, "Yes, we should probably reserve the drinking to weekends." I took a sip and looked at Grace, "I feel okay, I just had a rough night last night."

Grace nodded as she piled breakfast foods onto a plate for the eagerly waiting Kenzi, "I know, I let Dr. Lewis in last night. She said you had called her." Grace looked at me in a way that said she was curious what that exactly meant.

Kenzi was about to make a comment when her obnoxious ringtone shattered the moment, she snatched her phone, "Kenzi here, what the hell do you want." she looked at me mouthing a question about the Dr. Lewis late night visit. I shrugged and smiled as I bit into a biscuit, "Alright, I will be there in twenty, but tell the jackass that if he flirts with me I will tell everyone in the magazines how he stuffs his pants to make his co-star look bigger on screen." she slammed the phone down, "Sorry, Bo, but I have to go deal with the mega superstar movie star." she scooped up the plate and looked at Grace, "I'll bring this back?" Grace nodded, "Take as much as you like."

Kenzi leaned over the counter and kissed Grace on the cheek, then looked at me, "we need to talk later, the late night doctor visit?" she waggled her eyebrows and planted an aggressive wet kiss on my cheek, "there better be some juicy details to share." she threw up a wave and hustled out of the kitchen, groaning as the morning sun hit her smack in her very hung-over face.

As soon as Kenzi left, Grace wiped her hands, "I am also fairly intrigued by Dr. Lewis coming last night."

I brushed it off as I ate, "It was work related, Grace."

Grace nodded and set her towel down, "The way she looks at you is not work related, my dear girl. When she arrived at the front door last night, there was worry etched all over her face. Then this morning as I offered her a cup of coffee to go."

I paused in mid bite, looking at my Aunt, "So Ysabeau, what is going on with you and the lovely doctor?"

**More to come! they head to NYC and who knows what will happen there! well i do, so give me a day or two to write it for you.**


	7. Chapter 7

I set down my fork, "We are becoming friends, Grace." I was suddenly nervous about my aunt confronting whatever it was Lauren and I were doing, it was a fumbling bumbling start to what I thought was a crush, but I could feel it blossoming into something more as Lauren surprised me.

Grace held her tea cup and raised her eyebrows, "Friends, I see." she took a slow sip, "Did I also mention that I have caught the glances you throw her way? Ysabeau, there is something between the two of you that goes beyond friends, co workers and the like." she set her cup down, "You know all I have ever wanted for you is to find happiness, complete happiness unlike what you found in that boy." she smiled as she referred to Dyson. "She is a lovely woman, polite and thinks highly of you."

I smiled as I stared at my plate, "Grace, you are embarrassing me. Lauren and I are, something, nothing? Everything? I haven't figured it out." I leaned over the plate, "All I know is that she is incredible, incredibly irritating at times, incredibly kindhearted, giving, beautiful, gentle and strong at the same time, and there is something about her that just snuck up on me and I am very smitten with her." I looked in my aunts eyes, "She is the first person since Dyson...no, she is the only person I have ever met that makes my heart beat faster whenever she is around me." I bit my bottom lip, "There is an incredible attraction to her, and more than anything she makes me feel safe." I smiled as I looked at Grace, "She came over last night because I did call her, I woke up with Kenzi and was having a bad night with my dreams. I don't know why I decided to reach out to her...but I did."

Grace nodded, "And she arrived." my aunt placed her hand over mine, "She was worried about you but would not tell me much of why she was at our doorstep." she patted my hand, "Dr. Lewis is already very different than your previous interests, but be careful, I don't want you to get hurt again."

I grabbed her hand, smiling, "I know Grace, but there is something different about Lauren that makes me want to try harder within myself."

Grace smiled nodding in a quiet agreement, but I could see on her face the ever present cautionary tale she once told me when I first met Dyson.

* * *

I went to the hospital that day to set up the interim instructor that would be teaching my students, I was excited and nervous to be heading to New York city with Lauren as well as the conference. In the back of my mind I knew I should address the letter from Dyson. I walked through the hospital after getting the other doctor set up with what the students were working on. I smiled as I walked past Laurens office, waving to Leeds as she waved with a smile back. As I dropped my hand, I caught a glimpse of Lauren in jeans and a white V-neck t-shirt, standing right inside her office. I stopped as Leeds bustled out down the hall with her hands full of files, I turned to go back and say hello to Lauren. When I reached the edge of the door into her office , I saw a beautiful brunette come from the other side of the office, pulling Lauren into a very intimate embrace, she was smiling as she said something to Lauren, making Lauren laugh. I could feel the jealousy rise as they parted, the brunettes hands resting on Lauren's forearms. I looked away and was about to leave before my jealousy activated my quick temper, I looked back one more time and caught the glimpse of a small blonde haired boy, that looked to be about five years old, run to Lauren and pat at her legs, grabbing her attention. Lauren smiled wider than I had ever seen her as the little boy held his arms up, asking to be picked up.

Lauren bent and scooped him up in her arms, it was apparent the boy and Lauren were close as he latched onto her neck, hugging her and laughing. I watched as the brunette moved closer to Lauren and they interacted in a way that resembled the way Dyson and I would interact, close, intimate, and definitely not just friends.

I swallowed hard and tore my eyes away from the scene and hurried down the hall to my office. Jealousy, confusion and even a hint of anger was running rampant through my body. I was suddenly doubting everything, wondering if I was rushing into something with Lauren. I closed my officer door and dropped down into my desk chair, staring at files trying to calm and justify, even rectify my feelings that were swirling around in my body like a hurricane. I couldn't convince myself that what I saw was family, the way the two women touched and looked at each other, belied that.

I took a deep breath, "Bo. Relax." I as reacting the same way Lauren had when Aaron burst into my house. We both had pasts, pasts that were waiting to be shared and revealed. I had to fight my nature and calm myself down before I reacted, and reacted poorly like I always had. When I told Kenzi everything about the war, i had begun to feel as if i was healing, i wanted to be different and controlling my temper was one way. But I knew though, in that instant, my feelings for Lauren ran deeper than I expected.

I pushed at the files, thinking of the things I had lingering in my past, the biggest one was Dyson. He would not have been such an issue if it was not for the letter I had received, I knew that he would be aggressive in searching me out in time, that he would want to know more about why I was in the war, and why I left without hearing him out. I sighed hard as I started busying myself with signing off on evaluations and other random paperwork I had let pile up, it took up the rest of my day. It helped in keeping my mind on task, and from running amuck in the pool of jealousy I was so perilously on the edge of.

In my room later that night, as I sorted through the clothes I wanted to pack that were not uniforms, I took a break and pulled out the letter from Dyson, rereading it. I knew I should have written him a reply or replied to him in some manner, anything, but I was too wrapped up in my bad dreams and Lauren to give it a second thought. I sighed, grabbing my phone, I called Lauren.

"Hi Bo." her voice was soft and gentle, I couldn't help but smile as the sound of it chased away the lingering feelings I had from earlier in the day. "Hello Dr. Lewis. I was wondering if you were free to come by later? I kind of want to talk to you."

Lauren did not pause, "I would love too, Bo, but I cant. I have a couple more things to take care of, and..." I heard papers shuffling in the background and I swore I could hear voices mixed in. "I am also about to walk out the door to head to the airport, Colonel Windsor wants me at the conference a day early, and my flight leaves in four hours. I will meet you at the conference hall as soon as you get settled. Leeds will have the updated itinerary for you in the morning."

I frowned, disappointment was creeping in, as well as a few other emotions, but I could tell that Lauren was busy and this was not a avoidance tactic. I took a breath, "I understand, but you must promise to let me take you to dinner at my favorite place in the city."

I could hear the smile in her voice, "I promise, it will give me a perfect excuse to skip some of the administrative budget seminars that was suggested I attend."

"I will see you tomorrow night then, its a date. I should be in the city by at least eight or nine, then we can have dinner."

"i will be there, Bo." I heard her shuffle more papers, and before she hung up, "Bo, if you need me. I will answer the phone, no matter what time it is." I whispered a thank you as both of us hung up.

* * *

New York City had not changed in the slightest in the years I had left. I stood outside the terminal trying to find the car that was sent for me. The sights and sounds of the city hit me hard and I felt so many memories flood back into my body, it was fall and nothing could beat fall in the city. The cool city air, mixed with the changing leaves, all amazing to my senses. Small memories of when I was a little girl running around Brooklyn all the way up to the last ones I had before I left the city for good. I was tired, the flight was long and delayed a few times due to the rain back in London. I did not need to call Lauren during the night, but I smiled as she was dead on replying to my texts or calls whenever my flight was delayed.

I fidgeted with my bags as a young woman in her dress blues ran up to me, "Excuse me, ma'am. Are you Lieutenant Dennis?" she looked at me with wide nervous eyes. I nodded, I was not in my uniform. I had packed it away and left putting it on until the last possible minute, "I am." I dug in my pocket and pulled out my identification, "I know you were expecting a uniform, but I hate flying in the thing."

The younger woman glanced over my ID card, smiling with relief, "I thought I was late and I had missed you, ma'am." she reached down for my bags, "I am Ensign Chelsea O'Neil, I will be your driver for the weekend." the woman hustled and placed my bags in the trunk of the plain black U.S. Government sedan. She held the door open for me as I slid in, "Commander Lewis said she will meet you at the hotel, the events at the conference are about to finish for the day."

O'Neil said very little as she expertly navigated the evening traffic and arrived at the hotel in record time. She helped bring my bags into the hotel and handed them off to a bellhop and rushed out of the hotel quickly. The elevator ride was quiet, the bellhop would sneak glances at me and smile whenever I caught him. He set my bags in my room, nodded and told me if I needed anything to call the front desk. I walked towards the window, dialing Lauren as I pulled open the curtain and smiling as I had the perfect view of Central Park underneath me.

"Commander Lewis, speaking."

"The eagle has landed, late, but I have landed." I pressed my hand against the window, looking over the massive expanse of the view.

"I was beginning to get worried about you." she pulled away from the phone and I heard her issue polite goodbyes, "i am walking out of the conference now, I should be back at the hotel in about twenty minutes, I am in the room next door to you."

I smiled wide, "perfect, I will get cleaned up. You still up for a dinner? I am starving and you can get me caught up on what to expect at this conference."

"I have been looking forward to dinner and seeing you all day, Bo." her voice dropped a little as I felt my smile widen. I hung up, forgoing unpacking anything and going straight to the shower.

A light knock on my door came exactly twenty minutes later, I opened it to find Lauren, in her uniform. I held the door open for her to come in, "you are prompt." I had just gotten out of the shower and was drying off my hair.

Lauren set her briefcase down and grabbed me in a unexpected hug, I wrapped my arms around her as she smiled, "I didn't want to be late." she leaned back in my arms, "I need a drink, as soon as possible. The conference is as boring as doctors can get." Lauren reached up holding a hand against my cheek, "I am glad to see you, Bo."

"me too." I leaned forward and kissed her quickly before pushing her away, "Go, change. Then I can take you to my favorite place."

Lauren nodded and grabbed my hand, pulling me after her, "Come, I will fill you on what to expect as I change, that way it will not ruin our dinner conversation." she walked to the door that joined the two rooms, pushing it open to reveal that the rooms were connected in a way that made it look like a large apartment. Lauren tossed her briefcase in a chair, her desk and bed were covered with files and random paperwork. I walked to the edge of the bed, "I am beginning to think you are a workaholic."

Lauren smiled as she unbuttoned her uniform jacket, pulling it off and laying it over the back of a chair. "I am, I cannot help it. Its something I have always been guilty of, work and loving to work as much as possible." she looked at me as her hands moved to her shirt buttons, "This conference will be interesting as they begin to get into the actual new procedures and techniques. " I watched her as she continued on about this and that about the seminars, and some of the things she was looking forward too. All I could focus on was that she was undressing in front of me and I could not move. She pulled her shirt off to reveal a very toned body, perfect breasts in a dark blue bra, the sight made me shiver, and swallow hard. She was stunning, and I felt a dull ache come over me. I wanted to rush to her, grab her, kiss her and remove the rest of her clothes. Wonder of what she would look like completely nude, was the only thought in my head.

Lauren walked over to the closet and I could not tear my eyes away from her, only breaking my stare as she pulled on a teal, fitted button up shirt, breaking the the haze i was in. She looked at me and suddenly blushed, "I probably should have excused myself...I forget things when I am rambling about medicine and science." I looked past her and out the window, "Um, it's okay, I um." I stopped, having nothing in my defense to explain anything other than that I was definitely staring at her. I smoothed out my own outfit of a grey tank top and tight black jeans, "I hope you are hungry for some of the best new York pizza you will ever have."

Lauren had turned away from me to finish dressing, I could still see her reflection in the window. "I am starving, I barely had lunch today." She turned back around and grabbed her jeans, she smiled and walked to the bathroom, "I'll just be a minute."

I smiled and as she closed the door, I let out the breath I was holding. This was going to be an interesting week, especially if I was this close to her the entire time. Lauren stepped out of the bathroom, she was gorgeous in her dark blue jeans and worn brown boots. She grabbed a leather jacket from the closet and walked over to me, "You ready?" I could tell she was still mildly embarrassed from stripping down in front of me. I nodded, "let me grab my jacket and we can go." I rushed to my room, grabbing my own leather jacket and held open the door for Lauren.

* * *

"This is a restaurant?" Lauren looked at me sideways as we stood outside the tiny, run down looking pizza shop I had brought her too. I smiled wide, bumping into her, "This is, one of the best in the world. I used to come here almost everyday after class for a slice, or a whole pie, depending on how bad the day was." I reached down and grabbed her hand, "Trust me."

Lauren raised her eyebrows as she let me pull her inside. We took a seat at one of the small booths near the back, my favorite spot to sit and eat but I could still look out in the restaurant and people watch. The waiter came to the table and I ordered a pizza for the both of us. Lauren smiled as I winked at her, "You will love it, I promise."

"This will be a first for me, I have not had a proper New York pizza in my life."

I opened my mouth in mock shock, "Dr. Lewis, you cannot be serious."

Lauren shrugged, "this is actually my first time in New York City."

I reached across the table and grabbed her hands in mine, pulling a smile from her, "Well, then I better show you around my hometown." I looked at her hands in mine, "I would love to show you were I grew up, Lauren." I took a breath as I felt her hands squeeze mine, I opened my mouth to tell her about Dyson and maybe ask her about what I saw in the office when the waiter came back with the massive pizza, setting it between us, forcing us to break our handhold.

Lauren looked at the food and at me, "This is a cardiac arrest waiting to happen, Bo."

I laughed, "It will be worth it." I pulled a slice off and held it out to her, "Take a bite and tell me what you think." Lauren was hesitant, then took a bite. I watched as she chewed, her mind working on the tastes, when finally she smiled, "it is amazing."

I threw my fist up in victory, "America one, England zero!"

Lauren shook her head, "I had no idea we were in a competition."

I smirked at her, "Winner gets a kiss from a lovely doctor." I blurted it out, I was being bold and had wanted to kiss her again for days. Lauren smirked back at me, standing up out of her chair, she leaned over, her face inches from mine, lips almost touching, "Then I forfeit immediately." she smiled closing the gap between us, kissing me. I half stood up from my seat to increase the contact, my hand going to the side of her face holding her as we kissed, slowly. I ran my tongue over her bottom lip, her mouth opening wider for me, our tongues gliding together as I felt my heart racing. We kissed until the waiter cleared his throat, "Uh, how is the pizza ladies?" Lauren pulled back, blushing as I laughed, looking at the waiter who was beet red and trying to look anywhere but at the two women kissing. "Excellent, thank you."

the waiter nodded and left us. Lauren fidgeted with her napkin, looking at her plate, "I could not help it, I have been wanting to do that for a little while now." I reached over and found her hand, "Me too." Lauren looked up and met my eyes, smiling bashfully, "You said there was something you wanted to talk to me about?" she picked up her pizza and took a bite. I shook my head, still caught up in the feeling of her lips against mine, "Later, after we eat and I show you some of the city. We can talk then." I didn't want to ruin the moment with drudging up pasts, I just wanted to enjoy dinner with the beautiful woman in front of me.

I stood in line at the corner drugstore, two cups of New York's finest coffee in my hands. Lauren was waiting outside, watching the city nightlife. The rest of dinner went amazing, we talked about our first years in med school, then we drifted into conversation about our favorite things, leading to me standing in the drugstore buying two cups of coffee from the same place I had bought a coffee everyday at on the way home from class. Lauren had never had American coffee like this and I was adamant to change her ways and thoughts on how a good, strong cup of coffee was the perfect thing on a fall night in the city.

I stood patiently as an older woman in front of me was buying her lotto tickets. I glanced out at Lauren, my smile stuck on my face as she was visibly enjoying what new Yorkers were like at night and knowing her, comparing them to Londoners. I also was enjoying the view of how beautiful she was when she didn't think anyone was looking. Her hair flowed around her as there was a slight wind, she pushed strands back, and smiled as a police officer stopped and chatted with her lightly. I could tell the police officer was thinking the same thing I was, and attempting to flirt with her. I turned back to the older woman in front of me, hoping to god she would hurry up or I would throw money over her shoulder and run out. I sighed hard and was about to say something to the slow moving barrier between me and the clerk.

"Bo? Bo is that you?" the deep, smooth voice made my heart stop. I kept my eyes on the woman in front of me, until I felt his hand on my shoulder, gently pulling at me, "It is you." I turned to look in the blue eyes and the wide bright smile that once had me so captured, Dyson looked at me as if I was a ghost, "Bo, I never thought I would see you here."

I swallowed hard and stared at the man I once loved standing in front of me, as the woman I was falling for, stood right outside.


	8. Chapter 8

**sorry for the bit of a wait, I was busy then just plain in need of a break. so I give you this semi large chapter with more to come, I will have more time in the coming days to work on the stories! Thank you all for sticking with me and holding strong to my small breaks of not updating! enjoy!**

I put on my best fake smile and shifted in my stance, "Dyson."

Dyson smiled and tried to initiate a hug, but I held up the two coffee cups to signal my hands were full. He nodded and stepped back, folding his arms across his chest. I took a minute to look at him, he still was very handsome, he looked happy as he held a large bottle of water and a small case of beer. "Bo, how are you? I had no idea you were back in the city."

"i didn't necessarily advertise it, Dyson." I looked over my shoulder and saw that the older woman had finally finished selecting her lotto tickets and moved from the counter, I smiled, "excuse me, I need to pay for these."

he kept his smile, "Is Kenzi with you? I have not seen her in years, how is she?"

"She still doesn't like you Dyson." it fell out of my mouth, quick and to the point as I dug in my jacket pockets for a few dollars.

Dyson's smile faded a little, "How long are you in the city, Bo? I would like to buy you dinner and maybe talk about things?" I could hear his nerves rising in every word, "You left so quickly, I never got to say sorry or explain things."

I turned to him quickly, "What is there to explain Dyson? I caught you with your pants down, very deep in conversation about your thesis..." I picked up the coffee cups as I heard the door bell tinkle as someone walked into the store. I moved to walk away when Dyson reached out and gently grab my arm, "Bo, please. Have dinner with me, I think it would be best for us to talk."

I closed my eyes and went to say something when I felt a hand come to the small of my back in a gentle, protective way, "Bo, are you okay?" Laurens voice was strong but gentle, I looked at her, my panic rising as my two worlds were on a slow crash course and I was in the middle, just as I had placed myself. Lauren was staring at Dyson as he was looking at her and me. He smiled at Lauren, "She is perfectly fine, I am an old friend of hers." he then returned his gaze to me, removing his hand and pulling out a card, scribbling on it then handing it over to me, "Call me, please." I took the card out of politeness, he set his items on the counter, "I had no idea about the apartment or your plans for me to meet your family." he reached out and placed a hand on my cheek, "I have missed you terribly, Bo." he was intently ignoring Lauren and obviously laying his claim on me.

I felt Lauren move closer to me, her hand pressing harder on my back as she looked at Dyson, "Hi, my name is Lauren Lewis, Bo's friend, I did not catch your name." she held out her hand in a very authoritative way.

Dyson looked at me and took Laurens hand, "Dyson Thornwood. I am also Bo's friend." He returned to ignoring Lauren, smiling at me, "What are you in town for and how long?" he was attempting to wrangle another attempt at getting me to talk to him.

I set my coffee down on the counter, grabbing at Laurens jacket, "Lets go." I looked at Dyson, "There is not much we have to talk about, you made a choice, Dyson. Live with it."

Lauren placed her hand on top of mine as it pulled at her sleeve, "We are here for a work conference, Bo and I work at the same hospital, can I ask how you know Bo?" her voice was curious and stern as she watched Dyson staring at me. I tugged on her harder, angry tears threatening to fall, "Lauren, please lets just go."

Dyson smirked, "I guess you could say that Bo and I were friends, lovers and I was her fiancé."

The look on Laurens face was enough for me, "You have not changed at all, Dyson, still a lying asshole." I turned and rushed out of the shop. The cool wind of the city night seemed to be on my side as it pushed me down the street.

I heard someone's footsteps come up behind me as I kept pushing down the streets, I felt a gentle hand on my elbow, trying to get me to stop. "Bo." Laurens voice made me shut my eyes tight, I stopped walking, "Lauren, I want to go back to the hotel." my voice was shaky and I was angry, trying my best to keep my temper at bay, I was two seconds away from running back to the shop and punching Dyson in the mouth.

"I'll get a cab." Lauren moved behind me to the curb, I looked at her as she expertly flagged a cab down. When the cab pulled up she held open the back door for me, when I looked in her eyes I could see a tremendous amount of emotion in them. She smiled weakly as I sat in the back of the cab, telling the driver the address for the hotel as Lauren sat next to me. As we started moving I stared at the drivers identification that was laminated into the seat in front of me, I swallowed hard, "He was never my fiancé. Almost was, but never quite made it that far."

Lauren kept her hands in her lap as she looked out the window as the cityscape passed us, "You don't have too."

I looked at her, feeling my heart tighten at the small sadness in her eyes, "No I don't, but I want too. I wanted too tell you when I got the letter from him a few weeks ago." I took a deep breath, "Dyson is my ex boyfriend, maybe a little more than just that. I did want to marry him, we were going to move in together and start a life together." it started to fall out of my mouth, I had to look away from Lauren.

Lauren now looked at me, her eyes meeting mine as I continued, "I caught him and his thesis advisor, in our bed and." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, "I joined the Navy the next day and tonight, just a few minutes ago, was the first time I have seen him or spoken too him in three years." I leaned my head against the window, "It was stupid of me to go back to the old neighborhood."

* * *

The cab stopped at the front door of the hotel, I opened the door and rushed out, throwing the driver a handful of cash, I wanted to get to my room as fast as possible, raid the mini bar and hopefully pass out as soon as possible. I walked through the front lobby, Lauren's silence in the cab had my mind racing.

I opened the hotel room door, and paused looking back at Lauren who had just exited the elevator. I took a breath and waited for her to come closer, "Lauren, I am sorry about tonight, cutting it short, but I didn't expect to see him and expect to feel like this."

Lauren nodded and pushed the door open for me, allowing me to walk in, as she closed the door, "He asked who I exactly was, when you walked out of the shop."

I threw my jacket on the floor, "I'm sorry, he's always been a bit controlling in that way, always having to know who my friends are..."

She cut me off, "I told him I was your girlfriend, Bo. He was saying some things about you that made me angry, it shut him up instantly." she smiled lightly as she pulled off her jacket and headed towards her room, "Thank you for dinner and the walk, it was lovely." Lauren smiled at me.

I stared at her, her words sinking heavy throughout my body, "My girlfriend?" my heart was pounding hard.

Lauren looked down, "It came out, I wanted to shut him up without punching him in the mouth." she shrugged, "I apologize if I made things worse with him, or upset you." she turned to walk back into her room, she seemed deflated and sad in that second. "Good night, Bo, I will see you in the morning."

I took quick strides after her, my heart doing all of my thinking for me, I caught her arm at the elbow and pulled her to stop, "Lauren, I am far from upset with you." she looked at me confused, "Dyson is the past, he broke my heart into a million pieces years ago." I took a nervous breath, "But you are the one who is putting it back together piece by piece." I dropped my hand from her arm, moving it to her face as I pulled her into a gentle kiss. When we parted, our eyes were locked, breaths mingling together as my heart began to pound even harder, Lauren took a breath and lowered her mouth to mine, allowing her lips to brush against mine for a second before giving me the tenderest of kisses, her lips moved over mine, she ran the tip of her tongue over them, making me moan as I opened my mouth wider, feeling my knees buckle I reached out and grabbed onto Lauren's hips. The grip I had, made her moan. It triggered a need in me, so deep that I knew I would not be able to stop or want to stop what I had just started.

I found her hand with mine and held her hand as I broke off the intense, slow kiss we were sharing. I said nothing as I took her jacket from her other hand and threw into her room, closing the door that broke up the hotel rooms, I whispered, "Stay with me tonight."

Lauren said nothing, her face flushed and I watched her swallow hard as I led her to the bed. I was nervous, it had been far too long that I shared a bed with anyone and the desire I felt for this woman in front of me, was exciting but nerve-wracking.

When we stopped at the edge of the bed, I pulled her closer to me, her hand rose to my face as she traced a single finger down my cheek, whispering in a equally as nervous voice, "You are so beautiful, Bo."

I smiled, "So are you, Lauren." I pulled her face to mine again, I held nothing back as we met, I took what I wanted without hesitation, our kisses were sensual and savage. Both of us sending clear messages that we both wanted each other and wanted each other now.

My hands began to roam over the woman, my hands threading through soft blonde hair that I always craved to touch when it was down and out of the formal bun she kept it in. My hands did not linger long, I ran soft touches down her arms with purpose, reaching her breasts that were still covered up by her linen shirt. I cupped one gently, reveling in the feel and the moan I pulled from Lauren, I gave it a gentle squeeze, aching to remove the clothing barrier immediately. Before I could do that, the need for air became to great and our lips were forced apart.

I smiled as I took the opportunity to start unbuttoning the shirt as fast as possible, I heard Lauren sigh as the cool air of the room hit her bare skin, I bent forward and kissed away the goose bumps that appeared. I felt Laurens hand tangle in my hair to hold me closer as I kissed at her collarbone and in between her breasts, my fingers running lightly over her stomach. I wanted to stay in this simple moment for as long as I could, Lauren was stunning. I stood back to push off her shirt, when I met her eyes, the look in them made my throat catch and my heart stop. It was a look of hunger and desire almost on the verge of exploding. It was all I could do not to tear the rest of her clothes off, my hands seemed to move on their own as I removed the soft white bra that kept me from the skin I wanted to touch and taste. As soon as the bra was on the floor, I swallowed hard at the sight of Lauren, topless in front of me. She took a step closer, grabbing my hand and pulling it up to her, placing it on a breast she leaned into me. "More, Bo. Please."

I bent forward, kissing her gently before moving my kisses down her neck, her shoulder and then to her breast. I covered her with my mouth, feeling Lauren arch into me, begging for more I gave her more. My heart was pounding in my ears as I took my time. When I felt her hands both tangle in my hair, holding my head and mouth, I felt my body reach a point I had long forgotten, I savored it for a moment until I pulled back suddenly, I wanted this to last. I stood up and stepped back from Lauren, "No...no. Wait."

Stunned, Lauren reached for me, her eyes filled with concern, "What's wrong Bo? Are you ok?"

I held up a hand, "Wait, just wait a second." I was trying to calm my breaths, settle my body from the brink of pleasure that it was about to fall off of. Lauren reached out for my arm, while she picked up her shirt to cover herself, "Bo, please tell me what's wrong." she took a breath, "If this is going to fast...I."

I looked at her and blurted out the truth, "Nothings wrong, I just...I almost came just now." I covered my face with my hand. "I had to stop, I want to make this last and..." I looked at her again, embarrassed.

Lauren half smiled, "You stopped, because of that." she took steps closer to me, smiling wider. She reached out and laid her hand against my cheek, "Look at me, we have the night." she dropped the shirt she had over her chest, and her hands went to my hips pulling me to face her, then she quickly pulled my tank top off, followed by my bra. Her eyes dropped to my breasts, stirring the desire in me even more, Lauren whispered, "Are you afraid of this? Us?"

I shook my head, "No."

She pulled me close against her, "Then let it happen." I smiled as my long ago advice to her was now returning.

Lauren pulled me over to the bed, lying us both down. She ran a finger lightly over my forehead, pushing away stray hairs, then down my cheek, and two fingers grazing my lips followed by her mouth, placing a soft kiss upon me. I sighed into the kiss, and my hands moving to her waist as I felt her hands find my breasts, caressing gently, pulling the breath from my body with each swirl of her fingers. I was distracted as her mouth covered my breast, her tongue finding my nipple, I had no idea where her hands where until I felt my jeans tugging down. I lifted my hips, helping her to shove my jeans down to give Lauren access to where I wanted her. I felt her smile against me, as her mouth returned to my breast. I gasped as I felt the palm of her hand push between my legs, I heard her mumble something at the feel of how wet I was, I pushed my hips down cuing her to slip her fingers inside.

I had to catch my breath at the intimate feel of how easy Lauren entered me, arching back I opened my legs and silently asked for more. I wanted to be owned by this woman, for the first time in my life I wanted to be owned completely in this way by anyone. I felt Lauren honor the request as I felt her fingers begin to move, it didn't take long for me. Her fingers were slow, steady but managed to hit the right spot every time. Lauren stopped for a second, pulling a angry moan from me she smiled. Kissing down my chest, my stomach she took extra moments, gently kissing the small pink scars that would always be a part of me. I swallowed hard at the feel of her lips against one of the few places on my body no one knew about. Laurens kisses moved down further, stopping just above where I wanted her. She settled between my legs and looked up at me, smiling wickedly she bent forward, kissing me so softly I had to hold my breath for a moment. I closed my eyes so tight as I felt her tongue move painfully slow over me, each stroke deliberate and tender. I had not made love to anyone like this or had anyone make love this slow and giving before. I clenched at the sheets beneath me and instinctively raised my hips to match Laurens movements until I felt an explosion of ecstasy wash over me. I cried out in the midst of the orgasm, I had not been intimate in years and the build up of ignoring the simple pleasures of being with someone, was now flooding through my body. Wave after wave of long forgotten pleasure rocked my body as Lauren moved back and allowed her fingers to guide me down from the waves of ecstasy she gave me.

I felt her hand leave me, moving herself up to lay next to me, I opened my eyes and looked at her, smiling wide, "you are amazing Dr. Lewis." Lauren grinned and looked down, suddenly bashful. I couldn't resist her like this, I rolled over on top of her, pulling her arms over her head, pinning them I looked at in her golden brown eyes, I could see in that instant the flicker of love. I bent and kissed the corner of her mouth, I heard her whisper, "I need you, Bo."

I smiled wickedly, letting go of her arms I sat up and making quick work of the last bit of clothing she was wearing, "I don't intend to waste anymore time." I laid back down, settling in between her legs I kissed her deeply, then moved my kisses deliberately down her body and as I kissed the inside of her thigh I looked up in her eyes, "You are absolutely perfect." I saw her swallow hard and her eyes glass over as I covered her with my mouth, pulling a large throaty moan from the doctor as her hips pushed forward deepening the connection I had to her. I closed my eyes as my tongue found her ready for me. As I pushed her closer and closer to release I realized one simple truth that radiated in my mind, I was completely in love with this woman.

* * *

The sun poking through the hotel window, stirred me awake. I reached over to the other side of the bed, and found it empty. The spot was still lightly warm from her, I frowned as I rolled over, looking for Lauren. We had made love almost all night, it was incredible to feel my body come alive at the simplest touches from the woman. I looked over and out the wide open window, the sun was bright and the city below seemed perfectly peaceful. I sat up, smiling as I felt alive, whole and so many other things. The bathroom door opened and Lauren walked out buttoning up her uniform shirt, she caught me staring and smiled. Coming over to the bed, she crawled over the end and towards me, kissing me deeply, "Morning."

I couldn't hide the smile, "Morning." I sighed hard and looked at her, "Why are you dressed." I laid back in the pillows, my memories going back to what was underneath the uniform she was now wearing. Lauren sat on the edge of the bed, "We do have some work to do, the conference starts in about three hours. I wanted to get ready and then wake you up." She smiled at me, her hand resting on my sheet covered thigh, "Can I take you to breakfast?"

I placed my hand on top of hers, "I would love to have my girlfriend take me to breakfast." I looked in her eyes intently, smiling. "is that okay too take that step now?" I ran my thumb over her fingers, feeling her squeeze my hand in hers, she smiled wide. "I would hate for anyone who heard me say that in the corner shop last night think I was a liar." she bent forward quickly and kissed me, standing up she walked to the mirror, pulling her hair up into the bun. I rolled out of the bed and walked up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist as I laid my head against her, "Thank you, Lauren." It was not what I really wanted to say, but a gentle fear held me back from saying what was in my head. I felt her hands cover mine as they rest against her stomach, I could feel her heart beat faster. I let her go and ran to the bathroom, looking back I caught a strange look come across her face. I shook it off as I hopped in the shower and smiled wide at all the little red marks she left on my body.

As I pulled up my hair, trying to tamed it into a presentable bun, I could hear Lauren in her room talking on her phone. I stopped as her voice seemed hurried and irritated. I walked closer to the door, picking up my uniform jacket and hat on the way. I sat on the edge of the bed, pulling on my shoes I could hear her.

"Audrey, I will be home in a few days. I told you this, I can't do much about it. My lawyer said the papers will be finalized next month and then we both can go move on, I am sorry I got you involved in all of this."

I heard her pause, "Audrey, not now. I am going to hang up on you if you don't stop. I have work to do, I will call you later to check up on things."

I felt my heart stop as I heard Lauren issue a quick goodbye and sigh hard as she dropped her cell phone onto the desk in her room. There was a shuffle of papers as she shoved them into her briefcase. My mind was drifting to the beautiful brunette I saw in Lauren's office, mildly wondering if that was Audrey.

I stared at the wall, as Lauren walked out of her room setting her briefcase down she turned to me, smiling wide, "Are you ready?"

I looked at her, my smiled could not be contained at how ridiculously amazing she looked in her dress blue uniform. It instantly chased out the thoughts of who the mysterious Audrey was. The crisp white shirt, with the black jacket begged to be torn off, her ribbons and rank showed her off and I had a simple thought that I would have to make the most of tearing it off of her later when we came back to the hotel. It blurted out, "God you look so sexy in that uniform."

Lauren blushed and pulled at her jacket, "You don't look so bad yourself, the Americans sure know how to make their women equally irresistible in uniform."

I looked down at my own dress blue uniform, I had it tailored when I came home from the war. It no longer fit properly from all the weight I loss and it just wanted to feel a little more like a lady. I smiled and stood up, slipping on my jacket. "I am starving, where are you taking me for breakfast Commander?"

Lauren closed the space between us and placed her hands on my hip as I buttoned up the jacket, "There is a small diner across from the hotel, the food is amazing and we won't be out of place in these costumes of ours." she bent forward and kissed me gently, making me melt a little in her arms at the simple, delicate feel of her lips on me. I sighed hard as she leaned back, looking down at my jacket she smirked and brushed her fingers over my ribbons, "I am glad to see this one made it on here."

I looked and saw her fingers brushing against the new ribbon she had gotten for me, I reached up and held her hand against my chest, our eyes locked, "I should give it to you..."

Silence fell between us, the air was thick with what we both wanted to say but couldn't. Lauren gently pulled away, taking my hand in hers she motioned to the door, "Lets go, I want to enjoy breakfast with you before we have to return to being doctors for the day."

I smiled and let her lead me out the hotel room.

I devoured the giant stack of pancakes and eggs I had ordered, I was hungrier than I expected and the food was delicious. The small diner was half full, dotted with others in military uniforms. We went unnoticed as we sat in the back of the diner so we could talk and not gather too much attention. I was having a hard time focusing on anything Lauren was saying, only thinking of how badly I wanted to see her naked again as flashes of the night before filled my head. She looked at me over her cup of coffee, "Bo, are you paying any attention to what I am telling you?"

I shook my head, she had been trying to fill me in on the conference. "I am only paying attention to how badly I want to get you out of that uniform again."

Lauren blushed as she set her coffee down. I laughed lightly and reached for her hand, "Can I take you out to dinner tonight? A real dinner, no pizza and not in my old neighborhood."

Lauren looked at me, her eyes flickered what could only be jealousy as I knew she was thinking about Dyson. She took a steady breath and smiled, "Can we go to Times Square, have dinner down there?"

I smiled wide, "Dr. Lewis, I had no idea you were a tourist."

Lauren laughed, "I really am not, Times Square has been something I have wanted to experience since I was little, all of the lights, the sounds and the people. It intrigues me, its such a draw to people and I want to know first hand why." she picked up her coffee cup, "Then maybe you can show me where you grew up? I want to learn more about you, and where you actually grew up and got that terrible accent of yours."

I smiled wide, "Anything you want, Lauren." the look in her eyes filled my heart.

Laurens phone rang as it sat on the table, we both looked at it, I could see Audrey in the lit up screen as it vibrated around the sugar canister. Lauren sighed hard and hit the ignore button, picking up the phone and dropped it into her briefcase. Before it disappeared, I caught sight of the lock screen and the picture of Lauren and the little blonde boy, hugging and smiling. Lauren then waved at the waitress for the bill, "We should head over now, get you signed in and start the meet and greet."

I wiped my mouth pushing the plate away, I grew bold, "Who is Audrey?"

Lauren took the bill as the waitress handed it to her, she dug around in her wallet for money, "She is not anything I want to talk about, right now." It was as if she was a bank and I was a robber, the security walls in her went up in an instant. Lauren threw enough money down to pay for at least three breakfasts and stood up, grabbing her briefcase she smiled at me, "Ready?"

I stared at her for a second and nodded slowly, sliding out of the booth I could feel the cool front swing in. Neither of us made any moves to hold hands as we did on the way in, we walked in a strange quiet over to the conference hall. Inside the lobby it was a sea of doctors and uniforms. Lauren escorted me to the registry and I heard her phone ring again, it was Audrey again. Lauren clenched her jaw, "Excuse me."

She took a few steps out and I could not hear what she was saying as the registrar was telling me about this and that. I watched Lauren, I could tell the conversation she was having was tense, her body was tense and she stared at the floor, her brow furrowed. I turned back to the packet I was being handed as Lauren hung up and came my way. "Sorry about that." she smiled at me, "All set?"

I nodded, as she placed a hand on my upper back, "Then lets get this started."

Two steps into the massive hall and Lauren was bombarded by a French Lieutenant and a Canadian Colonel. Both doctors who were eager to meet her. I took a step back as I looked around the hall, suddenly aching to run out and have a drink, I did not do well in settings like this, where everyone's ego was filling up the room like hot air balloons. I went to take a few steps to the catering table to get a bottle of water when I heard the French Lieutenant ask Lauren a question, "Commander Lewis, I would love if you would take some time and maybe speak in front of the group about your groundbreaking field tourniquet techniques, the Caravan method has saved many of my soldiers out in the field. How did you ever come up with it?"

I turned to look at Lauren, bashful as she smiled at the compliment, she began telling the man how she came up with the technique as I stared at her. I had been taught the Caravan technique in my Combat Medicine training, I had used it myself many times to save limbs and lives. I had only know that the doctor who developed it had developed the technique specifically for the desert, hence why it was called the Caravan. IT was to keep the wound free from sand and other blowing grit that was coming in the middle of a desert as well it was faster and more effective in stopping the bleeding. It truly had saved more lives than I could count.

I moved to Lauren as she was in full blown doctor mode, excitedly talking about the next innovative procedure she was working on. It all clicked in my head, how Lauren had achieved her rank and status at the hospital. She was truly brilliant.

She glanced over at me and smiled, looking at the two men she motioned me over, "I would like you to meet my colleague, Lieutenant Ysabeau Dennis. USN." the two men turned to me and smiled, shaking my hand, "Lt. Dennis is quiet a remarkable combat doctor, I have learned an immense amount from her in the last few weeks and days that she has been at my hospital." I caught a gentle smirk that I knew went beyond just medical and military talk.

"Thank you Commander Lewis, its been equally as stimulating for me." I smiled and looked at her, "I had no idea that you were the woman behind the Caravan technique."

The French Lieutenant took the cue and began to ramble on about Lauren and all of her other discoveries over the years to military medicine. I would glance at her as he prattled on about some of the blood transfusion processes she had refined, the work she had been doing on a new heart medication that would replace three with just one pill. I was oddly getting turned on and couldn't help myself as I brushed my hand against her as it sat at her side. I caught her glance and smiled even wider as she simply linked her pinky finger in mine. It was small and unnoticeable to anyone but us, and it made my heart swell.

After about twenty minutes of medical talk, I felt a hand on my shoulder, "Excuse me, Lieutenant Dennis?" I turned to see the smiling face of the young Navy woman who had picked me up at the airport, Chelsea. I smiled, "Hello, O'Neil, what's up?"

She smiled wider at the unprofessional way I interacted with her, "There is someone up in the lobby asking for you." she motioned for me to follow her. I looked at Lauren, "I will be back in a few Commander Lewis." She smiled, laughing at the formality we had to use in the presence of others, "I will be here or in the seminar room, we have that field sanitizing lecture to attend."

I nodded, taking the quick opportunity to run my hand down her back, making her push into my hand at the contact. I then followed O'Neil to the lobby.

She walked up to a tall man in uniform and when he turned to look at me, I smiled, "Aaron! What are you doing here and in that monkey suit!" I walked into his open arms, hugging him tightly.

When he set me down he motioned over his shoulder, "Dad is here too." he motioned to his father. Admiral Williams walked over as I held out my hand to shake it. He smiled wide and scooped me up in a hug as equally strong as his sons, "I think a hug is better suited for this moment, I don't care about protocol Lieutenant."

I blushed as I looked at Aaron, "Why are you two here?" I was trying to hide my embarrassment that I was just hugged by the highest ranking Naval officer in the building, one that everyone in the building knew exactly who he was.

Admiral Williams stepped out of the hug, tucking his hat under his arm, "We are here for you, Lieutenant, and that is also why you are here." he looked at Aaron, "I have pulled some strings and we are here to present your promotion to Lieutenant Commander as well as presenting you with your formal discharge papers, the award ceremony before lunch is why I am here." Admiral Williams pulled out a envelope, "You will be free from this man's Navy completely, with full honors in two months." he looked at me, "Of course if you want it, I would be more than happy to have you stay with us and at Bethesda Naval hospital for another four or so years."

Aaron grabbed my hand, "I wanted to be here for you after Dad told me about it, Bo, you are going be free and clear in a few months." he smiled wide, "No more uniforms, no more desert, no more saluting." he laughed, "The things you all wanted as we drank warm beer on the top of Humvees."

I met Aarons blue eyes, I was mixed with emotions, it had been all I wanted while I sat in the desert nights with him. I loved my job as a doctor in the Navy, but I wanted nothing to do with the politics or anything else that came with being a officer in war. I was proud to have served my country, it came in the first few weeks I was in my unit, the feeling of the pride I felt overtook the guilt I felt for just joining up to run away from my broken heart. I had a purpose out in the war and in the military and it was what brought me such strength now. I glanced at the envelope and then at the Admiral, "Can I think about it? I mean its such a surprise, and I."

I heard Laurens voice behind me, "Ensign Williams, its nice to see you again." I saw the Admiral wave off a salute as Lauren came up next to me, he held out his hand instead taking the hand Lauren offered him, "Commander Lauren Lewis, Royal Navy, it is an honor to meet you sir."

Aaron looked at Lauren and back at me, smirking as I could tell her knew instantly at the close proximity of Lauren and I that things were different between us. Admiral Williams lit up, "Dr. Lauren Lewis? I have heard of your work, would mind if I ask you a few questions about the budgeting work you have done for RNH? I could use some advice on my own budgeting problems."

Aaron smiled at me, winking, "Lieutenant Dennis, you mind stepping outside with me for a minute? I could use a smoke."

I laughed, Aaron did not smoke but it was our code phrase to sneak some time away with each other when one of us needed to talk. I looked at Lauren, who was already engaged in talking with the Admiral. I grabbed Aarons elbow and let him lead me out to the front courtyard, I took a deep breath of fresh air, as he slowly walked to a bench that facing out on a the rest of the old building the conference was being held in, he smiled wide at me, "You two, the good Commander and you. Dare I say that you both have a glow about you that would suggest something beyond co workers now?"

I sat down next to him, looking him over in his uniform, "You look really damn handsome in that thing, Aaron."

he laughed and wrapped and arm around me, "Stop deflecting me, and you know you have no chance in hell with me." he kissed me on the cheek, "So, share. Have you and the blonde broken protocol?"

I sighed, "What makes you think that?"

He cocked an eyebrow at me, "The way she looks through your uniform, like she knows exactly what every inch of you looks like naked." he nudged me, "spill it."

"Yes, we um, broke protocol last night, and we are, I guess dating." I leaned into Aaron, "We kind of fell into it, I saw Dyson last night and she stood up for me when he was being himself, the possessive jerk he was when we dated."

Aaron smiled, "Did she punch him in the stomach or the balls?"

I laughed, "Neither, just told him she was my girlfriend."

"And is she?"

I nodded lightly, "This morning we decided to try for it." I looked at him, "Aaron, I think I am in love with her."

he smiled and patted my shoulder, "I could tell that the moment I saw you in the library. What about her?"

just then I heard a voice, asking about me. Aaron and I turned to look down the courtyard. I tensed up as I saw him walking away from a young petty officer, Dyson met my eyes and was taking long strides towards us, "Fuck."

Aaron stood up, as Dyson moved closer to the bench, acting like the big brother he had in the desert. I stood up as Dyson smiled, "Bo."i watched as his eyes roamed over my body in the fitting uniform I was wearing.

I moved to stand closer to Aaron, "Dyson, how did you find me and why are you here?"

He kept his wide, irritating smile on, "It really isn't hard to find a Navy doctor in the city during a major military medicine conference. Plus that blonde you were with last night told me about the conference." he laughed, "She also told me she was your girlfriend." I watched as he looked at Aaron as if he was nothing to be worried about. Aaron was only an inch shorter than Dyson but I knew he had three times the strength and it would increase if he felt I was threatened.

I clenched my jaw, "Why are you here Dyson." I looked around, "I am working."

Dyson held onto the bag around his chest, "I want to talk to you, you ran out on me again, and I think I deserve to at least find out why you ran from me, other than the obvious." his arrogance was enflaming me.

Aaron stepped forward, "Bo is right, you should probably leave."

"Excuse me sailor, but this is between her and I." he shot Aaron a look that irritated me more. I stepped forward, I had to end this with Dyson so he would finally leave me alone. "Look, if I give you ten minutes, will you promise to leave alone and stop bothering me?"

"What if I take you to lunch?" he looked at me, he was always trying to bargain with me. I shook my head, "I have a lunch date, with Aaron and my girlfriend inside. You get ten minutes and nothing less." I looked hard in his blue eyes, watching as the word girlfriend caught him deep.

I walked past him, "Lets talk over here." I motioned to another bench that was a little further away from the front doors. I looked over at Aaron, he smirked at me and winked, he sat back down on the bench and I knew that one flick of the finger and Aaron would be at my side.

I sat down on the bench, moving away from Dyson as he sat next to me a little too closely. He started as soon as he set his bag down, "You look amazing in that uniform." he was trying to flirt with me.

"Dyson, just tell me what you want." I stared hard at him.

"You, Bo, I want you back. I always have, but you disappeared and made it difficult to find you. Until I ran into your old roommate and they told me you were in the Navy. The only place I could think of was your home in England. I sent a letter months ago, then I see you last night here." he looked at me and tried to reach for my hand, I folded my arms up. He sighed, "I am sorry for what happened, I didn't know how much I loved you until I lost you."

I shook my head, "Isn't that how it always is?" it came out dripping with sarcasm.

"Bo, I am serious. I miss you and I want you back, I want to be with you and marry you. You are the only one I ever want to be with and I know that now, clearer than ever." he looked at me and I could tell there was some sincerity in his eyes. But I had moved on, years ago and in the last few months with Lauren, there was no room for Dyson in my heart or my life.

I shook my head, "I am sorry Dyson, but I have moved on."

He laughed lightly, "Oh that's right, the blonde is your girlfriend." he shook his head, "how can she ever give you what I have and can, I never knew you liked women." I knew what he was implying, and it pissed me off.

I stared at him hard, "I don't like women, I love that one woman, Lauren."

He met my eyes, "you are in love with her?"

"More than I ever was with you." I stood up quickly, holding a hand up to Aaron as he rushed to stand up. "Dyson, there will never be us again. So please, leave me alone and move on."

When he looked at me I could see passion and anger fill his eyes, he stood up, grabbing his bag. He slid it over his shoulder and then looked at me, stepping close he whispered, "She can never give you and love you like I did."

I opened my mouth to say something when he grabbed he sides of my face, pulling me into a rough kiss. I tried to pull at his arms, to get him to stop, but he was too strong. The kiss was longer than I wanted and rougher than I liked, especially after kissing Lauren and how soft her lips were against mine. I finally pushed Dyson away and stared at him, I was about to haul off and strike him when I heard footsteps running towards us, I turned to look at Aaron trotting towards me and then I caught Lauren right behind him, frozen in her steps looking at me dead in the eyes.

Aaron stopped next to me, staring hard at Dyson, "Listen here, shitbag, you need to leave before I get even angrier."

Dyson laughed as I stepped back to be next to Aaron, I was so angry I wanted to cry, I turned to look at Lauren, I had to go to her. I knew she had seen Dyson kiss me. She was already walking towards us and Dyson smiled as he saw the determined blonde, "I bet she never kisses you like that."

It was in a blink of an eye, Lauren pulled back her right arm and landed a perfect, hard, right hook to Dyson, dropping him to his knees. I heard Aaron utter a "Holy shit." then look at Lauren. She stared at him as he began moaning, she then looked up at me, her eyes full of tears. I went to go to her, she held up her hands, the right hand red and swelling from the punch she landed. She backed up and took quick long strides to O'Neil who was standing outside the front doors smoking. She had seen most of what happened and was staring. Lauren and her spoke for a minute, then she ran towards the parking lot. Aaron pushed me to go to her, "Go, get her before she leaves. She saw you two kissing, I will take care of this dick." he motioned to Dyson who was now sitting up cursing.

I nodded and ran towards Lauren. The black sedan with O'Neil in the drivers seat pulled up as I reached her, Lauren opened the back door. "Lauren, wait. He kissed me and I couldn't stop him."

She looked at me hard, and said, through a teary voice, "I was about to give you my heart, maybe I was wrong about this. I need to be alone for a little while, Bo." Lauren paused as a tear fell, she sat in the back seat. Motioning to O'Neil to drive away.

I swallowed hard, shutting my eyes tight I let the tears fall out. I heard Aaron come up next to me, his footsteps clicking on the cement. "The asshole is gone, embarrassed and walking his stupid ass home. He is going to have quiet the black eye in the morning, the good doctor has a mean right hook." he looked at me, "Bo, are you okay?"

I shook my head and grabbed him in a hug, bury my face in his chest to hide the tears that were free flowing, "I think I just lost her, Aaron." I felt him wrap his arms around me, "Nothing is ever lost, you just have to find it. She loves you Bo, a woman who hits like that, only does it out of love."

**More to come!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Not quite sure what i was doing here...it just flowed and it adds to the impending drama i intend to create...so who knows if it makes much sense. but enjoy! i may dump this chapter later for something completely different...**

Aaron managed to calm me down and get my composure back. I tried to call Lauren a couple of times, but no answer. As Aaron and I walked back into the front doors, O'Neil walked in behind us, I cornered her and asked where Lauren had gone.

O'Neil looked around, "She had a personal emergency, I took her back to the hotel. That is why she came outside in the first place, she asked where you were then saw you...over there." she stopped, visibly nervous about discussing what had just taken place.

I looked at Aaron, "I have to go to the hotel."

he frowned, "I know, but we are about to this presentation for you, I don't know if we can necessarily leave my father hanging." I could see that he was right, I was stuck in the middle. I sighed hard, "Your father is going to have to forgive me later, I have to go to Lauren."

I squeezed Aarons arm and went to grab O'Neil to drive me to the hotel when I saw a yellow cab pull up to the cub, Lauren stepped out the back. She looked frazzled but still professional. Aaron looked over my shoulder, "Go."

I walked over to her and met her at the door, she caught my eyes as she pushed through the door, "Lauren, we need to talk, please."

Lauren was short as she spoke, "I don't have the time. I need to tie up some of the things here, then I am going home." she pulled at her jacket. I could see something was bothering her, I reached for her hand, noticing that it was turning purple and had swollen up from striking Dyson, "Lauren, are you okay?"

She said nothing, looked me in the eyes and walked away from me. The walls were up as well as the cold front. I watched as she walked into the one seminar hall, disappearing into the sea of uniforms. I felt Aaron come up behind me, "Bo, the presentation is about to start, lets get this over with and then we can get your girl." I looked up in his blue eyes, nodding slowly.

The presentation was typical military, I was presented with my promotion and my distinguished service medal. Admiral Williams told the entire conference of my tale of gallantry as Aaron sat next to me, a firm hand on my knee, trying to keep me calm. I looked through the crowd, trying to find her. I finally spotted her as I scanned the back of the room. She was leaning against the back wall, watching me intently as the Admiral went on and on. Our eyes were locked. I felt Aaron squeeze my hand, I looked at him with tears in my eyes, he had caught Lauren also, standing in the back. I looked back at her and she was gone, a round of immense applause filled the room, all of the people in the room giving me a standing ovation. Aaron helped me up and pulled me into a big hug, whispering, "As soon as this is done, we go talk to her, I will vouch for you that Dyson forced the kiss." he held me at arms length as I nodded. As soon as I shook Admiral Williams hand and took the obligatory picture, Aaron and I ran off the small dais as the next presentation started.

We found Lauren talking to one of the main moderators of the conference, telling the older Colonel that she would have to leave the conference early due to a personal emergency back home, I walked over to them just as I heard her say that I would be staying to finish out the conference as a representative of RNH. Aaron and I waited until the Colonel and Lauren finished, before he stepped to her, "Excuse me Commander Lewis, can I have a moment to speak with you?"

She was caught off guard by the smooth voice and turned with a slight smile that faded when she saw me, "Bo, I have left the itinerary in your room, you will have to attend some of the seminars for me."

Aaron looked at her, "Listen, cut the formal crap, Lauren." Lauren looked at him with wide eyes, "What you saw out there was some scruffy jerk trying to force Bo into a kiss. I watched them the whole time, Bo here." he reached back and grabbed my elbow gently pulling me closer into the conversation, "Told him to piss off and that she had a girlfriend. You. She was about to get up and leave when he lunged, I was three steps away from tackling him, but my bum leg slowed me down." Lauren looked at me, then at Aaron, I wanted to grab her. I swallowed hard, trying to keep the fear out of my voice, "I tried pulling Dyson off of me, I told him that I no longer loved him or will ever love him, that I only love y..."

Lauren held up her hand, "Bo, don't. Don't say something you can't take back." she was about to say something else when her phone rang, she pulled it out, a extremely pained look came across her face. She answered it and turned away, "Audrey, I am on my way home, try and do what you can until I get there." she hung up and gripped the phone, she bit her lip, "I need to grab my bags and head to the hotel." Lauren looked at Aaron and I, "I appreciate you both clearing up the Dyson situation, but I have to go." she was so closed off to us, she turned and walked out of the doors.

I didn't need to have Aaron urge me on, I ran after her as she flagged down one of the other drivers. I grabbed her upper arm, "Lauren, what is going on? Who is Audrey?" I was getting irritated and frustrated that she had run me through the ringer for what she saw with Dyson, and yet I was kept at an arm's length with this mysterious caller who had Lauren so upset.

Lauren kept her eyes on the young driver who was running for the black sedan, "I told you this morning about that Bo."

"Is she the brunette I saw in your office before you left England?" I kept my hand on her arm as I felt her tense up.

She looked at me, "Why were you snooping around my office?"

"I wasn't, I was walking back to my office and I saw you in there, I wanted to sneak in and say a quick hi and goodbye to you, when I saw the beautiful brunette and you, and the little boy." I looked in her golden brown eyes, "Is that Audrey? Is she an ex girlfriend?" I wasn't about to let go of the hold I had on her arm, and I was going to push for answers. I took a breath, "And who is the little blonde boy that I saw, the boy in the picture on the phone."

The black sedan pulled up just as Lauren gently pulled her arm from my hand, she looked harder into my eyes as tears rimmed them, "The little boy, Jack, is my son and I need to get home as soon as possible before I lose him."

It was as if a frying pan hit me across the face, I was stunned as she went to open the back door. I snapped out of it quickly and ran to the other door, sliding in with Lauren. She didn't make a move to ask me to get out, she just told the driver to take her back to the hotel. There was an awkward silence as I thought back to when I saw the little boy in her office as well as the quick glimpse of the photograph, he did look a lot like Lauren. I broke the tense silence, "Is he okay? Is he hurt?" I kept my voice low, so as not to bring the attention of the young driver.

Lauren kept her focus on the phone in her hand as if it was about to ring at any moment, "He is perfectly healthy." I could see that she was looking at the photograph on the phone. I placed my hand on her leg, "Tell me about him."

the car stopped suddenly, the young driver hopped out and opened my door, "The hotel, ma'am."

Lauren opened her door and slid out, she told the driver to wait for her as she grabbed her bags. I could tell she was wrapped up in something as she walked with a quick purpose towards the elevator, I had to jog slightly to keep up with her. As the elevator doors closed she leaned against the back wall, "Jack is my five year old son, yes. The most important thing in my life and I am flying home to because I am about to lose him to his fathers family."

Strike two of the frying pan, I swallowed hard, "Father?" I paused thinking about the previous night and I could not picture Lauren in any way being with a man. She looked at me, "I know what you are thinking, but no, it is not like that. Jacks father, Robert, was my best friend in college, kind of like Aaron. I had been single for years and wanted to have children, being a doctor never really provided much for a stable relationship, especially in my position and rank. I was getting older and as a doctor I knew that my body was on a slow ticking clock. Robert had always joked that if I ever needed a donor, I finally took him up on it one day." she paused, "I met Audrey when I was two months pregnant." Lauren leaned her head back, "I guess we were in love, but the stress of everything after Jack was born led us to separate. She is still very much in love with me and its gotten worse over the last few months as I work through fighting for Jack."

I stood silently as I listened, I wanted to wrap her up in a hug and never let her go, "Is Robert trying to take Jack away from you?"

Lauren took a breath as the elevator opened up, she took hurried steps glancing at her watch. I followed her to the hotel door, she pushed it open, "Robert was killed almost a year ago in a transport helicopter crash, he was a rescue diver for the Royal Navy." Lauren paused at the edge of her bed, "His family has been fighting to take Jack away from me for the last six months. I have had shared custody with his family for the last six months, due to their last legal battle. I get him on weekends and I just recently filed my own appeal to have him completely. Audrey is a lawyer, sadly the only lawyer I could afford to do this extensive work for me, she has been helping me get the paperwork and legalities in order." Lauren walked to the closet and started pulling out her bags, "They feel I am an unfit mother, that I cannot properly take care of him as a doctor and a officer in the Royal Navy that is also at war." She threw her bag on the bed, "The biggest thing is, his parents have always hated me since they found out I was gay, but put up with me because of Robert."

I reached for her, "Lauren, I will go back with you, help you in anyway I can."

She clenched her jaw and shook her head, "No, I don't want you involved with this, it's been messy and brutal." she looked up at me, "When I saw you with Dyson it hurt me more than I expected. I have always been tentative to let anyone in my life because of Jack and the mess with this battle, my son has been pushed and pulled for the last year and used to get to me." she sighed, "I wanted you to meet him when we got home, Bo. To know some of my secrets." she started pulling off her uniform, "I got a call from Audrey at the conference that the judge had approved that Jack be placed with his grandparents permanently and I would have supervised visits, I ran out to find you. I punched Dyson because of my anger at the phone call and that I could not bear to see anyone touch you like that." She looked at me, a tear had escaped and slid down her face, "Audrey has filed a temporary stay order, but I have to be in court first thing tomorrow to fight the decision."

I couldn't help it, I pulled her into my arms, holding her until I felt her break and start to sob, "He is the most important thing in my life, I couldn't bear to lose him." I felt her arms wrap around me, I held her as she sobbed, "Lauren, I will go with you, I can make some calls. My family is connected in more ways than anyone can imagine."

She pulled back out of the hug, shaking her head, "No, I have to do this on my own." She turned back to her bags. "I am sorry Bo, about earlier, what I said. It was all too much at once."

I moved to stand in front of her, reaching up to wipe away tears, holding her face gently so she would look at me, "No, no apologies, but I want to finish to what I was going to say before you told me not to say something that I cannot take back." I stared deep in the golden brown eyes that had captured me from day, "Lauren Lewis, I love you. I will never take it back, I will never want too." I ran my fingers over her cheek as more tears fell, "Let me do something, anything to help you and your son."

Lauren held my hand against her face, closing her eyes, "I will call you when I get home." she pulled my hand from her face and kissed the palm. She walked into the bathroom to change her clothes, I felt my heart twinge, I did not expect her to tell me she loved me too, I had to say it in that moment before she ran off again. I finished packing her bags for her and set them by the door, as I as waiting for her to come out of the bathroom I made a quick call home to Grace, asking her to send me all of the family lawyers information. I hung up as Lauren stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in jeans and a pullover sweater. She looked tired. I picked up her bags, "I will walk you down."

She nodded slowly as her phone rang, "Audrey, I am leaving now, I will see you at the airport." Lauren hung up and walked down the hall. I helped her with her bags as the young driver waited patiently. Lauren turned to me and tried to smile, "I will call you when I land, hopefully by the time you come back. This will all be sorted out."

She moved quickly and grabbed me in a hug, holding onto me tightly I could feel her heart pounding as she whispered, "I do want to give you my heart, Bo." she pulled away, kissing my cheek she whispered, "I love you so much it scares me." Lauren turned away from me, sliding into the back seat of the sedan before I could say anything else. I watched the sedan until it melted into the strings of New York City traffic.

I went back up to the hotel room, I stood in the doorway breaking up the two rooms. Staring at the bed that was still unmade from our night together, my mind was still wrapping itself around all that Lauren had told me. She was a mother, she had a son and it slowly made sense why she was so hesitant at times to let me in. It wasn't just her she was keeping protected. I sat on the bed, placing my hand on her pillow as I called Grace.

"Ysabeau, what is it my dear? You sounded frantic earlier."

"Those lawyers you sent me, will you get a hold of a couple of them. Then give them Laurens contact information." I sighed as I pulled the pillow to my lap.

"I can yes, Can you tell me what is happening?" I heard Grace open a desk drawer and the slow creak of the old desk chair as she sat down.

"Lauren has a son, the fathers family is trying to take custody away from her and her lawyer is not doing as best as she could." I sighed, I had no jealousy towards Audrey, I only felt that Audrey's emotions could be clouding her focus. "She should be landing late tonight, if you can have one of the best lawyers we have meet her at the airport, anonymously, I would appreciate it."

I heard the quick scribbles of my aunt, "Noted, are you coming home Ysabeau?"

"No, I have to finish up the conference here and then I will be leaving in two days." I had to stop, my heart was pounding at the thought of Lauren going through this alone, I knew that if I had forced myself to go with her, it would have not gone well.

I gave Grace a few more final instructions and hung up with her. I laid back on the bed and stared at the hotel ceiling, I had no desire to return to the conference at all. I set the phone next to me and stared at the envelope Lauren had left on the side table. I reached for it when I heard the knock on the door, I stood up and opened the door. Aaron was standing there, still in uniform but his tie was pulled off to the side. I held the door open for him as I walked to the window, "Lauren is on her way back home."

Aaron closed the door and walked over to stand with me as we both looked out onto Central Park in the late afternoon sun, "Are things between you two done?" he asked softly, afraid to hear the answer.

"She has a son. His grandparents are trying to take him from her."

Aaron let out a breath, "What the shit."

I looked at him as I pulled him into a hug, "I know, she told me everything in the elevator and as she packed her bags, I offered to go home with her. She doesn't want me to get anymore involved."

Aaron held me close, "What do you want too do, Bo?"

"i want to go home, stand by her side as she fights for her child. I already have Grace sending our lawyers to help out. I have the money and the resources, I will do anything I can for her." I leaned forward and pressed my head against the cool glass, "i told her I loved her."

Aaron stepped back and took a seat in the chair by the window, he reached into his pocket and set my new rank insignia on the table next to the chair, "You forgot these, my Dad absolutely adores you."

I glanced over at the gold oak leaf as it wobbled on the table, "And your point is?"

Aaron smiled, "How bad do you want to leave this conference? He can make it happen tomorrow, and you will not get into any trouble by your bosses." he held up his phone, "Give me the word, and I will have you on the morning flight back to England."

I smiled at Aaron, "Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

He shrugged as he dialed his father, "Only a million times Bo, only a million times."

* * *

The next morning I sat next to Aaron as O'Neil took me to the airport. His father was able to pull me out of the conference, giving me a short leave of absence as part of my promotion. It was a total bullshit excuse, but who would question an Admiral. The ride to the airport was short and quiet, I had only received a text from Lauren when she landed, but nothing since. I was beginning to get worried as the hours passed.

Aaron and I said our goodbyes in the terminal, I hugged him harder than I ever had before and he made me promise that when I was discharged I would come back to New York for a proper celebration with him. I agreed and kissed him on the cheek, telling him to feel free to punch Dyson again for me if he ever crossed paths with him, Aaron laughed and pushed me on my way.

The flight home made me restless as the hours slowly ticked by, Grace had called me as I was about to board, letting me know the lawyers had been sent on their way and with the instructions I had given her. When the flight landed I was greeted by Grace and Kenzi as they both leaned against Kenzi's beat up BMW. Kenzi scooped me up in a hug, "You better start talking, I know that look on your face. You and the blonde doctor are in lurve."

I smiled, "Later, Kenzi." I held my hand out to Grace, pulling her towards me for a hug. "Thank you for getting things in order quickly, have you heard anything."

"Not yet, my dear. But it is still early." Grace smiled and motioned to the car, "Lets get you home, you look exhausted."

We drove home, I told Grace and Kenzi about my promotion and that I would be discharged in two months time if I wanted. Grace smiled wide, "Oh I do hope that you take it, it would be nice to have you home and never in that uniform again."

Kenzi looked at me as she drove, "I can totally get you a job at one of the studios as a consultant, the pay is ridiculous and you work when you want too."

I smiled, "I have not made a decision yet, it depends on Lauren." I looked out the window as Grace asked, "And what is going on with you and Lauren?"

I took a deep breath, "We are together, as of two nights ago. She told Dyson that she was my girlfriend when I ran into him in the old neighborhood."

Kenzi almost killed us all when she slammed on the brakes, "Whoooooa, the scruffy faced asshole found you?"

I nodded as I glared at her, "yes, you can keep driving as I tell you. Lauren and I were walking around the city, I stopped to get us some coffee and he was there. He has not changed in anyway, he was being a jerk and she came to my rescue. I thought that was it until he found me at the conference and kissed me, which ended up in him getting punched in the face by my girlfriend."

Kenzi laughed, "I knew there was something about the good doc I liked." she winked at me, "So if everything is peaches and vodka with you too, why are you here and all mopey?"

I took a breath, "Because." I leaned against the window, "She won't let me in to help her."

Grace reached over and squeezed my shoulder, "It is a huge part to let someone in the life of a child, especially when its your child. She loves you, Ysabeau, its apparent. She is trying to make room for both of you in her heart." Grace sighed, "Shame on the grandparents for trying to take her child from her."

Just then her cell phone rang, "It's the lawyers." Grace answered the phone and chatted for a minute, her face was covered with worry and she nodded, issuing polite thank you before hanging up. She looked at me in the rearview mirror. I turned to look at her, "What did they say."

Grace sighed, "Lauren has lost custody of her little one, the grandparents were awarded full custody with limited and supervised visitations for Lauren. John, our lawyer, is going to re-file the appeal and begin preparations to sue for full custody on Laurens behalf. It appears her lawyer had misfiled a few documents and the judge was a bit of stickler for that."

I swallowed hard, "How long will the appeal take?"

Grace frowned, "John said up to a year, it is a real mess. The grandparents had a better lawyer, more resources and more clout with this particular judge." I turned back to stare out the front windshield as Grace continued, "Lauren has forty eight hours with her son until he is place into the custody of his grandparents."

I said nothing as we drove the rest of the way home.

* * *

When we got back to the manor I called Lauren and left her a message. I unpacked my bags then sat with Grace and Kenzi as they went on about random things. I wanted to go to her, but realized I had no idea where she lived and how I could find her without breaking the trust she had placed in John. I sat, curled up in a ball as I half listened to Kenzi's latest story. After checking my phone for the four hundredth time, it rang. I jumped off the couch and ran out into the hallway, "Lauren, hi."

Her voice was tired as she spoke, "Bo, I want to thank you for sending John, he is truly amazing and has already done so much." I heard her take a breath, "it was just a bit too late."

"No, it's not, John is going to fix things, he has already set to work on new paperwork." I began pacing, "And don't worry about his fees, he is doing this as a favor for me." I ran my hand through my hair, "Are you okay?"

there was a pause, "Do you want to meet him?" her voice was shaky. My pacing stopped, I held my hand over my heart, knowing exactly what she was asking, "I do, only if you want me too."

"I will text you my address, can you be over soon? He goes to bed in a couple of hours."

I could hear the little voice in the background playing, "I will be there in a heartbeat."

Lauren hung up and two seconds later I had her address in my hand. I ran past Grace and Kenzi, yelling at them where I was headed. I threw on clothes and ran out of the house, rushing to the old MG that was in the garage.

* * *

The address Lauren gave me was a few streets over from the manor, in the small town that bordered the edge of the massive expanse of land where the other manors dotted the green hills. I had been in the town many times in my life, it made me wonder if I had come across Lauren before. I found her house easily, it was a small older cottage like house. White walls, with old wooden crossbeams that seemed to brace the house as ivy crept all around it. I smiled at the cozy feeling the house gave me as I stepped out of the car. Laurens mini cooper was in the driveway and I smiled wider as I saw the small play set and sandbox in the backyard.

I took a steadying breath and walked to the front door, knocking on it lightly I heard small footsteps run to the door as Lauren softly called out she was coming. When she opened the door, I could see how tired and defeated she was, yet she still offered me a warm smile. "Hi, Lauren. I hope it isn't too late."

She smiled, "I sent the text less than ten minutes ago, Bo."

I went to say something else when I saw a small blonde head poke out from the side of Laurens legs, bright blue eyes peered at me. Lauren reached down and picked the boy up and held him, "Jack, say hi to my friend Bo."

Jack smiled as he laid his head on his mothers shoulder, he was slightly shy as he said, "Hi Bo." his tiny English accent was adorable.

Lauren looked at me, "This is Jack, my son." I stared at the little boy as he looked at my cautiously. He looked almost exactly like Lauren, only dotted by features that I was certain that came from his father. I smiled to put the little boy at ease, "Hi Jack, its nice to meet you."

He smiled wide, and buried his face in her hair. Lauren turned to walk back in the house, "Come in, Bo."

I closed the door behind me and looked around her house, it was in pristine order as I would expect from her. Bookshelves lined most of the living room, medical texts, literature and children's books lined the shelves. As Lauren set Jack down, so she could pick up his random toys I smiled as I saw pictures of her and the little boy, playing, laughing. There were a couple of her in her uniform standing with, who I could only assume was Robert, both were holding baby Jack as the smiled wide. I was caught up looking at the pieces of Laurens life, when I felt a little hand tug at mine, I looked down to see Jack pulling at me, "It's snack time, we are having peanut butter and grahams, want some?" he looked at me with the same softness his mother did. I smiled wider, "lead the way." The little boy nodded and pulled me towards the kitchen were Lauren was setting down the snack plate.

I helped Jack to sit on his chair, pushing the plate towards him so he didn't have to reach, I watched him eat in such a determined manner, exactly like Lauren. "He looks so much like you, Lauren." I turned to look at her as she leaned against the counter, she would not tear her eyes from the boy. "I know, he also takes after a lot of my OCD habits, his father tried to break him of it for years." she smiled as she set the towel in her hand down.

Jack suddenly giggled as he said my name, "Bo, Bo, Bo. Your name is funny." he handed me a snack, "Want one?"

I took it gently and thanked him as he began to chomp on his second peanut butter graham, "Are you mummy's special friend? Like Audrey was?" he looked at me with inquisitive eyes.

I glanced at Lauren, who smiled and answered for me, "She is, Jack. Very special." Lauren met my eyes as she said it.

Jack smiled and giggled, "She is pretty, mummy. I like her."

We watched as Jack finished his snack, sliding off the chair and grabbing the plate, he took it to Lauren. Then asked, "Can I go watch cartoons?"

Lauren nodded, "For a little while, its almost time for bed. Remember, we are getting up early tomorrow to go to the zoo and the park, before I take you to your grandmothers." Lauren's tone changed as she finished the sentence. I saw her jaw clench as she tried to keep the emotion from her son.

Jack smile wide and ran out into the living room, expertly navigating the television remote to his favorite cartoons, before flopping on the couch, pushing himself into the soft cushions. I watched him for a moment before I turned to Lauren, "Thank you for letting me meet him."

Lauren busied herself with the dishes, putting them into the dishwasher, "i had wanted you to meet him when we came back from New York City." she closed up the dishwasher, "Then things changed, and I thought it was best for you to meet him now, before I lose..." she stopped as tears welled up.

I stood up and went to her, turning her to face me as I wiped away tears, "Lauren don't cry, don't let him see that." I held her face, "How did the grandparents win this."

Lauren leaned into me, "Audrey screwed up a lot of the paperwork, the grandparents were able to sway the judge that I was a bit of an absentee mother, with the hospital and all the out of town meeting is would take. I tried to prove that whenever I had Jack, I was with him. It was easier when Robert was alive, he lived three doors down and we had a perfect schedule. One happy family with whomever we were in a relationship with." Lauren looked at me in the eyes, "It's mainly Roberts mother, feeling that I am corrupting her grandson, it doesn't matter that I am undoubtedly his mother." Lauren stopped as her eyes fell onto Jack as he bopped his head to the cartoon music. "She had made it so I will not see him more than a few hours a month, and is working on making it so I can never see him unless she approves it." She swallowed hard, "Which may mean never..."

I pulled her into my arms, "I, we will make this right. I promise you, John will fix it." I felt her arms wrap around me. "Bo, why are you doing this for me?" it was a raspy, whispered question. I could feel in the way that she held me, she was defeated and on the verge of giving up.

I leaned back in her arms, "Because I love you, Lauren. You should never have to question that." She looked in my eyes, as silence fell between us. I took her hand, lacing my fingers in hers, "Lets go watch some cartoons and I will help you put him to bed." She smiled and nodded, I bent forward, kissing her gently.

* * *

The three of us sat on the couch, Jack in between Lauren and I as we watched cartoons. Jack was a curious boy, extremely intelligent for his age, he would tell me stories about his toys and ask me questions. If I was a sailor like his mummy and dad, if I liked to color, why I had a funny accent, a million questions that I answered that made Lauren smile as her son was taken with me. He eventually sat in my lap and fell asleep as we watched the end of his cartoon movie. Lauren stood up to take him from me, I shook my head, "I got him." I stood up, carrying the little blonde boy as he snuggled into my chest, sleeping peacefully. I followed Lauren to the small room near the back of the cottage, it was a typical little boys room. Stars on the ceiling, boats on shelves, drawings on walls and toys in bins. I smiled as I saw the random kids science and medical books on the small desk. Lauren turned to me, taking the boy from my arms she sat him down on the bed, gently trying to wake him up. "Jack, we need to get your pajamas on."

The little boy peeled his sleepy eyes open and nodded, he began pulling off his shirt as Lauren held out his Alien patterned pajamas. The boy was quick to change and quick to roll into his bed. Lauren pulled up the covers and kissed him on the forehead, "Goodnight, my love, I love you more than the moon and the stars." Jack held his arms out to his mother, and in a very practiced voice, full of love for his mother, "Goodnight my heart, I love you more than the oceans and the air." he kissed his mother on the cheek and then looked at me, "Goodnight Bo Bo Bo!" he giggled as he said my name.

I laughed lightly, "Goodnight Jack."

Lauren tucked him in as he looked at her, "Can Bo come with us tomorrow? I want to show her the lions." His eyes with hope that his mother would agree to a tag along for their special plans.

Lauren looked at me, I smiled, "I would love it if you showed me the lions." I glanced at Lauren as she kissed the boy again, "Sleep now, and in the morning we will make French toast."

Jack smiled and buried his head into his pillows and soon fell asleep. Lauren took a moment to look at him as I left the room. A moment later, I heard the door click softly behind her.

"I should head home." I folded my arms, feeling suddenly very awkward.

Lauren closed the space in between us, placing both of her hands on my face as she pulled me into a kiss. It was soft, gentle, but full of so much emotion. It took a moment for me to catch up and place my hands on her side, when we parted, "Stay, please. Jack would be very upset if he woke up and you weren't here to have breakfast with him, he is very taken with you."

I ran my hand down her arm, settling it on her wrist, "He is an amazing little boy, just like his mother." I ran my thumb over her pulse, "And yes, I will stay." I felt my heart pound hard for this woman.

Lauren, kissed me again, "I am also very taken with you." she looked in my eyes and I could see how true her words were. She sighed and walked towards the other bedroom door, she pulled out a pair of linen sleep pants and a t-shirt, handing them too me. "I am going to wash up." she motioned to the massive bed in the room, "There are extra pillows over on the chair." she walked past me and into the bathroom. I changed quickly as I looked around the room. Lauren's room was very sparse compared to the rest of the house. Her bed was massive, there was a small desk pushed against one wall, covered in paper work. There was a dresser, a closet and a small couch off to one side. On top of the dresser was pictures of Robert, Jack and her and it looked like it had been taken recently. I moved to the side of the bed to crawl in it when I nudged the desk chair, the top of the chair hitting a stack of papers, making them tumble to the floor. I bent down and started picking them up, trying to sort them and put them back in order. I set a handful of papers on the desk and reached for the lone folded paper still on the floor. I saw a watermark that was familiar too me. I flipped the page open and saw it was from the Royal Navy.

My eyes quickly caught key phrases, I swallowed hard as I began to read the full letter.

Commander L. Lewis,

Your transfer request of immediate active duty has been approved, in one weeks time you are to report to the Manchester duty station for deployment readying. The below is the duty station of your choosing and the rest of the instructions will be given to you at the deployment briefing. The hospital has agreed to your leave in lieu of your request to move to the front.

We appreciate your service and willingness to serve on the front lines.

I read the bottom of the letter, and saw it was signed by a Rear Admiral whose name I did not recognize, it was also co-signed by Colonel Windsor. I caught where she had chosen to go, it was a unit that was close to the one I had just left, in the heaviest area of combat and one of the busiest field trauma units. I looked at the date and it was dated yesterday. "Lauren, no. You don't want this."

I heard the bathroom door creak open and I quickly folded the letter up, shoving it back onto the desk I climbed into the bed.

MORE SOON!


	10. Chapter 10

**It's late...i was inspired. so i wrote this...forgive any minor mistakes...its late.**

I heard the bathroom door creak open. I quickly folded the letter up, shoving it back onto the desk I climbed into the bed. I laid flat on my back, looking at Lauren as she pulled her hair up in a pony tail, she was wearing an old t-shirt and boy shorts. I could see her thoughts were overcrowding as she furrowed her brow like she did when she was deep in her paperwork. She pulled back the blankets and slid in, I didn't move. She rolled over and immediately wrapped me up in her arms, laying her on my chest.

I let out a sigh, my eyes going to the thin sheet of paper on her desk. I wanted to ask her about it, but I knew it was not the right time as I felt her lay her head on my chest. "Bo, thank you."

I ran my hand over her arm that was across my stomach, "I should thank you, for letting me in." I swallowed hard, I was not tired and I knew if I did not distract myself, I would blurt something out about the letter, "Will you tell me about Robert?"

I could feel her smile against my chest, "Robert was my best friend, amazing man. Caring, intelligent, my at times unwanted bodyguard. I met him my first year at University and he tried so very hard to get me to go out on a date with him. Eventually he picked up that I was more interested in my female lab partners than I was the dashing, handsome man Robert was. He moved past wanting to date me and into that of a big brother, he was so very protective of me. We became inseparable and he was the closest thing I had to a family while I was in school. We even joined the Royal Navy together, we both needed money to pay for school, he chose rescue diving. He was always the hero, helping others, donating his time in the hospital I had my residency in. Robert wanted to make a difference, like me." Lauren moved and sat against the headboard, her eyes moving to the picture that was across the room, "I jokingly told him that he would make a great father for my children if I was ever to find a woman to settle down with, one that could tolerate the schedule of a doctor. Fast forward a few years, a few disastrous relationships and I was single for a couple of years, I wanted to have children and knowing full well the biology of a woman close to her thirties, I decided to have one on my own. I started planning to go to the donor centers, sifting through applicants, when Robert volunteered. He said we would make a beautiful baby together and he had no issues with whatever decision I made in regards to his place in the child's life."

She looked at me, "No, we did not do things the traditional way." I found myself smirking at the thought she knew I was going to ask about. "I became pregnant and then I met Audrey, like I had told you earlier. I thought we were in love but when I had made the decision to co-parent with Robert, she always felt odd about our close relationship. Robert was amazing, we were like two parents on different shifts. Jack was raised to understand that I was his mother and Robert was his father, but we were not like normal parents. Jack was happy, and was never bounced around. It was truly a modern family, Robert had an amazing girlfriend that was completely understanding of the situation, Audrey, well Audrey had issues, as did Robert's mother. She always had a gentle distaste for me the moment she met me and realized I was gay."

Lauren fidgeted with her hands until I grabbed one, holding it to still her nerves. She covered it with her other hand, "We were happy, healthy. Then Robert's helicopter crashed while he was on the last evac of his four month deployment overseas. As soon as his body came home, his mother began the fight for Jack. Completely ignoring the will Robert had set up, that Jack would remain with me because I was his biological mother." Lauren took a large breath, "It was difficult enough to explain to a little boy that his father was not coming home, then try to explain why suddenly he had to spend time with his grandmother every weekend with some strange person watching over us."

I could see the tears in her eyes well up, "Robert's mother turned vicious, brutal, and spiteful in her fight for her grandson." Lauren closed her eyes as a tear made its way down her cheek. I reached up and brushed it away, "Lauren, the lawyers you have now will fight for you, fight for Jack and they will win." I pulled her hand closer to me, "I will be there too, as long as it takes."

She turned to look me in the eye, "Tomorrow after the zoo, I take him to her house. I won't see him for another month, a supervised four hour visit. After that its another month, John just showed me the preliminary paperwork she has already filed to bar me from Jack completely, I have no idea how to explain this too him." She choked out a sob, "I'm tired Bo, I have fought so hard for so long, and I lost."

I pulled Lauren into my arms and held her, "We keep fighting, I am with you Lauren. I love you too much to watch you go through this alone."

She held onto me tightly, saying nothing. With every breath she took, every gentle squeeze she gave me, I could feel her slowly giving up the fight. She was tired, worn down and defeated. I swallowed hard, knowing exactly how she felt. It was the same thing that sent me running into the arms of the Navy and into the respite of the desert. I held her until I felt her breathing slow down, knowing she had finally fell asleep I closed my eyes, drifting off as I thought about the letter and how I would bring it up in the morning and talk her out making the same mistake I had.

* * *

That night I dreamt of the war. It was not anything specific like my other dreams always were. It was nonetheless vivid, I could feel the heat of the desert, smell the sand, the hot wind, the strange mixed smells of blood and metal. I could hear the sounds of transport helicopters, soldiers and doctors yelling, and the sharp clangs of medical equipment being used in a hurried, panicked way. I felt like I was on autopilot in the dream, running from one gurney to another. Mildly cringing as the usual explosions rocked in the distance, I finally woke up in a panic as the dream me finally gave up and fell to my knees, curling up in a ball and crying, yelling to at the world around me to stop.

I was breathing heavily and sweating, I looked next to me and saw Lauren was still sleeping. I was thankful, it meant I had not screamed or yelled in my sleep. I closed my eyes as I steadied my heartbeat before getting up and out of the bed. I pulled the blankets back as I stood up to go to the bathroom, I needed to cool down and try to walk off the shivers and the shakes that lingered from the dream. I crept out of the room and down the hall to the small bathroom. I ran cold water over my face and looked in the mirror, when I looked in the eyes of my reflection, I saw what I never wanted to see on Laurens face. A tired, worn down, broken woman. Broken by a war that was merciless. I took a deep breath, I would do everything I could to make sure she stayed as far away as she could from it, even if it meant sacrificing the love we had for it.

It took me a few moments to calm down, I left the bathroom when I began to shiver slightly from the sweat drying. I walked quietly back down the hall to the bedroom when I heard Jack's door open slightly. I glanced and saw his little blonde head poke out the crack, he whispered, "Bo?" he asked it reassuringly instead of questioning it was me.

I smiled and crept back to his door, kneeling down to look at him eye level as I whispered, "Hey you, yea it's me, Bo. You should be asleep."

Jack half smiled, "I had a bad dream, I thought you were mummy, why are you up?"

I looked at the floor quickly, "I had a bad dream too, I can go wake your mummy if you want me too."

Jack shook his head, opening the door, "Mummy doesn't sleep a lot. I always hear her up late when I go pee. She needs rest, she's been sad lately." he held his hand up to me, "Will you sit with me? Until I fall asleep?"

I looked up in his little face, it was impossible to say no to him. "Sure." He grabbed my hand and pulled me to his bed as he climbed into it, he pointed to the other side. "Mummy usually sits her with me."

I climbed onto his little bed and half laid, half sat next to him as he snuggled down into his bed. He looked at me as I tried to take up all the room, "What was your bad dream about, Bo?"

I looked at the little boy as I pulled his blankets up closer for him, "I had a bad dream about my old job, that I was still there and it was terrible." I sat my hands in my lap, trying to figure out how to word my dream about the desert to a little one.

Jack frowned at me, "Was your old job scary?"

I nodded, "It was, but I don't have to do it anymore." I took a breath, "What was your bad dream about, Jack?" I diverted the boy's questioning.

Jack frowned, "Monsters, monsters came and took me away, and I couldn't find mummy anywhere." he gripped at the small teddy bear that had been on top of his pillow. I let out a breath, I knew the boy was more aware of what was going on with his mother and grandmother than Lauren wanted to believe.

I ran a hand over his hair, "Well, you know your mummy will always be there for you. When I was your age and I got scared, I would close my eyes real tight and think of my mommy. I would think of her in her favorite dress, smiling at me like she did when I came home from playing in the park. Arms ready for a hug and a big smile on her face. When I did that, everything stopped being scary and I knew, no matter what, my mommy would always be there for me." I smiled at the little boy as he listened intently at my story, I had always done that when I was little until Grace came for me. I then started picturing her, even when I was in the desert and things were heavy and horrible, I would close my eyes and picture Grace in her perfect sweaters, perfect skirt, smiling at me as she did every day I came home from anything, her arms open for a hug. It centered me, knowing that no matter what I did, or what happened, Grace would always be there. I smiled at Jack, "Try it, close your eyes. Think of your mummy, waiting for you, arms ready for the biggest hug you can give her."

Jack closed his eyes tight, holding his teddy bear close to him. I tried not to laugh at the fierce, determinate face he made that looked exactly like his mothers when she was determined. After a few moments, Jack opened his eyes and looked at me, smiling as he whispered, "It worked Bo, I don't feel scared anymore."

I smiled, "Good, it will work every time, I promise Jack." I went to go stand up and leave the little boy when he rolled over and wrapped his little arms around my waist, snuggling up into me as his mother just had a few hours ago. "I like you Bo, you are nice." I had no idea what to do, I felt guilty if I tried to escape, but I also felt awkward. AS my mind went through the possible escape routes, I heard his soft snores as he had completely fallen asleep against me. I sighed and grabbed the afghan that was at the edge of his bed, pulled it over me and swung my legs up onto the small space of the bed. I would wait it out until Jack moved again.

* * *

I didn't realize that I had passed out a few minutes after Jack until I heard the bedroom door creak open, I opened my eyes quickly to see Lauren standing in the doorway, smiling at me. I looked down and saw Jack sprawled out on his stomach, face buried into his pillow, sleeping hard. I could tell that it was early morning by the soft sunlight that was seeping through the curtains in the room. I slid off the bed as slowly as I could without disturbing Jack. I covered him with the afghan I had used and walked over to Lauren, I opened my mouth to say something and she waved me off. I walked out of the bedroom and headed to her bedroom, shivering from the cool air in the house.

I heard her close the door behind me as I shivered, I looked up at her, "Sorry, I had a bad dream in the middle of the night and when I was on the way back from the bathroom, Jack was up and I went to check on him. He also had a bad dream and asked me to sit with him, he didn't want to wake you up." I was softly rambling, thinking that Lauren would be upset. "I passed out..."

Lauren nodded, stepping closer to me, "That was obvious, the two of you were snoring in unison." her voice was steadier than it was when she fell asleep on me earlier. I smiled at her, "I do not snore."

She nodded, "Oh yes you do." Lauren sat on the edge of the bed, grabbing my hand and pulling me closer to her, "You are cold, come back to bed. He won't wake up for a couple more hours."

I looked at her, the letter was at the forefront of my mind. I took a breath, letting her pull me back into the warm bed with her. I laid on my side as I felt her snuggle up into me, we fit almost perfectly together. I held her hand as her arm draped across my stomach, she kissed my shoulder and asked, "What was his bad dream?"

I ran my thumb over her fingers, "He dreamt about monsters." I left the last part out, I didn't want to upset her anymore. Lauren pulled me closer, "I woke up and you weren't here, I was worried you had left in the middle of the night. That I had scared you off."

I rolled over to look at her, my hands going to her face, "Lauren, nothing will scare me off. Even if you had thirteen kids, I would stay."

She leaned forward and kissed me on the lips, "When I went to check on Jack, and saw you there. He would only let me or Robert stay with him, Audrey tried when he would wake up in the middle of the night, but Jack would always make her come for me."

I searched her eyes, she smiled, "It means my son loves you as much as I do, Bo." Lauren kissed me again, deeper this time and I could feel how much she did love me as she pressed her body closer against mine. We kissed until I heard little footsteps in the hallway, and the doorknob being turned. I broke from the kiss, Lauren smiled, "Prepare for a sneak attack."

I laughed as I saw the little blonde head run in the door and climb up on the end of the bed, Jack hopped and landed on his mother. "Wake up! Its time to go to the zoo!" Lauren scooped him up and showered him with kisses and tickles until they were both tangled up in a massive hug. Jack smiled at me as he sat in her arms, "Mummy, Bo taught me a trick to stop being scared."

Lauren looked at me with a raised eyebrow, "Oh she did?"

Jack nodded eagerly, "She told me whenever I feel scared, I close my eyes and think of you and how much I love you. It chases the monsters away." Lauren looked at me as her eyes turned glassy as she smiled at me. I grabbed her hand in mine, looking at Jack, "What are you making your mummy and I for breakfast? Pancakes? Eggs?"

Jack giggled, "I don't know how to make pancakes, Bo! Bo!"

I started laughing as Jack sounded exactly like Kenzi whenever I tried to get her to do her share of the pancake making. I furrowed my brow at him, "I think today is the day you learn, good sir."

Jack giggled more and pushed out of Laurens arms, "Come Mummy!" he rolled off the bed, little footsteps sounding as he ran to the kitchen. I slid out of the bed, standing up and holding out my hand to Lauren, "Come Mummy, its time for breakfast."

Lauren swallowed tears down, smiling at me. "Why are you so amazing, Bo?"

I shrugged and looked at the ceiling, "As I recall you once referred to me as the wonder kid, I have strived to live up to that name as much as possible since then, Dr. Lewis."

Lauren laughed, I smiled wide enjoying that I was able to get her to laugh, I waggled my fingers at her, "Come on, we have a young prep cook waiting for us and I am starving."

Lauren reached over and grabbed my hand, letting me pull her up and out of the bed. We held hands out to the kitchen, where Jack was trying to pull out mixing bowls.

* * *

Lauren and I did show Jack how to make pancakes, it was a little messy at first but eventually we succeeded. After breakfast, we all cleaned up and got ready for the Zoo. I borrowed some of her clothes, I had to wear a baggy Royal Navy sweatshirt. I walked out of the bathroom and frowned at her, "I will make you wear a USN sweatshirt as soon as I can. This feels like fraternization."

Lauren laughed as she helped Jack with his coat, "Well technically it is since you are a lower rank than I, in the larger scope of things."

I smiled, "Actually, we are the same rank now. You weren't there when I was promoted to Lieutenant Commander." I walked over to her as she stood up, "And in two months, rank will mean nothing at all too me."

Lauren looked at me confused, "What do you mean?"

I glanced at Jack trying to put shoes on, "I will be discharged in two months, Admiral Williams sped the process up for me. I also have a strange feeling Aaron is partially to blame." I looked in her eyes, "He wants us to come back to New York City for a proper reunion party and hooray I am finally out of this man's Navy." I was hoping that telling her would inspire some change in her heart about the decision I knew she made, but she was still hiding from me.

Laurens face changed slightly, she hid it from me by walking over to help Jack, "That's amazing Bo, I am happy for you." I could tell she was genuinely trying to be happy for me. "What are you going to do when you get out?"

I walked over to her and Jack, "Right now all I want to do is go meet some Lions." Jack bounced and grabbed my hand as I reached down and grabbed Laurens, whispering to her, "I want to talk to you about it later. She smiled tightly as we left the house.

* * *

The day was all about Jack, we went to the Zoo and he showed me his favorite Lions. Then we had lunch in the park, hot dogs and fries, followed up with ice cream. Lauren would stare at her son and I would have to crack a joke or distract her to snap her out of the zone she was falling into. Jack was oblivious to his mother being upset, and for some reason I wanted to make it my goal to make sure the two of them had a fun memory, before Jack went to his grandmothers. As we walked back to the car, Lauren was beginning to mentally prepare taking her son to his grandmothers. I helped get Jack into the car and as I closed the back seat door, Lauren looked over the roof of the car, "Bo, I can drop you back at the house on the way."

"I will go with you." it came out with hesitation.

She shook her head, "I will be fine, I don't want you to see this, see her." she looked up in the late afternoon sky. "I will have to tell Jack that..." she drifted off and met my eyes, "I have to do this alone."

"Lauren, let me go with you, you don't need to do this alone." I could feel my temper rise, my anger build at the woman who had the balls to do this too Lauren.

"She will you use you against me, she will throw it in my face, use my relationship against me. She will try and tell Jack how horrible of a person you are, I don't want that for you or Jack." she looked in the backseat at Jack as he played with the little lion toy I had gotten him, "He loves you and I don't want him to ever think anything other than that. His grandmother will do it too, she did it with Audrey and she will do it over and over." Lauren closed her eyes, I could feel the pain as it echoed in her voice, "Please, you can wait for at my house."

I stared at her for a moment, and finally nodded in agreement. "Fine, but you call me if you need me and I will be there in two seconds. I am willing to punch and old woman in the face like you punched an old scruffy ex boyfriend."

Lauren smiled lightly, letting out a breath, "I love you." She got into the car quickly.

* * *

At her house, I said my goodbye to Jack, reminding him of the trick I taught him. I told him that I would see him soon, I knew deep down that John would be able to get Jack back to Lauren in a fraction of the time the court told her. Jack hugged me, thanking me for his toy and the day. I helped him back into his seat and waved at him as Lauren drove off. She had been silent the entire drive back and during my goodbye, trying to hold back tears as her son and I giggled and made jokes.

I walked into her house and I felt awkward being there alone, I went to her room and collected my clothes. As I walked by the desk, I paused. I snatched up the letter and tucked it into my pocket. I left her house, locking it up and sending her a text to meet me at my house when she was done. I knew it would be devastating to her to come back to an empty house. I drove home, finding the manor to be empty. Grace had left a note that she had gone to London for the weekend to meet with my Uncles about business matters. I stood in the kitchen, the strange silence of the entire house was unnerving too me. I walked down the expansive hallways to my bedroom. I took a long shower and dressed in a pair of linen pajama pants and an old sweater. I laid Lauren's letter on my desk next to the pile of my Navy papers and commendations. I then sat in the chair, facing my window. Curling up in it, waiting for her to call.

* * *

She never called, I only heard her footsteps as she walked down the hall. I looked at the door as she opened it. Lauren had been crying, crying hard. Her eyes were red, puffy and she was shaking as walked towards me. I stumbled out of the chair and was able to meet her halfway. She held me so tight, I had a hard time breathing. I wasn't going to ask how it was went, I just held her. After what felt like an hour, she pulled out of my arms, I motioned for her to sit in the chair I had abandoned. I held my hand against her cheek, "I will get you some water." Lauren nodded lightly, as I rushed to the kitchen to get her a bottle of water and some food.

When I came back to my room, Lauren was leaning forward in the chair and had the letter in her hand. She was looking at the wooden floor. I set the food on the desk and tried to hand her a water.

Lauren kept her eyes on the floor, her voice was raspy as she spoke, "Where did you get this?"

I folded my arms, "It fell off your desk with the other papers I accidentally knocked over last night."

Lauren raised her head, looking me in the eyes. The look in her eyes was a mixed of anger and sadness, "Why do you have it?" her tone was even and close to the one she used on me the day I had overstepped my bounds in her emergency room.

I clenched my jaw, "More importantly why do you have it?" I stepped closer, "You don't want that, Lauren. Trust me."

I watched as her jaw tightened, "You don't know what I want." she held up the letter, "This is none of your business."

"You might think that, you might think this is the only thing you can do. Take this route when you have lost so much." I looked at her, "Am I right? You feel hopeless, don't you? You heart is in a million pieces and you are an millimeter away from giving up, that no matter how hard you try, it matters nothing." my tone was firm, I was starting to get angry at her. "You have a son who loves you, I love you." I swallowed hard the feeling of wanting to vomit, that was rising fast, "You were the one who put my heart back, chased away my hopeless feeling, you pulled me from the edge of giving up and not caring. I love you, Lauren. You made me want to stop running."

Lauren folded the letter up, "You have no idea what I think right now, and how dare you suggest what I feel." she jammed the letter in her pocket.

I kept my eyes on her, "I know what you are thinking and feeling, because it is what I thought and felt when my world was ripped apart. I ran to war, I ran from my fight to one that was far larger than my problems here. You don't want to run to war, you don't, Lauren. Trust me." I squeezed my eyes shut as random flashes of my memories flooded around in my mind.

She stood up suddenly, anger in face, "You have no idea what I want, Bo. How can you possibly understand what I am feeling. I just left my son for the last time, his grandmother spewing venom at me as I said goodbye and tried to not frighten him. Do you know what its like to explain to a little boy that his mother won't be there every night to tuck him? Just once a month maybe?" Lauren stepped closer, her anger was spilling over, it wasn't necessarily directed at me. "It will kill me slowly if I sit in a stupid, stuffy hospital office, shuffling paperwork. At least over there..." she drifted off.

"Over there your days will blur together into a mash of not enough time, not enough skills, not enough of everything, that will be broken up by too much time sitting in sand waiting for the next round of not enough." I took a deep breath, "Sit in that office, shuffle that paperwork and wait. Wait in a clean, safe place. Jack needs his mother, don't take that away from him."

Lauren exploded, "How dare you, Bo. How would you even dare to fathom what my son would want."

I yelled back at her, "Because I know what its like to lose both your parents at the age of six and have no fucking idea why. My parents were killed while I ran around the park by our house in Brooklyn, I ran home, excited to see my mom with her arms open, waiting to hug me like she did every day. Instead, Grace was there. Tears in her eyes, completely unable to tell me what happened to my mom and my dad." I was red faced and trying to hold back the tears, "She could never tell me what happened until a few years ago. So, yea maybe I don't exactly know what your son would want, I just know that I don't ever want him to go through what I did especially if I can help it and stop you."

Lauren's eyes was were welling with tears. I took a step back, instantly regretting my outburst. I opened my mouth to apologize when she lunged at me, capturing my mouth with hers. Lauren kissed me with an overwhelming sense of hunger, desire and a desperate need to feel something. Her hands were all over me, pulling off my sweater, tugging at the t-shirt underneath, I broke away from her mouth long enough to help her pull it off of. I gasped hard when I felt her thumbs run across my nipples, the sensation ran through my entire body to between my legs. I could not hold back as I moaned deep when her fingers capture my nipples, I needed to feel her as much as she needed to feel me in this emotional moment, it was if we both needed to grab onto something that was real, tangible and attainable in a moment when it felt like everything had been ripped away from her. I reached down, grabbing Lauren by the hips, hoisting her onto the edge of the bed. I kissed down her neck, biting lightly as my hands ran across her thighs opening them so I could fit myself between them, letting her thighs wrap around my waist. I moved my hands up Laurens waist, then to her jacket, ripping it off her with her help. My hands went on their own, finding the edge of her shirt, pushing it up so I could touch her breasts, Lauren let out a moan as my hands covered her. she ran her hands across my naked back pushing me into her as I kissed her breasts, lightly sucking on the nipple. I could feel her arch her back against me. "Bo..." I released her nipple and kissed across her chest to take the other one, as my lips grazed her now hard nipple she reached down with her hands pulling my face up to her, she was out of breath and beginning to sweat. Our eyes met for an instant and it sent deep sensations down through my body, and stopping between my legs to the point I almost buckled. There was an intensity there that I had never ever seen before. It didn't last long as Lauren pulled me back into a searing, intense kiss. Her hands grabbed mine, pulling them to the jeans, I took the hint and unbuttoned them as fast I could. Both of us pulling them free from her body, I quickly laid on between her legs. It was raw and almost primal as I held her hips down as I covered her with my mouth. She tried to raise up off the bed, but I pinned her down. Taking more from her as she moaned, she quickly came, screaming out as she writhed against me. Lauren collapsed onto the bed, breathing heavily. I moved up her body, leaning on my arms as she caught her breath. I laid my hand over her heart, feeling how hard it was pounding. She placed her hand on top of mine, holding it against her heart, Lauren looked me in the eyes, "I love you, Bo. I need you to know that."

I half smiled and kissed her gently, "I know, you don't have to tell me. I kinda have always known."

Lauren looked me in the eyes, before she pulled me back into another intense kiss, equally as passionate and giving as the first one she attacked me with. She said nothing as she rolled me underneath and began to make quick work of the rest of the clothes I had on, her fingers finding my desire for her cut off any words or thoughts I had wanted to make.

We made love for hours, it was full of need and desire, nothing like our first time. We barely spoke, only uttering I love you in-between breaths. When I looked in her eyes, I could see how much she loved me but there was something else in them, for a moment it looked as if she was saying goodbye in a way too me. When we finally collapsed, she was in my arms. Her heart beating with mine chasing out any doubts I might have had about what I saw.

* * *

I woke up the next morning, sore and exhausted, but happy. My eyes were still closed as I ran my hand across the bed, hoping to find Laurens back or arm. Instead I was met with cool, empty sheets. I sat up quickly, her side of the bed was empty. Only the lingering imprint of her in the pillow was evidence she had been there. I rolled over and looked around the room, the shower was not running, the bathroom was empty. I threw the blankets back and ran to the door, opening it to listen if she was in the kitchen. Nothing. I mumbled, "Fuck." and walked to my desk for my phone, I went to open the drawer when I saw her letter. Opened up, it had her handwriting on it. I snatched it up and read the small note she had left on the bottom.

-Bo,

I am sorry, but I have to do this. I love you, I have from the moment you walked into my office and will continue too every minute that I am gone. Please don't come for me.

-Lauren

I screamed as I crumpled the letter up in a ball, "FUCK!" I pulled on my clothes, snatching up my phone I called Aaron. He answered groggily, "Bo, its like three in the morning."

I cut him off, "I need your help, your father's help. I am calling in all of the favors I have left."

I could hear Aaron pep up a little, "What's wrong."

I dug in my desk drawers looking for my old journal that had my desert contacts in it, "Lauren is going to the desert and I need your help to stop her."

Aaron was still confused, "Like Vegas? Help me out here Bo, I am still very hung-over..."

"Goddamit Aaron, She volunteered to go to the front lines, she requested a transfer to a unit near ours, but in a worse part of town." I felt like I needed to throw up, "We need to stop her, I need to stop her."

Aaron whispered a handful of curse words, I heard him walking as he talked, "I am on it, give me a couple hours. I will wait until my dad is awake and see what he can dig up, in the meantime I have a few other strings I can pull." he sighed, "Email me the details."

I closed my eyes and leaned against my desk, the tears were threatening to explode, "Aaron, I will go back in her place if I have too."

A silence fell between us. Aaron spoke softly, "That is not an option, Bo."

I swallowed hard, "It may be the only option I have, I will do anything to keep her out of that mess."


	11. Chapter 11

**Long Update...who knows what I will work on next, I am heavily inspired right now.**

I paced around the room, waiting for Aaron to call me back. I tried calling Lauren, her phone was disconnected, I called the hospital. Leeds had told me that Lauren had come in that morning, picked up a few items, hugged Leeds and told her goodbye. I knew I could not go to Colonel Windsor, he would not tell me anything that was private. I would have to wait on the favors I had. I called everyone I knew, waiting. I called Kenzi to come over and keep me occupied.

I held onto the note she left, trying to figure out what would make her do this. I also slowly realized that when she told me she loved me, it was her way of saying goodbye. I was too caught up in the moment to stop and realize that was what Lauren was doing, if I had I might have been able to lock her in a closet and keep her from running. Just as Kenzi walked into the library, Aaron called.

"About damn time." I was anxious and my harsh tone reflected it.

"Sorry Bo, it's hard to shake answers and favors out of sleepy officers. But I have some news." he took a deep breath, "Lauren is on a British transport flight as we speak. The flight left Manchester an hour ago, she is literally in the air on the way to the medevac base. I did a little digging, because its super unusual for someone to be able to jet off on a moments notice. Lauren had favors of her own, it appears she had done a life saving heart operation on one of the highest ranking General in the Queens Army. He was the one who was able to get her the green light on leaving on a moments notice. Seems you two love collecting favors from old men." he chuckled lightly at his own terrible joke.

"Aaron, focus. You are as bad as Kenzi right now." I was pacing grooves into the fancy antique rug.

Kenzi flopped herself down onto the large leather couch, sticking her tongue out at me. I threw a pillow at her, "Is there anything your dad can do?"

"He is working on something, the biggest problem is its the US vs. The Royal Navy, its hard to cross lines in this regard, even as an Admiral." Aaron took a breath, "It's going to take a minute Bo, and I don't know how far we can get. I will keep you posted."

I closed my eyes and whispered a thank you, I hung up the phone, squeezing it in my hand so hard I thought I would crack the case. I tossed it on the desk and screamed, "Fuck!" at the old ceiling.

"Geez Bo Bo, I don't think the ceiling can fight back. What's the problem?" she tapped the space next to her on the couch, "Come sit and talk to Kenz."

I took a breath, "Lauren left. She is gone."

"Left the house? You two have another fight?" Kenzi was being casual and swung her feet up on the table as she tapped away at her cell phone.

I stared hard at my oldest friend, "She is on a transport plane to the desert right now, she had been deployed to a medevac unit close to where I was. She did it this morning after we spent the night together. I could not stop her and now I am running around trying to figure out what strings I have to pull to get her back, go over there, replace her. Anything, she needs to be home with her son."

I had heard Kenzi's cell phone drop onto the couch as I was rambling, I looked over at the girl. She was wide eyed and staring at me, "What. The. Fuck. The blonde doctor bolted and ran to war? I thought she had a son?"

"She does, he was handed over to his grandmother semi permanently as a result of a judge's decision." I folded my arms up, my anxiety level was building with every moment I stood by and was not doing anything to get to Lauren. "Lauren had requested to be deployed the moment she found out Jack was being handed over. She is doing the same stupid thing I did when I caught Dyson."

Kenzi grabbed her phone and stood up, standing in front of me, hands on my shoulders, "We will get her back, between the three of us, that handsome Aaron, me and you. We will figure out a way to get her back."

I looked at Kenzi, smiling weakly, "I am scared for her, Kenz. That is no place for anyone, let alone the woman I am in love with."

Kenzi nodded and hugged me, "I know, but the good doctor is tough, strong and smart. She will survive, I mean if she can deal with you, the rest will be easy." I squeezed her back as I let a small smiled come across my face.

Kenzi sat with me as I fielded phone calls from Aaron and my other contacts in the military. I had one contact that had been transferred to the unit Lauren was headed too, one of my old ward nurses that was able to get ahold of me on a satellite phone. She told me that she would call me as soon as she came into contact with Lauren and pass on a message. I continued to pace around the library until Admiral Williams called me.

"Bo, my son has filled me in on the specifics of your colleague, Commander Lewis. I have made some calls and the fellows over in the British Navy are going to get back to me. Honestly, this may be above even my pay grade. The only thing that I can actually do on my end is extend your commission, I can give you a special assignment and extend you six more months."

I clenched my jaw, "Can you get me back over there? Possibly take her place? She has a family here that needs her, a son." it was hard to keep the emotion out of my voice, I had to keep a strong, even tone that only projected that I was worried about my colleague. Not that I was trying to save the woman I loved.

Admiral was quiet for a moment, "I can't do that, Bo. That goes past anything I can do. I can maybe pull some more strings and send you over as a consultant on my behalf, check on the status of our medevac units. But that would only give you a few days or maybe a few weeks before I have to pull you out. I am bound completely by regulations on this one, kiddo."

I took a deep breath, "I will take that, when can I go over?" it was a rash decision, I knew it, but in my head if I could go over there and at least talk to Lauren, maybe I could persuade her to leave and come home. I looked over at Kenzi, who had her eyebrows raised and giving me the death stare at the words I had just uttered.

"It may take a few weeks or at least a month, Bo. The red tape I have to push past is going to take time."

I sighed hard, I wanted to leave this moment, get on a plane and be on the ground two steps behind Lauren. Admiral Williams heard me sigh, "I will do my best, Bo."

I nodded to the thin air, trying not to cry from frustration, "I appreciate it, sir. Commander Lewis has a son and she is all he has."

"I understand." I heard some papers shuffle and Admiral Williams voice dropped, "Lauren is lucky to have someone like you in her corner, Bo. I know how much you two care for each other."

I froze in my steps, I was panicked. "Um, Thank you, sir."

"Bo, rules and regulations are just those. When it comes to love, they mean very little. I learned that from Aaron." he suddenly cleared his throat, "I will get a hold of you in a few hours when I have worked out the logistics. I will fax over the paperwork for you too look at and then I will wait for you to make up your final decision."

I wiped away the lone tear that had escaped, I whispered, "Thank you again."

"No, Thank you, Bo." he said a quick goodbye and hung up. I looked at Kenzi, "Why did she run away?" I did not expect an answer from Kenzi, but she had one.

"Sometimes when you have everything and you lose the one thing that is so important too you, you can't see the good. You just see heartache and the pain, some people will do anything to escape that, even if they leave the ones they love behind. Lauren is super smart, super strong and one hell of a woman, she is just lost in the heartache of the bullshit her semi-monster in law has put her through." Kenzi pointed at me, "You might be the only one who can get through to her, and I pray to jebus that you are not going back to that damn war for years and years again, if you do I will kick your ass."

I took a deep breath, "If I can get Jack back for her, I can get her back home." I was staring at the floor, if John could weave his magic, I knew that it would bring Lauren home. "I don't even care if she wants to be with me, she has already given me so much." I took a breath.

* * *

One month later-

I was sitting in my office at the hospital, reading over the email from my old nurse, Ellen, at Lauren's unit. She had confirmed finally that a Commander L. Lewis had begun her tour as one of the lead doctors in the medevac unit. Lauren was still adjusting to the pace of the unit and the overwhelming patient loads. Ellen also told me that Lauren would keep to herself and was very kind and eager to help as much as possible, and looked scared.

I emailed Ellen back as fast as I could, telling her to tell Lauren that I wanted to hear from her if it was possible. I knew that it would be days or even weeks until Ellen responded, I had so much I wanted to pass onto Lauren but I couldn't pour my heart out to a nurse. I clicked send and leaned back in my chair. The time since Lauren had left was harder than coming home from war. Then I had been used to being alone, numb and ignoring any feelings. It all changed when I met Lauren and fell in love with her, my days were full of monotony and I went through them on autopilot. I taught my students with more determination than before, but other than that I would go to my office and then go home. I would walk by her office, which was now dark and closed up. Leeds had been reassigned to another Commander on another floor, I would only run into her in passing on the elevator. The only thing that would pull me out of the house was meeting with John. He had called me two days after Lauren left, informing me that Lauren had placed me as the liaison with John, for the ongoing court appeal, I was shocked but when he showed me the letter she had given him. It broke my heart. She had very little hope that the decision would be overturned, but trusted me to keep doing the right thing when it came to Jack. She had also left a few letters for her son to be given to him on his birthday and other special days. I was angry at her for giving up so easily.

I sat with John in the study as he went over some of the new paperwork and motions he was working on. He also handed me a letter, "This one is to be delivered to Jack in a few days, the grandmother has asked that for it to be mailed to little Jack." he sifted through files, "That woman is a she beast, that is for sure." I held onto the letter, tracing my fingers over Laurens handwriting.

I looked at John, "Can we get the boy back?"

John nodded easily, "I can and I will. Lauren's last counsel did a terrible job with the paperwork, so many loose loopholes she left wide open for the grandmother to plow through and win. If I can sew them up, and pull out some of my own tricks, I can get the decision reversed and get Jack back probably in a month or two. What the grandmother has done, infringes on so many basic rights for Lauren as the mother. The poor girl was steam rolled by expensive counsel and poor representation."

I let out a shaky breath, "Will Lauren being overseas cause a problem?" I knew that any judge would take that factor in question, maybe even bring it up as child abandonment.

"Lauren had left explicit instructions in that manner, just in case. The judge will not have a problem after I use my gift of speech, and from what I understand you are doing your best to get her to change her mind."

I nodded, "As much as I can."

John smiled, "Then that is all we need, I would say cross your fingers, Bo. But I don't think we will need too." he winked at me and shuffled his papers back up into his briefcase. He stood up, "Tell your Aunt I said hello." John left me as I sat in the empty room, a little more hope in my heart. I wanted to tell Lauren the good news, but I had no idea other than a handwritten letter. I pulled out a pad of paper and set to work, writing down everything John had told me and what was in my heart.

I smiled when I heard the soft click of Grace's heels coming down the hallway, she knocked lightly on the door and came in. In her hand was a large stack of papers, "Ysabeau, this just came for you over the fax machine." she walked over to me and set it down. One glance at the cover sheet and I saw that it was from Admiral Williams. I flipped through the entire stack and swallowed hard, he had come through on his end. I was staring at the paperwork for my consultation trip, and my service extension for another six months. Grace folded her arms, "This better not be a return ticket to where I think it is."

I looked up at my Aunt, "It is and it isn't. I will be going on a consultation trip for Admiral Williams." I flipped through the sheets again, looking for the departure date.

Grace sighed, "What if she doesn't want to come home or wants you there?" she said it softly.

"I have to try, Grace."

she nodded, "But what about you? Is this a good idea for you to go back into the bad dreams?" I could tell she was worried, my bad dreams had increased over the last few weeks. I found the sheet I was looking for, I would be leaving at the end of the next month for a two week consult trip. I clenched my jaw, it was not as soon as I wanted but it was all I had. I set the sheet aside and looked at Grace, "To answer the question, I would go back to war for her yes." I leaned back in the chair, "Its the only thing I know how to do, Grace. I spoke to John and he is getting closer to getting the boy back, if I have that..." I drifted off.

Grace walked over to me and picked up the sheet I had been looking at, "When this is done, no matter her answer to you. Please, stay home. You also have a family that needs you, loves you and is not willing to let you go again."

When I looked in her eyes, I saw how serious she was. I grabbed her hand, "I promise." it was a half promise, I honestly did not know what I would do if Lauren gave me an answer that I did not expect. I distracted myself by signing off on the orders and the extension, walking it quickly to the fax machine, sending it with one push of a button.

* * *

A Few Weeks Later-

I stood next to Grace as we waited for the car to come pick us up. My bags were piled up next to me and I was wearing my desert fatigues. They felt so foreign to me, stiff and brand new. I would be leaving within the hour for the desert. I was nervous, and not hiding it well. Grace held onto my arm as we looked around the massive front grounds. I let out a breath as she spoke, "Ysabeau, promise me you will be careful over there and try to send word that you arrived safe."

"I promise, it will be easier since I will be with some of Admiral Williams personal staff. But as soon as I land I will send word." I pulled her into a half hug. I held onto Grace a little tighter. Deep down I hoped the car coming for me would take a little longer. Grace and I both looked up when we heard a car coming up the gravel drive. I felt her tense up and then relax when we both saw it was John.

John stepped out of the car, smiling as he had a thick envelope in his hand. "I am glad I caught you now, I just left court." he took long strides over to me, holding the envelope out. I took it and opened it, "And?"

John held his arms out, "I won, Lauren won. The judge has reversed the appeal and Jack will be returning to full permanent custody of his mother in a week. We just have to process the final decision and he will be home." He smirked, "It also helps that I am notorious for being one of the best, most expensive, toughest lawyers in the Queen's Country. The judge gave quite a lecture to the grandmothers legal team, for the ruthlessness of taking advantage of a young new lawyer and a distraught mother."

I tore open the envelope and saw that John was right, the new judge hearing the appeal had found fault in Audrey and the grandmothers counsel. Citing it was unjust of them to pull a child from a stable home regardless of the nature of Laurens job or choice of partners. I felt my heart pounding as it lurched into my throat. John was scooped up into a strong hug by Grace, he laughed as he smiled, "I told you, I have the magic to make things happen, Now take that to Lauren and tell her the good news. There is also a small envelope in there from Jack, a few pictures and notes for his mother."

I had to blink away the tears, "Where will Jack be staying until I get back and if I get Lauren back."

Grace turned and looked to me, "He will be staying here with us." she took a deep breath, "I didn't want to tell you anything until John made headway. Lauren had made you and I temporary guardians until she returned."

My heart dropped, I had no idea what to say. I stared at the final decision and the envelope with Jacks tiny handwriting. I went to say something when I saw my car pull up behind Johns. Grace's face suddenly changed and she went to pick up my bags, "Come, Ysabeau. Get Lauren to come home, Jack and I will be waiting for you." she smiled weakly as John and her busied themselves with my bags.

I hugged my Aunt, "I will be back." She smiled and wiped away tears, "Both of you." I nodded as I slid into the backseat of the fancy car. I waved quickly to Grace and John before I started crying. I focused on the back of the headrest, trying to find the strength I once had and knew I would need as I moved closer to standing in the sand again.

* * *

The sun blinded me as the back of the AC 130 opened, it prevented me from clearly viewing the medevac unit. It was the smells that hit me first, making my heart skip. The smell of hot sand, diesel smoke, and just the plain smell of war, surrounded me. It made it hard for me to swallow as I felt my nerves rise. I pulled on my sunglasses and saw the hustle and bustle of the a front line unit. I took a deep breath as my two escorts waited for me to exit with them. Admiral Williams had sent Lieutenant O'Neil, the driver from the medical conference. He figured a friendly face would help me, the other escort was a young marine that was just there for security reasons. Sergeant James Regan, he was quiet and said nothing the entire flight. He was always looking around and make the slow, precise movements that comes with being security. On the flight over I learned a bit more about O'Neil, she had been deployed once before during the beginning of the war and was one of Admiral Williams personal staff, she had volunteered to escort me over. She was a tough, intelligent young woman.

O'Neil waved at me, "Lieutenant Commander? We should move."

I nodded and walked behind her, Regan was carrying my bags and handed them off to a young Canadian private who ran up with the British Major who was in charge of the Medevac. A middle aged man, Major Steven Ellis had a warm smile that lit up tired eyes. He held out his hand to shake mine, "Lieutenant Commander Ysabeau Dennis, it is a pleasure to have you here. I am eager to show you the unit and have your thoughts on things." I took his hand and shook it firmly, I was trying to focus. The moment I stepped onto the sand I was searching the masses for Lauren. Major Ellis motioned for us to follow, "I will give you and Lieutenant O'Neil a quick tour and then you can get settled in. Admiral Williams has told me you will only be here for a short two week period. I will make the most of this, we could really use the Americans integrating more into this unit, we already have the Canadians and the French merging with us, but you Americans would be an added bonus. It would allow for a quicker transport and possible pull back a few of the outlying front line units that continue to struggle."

I half listened as he continued on with statistics. I was trying to stay calm as my past started to rile up inside of me. It was clear the Major was bypassing some of the high trauma areas of the hospital and only showing us the clean and efficient parts of the unit. I swallowed hard when I heard the helicopters overhead and in the distance, yelling of doctors who were rushing to save lives. I felt my hands begin to shake, I jammed them into my pockets and tried to focus on the Major.

He took a break from his speech as we walked into a recovery ward, I looked at all the soldiers in bandages, recovering. It looked exactly like the ward I would walk up and down endlessly trying to save lives. I looked at the Major, "Excuse me, Major. I do want to offer my skills up if you need them. I am very familiar with combat medicine and I would like to get my hands dirty if that is possible."

The Major smiled and nodded, "I will take that into consideration, I do know about your service, Lt. Commander Dennis, I do have a few new doctors who could use your advice and guidance." he smiled wider at me, "Some are not quite used to the hectic pace of the desert." He took a breath, as he looked at his watch. "If you two would like, I can take you to the barracks you will be staying at. Get settled and then I will have one of the other doctors show you around, show you the ropes so to speak."

I nodded, "Excuse me, Major, but could you tell me how many new doctors you have on hand? I am just curious, I know in my unit we would only have one or two in rotation, and they would overlap the leaving doctors by four months. That way there was veterans with rookies. Do you do that here? Overlap?" I was impressed with my own bullshit, but I had to make it seem that the reason I was here was a legit consultation for Admiral Williams.

Major Ellis took a breath, "Well, lets see. I have Commander Briston, Captain Thatcher, Commander Lewis, and Lieutenant Lloyd who just arrived yesterday." he smiled, "And we only overlap the new doctors with the old by a month. But I can see the point you have with extending that, I shall take that into consideration." He smiled and held out his arm, "Please ladies, if you will head out this way I can show you your temporary home."

I nodded tightly, my heart was pounding hard. Commander Lewis. She was here. I looked at O'Neil and smiled as we followed the Major out. Regan was waiting outside and silently followed us. O'Neil and I set up in the barracks and I sat on the bed. Letting out a breath, I wanted to tun around the trauma wards and find Lauren, I stood up. "O'Neil, I am going for a walk."

She stood up, "I will come with you."

I looked at her, "You can stay here, I might tell Regan to stand down for a few. I just want to get a feel for this place."

O'Neil looked at me, "Lt. Cdr. Dennis, I am suppose to stay by your side." she let out a breath, "But I might take a nap while you go and look for Commander Lewis." she smiled wide and turned back to unpacking her bag.

I smiled lightly, "Just call me Bo, O'Neil." O'Neil smiled and nodded as I walked out of the barracks. I looked around and saw Regan standing off to the side, talking to a handful of US Marines standing by a jeep. He looked up and started to take steps towards me, I waved him off and made the motion I was just heading to the bathroom. He stared for a moment and nodded slowly, returning to his conversation.

I pulled my hat on tighter and made sure my sunglasses covered most of my face. I wanted to be able to sneak around without too much hassle. I walked past the Officers barracks and moved closer to the active trauma wards that Major Ellis had skirted. When I moved closer I was met with familiar smells of sand, dirt, blood and metal. The emotions it brought up reminded me of a familiar cologne, it brought back so many memories. I clenched my jaw and walked closer, I could see that there were a few lingering patients on gurneys, being bandaged up by nurses. I glanced around and saw no doctors. I kept walking and looked up as I heard the familiar sound of air being cut by the blades of helicopter.

I paused and looked at it, like I had on my first day of my first tour. It was always a mesmerizing sight to view. The precision the pilot had to have to set the helicopter down was like watching a painter paint.

My stares were broken by the yelling and running that came with incoming trauma. I heard one doctor yell that there was at least fifteen patients on this load, a ambush on a recon unit. I watched as the staff began to scramble, pushing out the stable patients to make room for the new ones. I felt a hand on my back, I turned and looked into the tired grey eyes of a young British lieutenant, "Are you one of the new doctors?"

I shook my head, "No, I am not. I am just here on a official visit." he frowned and nodded, "I was hoping you were, we could use an extra pair of hands." he went to take a few steps away, I grabbed his arm.

"I am a doctor though, just tell me where I can get some gloves."

He smiled wide and looked at my name tag, "Well, then Dennis. Follow me." he motioned for me to follow him as he ran into the ward I had just been staring into.

As soon I was inside, my mind and body fell into autopilot. I was tossed a box of gloves and a mask, the British Lieutenant walked over to me, "If you need help, let me know. These nurses are amazing, the other doctors should be here in a few moments."

I smiled as I pulled on the gloves, looking at his name tag, "Lieutenant Avalon? I served two tours in the 85th USN medevac unit."

Avalon's eyes widened and he smiled, "I feel you may teach me a thing or two." he glanced away from me as the first of the patients came rolling in through the double doors.

I snapped into action and ran to the first gurney, the soldier had some small shrapnel wounds but was alive. I triaged him and waved for a nurse to push him towards the back and start debridement. The next patient that came in was worse, he had a shrapnel wounds and a few gunshot wounds to his leg and midsection. He was bleeding heavily, I took a deep breath and called for a nurse to come assist me. I began working on the bleeders, my hands were moving on their own as they found the sources and I quickly closed the wound. I stabilized the young man who was passed out, I was focused on checking his for internal bleeding when I heard one of the other doctors yell for assistance. I looked up and saw that one of the newer doctors was struggling with a heavy bleeder. I told the nurse assisting me to continue what I was doing and ran to the other doctor. The young doctor was shaking and panicking as he held his hands into the stomach of the soldier beneath him, he had a internal active bleeder and had no idea what too do. I turned to grab a pair of clamps off the cart next to me when I heard a familiar voice.

"Briston, on the count of three, pull your hands out. I will take over for you while you go get the surgeon." I looked up and paused for a moment. Lauren had rushed in, pulling off her bloody gloves, she was pulling on a fresh pair as issued instruction to the scared Briston. She counted to three and placed her hands where Briston was. The poor kid ran out in search of the surgeon. Lauren looked over the soldier, she called out, "I need clamps, now!" I glanced at her, her hair was up in a messy bun, her desert fatigues looked worn and there was spots of dried blood. She had the same look I did after a few months of being in a war medevac, tired, frustrated and operating on little sleep and a ton of adrenaline.

I swallowed hard and stepped to her side, "Here are your clamps, Dr. Lewis." I handed them over as she kept her focus on the soldier, she was in her zone and didn't even register my voice. "Thank you. I am going to need more blood. But I need you to hold this clamp while I grab it." she reached out, grabbing my hand and wrapping it around the clamp that she had just placed.

I looked down, "You are also going to need a scalpel, we are going to have too widen the wound to properly close up the bleeder, I also see small chunks of shrapnel pressing on his spleen."

I watched as her brow furrow, she looked up at me about to say something when her eyes met mine. Even though I was wearing a hat and had a mask on, I knew she recognized me instantly. I watched as her pupils dilate. "Bo?"

"Go get the blood, I will hold the clamp." I turned back to the soldier as another nurse came up to assist us. " I have this." Lauren turned back to the nurse, I watched her turn pale and finally nod and step away to run for more blood. While she was gone I had the nurse assist me in starting to close up the bleeder and pack the first one. I was working on the second when Lauren came back, setting up the blood. I rattled off what I did as she assisted me in closing up the last wound, stabilizing the kid on the gurney and sending him off to surgery.

I let out the breath I was holding and looked around, the rest of the staff had stabilized the severely wounded soldiers, all that was left was a handful of minor lacerations and scrapes. I pulled off my gloves and turned to Lauren. I pulled off the mask and looked at her as she signed off on a few charts, she turned to me and I saw her jaw clench hard. "Bo, what are you doing here."

I balled up the mask into the gloves, "Officially, I am on a consult trip for the United States Navy." I looked in her golden brown eyes, ones that I realized I missed more than I thought as I stood in front of her. "Unofficially...I am here for you."

Lauren ripped her gloves off and threw them into a trash can, I could tell she was angry, "I told you not to come after me."

I walked closer to her, "I never listened to your orders before, why would I now?" I smiled weakly, "I have something to tell you." I kept my gaze on her eyes, I could tell she was tired and the war was wearing her down like it had me. The glint that was always there was fading, exhaustion setting in mixed with the stress of everything that came with living in a war zone. She folded her arms, "You shouldn't be here." her tone was edgy. I reached my arm out to touch her when I heard Major Ellis come into the ward.

" Lt. Cdr. Dennis! I found you!" he smiled at Lauren, "Lewis, glad you are here. I was going to come and find you." he looked at me, "Avalon tells me that you got your hands dirty with this last run? I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it, it feels like we never have enough hands." Ellis looked at Lauren, "Lewis, if you are not busy, I would like you to show our guest here the ins and outs of our trauma operations."

He turned back to me, "Commander Lewis here is one of our newest doctors, but far from the weakest. She has already improved operations tenfold in the short time she has been here."

I kept my eyes on Lauren, as she frowned at the Major. She took a deep breath, "Yes sir, I can do that." I knew she would not disobey or contradict an order, whereas I would have told the Major to shove it up his ass and walk away. The Major smiled wide, "Perfect. I will leave you to it." he rustled away as Lauren turned her back to me, "I will show you where we do surgery."

I followed her out into the desert. I walked up to her and gently grabbed her elbow, "I need to talk to you first, Lauren." I looked around, "The barracks I am in is practically empty."

Lauren sighed, "Bo, I am not going to do this. I told you to not follow me, I don't want you here, I don't need you saving me from my choice." I could tell she was trying to hold her ground.

I nodded, "I know, I know you are angry. Be angry with me. I am not here for me, I am here for you and Jack."

Lauren froze when she heard her sons name, "Don't do that."

I took a deep breath, "Just follow me to my barracks, let me give you what I have too and that will be it. I will finish out this silly bullshit visit and go." I knew I was negotiating with her, but I had too. I had to give her the envelope from John. Lauren said nothing, just motioned with her hand for me to start walking to my barracks. I turned and started walking back, hearing her footsteps behind me, I tried not to run or turn and grab her in my arms.

Thankfully the barracks was empty aside from a pissed off Regan standing outside. He glared at me and Lauren, "Excuse me ma'am, but I would prefer it if you didn't lie about the bathroom again. I am responsible for you and I can't be with you sneaking off."

I nodded and smiled, "I apologize for that, Regan. Won't happen again." I held open the door for Lauren. "If O'Neil comes back, tell her I am having a meeting with Commander Lewis here." Regan nodded and took his position outside of the barracks.

Lauren looked around the higher quality barracks, "Hmm. Security detail and a clean bed. Some bullshit visit this is." I looked back at her, "Not by my choice, I am happy to be sleeping in sandy barracks with the rest of you." I grabbed my bag and dug out the envelope and walked back to Lauren. Handing it too her, "This was given to me right before I got on the airplane. John told me to deliver it too you as soon I found you."

Lauren took the envelope, walking over to one of the extra beds and sitting down she pulled open the envelope and pulled the stack of papers out. She scanned over the front page, as she neared the bottom she gasped and covered her mouth. Tears began to flood in her eyes as she flipped through the court documents quickly. I walked over to her and sat next to her, keeping a bit of space between us as she let out soft sobs. When she was done, she looked up at me, "How did he do it?"

I had to turn away from her or I would lose my composure, "He is one of the best lawyers, he was able to fix the mess left by Audrey, prove that the grandmother had railroaded you and your lack of good counsel. The judge found you in favor, regardless of you being a Naval Officer in war. In four days, Jack will be with Grace getting settled in until you come home." I reached to my bag, pulling out the last envelope, "Here, this is for you too."

Lauren took the small white envelope, her hands were shaking as she opened it. When she unfolded the small drawings and the little notes from her son, she smiled and let out a sob. She leaned forward on her knees. I moved closer to her, putting hand on her back, whispering, "I told you I would do everything I could to fight with you." Lauren said nothing as she moved quickly and pulled me into a tight hug, sobbing. I held her tightly, to comfort her as well as I missed having her in my arms. "You can come home now, Lauren."

She pulled back, shaking her head, "I have ten months left, Bo. I can't, I can't leave. I am needed here." I could see the struggle in her eyes, she was experiencing the same feelings I had. I had wanted to leave so badly, so many times, but couldn't knowing how much I was needed.

I reached up, placing my hands on the sides of her face, "Lauren, I came here to try and talk you out of this. Get you to come home with me. But I know what you are going through. I love you so much, that I tried to take your place so you could go home, I tried everything I could think of. I know you are upset with me coming here. This silly visit was the best I could do, but it was the only way I could get you the news. When I saw you working in the trauma ward, I saw how important this is too you. All I can do is ask that you think about it, I know you have just as many favors as I do to wiggle a way back home. Jack will have a fantastic home until you get home, whether its in a few days or at the end of the year. I promise Grace and I will take care of him." I was rambling, I had to say my piece before Lauren was able to make a mistake.

Lauren looked me in the eye, "I've made quite a mess." she looked down at the little drawings, then back up at me. There was a strange silence falling between us, I smiled and dropped my hands. Lauren caught one of them, her fingers linking into mine. She took a breath and leaned forward, her lips meeting mine quickly, but softly. It was a haste kiss, but it was more than enough for the both of us. Lauren leaned her forehead against mine, "I love you too, Bo. You constantly amazing me with your stubborn determination." she pressed another soft kiss against the corner of my mouth and stood up. Collecting the envelopes, "I should get back to the ward." she gripped the envelopes in her hand and looked at me, "I will find you later."

I smiled and nodded, I knew she had to think about everything, "I will be around." I smiled and watched her walk out. When I was alone, I let out the breath and held my head in my hands.

* * *

The rest of that day was spent with Major Ellis, pouring over statistics and what not. He was sold that I was there for a true visit. He told me about all the procedures they handled here, the different doctors and their skills. I half listened, I was too focused on Lauren, hoping to see her later and have her tell me that she was coming home. It was like that for a few days, I only saw Lauren in passing as she ran to a incoming call. She had not really come to find me later and I was beginning to get worried.

One day, halfway through the visit and after hours of walking around and going over this or that, I was let go to search out dinner. Regan was my tail as I grabbed O'Neil and headed to the mess hall. The food was as I remembered it, terrible but edible.

O'Neil and I chatted about random things as we chewed on meatloaf. I looked up as O'Neil was telling me a story about her first deployment and when the mess hall ran out of food and started serving MRE's as a replacement. I smiled and poked at the lump of grey meat. "It happened once or twice to us in the 85th. Nothing beats a MRE after a long shift on your feet. Especially when the cookie is stale."

O'Neil laughed, "Oh I know, the only worthy part of the meal and its stale." I continued to pick at the food when I heard O'Neil, "Commander Lewis, good to see you again."

My head shot up, Lauren was setting down her tray, a smile on her face, "Lieutenant O'Neil, its good to see you again." Lauren looked in my eyes, " . Dennis, you mind if I sit with you?"

I smiled at the use of my rank, "Not at all." I knew I was staring at her, but I couldn't help it, I had missed her immensely. O'Neil stood up quickly, "Bo..er... . If its okay, I am going to call it an early night. I guess tomorrow we are heading to the rear transport unit? 0600 hours."

I looked at the young woman, she winked at me lightly, "That is fine, ask Regan if he would like to call it an early night." O'Neil nodded and I watched her walk over to the young marine. I turned my focus to Lauren, "Hey."

"i am sorry I never came back later, we got overwhelmed with patients and I lost track of time." she poked at her food, I noticed she was thinner.

I grabbed the small bottle of hot sauce and handed it over to her, "This stuff is spicy as shit, but it makes the food a little more edible."

Lauren laughed lightly, "I already tried that, this meatloaf has started to grow on me." She lifted up a forkful of meatloaf and placed it in her mouth, chewing quickly and swallowing it. "I also rarely have much time to sit and eat."

I nodded in agreement, "I can understand that." the conversation was awkward, I opened my mouth to ask her about her decision, but she cut me off before I started. "I can go home in three months, I called in a few of my favors. I want to finish at least half of my time here, they agreed to that. After the halfway point they are transferring me back to the Veterans Hospital in London to finish out the rest of the months." she looked up at me, "I need to be home for my son...and you." she sniffled a little, "I should have not run away from the two people I loved more than anything."

I reached over and placed my hand on top of hers, "Can we go for a walk?" I looked around at the half full mess hall. Lauren pushed her tray away and stood up. "There is a quiet spot over by the edge of the officer barracks, I go there a lot. You can see the stars and its almost feels like you aren't here."

I walked behind her as she led me to the quiet spot. When we were free and clear of eyes and ears, I reached for her hand, taking it in mine. I smiled when she laced her fingers in mine, squeezing. She stopped at the edge of the barracks, it was quieter than the rest of the unit. The sounds of the normal activity was all blocked by the buildings on the edge and the sandbags that made temporary walls.

Lauren held her head up, looking into the night sky, "Did it feel like this when you were? Two months feels like two years?"

I stepped closer to her, "It did, and two years felt like a decade." I leaned against her, "I've missed you, Lauren." it slipped out, I immediately felt guilty for saying it.

Lauren looked at me, turning to face me, she bent down and kissed me. Deeper than the first one in the barracks, this kiss was full of need and passion. When she parted, leaving me breathless, she closed her eyes, "I missed you more." I slid my arms around her waist and pulled her close, laying my head against her chest so I could hear her heartbeat, I took a deep breath, "When I get home, I am leaving the Navy for good." it was a casual statement that came from nowhere. Lauren ran her hand over my hair, "I am intending to do the same thing, I want to be home with you and Jack." I felt her take a deep breath as if she was about to say something.

We both turned to look at where the footsteps echoing on the sand was coming from. I backed out of her arms, just in case it was another officer. A young British private came around the corner, breathless, "Commander Lewis, you are needed. A small squad was attacked about ten kilometers from here and they are sending out a chopper. One of the soldiers is in cardiac arrest and Major Ellis wants to you to go." he looked panicked. Lauren moved quickly, "Let's go." she looked back at me, "You can come with or stay here, but I am sure I could use an extra pair hands belonging to the wonder kid."

I smiled and ran after her, "Don't have to ask twice."

The three of us ran to the helipad, Lauren was met by one of the nurses and handed a large medical bag, a helmet and a flack jacket. I was handed the same and climbed after Lauren, I was taking the spot of the young private who found us. He seemed relieved but guilty, I winked at him, "Tell whoever the egotistical American made you get off, they will understand." I was tapped on the back by the door gunner, and helped in the helicopter by the other armed escort that was riding with us.

The helicopter lifted off quickly, Lauren was struggling getting her helmet on. I leaned over in my seat and took it off, yelling, "Put your flak jacket on first." she tried to shake her head no, signaling it was too heavy. I shook my head and forced it on her, "You are wearing it." I then helped her with the helmet. The helicopter turned quickly and I was lurched to one side in the middle of trying to get my flak jacket on, I lost the grip I had on my flak jacket, watching it tumble out the open door. I clenched my jaw, "Son of a bitch." I threw my helmet on, I knew helicopters carried extras. I would grab one when we landed. I looked up at Lauren. She was trying to keep her eyes on the metal rivets, I could tell how nervous she was. I yelled into the microphone, "First time in one of these?"

Lauren nodded quickly, her death grip on the medical bag was the other give away. I smiled and motioned for her to look in my eyes, "Look here and I promise it will all be okay."

Her golden brown eyes focused on mine and she began to ease up. As the pilot announced we were getting close, and that we should brace for a quick landing, Lauren mouthed "I love you." I mouthed it back to her as the helicopter descended quickly.

The sounds of yelling and screams overtook the sounds of the helicopter blades cutting through the air. A dirty, bloodied soldier ran up to the open door, grabbing the medical bag he grabbed my hand as I unbuckled, he screamed in my ear as I was close, "I got two guys that are bleeding heavily, and one is having a heart attack, he is over by the Humvee. We chased the bastards off, but they will be back now that the helicopter is here." I nodded and let him pull me off the helicopter. Lauren was quick to follow me as we ran to the small squad. The two soldiers that were also on the helicopter followed us, keeping a close eye on our backs.

I ran to the two soldiers first as Lauren was taken to the one having a possible heart attack. I looked over them quickly, I started ripping open bandages and digging under the field dressings, one was in need of immediate surgery to remove the large chunk of metal that was lodged into his upper thigh. I yelled instructions to the other soldiers to apply pressure while I checked on the second. The second had a chest wound that had stopped bleeding on its own, but had filled the chest up with blood. I had to do a quick field chest tube and begin wrapping it up to stabilize the soldier. I looked up at where Lauren was, she was working on the cardiac arrest, giving him aspirin and trying to get him to calm down enough so she could get him back to the helicopter. She looked back and met my eyes. I went to smile at her to reassure her when I heard a quick series of pops, pops like firecrackers. I flinched knowing exactly what it was.

All of the soldiers dipped their heads down, I watched as the one with Lauren pushed her down to the ground. I laid on top of the soldier I had just put a tube in. that's when I remembered I had not bothered to grab the extra flak jacket on the way out. The door gunner ran over to me and dropped down, "We gotta get outta here, there's a large squad of bastards coming our way, the helicopter drew them out. The pilot is going to lift up, lay down some covering fire to scare them off. I need you and Commander Lewis to hustle your asses and get these boys closer to the chopper. We will drop back down and do a grab and run." he looked at me with wide green eyes, "You copy?"

"I copy." The door gunner stood up, fired a few rounds and ran back to the helicopter. I grabbed one of the other soldiers, "I need you to help get these two back that way. I also need one of you to help the other doctor, we have a few minutes at most to get these boys out of here safely." the soldier nodded and tapped a few of his buddies, they all moved quickly, laying down cover fire as I moved with the one with the chest tube. I kept my focus as the helicopter lifted up and spun around, emptying as much ammo as they could on the enemy. It gave us a reprieve as we pulled the wounded towards the landing zone. The helicopter lowered back down, the door gunner jumped out and helped to load the first two.

I looked back at Lauren, she was struggling with her soldier. I motioned to the door gunner that I was running back. He nodded and covered me as I ran. I picked up the end of the small tarp that we were using to carry the wounded. I looked at Lauren, her eyes were full of fear but determined to get the guy on the helicopter. The door gunner met us halfway with the other soldier who was riding with us, they took over for us, moving faster than we had back to the helicopter. I was two steps ahead of Lauren when I heard the firecracker pops start up again, followed by the barrage of return fire. I turned to Lauren, she was running towards me, when I saw a bullet tear into her arm as another hit her in the side knocking her from her steps, forcing her to drop to her knees.

I screamed, "NO!" I turned to run back, I felt a hand try and hold me back, I ripped my arm out and ran towards her. She was trying to get up, but I could tell the bullet had broken her arm. I made it to her and dropped to my knees pulling her up, "Come on, come on, get up, Lauren. We are almost there." She looked up at me with tears in her eyes, I forced her up. She had the wind knocked out of her and was going into shock. I wrapped an arm around her, "Three more steps and its back to the shitty meatloaf you love." I swallowed hard as I got her to jog with me, the back and forth of the gunfire radiating around us. The door gunner met us halfway, he scooped Lauren up like she was nothing and ran towards the open door. I ran as fast as I could.

Then I felt what felt like two extremely hot bee stings tear through my upper shoulder and on my middle back. It was so hot it forced me to a stop, the sound around me became muted and things felt like they were slowing down.

I instinctively looked up at the door of the helicopter, Lauren was sitting in her seat, tears running down her face screaming and looking at me. Her arm reaching out for me as the other soldier held her back, trying to strap her in. I tried to smiled and as I tried to run again, I coughed hard and tasted blood in my mouth. I reached up and wiped at my mouth, my fingers were covered in blood. I closed my eyes and felt woozy, I looked up at the door gunner who was running towards me, he was suddenly blurry. I reached for him, and the last thing in my head before everything went black was, I should have grabbed that goddamn flak jacket.


	12. Chapter 12

**So I have an alternate chapter that will be posted at the end of this story, kind of like a DVD extra. the chapter I did write would have ended the story and as much as I had thought about it, there is a bit of story left too tell. and well...I made myself super sad with the original chapter. Enjoy!**

There were voices, screaming, yelling. I would open my eyes and catch blurred glimpses of faces and camouflage. I had a hard time breathing, as if I was breathing for the first time. My body hurt, and it felt like I was floating. I went to reach my hand out to touch something, when I heard her voice. Issuing orders and directives as I was dragged off the helicopter and placed on a stretcher. I rolled my head and saw Lauren, ripping off the helmet and throwing it to the side as she ran after me. Her arm was in makeshift sling, blood had covered her entire sleeve. She pushed away a few nurses that tried to help her. "We need to get her into surgery now, pull whatever blood we have. She has lost a few liters and we need to replace it." she yelled at one of the other doctors to come help her, while she tried shrugging off the fatigue shirt she was wearing. Lauren bent close to me, checking to see if I was still with her, her face was dirty with tear streaks cutting clean tracks down her face, "Bo, you are stuck with me, so don't look for anyway out of this." she smiled weakly, "How many more medals are you going to get before you let someone else save you?"

I opened my mouth to say something witty, I coughed hard and felt more blood in my mouth. I felt woozy and grabbed Laurens hand, "Take care the rest first...I can wait." Lauren looked scared as she said, "They will be taken care of, I promise, Bo." I coughed again and nodded off, feeling my hand drop from hers, Lauren began yelling again. I let my heavy eyelids close and I drifted off, knowing that I had no chance in hell surviving, Lauren whispered something to me that I could not make out as I let sleep overcome me.

* * *

I woke up, hazy and numb. Things around me were bright and white. I also felt like I was floating, I heard a few gentle voices and it took me a groggy minute to take it in that I was in a transport helicopter. And I was very much alive. I looked around the interior for Lauren, I found no one but O'Neil. Who smiled at me as she saw I was awake. She moved closer to me, "Lieutenant Commander, it's good to see you awake. We are headed to Germany for further treatment."

I pushed my tired voice, "Lauren?"

O'Neil smiled and nodded, "She is fine."

I looked around the small interior, O'Neil picked up on things, "She is still at the unit, I have nothing beyond that, our main focus was you and getting you out of there before things turned for the worse." O'Neil took a breath and was distracted by the in flight nurse who was asking her to hold a new IV line while she placed it. Within seconds, I knew it was a painkiller sleep cocktail, I drifted off to the gentle hum of the helicopter blades, marveling how much softer they seemed than the last time I was in a helicopter.

I drifted in and out of my haze for days, they were keeping me on painkillers as I was in and out of surgery over the next few days. I slept a lot, and had no dreams. I finally woke up when I heard a familiar voice in the room around me. I opened heavy eyes and looked around the room I was in, it was obvious I was in one of the German hospitals, I had been to this hospital once or twice when I would transport patients. Now I was one. I felt like lead when I tried to sit up, one of the nurses saw me awake and hurried over to help me sit up, "Morning Lieutenant Commander, its good to see you awake." her voice had a gentle German accent to it.

I held onto the young girls arm as she steadied me, I rasped out, "Call me Bo, please." The girl nodded as she gave me some water, I took a few sips and felt a tightness in my chest. I glanced down and saw I was wrapped up like a mummy across my midsection and my left shoulder. I looked back up at he nurse, "The doctor will be by in a few to check over you." I nodded and tried not to squirm too much as I felt extremely itchy. The nurse gave me a couple of extra pillows, "There is a visitor here for you, he just arrived and you were asleep. I can go get him if you would like?"

I nodded, wobbly. The girl smiled and went out into the hallway as I looked around my room. I felt like hell and was slightly confused as how I got a private room in a busy hospital. I wiggled my hands as they felt stiff, then went to go pick at my bandages so I could see what was underneath. "Goddamnit Dennis."

I looked up and smiled at Admiral Williams who stood in the doorway, he let out a breath as he walked over to the chair by my bed, "You know how hard it has been to explain why my consultant went out on a rescue mission and was grievously injured?" he set his dress hat on the edge of the bed, "What the hell were you thinking, Bo? You almost died, if it wasn't for those two boys and Commander Lewis, I would be attending your funeral."

I swallowed hard, "Where is Commander Lewis?"

Admiral Williams picked at his uniform jacket, "She is in the process of leaving the unit, Lewis fought to stay longer but her wounded arm was too much for the desert, the trauma surgeons could only do so much with what they have there. I believe she is leaving today, but I can't tell you from where and how, I am not privy to that information." Admiral Williams looked me in the eye with the same blue eyes Aaron carried, "It's been almost two months since you were injured. When I say you almost died, Bo, I mean it. It has been one hell of a fight to keep you alive on all ends." he leaned forward, supporting his elbows on his knees. "I am not going to lie when I say I would really like to see you leave the Navy, Bo."

"Are you asking me to quit?" I looked at him, knowing I still had the option to sign up for a few more years or leave. I had a intense drive to stay in the Navy for some reason. He laughed, "No I would never ask you to quit, but I am suggesting you leave. You have become the daughter I never had, because of what you have done for my family. So please, find a small countryside practice in England looking at old people's achy bones and go home, marry that stubborn British Naval Officer and start a life. That is something worth quitting for, the love you two share." He reached for my hand, "You know you have saved all of our lives in one way or another."

My eyes turned glassy, as I looked at his hand in mine. He let out a breath, "You will be heading home in a few days, Grace is aware of your arrival and Aaron will be here tomorrow to take the ride with you." The Admiral patted my hand and stood up, "Be prepared, he will give you the same lecture I just did." he tucked his hat under his arm, "Also, you are getting another commendation for your bravery. You saved those boys lives and you save Commander Lewis, I believe even the British Navy is throwing a little something your way." he smiled and winked at me, "Stop being the hero, you are making the rest of us look bad." Admiral Williams bent forward and kissed me gently on the forehead, "Go home, Bo. And stay home."

He threw me a casual salute and walked out of the room. I sat with my hands on my lap and let everything he said sink in. The doctor broke my silence when he rushed into the room, checking on me. In the time he looked at my bandages he told me about my injuries. My shoulder had been fractured and tendons torn, my chest wound was the one that almost killed me. The bullet had clipped my lung and nicked an artery. If it wasn't for the door gunner who acted fast, I would have bled out in the helicopter. Lauren was the one who managed to get my artery nick closed, with one hand and the assistance of one of the other doctors, they repaired my injury and stabilized me. Apparently Lauren had told many a ranking officer to fuck off when they tried to pull her from me. She would not leave me until she knew I had stabilized, she had slept by my side until I was transported, changing my bandages with the help of a nurse. When I was transported to the German hospital, I had to have a few surgeries to clean out the wound, infection had set in and I had gotten pneumonia.

I stared at the doctor as he raised my arm up, checking the minimal range of motion I had in it. I had almost died a couple of times, and didn't because of the stubbornness of one woman. The doctor eventually left me, issuing me milder painkillers after I requested them. I had enough of the blurred haze I had been living in. I had wanted to ask how I could get a hold of Lauren, but I didn't know if anyone in this hospital would be able to or want to bother too.

* * *

A few days later Aaron breezed into my room, smiling as he climbed into the bed next to me. He was wearing dress pants and a button down. I looked at him as he wrapped an arm around me gently, "No uniform?"

"Hell no, I am your personal escort home. No need to bring any more attention to you." he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, "God it's so good to see you, for a minute there..." he shook his head and squeezed my hand, "I am taking you home and locking you into that manor until you are far too old to be in the military anymore." He rolled off the edge of the bed, walking to the bag he had dropped when he walked in. He held it up, "I brought you some real clothes." Aaron opened the bag and pulled out a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. He tossed them on the end of the bed, "Let's get you dressed and out of here, I ran into the doctor out in the hall. He says whenever you are ready to leave, I can take you."

I smiled as I wiggled myself out of the bed, holding my hand out to him, "I think you are going to have to help me get dressed." Aaron raised his eyebrow, "Hmm, I hope some blonde doctor never find out, or I will have a jealous girlfriend at my door." he walked over to me, helping me up, reaching for the clothes as we walked to the bathroom. He set me down on the edge of the bathtub and helped me pull off the gown, I held onto his shoulder as I asked, "Lauren?"

Aaron helped me get my good arm through the sleeve, and pull the rest over my other arm that was still in a sling. He grabbed the jeans, "She is safe, sick, but safe. Dad was only able to tell me that much, she is back on safe soil and getting her arm taken care of." he held out the jeans as I struggled to get in them, "Can you get a hold of her for me?"

Aaron helped me stand up, "I wish I could, but I am nobody in the British Navy, Dad couldn't even get much. Apparently there is still some small tensions revolving around your actions. You broke a few protocols, Bo." he grabbed my hand and steadied me, looking me over, "That's better. You look almost normal." he then wrapped an arm around my waist, "Let's get you home and then worry about the small details later."

I nodded as I felt a tear slide down my cheek, "I love her, Aaron. I just need to tell her that."

Aaron smiled and wiped at my cheek, "She knows and you will, soon you both will be home." he motioned with his head, "But there are a few other people at home that love you and need you just as much."

I leaned against Aaron as he walked me back out into the room, grabbed the rest of my small items and shoved them in the bag. He left me for a moment to grab a wheelchair, sitting me in it and rolling me out of the hospital to the black car I knew was courtesy of my aunt. He helped me in the back and sat next to me, grabbing my hand and never letting go of it until we arrived at the airport.

* * *

I took a deep breath of air when I leaned against Aaron once again, the flight home was short and I had slept most of it, my head on his shoulder. He only woke me up when we landed and again when we pulled in front of the manor. He smiled at me as I took in the smells of home again. I looked at the front door as it opened slowly, Grace walked out with Jack, he was clutching onto her hand and seemed shy at first. Grace smile wide as she clutched her handkerchief, she went to come to me and I shook my head. I wanted to come to her. Aaron and I took slow steps until I stood in front of my aunt, "I promised I would come home."

She smiled and let out a soft sob and pulled me into a tight embrace. "Oh Ysabeau, don't you dare do this too me again."

I held onto Grace until I felt a tug at the loose end of my sweatshirt, I looked down to see Jack pulling it to get my attention. I bent down with the help of Grace, I smiled at the little boy who looked even more like his mother than before, "Hello there."

Jack smiled, "Is mummy with you? Miss Grace said you and her were coming home together." I looked down at the ground, trying not to cry in front of the boy, "Your mummy is right behind me, in a few days she will be here, hugging you just like she never left." I looked up at the boy and brushed some the hair out of his face, "How do you like it here?" I wanted to changed the subject.

Jack smiled and grabbed my good hand, "It's a big house, I have my own room! I left Kenzi there, she fell asleep while we colored pictures for you." he was careful when he pulled at my arm, I stood up and let him take me into the house, looking back at Aaron and Grace as they waved me on, grabbing my bags for me. Jack walked me down the other side of the manor that neither Grace and I ever used, the smile was still on my face as I was glad that the house was finally seeing life all the way through. Kinda like I was.

Jack was extremely gentle for a little boy as he stopped once and looked at me, "Bo, do you have a boo boo?" I nodded, "I do, but your mummy fixed it for me." I pulled up the sweatshirt to show him the bandages, he cocked his head and looked at them, then looked up in my eyes, "I am glad she fixed you, you are nice to me and mummy." he turned and continued his walk to the old bedrooms that Grace had turned into a boy's room. Kenzi was passed out on the floor, crayons in her hands. Jack turned to me, his fingers against his mouth, telling me to be quiet as we crept in. he walked over to Kenzi and sat down in front of her, gently patting her on the back, whispering, "Kenzi, wake up. I have to show Bo my room."

Kenzi snorted and jerked awake, dropping the crayon as she rubbed at her face, "What did you say Jackson?"

Jack giggled and pointed at me, "I have to show Bo my room." Kenzi turned to look at me, when she met my eyes she looked at me and flat out said, "You know you are not a fucking cat, Bo. You don't have nine lives."

I gave her a look, "Kenzi...the kid." Kenzi stood up and walked over to me, stopping to stare at me for a second, before she attacked me with a hug, "I mean it Bo, no more of this." she leaned back and looked over my face as she held a hand against it, "It is good to have this face back in my life, don't take it away from me." She turned to Jack, "Right Jackson?"

Jack giggled and nodded as he doodled on a piece of paper, "Right Kenzi."

I sighed as I slowly began to see that my family had adopted Jack as one of their own. Jack held up a piece of paper with stick figures on it, "i made this for you, Bo." He pointed at the figures, "That's you, mummy, me, Grace and Kenzi. I have to put Uncle Aaron on it still." I gently held up the picture, my eyes welling up. "It's perfect Jack."

He blushed and set his crayons down, and proceeded to show me the rest of his temporary room. I stood with Kenzi, who had a death grip on me as I was shown the space ship night light, the sailboat sheets, the new books Miss Grace had gotten Jack. I was exhausted and tired, but I would not leave this moment for anything. When he started to tell me a story about how Grace and Kenzi took him to the big city, Grace walked in.

"Jack, can I steal Bo back from you? I think she needs to get some rest from her long trip." Grace looked at me and saw how tired I was.

Jack nodded and ran over to Kenzi, "Can we have the snack now?"

Kenzi nodded and took the little boy's hand, "We sure can." Kenzi gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before she left the room with Jack.

* * *

Grace walked me back to my old room, she had taken the same death grip Kenzi had on me. She was painfully quiet as she helped me get settled into my room. She had a pained look on her face when she helped me change out of the pajamas, but she didn't say anything as she helped me get my arm through a large shirt and settled into bed, she sighed and placed a hand on my knee, "Get some sleep. In the morning I will get you caught up on everything. Jack is a good boy and has been such an added joy to this old house." she smiled tightly, "His mother is expected to be home in a few days. I believe I will owe her many thanks for saving you." Grace closed her eyes, "Ysabeau, please tell me you are done with this war, this Navy."

"I am done with this war, Grace." I covered her hand with mine, "I am sorry for doing this to you, I couldn't help it, they needed me."

Grace squeezed my hand, smiling, "I know, and you saved three men. I cannot argue with you." She leaned over and kissed me on the forehead, "Sleep. Aaron is staying for a few days, Kenzi as well. The house will be full when you wake up." she stood up and smoothed out her skirt, "If you need any of us in the night, call." she pulled out my cellphone and set it on the table next to me. I whispered a thank you and listened to her heels click away down the hallway. I rolled over onto my good arm and fell asleep in two breaths.

I woke up in the middle of the night, after feeling someone rustle the blankets next to me. I pushed my self up, sitting against the headboard, I squinted in the ambient light. I had thought maybe it was Kenzi, or even Aaron sneaking in to check on me and passing out in my bed to make sure I would not leave.

Instead I made out a small shape curled up in the expanse of the other side of the bed. Jack rolled over and snuggled his head into the pillows. I reached and turned the light on, waking the little boy up. He squinted at me and smiled. "Jack, what are you doing? It's way past your bedtime." I kept my voice low and soft.

Jack sat up in the middle of the bed, "I know. But when Miss Grace was putting to bed, she told me you were a little sick. That's why you had to go to bed early." he rubbed at his eyes, "When I am sick, mummy sits in the bed with me, so I am not scared and she can be there if I need her." he picked up his teddy bear and handed it too me, "I came to sit in the bed with you, in case you were scared. You want to hold my bear? I can leave him and go back to my bed."

I held back the tears and patted the space next to me, "I think it'd be okay if you stayed, I could use someone to sit with me." Jack crawled over to me and snuggled up into my side. "Bo, do you love my mummy? Like Audrey?" I placed a gentle hand on the boys head, running my hand over his hair, "I do, Jack but I love her so much more." Jack looked up at me with his bright blue eyes, "You love her more than me?"

I laughed and shook my head, "We love her just the same." Jack giggled and hugged me, "I love you Bo."

My heart dropped when he said it, I kissed the top of his head, "I love you too, Jack." He giggled again, "Tell me a story, Bo."

I took a deep breath, "Ok, there once was this grumpy lady doctor, who was mean to everyone and lived in a castle. She had a broken heart, didn't love anything or anyone, then one day she met this beautiful lady doctor one her first day at a new hospital. It was love at first sight, but the grumpy doctor did not want to admit it." I paused to see if Jack was listening to my horrible fairytale. I was relieved to see he was passed out on my lap. I sighed hard, turning off the light and holding onto his teddy bear with my bad arm, I fell asleep soon after.

That night I dreamt of Lauren and the rescue mission, the painkillers had fallen out of my system completely, letting my mind work clear as it wanted to sort through the trauma I had been through. I jolted awake when I saw the first bullet hit Lauren. I was sweating and breathing hard, Jack was rolled over on his back, sleeping hard, spread out in the giant bed. I slid out of the bed slowly so as not to wake him and walked to my bathroom. It was very early in the morning, a little past six. I took a breath, I had been asleep for almost twelve hours and I was still exhausted. I closed the bathroom door quietly and ran water over my face and tried to check my bandages. I did not have much seepage and would be good for a few more hours. I shut the water off when I heard Jack's soft voice, and him shuffle around in the bed. I went to open the door to let him know I was still there.

Jack smiled when he saw me, and whispered, "Mummy, Bo is right there." Lauren's back was too me and he was holding onto her in a tight little kid hug. Lauren turned slightly and looked over her shoulder, tears running down her face, her voice was raspy and quiet, "Hi, Bo."


	13. Chapter 13

**Short chapter...I know. Life has been busy and things have changed a bit in my life, so I am adjusting to it all and trying to stay fresh with these stories. there will be more to come with this story as I have a couple more chapters left in this one. so be patient and I will continue to update as I can while the dust bowl of life surrounds me!**

My hand covered my mouth as I tried to hold back the gasp that was about to escape. I felt my heart tighten at the simple sight of Lauren on my bed. I was frozen in my place, my hand was wet as my tears rolled down and landed on my fingers, as I tried to hold back my emotions. I didn't want to upset Jack as he laid his head on his mother's shoulder. Lauren turned her head back around and whispered something to Jack. He leaned back out of her arms, and smiled. Lauren left him sitting in the middle of the bed as she slowly stood up. She turned to me, my eyes fell to the edge of the cast that ended at the edge of her left hand.

"Your arm...is it?" I pulled my hand away from my face, it trembled as I lowered it to my chest.

Lauren said nothing, just took the few steps towards me, she pulled me to her with her good arm, saying nothing at all as she kissed me. It was a kiss like no other I had ever experienced in my life, not from anyone in my life before Lauren and I was certain, no one after her. Because in that moment I knew there would be no one else I would ever want or need. I gripped her upper arm as I held her close, giving all I had in that same kiss, as she was giving me everything. She broke the kiss, and with her eyes closed, "I owe you my life and my heart."

I couldn't find the words. I just kept staring into the golden brown eyes that I thought I would never see again. I glanced at her arm, "Are you okay?" my voice trembled as the words faltered out.

Lauren smiled, "I will be, in time." she looked back at Jack who was smiling, "Having him back, it's all I need." she came back to me, "And you."

"He has become a part of this small family that grows by the minute." I leaned into her arms, my head resting on her chest as I shut my eyes tight and I listened to her heart beat, she was alive, she was here.

Lauren and I were soon interrupted by an excited little boy who missed his mother tremendously and never let go of her hand as we left my bedroom and walked to the kitchen. I could tell Lauren's arm was still healing, as she held it at a strange angle. While Jack was eating his cereal, I asked, "Will you still be able to be a doctor?"

Lauren never took her eyes off her son, "After a couple more surgeries. I have metal plates holding the bones together. My stubbornness and unwillingness to seek proper treatment allowed the bones to heal in a mismatched manner. I had to have the bone fragments and the bullet shard removed, then the bone re-broken." she lifted up the cast, "I will be back to performing surgeries in a few months, but I will never swing a tennis racket like I used too."

I smiled wide at her, "You played tennis?"

She glanced at me, "There are some things you still don't know about me, Bo." She looked at my bandages, "And you?"

I shrugged, trying to hide the half mummy I was, "Better, I have been told I will recover completely. All because of a doctor who refused to let me go when I should have..." Lauren shook her head at me, stopping my words. I pushed my coffee cup around, "How can I ever thank you for saving my life."

Lauren said nothing, just reached across the table and picked up my hand in hers. Jack giggled as he bounced in his seat, finishing up the last few spoonful's of cereal, "Mummy, I like it here. My room is really big and Miss Grace is nice, and Kenzi calls me Jackson. That's not even my name, but it's okay, I think she's funny." He leaned his head on his arm, "Can we go to the zoo again?"

Lauren laughed lightly, "Anything you want." Jack smiled wide, bouncing in his seat more. "Can we stay here mummy?"

Lauren frowned a bit, "It's not our house, Jack. It's Bo's and Grace's."

"There is more than enough room for two more, Lauren." I looked at her with hopeful eyes, suddenly wanting her to be with me no matter what. "I know Grace enjoys the house being a little more lively, and I. I would be willing to share." I smirked. Lauren sighed, running her thumb over my fingers. She looked at her son, as she spoke to me, "This is more family than he has had since Robert died. We will talk about it when Grace gets up, I would hate to impose anymore than I already have."

"You don't have to discuss anything further with me Lauren, Ysabeau is correct. This house is far too large for the two lonely ladies that live here." Grace walked into the kitchen in her robe, still looking as elegant as ever, regardless that it was apparent she had just woken up. She walked over to where Jack was sitting, "You are more than welcome to share this house with us as long as you like. Jack has his room and there is a lovely large room next to his that would suit you, Lauren." Grace smiled at Jack as he whispered a good morning. "You have become a part of this family, both of you."

Lauren bit her lip, trying not to cry. I stood up, moving to stand next to her, my hand on her back. Silence fell between us as watched Jack showing Grace the pictures on his cereal box.

* * *

After breakfast and some time spent with Jack as he showed Lauren all the pictures he had drawn over the last few months, we went outside to walk around the property. Jack was running around in front of us, playing and chasing leaves as the cool wind blew them around. I reached for her hand, taking it I mine as we walked. It felt strange to be walking in the green expanse of my backyard with her, especially after everything that had happened. I found myself stealing glances at her, it had been awhile since I saw Lauren, the last time I did it was for short, blurred moments. Lauren smiled, still watching Jack as he ran around, "Bo, you can stop staring. I have no intentions of leaving you." she turned to me, "Because I never want you to chase after me again." leaning over, Lauren kissed me on the lips.

I went to kiss her again when I felt a little arm hug my leg, looking down I saw Jack wrapping his arms around Lauren and I, giggling as he squeezed us tight. I kept my eyes on the little boy, "Lauren, I was serious about it, I would love if you and this little guy moved in." I turned to look at her, a smirk on my face, "Is it too soon to ask my girlfriend to move in with me?"

Lauren raised her eyebrows at me, "I think after everything we have gone through together, it's a pretty tame request." she bent down to her son, "Jack, what do you think?"

Jack poked at the cast on Laurens arm, nodding in agreement, "I want to stay here, mummy." She kissed him on the cheek and looked up at me, "I think that settles it." Jack clapped his hands as Lauren stood up, her cell phone ringing. Pulling it out of her pocket her face dropped a bit. "Excuse me, Bo. I need to take this, it's Audrey."

I raised my eyebrows as Lauren shook her head, "It's nothing like that, I called her when I landed. I am having her turn over all my files to John, she was my lawyer for a long time and I entrusted her with much of my private affairs." Lauren issued me a quick kiss as she stepped away to answer the phone.

I watched as she spoke quietly, her face full of calm determination. A small twinge of jealousy hit my heart but was eased as I felt Jack pull at my hand, I smiled as he waved at me to bend down so he could talk to me. I knelt in front of him, "Bo, are you going to marry my mummy?"

I was caught by surprise, and at a loss of words at the power of one little boy's question. "I don't know Jack."

He made a face, and played with my good hand as it held onto his, "Mummy is always happy when you are around, she isn't sad like she used to be." he smiled, "and mummy always told me that I should marry someone who makes me happy when I grow up." he nodded at me as if it was a hard life fact.

I sighed and looked over at Lauren, still on the phone. She turned and caught my eyes, smiling wide as a slow blush came over her face. Jack whispered as I kept my eyes on Lauren, "I want you to marry my mummy, so we can be friends forever Bo." I squeezed his hand, I didn't know what to say. I had not thought about marriage since Dyson, never really wanted it as I shuttered my heart up like an abandoned house. Now, one woman and her son were pulling down those boards and opening my heart to the possibilities of a life full of love.

Lauren was off the phone, coming back over to Jack and I. "Audrey is on her way over to John's office, with my files." she let out a steady breath, "I am going to run over there and meet her, try to finish this up as fast as I can so John can get to work sorting through the other small messes she made." Lauren looked at Jack and I with playful suspicion, " Are You two talking about me behind my back?"

I smiled and shook my head, "Not at all, right Jack?" He giggled and hide his face behind me. Lauren raised an eyebrow, I spoke quickly to throw her off, "I will come with you, Lauren, I want to see John as well, I need to thank him."

Lauren glanced at the ground, "Just be warned, Audrey is a little um, emotional. Apparently Jack's grandmother had told her everything about me being going to the war and being wounded." Lauren sighed, "She is still very much attached to me and it's going to be a bit of an ordeal."

I shrugged, "I can't blame her, I am very much attached to you and you have only been home for less than a day." I walked over to her, my hands on her arms, "I don't want you out of my sight anytime soon. I can handle an upset ex girlfriend, like you handled a jealous ex boyfriend."

Lauren laughed, "Hopefully you won't punch her in the mouth."

I laughed with her, "I don't have a mean right hook like you do, Doctor."

Jack was giggling as he pushed off from behind me, Lauren and I watched as he ran full speed towards Aaron. Aaron had a bright, wide grin on his face as he picked up Jack in his arms. He carried the little boy on his shoulders as he walked over to Lauren and I. Commander, how did you sneak past me? Grace told me you have been here all morning? I was sleeping on the couch in the front room."

"I tried to wake you up, but you were very much asleep, Aaron." Lauren half hugged Aaron. "You were mumbling something about accepting the academy award for best actor, and you had a smile on your face. I thought I would leave you to your dream." Lauren winked at Aaron as he changed the subject as his face turned a slight pink

"I have to thank you for saving my favorite girl here." Aaron winked at me, "My life would be drastically boring without Bo in it." He shifted Jack on his shoulders, "I was sent out here to collect you ladies, Grace is serving lunch in the kitchen and it's the size of a small buffet. I think she is a little more than excited that her family is whole again." Aaron set Jack down, handing him off to Lauren as Jack pulled his mother to the kitchen. I watched as she giggled with the boy, I could not stop staring at the woman.

Aaron half hugged me and smirked, "You should stop staring and marry that girl already, Bo."

I poked him in the side, "You know, you are the second person to tell me that today. What is it with you all wanting me to settle down." Aaron looked down at me, "We just want you to find the same happiness you have given us all. When you look at that woman, your eyes light up and the rest of the world fades away." he squeezed me gently, "I am serious Bo, I have never seen you this happy even though you were two toes away from shaking hands with the good lord. The nurses told me the few times you woke up, you asked for her. If that's not true love, I don't know what is." he motioned for us to start walking back to the house, "Marry that girl, and find the life you ran away from." I sighed hard and leaned into him. I was starting to think Jack and Aaron were right, it was time that I let someone in completely and capture the life I always wanted, but this time it would be with Lauren.


	14. Chapter 14

**A few more chapters to come before I wrap it up and present you with the alternate ending. Enjoy!**

Jack eagerly stayed with Grace and Aaron as I left with Lauren to go to Johns office. Lauren was still quiet and tentative. I knew she was going through the same adjustment I had when I finally came home from the war. I looked over at her, reaching for her hand, "Are you okay?"

Lauren smiled weakly, nodding, "Yes." She took a steady breath, "It's the first day I have been home, no sand, no heat, no..."

I interrupted her, "I know, you don't have to tell me." Lauren glanced over at me, "I owe you a lifetime of apologizes for being such a hardass to you when you first walked into my office, I had no idea."

I smiled, "No one really does until they have been in it." I held her hand, "You are home now, and if you want to talk." I left it at that, I knew trying to over compensate and being too compassionate would just irritate the lingering on edge feeling I knew she was carrying.

Lauren smiled and turned back to the road, "I want nothing more to sleep a whole night with you in my arms, Bo."

* * *

John's office was the same one in the middle of London that I remembered going to with Grace as a little girl. Pushed into an ancient building turned into offices, the large stone walls provided with a thick, cool silence as you entered, shutting off the hustle and bustle of the city outside. Lauren stood off to my right, her fingers linked in mine, since the large cast she had prevented our hands coming together completely. I was smiling to myself as I walked up to the front desk, the young man behind the desk smiled at Lauren asking if she had an appointment, Lauren filled in the young man as I walked away from her to look down the hallway. I heard John's voice as he sat in his office, mingling with a younger woman's voice, they were in a mildly heated conversation.

I overheard the young man ask me if I had an appointment, I turned to him and shook my head, "No, I don't. The young man and smiled as he called john, "Ma'am, there is a sitting area if you would like to wait until your friend is done with her meeting."

I nodded and smiled at Lauren who moved to stand next to me, "Well, friend. I can wait out here for you, I will setup my appointment to see John."

Lauren smirked, "Don't you technically own this legal office? These are your family lawyers, right?"

I shrugged, "Grace owns the building, I am the eventual heir to this building and the contents." I looked at the young man taking phone calls, "I am not one to throw my weight around."

I heard the soft clap of John's shoes as he came out into the front area, smiling as he held his hand out to Lauren, "Ms. Lewis! Welcome home! I have everything set up in the conference room." he took Laurens hand and gave her a slight hug, then looked at me, "Bo! Why are you waiting out here? You could have sat in my office." he looked back at the young man, "Why do you have Ms. McCorrigan sitting out here?" his tone was gentle as the kids face turned a whiter shade of pale. He stammered as he tried to remedy is mistake, I smiled and waved off the young man, "It's no trouble, I should have made an appointment." I batted my eyelashes at John, "But I do kind of want to take a look at some of the files I left neglected when I left New York for the Navy."

John laughed, "If you let me take care of Ms. Lewis here, we can certainly get to work on those files, make your Aunt happy you are finally taking care of the will and inheritance." John took my hand, "Feel free to wait in my office, Bo." he put a hand on Lauren's back, "This way Ms. Lewis, your former counsel is already waiting."

I looked at Lauren as I felt her physically tense up, the dynamic in the air changed with her. I gave her a reassuring smile as John walked us to the conference room. I stood outside the door as Lauren walked in. The same brunette I had seen in her office before we both left for New York, stood up suddenly from her chair and rushed to Lauren. "Lauren! Oh my god." she looked at the cast on Laurens arm. "Are you okay? What happened."

Lauren took a slight step back, trying to move away from the woman's touch, "I am fine, Audrey." Audrey shook her head, "You don't look fine. What happened? I also don't understand why I am in this office."

Lauren clenched her jaw, "I told you when I called you, that I am removing you as my lawyer." she motioned to John, "He is my new lawyer."

Audrey opened her mouth, visibly irritated, "Really? And how are you intending to pay for this level of legal representation."

Lauren sighed and moved past Audrey to sit down, "I am not going to fight with you, Audrey. I want to get this done and over with and home to Jack."

Audrey folded her arms and turned to Lauren. I felt John pat me on the back, "This way Bo." he looked up at the two women in the conference room, "This may take a bit, Audrey is young, emotional and has been picking at the reasons why I am the new counsel."

I took a breath, "Thank you for doing this, John." John winked, "Anything for your family." We both went to take steps to move to the office in the back of the building when I heard Audrey raise her voice, making me stop in mid step.

"Lauren, where has Jack been staying? I was listed as his guardian and I find out that, that was also changed. Who hired this new lawyer for you? How are you paying for it and why are you doing this too me?"

Lauren sighed, keeping her voice low, "Audrey, Jack is being taken care of. I am doing nothing too you, we broke up a long time ago and life moves on. You should understand that."

Audrey raised her voice a bit more, "No, I don't Lauren, I still love you and who is that woman you came in with?"

"Her name is Bo, and she is my girlfriend." Laurens voice was firm and emotionless.

I heard Audrey, push out a irritated laugh, "Your girlfriend? I get it now, she is the one pushing you away from me. Am I right? I can't believe you brought her here to this."

My temper flickered, I walked quickly to the conference room, surprising both Lauren and Audrey. "She didn't bring me here, I asked to come." Audrey turned to look at me, her eyes full of spite that I was the one taking the attention away from her. "I am not pushing Lauren to do anything, that is all you."

Audrey folded her arms, "You don't even know me, so don't you dare begin to assume anything." Her voice was dripping with hate and anger.

It came out hard as I said it, trying to hold back from yelling, "No I don't know you, all I know is you are the inexperienced lawyer who fucked up a lot of things up for Lauren, lost her her son and pushed Lauren in to a war. A war I chased her too, because I love her more than my own life. I am the one who fought harder than you did for Lauren and her son, I almost died for that woman. So, no I will not assume anything about you, but I will not allow you to take out your frustration of your own mistakes on her." I pointed at Audrey, "Do you what you have to do here, and leave before I get angry." I looked at Lauren who was trying to hide a smile. I glanced at a very red faced, embarrassed Audrey.

John broke the awkward silence that fell around the room, "Bo." I broke my stare of Audrey and walked past john and into his office. My temper was still at a high, I was two seconds away from punching the woman in the face. I looked at john as I sat on the large leather couch, "Sorry about that, I have a little residual anger for that woman." I leaned forward on my knees, "I promise I will stay back here and behave until you are done."

John smiled and tried not to laugh, "Just make sure you invite me to the wedding, Bo." he winked at me as he left me sitting on the leather chair. I heaved a huge sigh as I laid back on the couch, fascinated by the desire all of the men in my life had for me marrying Lauren.

I could only sit for a few minutes before I called the young man at the front desk to bring me the files John had set aside, I was curious as to dig through what I left so many years ago. I was handed a large stack of files and folders. I sat back down on the couch and looked over the legal documents, it was Grace's will and my basic inheritance paperwork. I was truly the heir to the McCorrigan fortune, the liquor company assets, the manor and a large percentage of the horse breeding business. Grace had set it up that at the age of thirty five, the assets would begin to trickle down into my hands. I flipped through the pages, catching spots and provisions that would be filled in as I married. There were small notes I had made back when I was dating Dyson. Dyson would have been filled in had Grace not interjected when I joined the Navy. I stared at the paperwork, after a few moments I stood up and grabbed the white out. I covered up Dysons name and notes and wrote new notes, replacing Dyson with Lauren Lewis. Regardless if I married her or not, I wanted her to be taken care of as well as Jack. Even if our relationship dwindled and fell apart, I owed her at least that much. I scribbled notes for John as I went through the rest of the paperwork. An hour and half passed by, when I heard John knock on the door as he entered, Lauren was behind him.

I closed the last file I had and set it aside, "I went through and made notes and changes, John." I stood up and smoothed out my shirt as the sight of Lauren made me nervous. John picked up the files and set them on his desk, "Perfect, I will take a look at them later. Anything you want to discuss?"

I shook my head, keeping my eyes on Lauren as she looked tired taking a seat on the couch, "Nope, I made changes to the spousal provisions and added one more." I glanced at John, "Based on your advice earlier." John smiled wide as he knew what I was talking about. I sat down next to Lauren, "I think I should apologize for my outburst...it's that temper."

Lauren smiled, "Don't apologize, Audrey has been blind to the fact our relationship was over a long time ago. You opened her eyes."

In the instant our eyes met, I finally understood what Aaron, John and Jack were hinting at. There would never be anyone else. In that instant I knew I wanted to marry her. Lauren smiled wider as she caught me staring at her, John cleared his throat walking over to me. He handed me a thick envelope, "This is from the USN and the Royal Navy. It came while you were in Germany."

I broke away from Lauren, taking the envelope. "What is it?" John shrugged, "Not my place to open it. It is addressed to you." I opened the envelope and say that it was my formal commendation paperwork from the United States Navy as well as the Royal Navy. I read over the formal paragraph describing my actions on that day. I was to be awarded with my second purple heart and second Navy Cross from the USN and the Royal Navy was awarding me with a Distinguished Service Cross. There was short personal note from Admiral Williams. Informing me that in a months time, a formal ceremony would be held to award me the commendations. I sighed as I folded the papers back up, tossing them on to the table in front of me.

Lauren reached over and picked them up, reading over them quickly, she smiled, "Are you going to need a date to this ceremony? I might be available."

I looked at her, smiling, "I don't think I am going, I never went to the first one and I really don't want to go to this one. It's just more metal to carry around."

Lauren lowered the one sheet in her hand, "Fair enough, but will you be my date? I have this ceremony to attend for saving this feisty brunette American Lieutenant." She handed the sheets back to me, "So?"

I furrowed my brow, "Only if you promise me one thing, Commander."

Lauren nodded lightly. I grabbed her hand, "Neither of us go back." I looked in her eyes hard, it had more meaning than one for the both of us. Lauren looked at my hand in hers, whispering, "It will be the one promise I keep forever."

* * *

One Month Later-

Aaron and Jack were sitting on the bed, watching as I pulled on my dress uniform. I was finishing up the last final details before Lauren and I headed to the awards ceremony at the hospital. We both had yet to return to work at the hospital, I had a few more weeks to go and Lauren was working from the manor. She and Jack had moved in a few days after she came home from the desert. Jack was ecstatic that he was staying with us, he had grown very attached to Grace and Grace had taken him as her own.

Lauren was nervous for a few days, staying in the extra room until one night she crawled into my bed in the middle of the night. Shaking and scared from a bad dream she had, one she would not tell me about, but I knew it was similar to the many bad dreams I had and continued to have here and there. After that night, she never went back to the extra room.

I fidgeted with my buttons as I turned to look at Aaron, asking for his opinion of how my uniform fit now that I was free of the bulky bandages that had covered most of my upper half. I now had small pieces of gauze to keep the wound and my uniform clean. Aaron and jack nodded in approval. "Looking good Bo!" I smiled as I looked him up and down in his own dress uniform, "Not as good as you, you should wear that thing all the time." Aaron smirked as he stood up to fix my collar, "I wear it only for you, Bo." he glanced and caught sight of the small black box sitting next to my hat. He smiled wide, "Is that it?"

I glanced at the box, reaching for it and handing it to him, "It is, I picked it up from the jewelers this morning." Aaron sat back down next to Jack, who climbed up to look at the box as Aaron opened it. Aaron's smile widened when he saw it, "Holy sparkle Bo." Jack leaned and looked at the ring on the inside, "Is that for mummy?"

I leaned against my dresser, "It is. I am going to ask your mummy to marry me, is that okay with you?" I knew it was important to have Jack's approval.

Jack nodded eagerly as he bounced in his spot, "Yep!" he looked back at the ring, "Its sparkly."

Aaron closed the box and handed it back to me, "About time you did this, you two have been living in sin for too long." he laughed at the dirty look I shot him, "Where did you find a ring like that? I have never seen one in any of the shops around here."

I opened the box, looking at the vintage square cut diamond set into a wide band, cradled by two rubies also set into a old platinum band. "It was my mother's engagement ring. Grace gave it to me years ago when she felt I was responsible enough to have it and thought I was going to marry Dyson. Dyson had intentions of pulling the stones out and making a hybrid engagement ring for when he finally proposed to me." I stared at the diamonds, "I am glad I didn't do that, this ring is far too perfect and is everything I have of my parents." I closed the box slowly, "It also describes how I feel about Lauren."

Aaron made a soft aw sound, I stuck my tongue out at him as I dropped the box into my pocket. "When are you going to ask her?"

I reached for my hat, "Tonight, after the ceremony." I dropped my hat onto Jack's head making him giggle, "Before I talk to your dad about my future with the Navy." I slid into my jacket, and turned as I heard footsteps coming towards the room. I pointed at both boys, "Don't say a peep." Aaron and Jack nodded in unison as Lauren came into the room.

Jack rolled off the bed and ran to his mother, her cast barely fit into her dress uniform as she smiled, "Are you ready? The car is here."

I finished the last buttons on my jacket as Aaron slid his arm into mine, "Yes we are Commander." Aaron held out his other arm for Lauren to take as she held onto her sons hand. We met Grace at the door, wearing an elegant dress. She bent down to fix Jacks little tie and help him into his tiny jacket as Kenzi ran out of the kitchen, half eating a sandwich. I laughed at the sight of my best friend wearing the most expensive red dress I had ever seen in my life, chomping on a ham sandwich like it was the first meal she had in days, "Careful Kenzi, I would hate for you to choke on that thing. You know they are serving dinner after the ceremony, right?" My heart was smiling as much as I was, my entire family had eagerly signed up to come to this ceremony the moment I told Grace, filling the empty spaces in my heart completely, I wondered why I had ran from them all in the first place.

Kenzi nodded and through a mouthful of food, "It is the only reason I am attending, but a girl has got to eat. I haven't eaten since lunch and my stomach was starting to collapse." Kenzi looked at Jack, "Looking handsome there Jackson."

Jack walked over and high fived Kenzi as she finished off her sandwich and took his hand, "We call shotgun!" Kenzi giggled with Jack as they trotted out to the car. Aaron let Lauren and I go, taking Grace's hand as he escorted her to the car. I looked over Lauren, sliding my arms around her waist, pulling her close to me, "Well Commander Lewis, how do you feel about sneaking off with me for a minute or two before dinner?"

Lauren smirked at me, "I was hoping we could have dessert at home, Lieutenant Commander Dennis." She kissed me softly on the lips, the softness of her lips against mine sent small lighting bolts through my body. Although we had slept in the same bed night after night, we had yet to touch each other skin to skin since we both came home. Our bodies were still healing, and we were both getting adjusted to living with each other and living in peace. I smiled into the kiss, "Oh I definitely intend to have dessert on you later." I pulled back, "But maybe we can make out a little in the back halls of the hospital, its been a strange fantasy of mine since that first kiss with you on the fire escape."

Lauren bit her lip, I could feel her flush in my arms. "Before dinner?"

I nodded as I slid my hand into hers, pulling her with me as I walked to the car, I teased her, "Not a minute sooner." I heard Lauren groan as she walked after me, her fingers squeezing mine in anticipation.

* * *

Lauren and I sat next to each other as Admiral Williams and Colonel Windsor began the ceremony, highlight both Lauren and i's careers. Lauren became visibly upset as Admiral Williams went over the events of that day and how I selflessly jumped onto the helicopter, saving the lives of the three soldiers and how I ran back for Lauren. I placed my hand on her back as the Admiral went into the details of how Lauren risked her own safety to perform the necessary surgery that had saved my life.

Admiral Williams looked at us, "These two women are a shining example of how sacrifices often come from the selfless. These two women are the bravest, strongest, and the most brilliant doctors I have ever had the pleasure to come across." he motioned to us, "Ladies, if you will please stand up."

A large round of applause echoed from the room of officers, politicians, hospital staff and media that had been invited to be party to this unique story of heroics. I dropped my hand to the small of Laurens back as she received her award from Colonel Windsor and Admiral Williams. I then took my turn as Admiral Williams pinned my newest medal on me, he shook my hand as well as Laurens. We took pictures and were congratulated by many of the staff and Colonel Windsor. After the ceremony, Lauren was pulled away by Colonel Windsor to meet with some of the higher ranking officers that were in attendance. I was pulled away by Admiral Williams for the same reason. A few minutes of obligatory congratulations, Admiral Williams escorted me over to the table where the family was. He held my arm in his, "Bo, have you made a decision about your future? With the Navy?"

I took a deep breath, "Can you give me until the end of the night? I have to do something first." I glanced over at Lauren, catching her eyes as she was stuck in the middle of doctors, she smiled at me and nodded that she would be over in a minute.

Admiral Williams patted my arm, "May I ask what that is?"

I looked up at him, smiling, "I am going to ask that doctor over there to marry me in about ten minutes, me staying in the Navy is not just my decision anymore, Admiral."

The smile that spilled across his face looked exactly like the wide grin Aaron was giving me from the table, the admiral turned and held me at arm's length, "Then don't let me hold you up a minute longer, Bo." he looked over at Lauren, "Go and start your life."

I half saluted at him, then kissed him on the cheek, a bold statement in a room full of military officers, but I didn't care. "Yes sir." I took quick steps over to Lauren, interrupting the crowd around her, "Excuse me gentleman, but I need to steal Commander Lewis away for a moment. We have a few more pictures to sit through."

Lauren tried to hide her smile as the crowd dispersed to allow her to come with me. We walked through the mass of people in the conference room and out into the hallways of the hospital. As soon as we were free from many sets of eyes, I reached back and took her hand in mine. I walked through hallways and up stairs until I pushed open the fire escape door, opening up the night sky and air to us. It was the same fire escape Lauren first kissed me. The city around us was lit up, looking like strange star constellations on the ground.

I heard the door click closed behind us as Lauren let go of my hand to take hold of the fire escape ledge. She was taking deep breaths of the night air, clearing out the stuffy stale air of the full conference room.

I looked at her, the city lights luminating her beauty gently. Lights would catch her eyes and make them sparkle, pushing the gold in her eyes further, she was beyond beautiful in this light. "You remember the first time we sat out here?"

Lauren looked down as she smiled, "I do." she turned to look at me, "I attacked you on this very fire escape." I laughed as I moved closer to her, "You did attack me." I felt the nerves begin to rise as I looked at her longer, "But I knew then, you were someone I could never get rid of, or never would want too." Lauren looked at me slightly confused as I continued, "I started to fall for you in that moment, as hard as I fought not too, I couldn't stop myself. As much as you drove me nuts, you drove my heart deeper into your hands." I took a steady breath as I knew I had to push through the nerves. I took her hands in mine, "Lauren Lewis, you are the most stubborn, frustrating, brilliant, beautiful, selfless, giving, loving person I have ever met in my life. You put my heart back together with more fight than anyone in my life let alone myself." I looked up in her glassy eyes, "I love you like I have never loved anyone before or will ever want too. You are the one, plain and simple." I reached into my pocket, wrapping my fingers around the box as I pulled it out, taking a deep breath I opened it, suddenly blurting out, "I don't even know if you like diamonds." I stared at the ring, afraid to look at Lauren and the answer she could give.

I felt her hands come to my face, puling me gently to look at her, "Bo, what are you asking?"

I swallowed hard as I saw the tears in her eyes, I choked it out, "Will...will you marry me?" I bit my lip, "I have never done this before...I don't even know if I am doing this right."

Lauren silenced my beginnings of a ramble with her mouth, kissing me deeply. I almost buckled at the intensity of the kiss, having to hold onto her sides so I would not fall to me knees. Lauren leaned her forehead against mine, whispering, "Bo, why do always have to beat me?"

I looked at her confused, she pressed a soft kiss against my lips, "I was going to ask you to marry me next week when the ring I had made came in."

I stared at her in shock, "Is that a yes?" I was completely caught off guard. Lauren nodded, "Yes, it is a yes. I love you Bo and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and only you." I held up the ring box, pulling the ring out as I took her hand in mine, the ring fit perfectly as I settled it on her finger. Placing a soft kiss on it, I whispered, "You will only have me." Lauren laced her fingers in mine, the cool metal of the ring pressing against my skin as she pulled me into her arms. "Wait until I tell Jack, he thinks you are the greatest thing since robots." Lauren laughed lightly as I laid my head in the gap between her neck and shoulder, I was absolutely, hopelessly in love with this woman. I bent my head up, kissing her softly on the neck as I mumbled, "He already knows, I asked for his blessing this morning."

Lauren leaned back in my arms so she could look at me, "You did?" I nodded as I kissed her jaw gently, "I did, he is your son and the most important thing in your life. If he said no, I would not be here on this fire escape, pushing through more nerves than on my first day of medical school to ask you one simple question." Lauren looked at me with a happy shocked face, "Have I told you I love you, Bo?"

I smirked, "Maybe once or twice, but I will never tire of you saying it." I kissed her quickly, "I told Aaron to give me ten minutes before he came for me, in case you said no."

Lauren looked at me, seriously as she squeezed my hand tighter, "It would have been the second biggest mistake I ever made." she pulled our hands up, kissing them, "Who else knows."

I laughed as I pulled her towards the door, "The entire family, so be prepared for the onslaught of my family." I looked back at her as I held open the door for her, "I also have not forgotten about this dessert you promised me, later." Lauren looked at me with dark eyes and a smirk, "Neither have I."

I had to catch my breath at the sight and tone in her voice, if I was sure Aaron was not going to walk around the corner in the next few seconds, I would have pulled Lauren into a linen closet and torn her uniform off. I could sense the same thing in her head as she moved closer to me.

"Bo! There you are! I was looking for you." Aarons heavy theatrical voice cut the tension as he looked at me with wide questioning eyes as he entered the hallway with us. I sighed and looked at him, "She said yes, Aaron."

Aaron raised his fist in victory and ran to Lauren, scooping her up in a giant bear hug, "Welcome to the family my dear doctor Lewis!" Lauren couldn't help but laugh as she was gently spun around the room in the arms of one of my best friends. Aaron finally set her down, smiling wider than I had ever seen him, "Grace has been fidgeting since you two disappeared." he held out his hands to the both of us, waggling his fingers for us to take them, "Come my lovely ladies, lets ease her worried mind and kick start it with wedding plans." Lauren and I took his hand as he pulled us closer, arm in arm we walked back to the conference hall. As we rode down the elevator I caught Lauren smiling like a fool as she stared at the ring on I had put on her finger.


	15. Chapter 15

**So this is the end of this story, I may return to these characters in time...but for now, it felt right to end it like this. I am sorry it took me forever to finish and update, life has got me in a whirl and I am getting adjusted to a bit of a change. but for these ladies...it feels right to end it here for now, I know I will probably want to return to them in the future...because I am attached to them. Also the next chapter I am about to post is the alternate ending I had written...so you all get a twofer! I hope to be back on the writing board as much as I was soon! so stick with me!**

It was early evening when the dinner and ceremony ended. Grace, Kenzi, Aaron and everyone else I called family delicately smothered Lauren as we returned to the table. The all saw the ring placed on her finger and wide smiles filtered across the table. Grace looked at me and in her smile I could see the happiness she felt for me as I finally found peace in love.

I left Lauren in the house as Kenzi began excitedly throwing out wedding ideas, event halls and possible plans to make a our future wedding the biggest of all time. Aaron had offered to give me away with Grace, making my heart skip at the thought, I instantly missed my parents in that moment. There was so much love in the room as I watched my mix matched family come together and welcome the two newest members. I smiled as I felt heavy as there were two people missing from this occasion, I wanted to tell them everything.

I slipped away from the crowd as they laughed and talked about whatever, I changed out of my uniform, opting for jeans and a trusted old hooded sweatshirt. The evening was cool as I left the vividly alive manor and walked to the far edges of the property. My thoughts were calm as I reached the furthest edge, the one spot no one but Grace and I knew about. A small cove cut out into the cliffs that linked the land onto the ocean. I climbed up the small bluff that gave one the most exquisite view of the water and the surrounding land. I smiled, pulling my sleeves over my hands, walking to the large rock that had now worn words etched into its face. I reached over and ran my fingers over the smoothed down letters, whispering, "Hi mom, dad. I know it's been awhile. Grace tells me she comes out here every other day to check on you two and fill you in on life." I sighed hard as I stared at the letters, "I'm engaged, today. I asked the most incredible woman I ever met to marry me. I know you both would love Lauren as much as I do. She has a huge heart, loves me and..." I paused, glancing up into the ocean as my heart tightened. "I miss you both so much. I hate that I am starting to forget what you both look like, sound like." I let a tear escape, "Grace has done an amazing job, I have not made it easy for her over the years. Running away, almost getting myself killed, being stubborn." I drifted off as I tangled in my thoughts as I spoke aloud, "If you two didn't die...i wonder how different my life would have been."

"I think you would still be in New York City and I would have never met the incorrigible brunette who I now call my fiancé."

I quickly turned to see Lauren standing a few feet behind me, huddled up in a giant long coat. She smiled as she walked closer to me, "Grace told me you might be up here. She sent me." She was almost standing next to me, her eyes moving to the rock as I wiped away tears, clearing my throat I held out my hand to her. "Would you like to meet my parents?" Her hand was warm as it met mine, she gently tugged me closer to her, I was starting to shiver as the night air turned colder. "Of course I do, Bo."

I looked down at the rock, "Mom, Dad. This is Lauren. Lauren this is Evangeline and Peter Dennis, my parents." I smiled as I felt her hand leave mine to loop around my waist, I sighed, "This is were they have been since I was six years old. I would come here a lot when I was younger and didn't understand what Grace was trying to do. In time as life changed, I changed and became to caught up in life in America, I stopped coming. This is the first time I have visited them since I left for the Navy." I looked up at Lauren, her eyes focused on the stone, "I wish they were here, to meet you, to see how happy you have made me."

Lauren smiled as she looked at me, "I am sure they already know, Bo." she held me close as she placed a gentle kiss on the top of my head. She looked up at the ocean in front of us, "This is a beautiful spot. I can see why you let them have this to themselves."

I nodded, "It is." I motioned to the far edges out in the distance, "We own all of this, for miles and miles. It's all our land, they will have this uninhabited view for as long as I can give it to them."

Lauren glanced down at me, "You own all of this?"

I smiled and nodded, "For miles and miles, there is more throughout the country and in Spain and in New York City." I laid my head on her, I felt the need to tell her how my parents died welling to the surface. Grace had only told me a few years ago and I never mentioned it to anyone, not even Dyson. "I want to tell you how they died."

Lauren let out a breath, "Bo, you don't have too. I know it's something painful for your family."

I wrapped my other arm around her waist, "You are my family." I took a breath, "They had been in one of the bottling facilities for my grandfathers liquor company, it seems he was slowly coming around to the marriage and wanted to bring my parents back into the business. It was planned we would come back to England that summer so I could meet my grandfather and my uncles, and Grace." I bit my lip as I continued, "My mom and dad were walking through one of the washing plants, getting an idea of the volume the facility saw on a daily basis. One of the hot water tanks exploded, right in front of my parents, killing my dad instantly. My mom lived for a few hours until she was able to guarantee Grace would be the one to take care of me. The worst part of the whole thing, it was not an accident. A disgruntled line worker had tampered with the tanks pressure, he had set it off think it was the foreman walking past. He is still in prison, sent a apology letter a few years ago, that's when Grace finally told me the truth." I moved away from Lauren, "The last thing I can remember of my parents that day is my mom smiling, spinning me around as she hugged me goodbye, and my dad laughing as I made him promise to bring me doughnuts back." I reached and placed both my hands on the rock, smiling as I cried softly.

"That's why you came for me, almost died for me." Laurens voice was shaky as she came to stand next to me, her hand on my back. I nodded, clearing my throat, "Yes." I could no longer find my voice, the feeling of letting out what I just had was too much, it was freeing but opened up how much I missed my parents. I let out a breath, "I would do it all over again if I had too, Lauren." I looked at her, "For you and for Jack."

Lauren grabbed my arm, gently pulling me back around to her, scooping me up in her arms as she wrapped me up in the long warm coat she was wearing. Her body warmth warmed me to the core, "Bo, when we finally get married, lets have the ceremony up here, so they can be here with us."

My response was to squeeze her tighter to me. We stood out on the small cliff until the night air became too cold for the both of us. We walked back, arm in arm, to the manor. I smiled as the warmth of the manor was amplified by the happiness swimming around from all of my friends and family. Aaron and Kenzi were playing with Jack as he ran around the living room wearing Aaron's hat. Jack ran to his mother, giggling and talking a mile a minute about Aaron letting him wear his hat and that Kenzi promised to take him to the circus this weekend. I sat down on the couch next to Aaron, throwing my arm around him as I kissed him on the cheek, "Geez, Bo! You start the honeymoon already?"

I laughed, "No, not yet. I am just very happy."

Aaron glanced at me sideways, "I can tell, I have never seen you smile this much, except on resupply night and we would actually get fresh beer." he patted my leg, "But it's about damn time." he winked at me, then reached into his pocket and pulled out a small sheet of paper, "Here, this is from my dad. He wants to see you tomorrow at your convenience." I grabbed the piece of paper, opening it up, "I will call him in the morning." I folded the paper up, jabbing it in my sweatshirt pocket, "I have to make a decision to leave the Navy and be a rich socialite or stay in the Navy and continue teaching." I looked at Aaron, "what would you do?"

He smiled, "I would do what my heart wanted me too do, as long as there was no more trips to war." he bent forward and kissed me lightly, "You will do what's right, for you and for her." Aaron looked at Lauren as she sat next to Kenzi, laughing as Jack climbed up on the younger woman's lap. I sighed and leaned into Aaron, watching with him.

Jack eventually passed out with Kenzi as he sat next to her. Lauren picked him up and carried him off to bed as I carried Kenzi to one of the many spare rooms to sleep. Aaron helped Grace clean up and shuffled off to his own guest room when I came back from getting Kenzi settled. Grace smiled at me as she set the rest of the food into the fridge, "I hope you don't mind that I sent Lauren out too you." she smoothed out her apron before taking it off, "I know your parents would have loved to met her." She set the apron on the counter top, "You two remind me a lot of lily and Peter when they first met, such an unbreakable love they had." Grace smiled as she folded her arms. I leaned against the counter, "Thank you Grace. For telling her where I was, for raising me as if I was your own daughter, never giving up on me no matter how hard I tried to fight you." I smiled as I looked over at her, "Because of you I have this life, I have Lauren."

Grace's eyes glassed over as she moved to me, shaking her head lightly, "I only did what I thought I should, the rest was all you." she kissed me lightly on my cheek, "And for the record, you are my daughter. Regardless of formal familial title, you are my daughter and I will always be proud of you." she patted my hand lightly, "I am off to bed, it has been a long exciting day. Tomorrow, brings new things for us to plan." she smiled again as she left me in the kitchen.

* * *

I walked the long way back to my room, stopping in the hallway where all of the family portraits hung. Some where old oil paintings, and the rest were snapshots or formal photographs. I smiled as I picked up the picture of my parents and I when I was about three years old, outside the old brownstone back in Brooklyn. I ran my fingers over my mother's face, seeing so much of myself in her. I clutched the picture to my chest as I walked back to my room.

Lauren was not in the room when I walked in, I knew she would probably still be reading stories to Jack as she did every night. I set the picture on the desk that was on the far end of the room, next to the picture of Lauren and I that was taken at the first conference we went too in New York. I pulled the curtains closed, only leaving a sliver to let some of the moonlight in. I pulled on pajamas and crawled into the bed, I was tired from the emotional day, but happy. I smiled at the silly thought of when Dyson found out I was engaged and to be married to the woman who almost broke his jaw. It made me giggle out loud as I snuggled into the pillow deeper.

I drifted off to sleep quickly, but was woken up when I felt the blankets pulled back and her warm body slide in against mine. I smiled as I felt her hand slip under my sleep shirt, fingers running over my stomach. I leaned back against her, it took me a minute to realize that Lauren was completely naked. I rolled over to face her, "Doctor, I do believe you forgot your clothes." I could not help but run my eyes over her as I pulled the blankets back. Lauren smiled as she leaned forward to kiss me, "You promised me dessert earlier..." I sighed as I felt her bite my bottom lip gently, I had to force it out, "I did, didn't I?"

Lauren nodded as she kissed my cheek, "That you did, Doctor." I could feel my heart begin to race as I let my hands roam over her naked body, it had been a long time since I had seen her naked, but my hands knew her well. I smile as I hear the soft moans I pull from her with the simplest touch. Lauren moves closer to me, half on top of me as she tries to pull at my shirt, but her cast preventing her full movement. I look at it, "We can manage." Lauren shakes her head, as she rolls over on her side and gets up. Walks to the desk and pulls out a pair of scissors and begins to cut away at the cast. I am too mesmerized at the site of her completely naked, grazed by the moonlight to even try and object to what she is doing. Lauren expertly cuts the cast down the middle and rips it off, throwing it to the ground she turns back to me, rubbing her arm, smiling, "It was to come off next week anyways."

I said nothing, still enraptured by the sight of my future wife standing before me. I hold out my hand, "Here. Now."

Lauren smirks and takes slow steps back to the bed, pulling the blankets down before she straddles me. "Yes ma'am." she leans forward just a little, looking into my eyes, "It has been almost six months since you last touched me." I shuddered at the tone of her voice and the feeling of her pushing down on my body. I push myself up, reaching for her face as I kiss her deeply, feeling her moan into the kiss as I run my hand down her bare back, then finding my way to her breasts, I cover them. Relishing the feel of her soft skin against my hands. I feel her hands pull and tug at the shirt I still have on, I lean back, breaking the kiss long enough to help her remove my shirt. I don't give her a chance to utter a single word as I capture her mouth with mine again, I can feel her rock her hips against me as she is craving more contact with me. I gently push her back onto the bed, hovering over her, I kiss her chin, her neck and own her chest. Placing soft kisses on her breasts, I know I cannot tease her for much longer as she is writhing underneath me, pulling my head closer to her skin. I smile against the kisses I lay down her body, I surprise her as my fingers find her before my mouth. I pull a erotic, large gasp from her as she stills her body for a moment. It has been a long time for the both of us, and as much as I want to go slow and enjoy her, she needs release as much as I do. I move my hand slowly as I move lower down, soon my fingers are replaced by a soft kiss against her, Lauren moans as she pushes her hips harder against me, wanting nothing but complete contact with me. I honor her request and I slide my tongue against her, feeling how much she is craving my touch. I hold her hips against me as I take more and more from her, until I feel her arch up and off the bed, trying to hold back the scream I know I am pulling from her. I feel Lauren shudder against me before she collapses on the bed, panting and reaching for me as I move back up her body. She pulls me into a deep, sensual kiss that takes my breath away. I look down at her and open my mouth to say something, when I feel her hand slid beneath my pajama pants and her fingers slid easily into me. I gasp and smile as I am suddenly very grateful she took her cast off.

* * *

We woke up the next morning, tangled in each other, sore and satisfied. I find Laurens hand draped across my hip as I roll over onto my back. I gently pull it towards me as I look at the ring on her finger, I hold it close as my fingers run over the band and the stones. There has never been a moment in my life that I ever felt complete, until now. I pull her hand down over my heart, covering it with mine and smile as I watch her sleep lightly. I stay like that for a few minutes until Lauren stirs awake, opening her eyes she smiles wide as she catches me staring at her, she mumbles as she moves closer to me, "It isn't polite to stare."

I laugh lightly as her hands move from my chest to cup my cheek, pulling me into a soft kiss, "I can't help it Lauren, you are cute when you sleep." I run my hand through her hair as I smile, looking into her golden brown eyes, "Good morning."

Lauren smiles wide, "Morning. What is on the agenda today?" I smirk as I catch her eyes run over the small red marks she left all over my body, she reaches down and traces soft fingers over them, "Sorry about these, I guess I got a little excited last night." I laugh as I pull her hand up to my lips, "I intend to repay the favor tonight." I sighed, "But we should get up before the house wonders if we are trapped in here." I moved to get out of the bed, hearing Lauren sigh sadly as I reached for my pajamas, I glance back at her, "We both need to have breakfast and I have to go meet with Admiral Williams later today."

I watch as Lauren visibly tenses up, "For what Bo?"

I pull on my shirt and stand next to the bed, "To talk over my options with the Navy, I can either leave and be a stay at home wife, socialite or I can stay in for a few more years and be a teaching doctor." I fold my arms as I look at her, "What do you think?"

Lauren rolled out of the bed, walking to the dresser as she pulls out a shirt and pants, I suddenly regret the decision of leaving the bed as I see her naked. "Bo, I can't make a decision for you." I can sense the change in emotion in her.

I walk around the bed and towards, "You are a part of this decision, you are going to be my wife." I reach for her cast free hand, lacing my fingers in hers. Lauren looked down at me, "Bo, I am being discharged at the end of the year, I am not re-upping or staying in the British Navy. I am tired of being a paper pushing doctor, and I am tired of living in fear if one day I will have to go back to war, this one or the next one." She looked down at our hands, "I want to live a quiet life with you and my son, next month I will be interviewing at a few of the local hospitals for a cardiologist residency, Colonel Windsor has also offered to keep me on as a civilian teacher, then I have a couple of the universities asking for me to become faculty." she smiled as she met my eyes, "But I am not going to ask you to make a decision based off of what I haven chosen for myself."

I let out a sigh, "I love the Navy, but I love you more." I reached up and held her face in my hands, "Plus I think the Admiral is about to kick me out of the Navy." Lauren laughed and kissed my forehead, "I wouldn't blame if he did, but please Bo, do what is right for you, what makes you happy." she kept her smile as she looked in my eyes, "No matter what, I am still here and I will always love you." she turned as we both heard little footsteps come running down the hallway. We both laughed as we heard the gentle knock of a tiny hand followed by Jack's voice asking if we were ready for breakfast.

* * *

It was chilly as Admiral Williams and I walked along the river in London, it was the only time I was grateful for the wool the Navy demanded us to wear all the time. I clutched onto the cup of coffee in my hands as I watched the boats drifting to their destinations. Admiral Williams was looking at the same thing, "You know, the whole reason I joined the Navy was so I could just drift from sea to sea?" he smiled at me as he pointed at a bench, "Instead I got caught up in the politics of the military and lost the whole romance behind traveling the world through the seas." We sat on the bench as he looked at me, "Why did you join the Navy, Bo?"

I smiled at the easy lack of formalities I had with the highest ranking Naval officer in the United States, "I joined to escape a broken heart, and facing the trials of putting it back together." I smiled as I looked into his blue eyes, "Not a noble reason to join up, I know. But I am grateful for the time I served and the people I have met. It made my aimless life have direction." I took a sip of coffee, "Oddly enough it also brought me back my heart."

The Admiral smiled wide, "When is the wedding?"

"We have not picked a date, I am hoping sooner than later." I picked at the lid on the coffee cup, "I have to figure out what I want with the Navy first."

Admiral Williams placed a hand on my shoulder, "Well, I have good news and good options for you." he twisted in his seat to look at me, "You can opt for an honorable discharge and by the end of next month, you will be free and clear to hang up this uniform you are wearing and never look back. Or I can make it so you stay on at RNH and continue shaping young military minds with your knowledge for the next four years, which will bring with it another promotion in two years. I can even transfer you to any hospital of your choice." The admiral paused, "But I can't promise this war will end tomorrow and you will never have to face being called back." he smiled weakly, "That is beyond my power."

I nodded slowly, returning my gaze back out onto the river as the Admiral continued, "The likely hood of you being called back is slim, you have been wounded twice and are considered a hero. The Navy would much rather use you as a poster girl than continue sending you out into a hopeless war."

I took a breath, "The only time in my life that I felt I was doing something right was when I was out in the desert, putting lives back together, and again when I was teaching young ones how to do the same." I turned to look at the Admiral, "If I can stay on at RNH as a teaching doctor I will stay with the Navy. My heart tells me its what I am suppose to do."

The admiral smiled wide as he patted my leg, "I will promise you that you can stay at RNH." he sipped at his coffee, "I know it is bold of me to ask, but will you please invite me to the wedding? I look at you as the daughter I never had." there was nothing but pure sincerity in his voice as he said it.

I smiled and nodded, "Of course you are invited, considering your son is my best man."

Admiral Williams laughed as he half hugged me, "There is no one better to stand by your side, Bo." We finished our coffee, watching boats and freighters pass by, both of us wishing that our paths to the Navy had been just like that. Simply riding boats into the sea, trying to find our hearts that way instead of through wars and blood. I left Admiral Williams office after going over the final paperwork, I was mildly afraid of what Lauren would say when I told her. I had wanted out of the Navy until that moment I thought about it, I wanted to teach as many as I could how to save live so there would be less heartbreak and pain in loss. I walked out the front entrance and smiled when I saw Lauren leaning against her mini cooper, jack holding her hand as he waved eagerly at me. I smiled as I walked over to her, kissing her lightly before tossing my briefcase in the backseat and crouching down to say hi to Jack. I helped him into the backseat, before Lauren walked to the drivers door I grabbed her arm and looked at her, "I've decided to stay on for another four years, teaching only at RNH. I can't explain it..."

Lauren smiled and cut me off, "I know, its what you are supposed to do." she kissed me, "You are an amazing teacher and an amazing doctor, I would have loved to have a million of you in my hospital and out in the desert." she smiled as she stepped back, "Come, Jack wants to take you to lunch at his favorite spot."

I smiled as I climbed into the car, looking back at Jack, "Where are you taking me?" Jack giggled as he played with the latches on my briefcase, "Grammas and granpas house! They are waiting for us!"

I glanced at Lauren, "Uh, we are going to your parents?" I felt a small panic rise as my heart pounded. Lauren nodded as she pulled out on to the street, "Yup, don't worry, they are expecting us and have heard all about this American I am going to marry." I stared at Lauren in silence as she smiled at me, "Bo, relax. It will be easier than going to war." I sighed and leaned back in the seat, my mind running over the etiquette classes Grace made me go too, I would definitely need my best manners to meet Laurens parents.

* * *

Eight months later-

"Bo Bo! If you are going to vom, do it now. I cannot having you throwing up in the middle of the ceremony and on this amazing dress I managed to steal for you!" Kenzi was whirling around me, fixing the last details on my dress as I tried calming myself down, staring at myself in the mirror. Today was my wedding day, and I was on the verge of full freak out mode. It was a beautiful summer day and the back half of the property was set up for the outdoor ceremony. I glanced out the window and saw the small handful of friends and family waiting for us. Admiral Williams, Colonel Windsor, and a few of my friends from the 85th had made it. I clutched onto the curtain as I heard Kenzi swear again at me, "Bo! Seriously, after everything you two have been through, this should be the easiest thing you could conquer." Kenzi stood back, hands on her hips as she looked me over one more time. I squeezed my hands as I felt them shaking, "How do I look?"

Kenzi winked at me, "Hot! Plain and simple, so hot I would consider marrying you." she reached up and fixed a few stray hairs. I heard the door creak open and Aaron whistle, "Hot damn Bo! Looking gorgeous." I turned and blushed as I smiled at him, he was wearing a perfectly tailored pale grey suit with a light pink tie, and looked like he had just walked out of a high fashion magazine. He kissed me on the cheek, smiling, "Are you ready? We need to get you out there in the next five minutes." I grabbed his hand and smiled, nodding nervously, "i am, but I might want to throw up a hundred times before we get to the priest." Aaron laughed, "Of course, but I promise when you see your good doctor wife, you will forget everything."

I smiled, "How does she look?" Kenzi snapped her fingers, "Nope! You know the rules, no seeing the bride before the ceremony." she linked her arm into mine, "Lets go Bo! Get you hitched so we can celebrate properly!" I walked with Aaron and Kenzi until we met Grace at the back entrance to the ceremony site. Kenzi handed me off to Grace, issuing me a quick hug and running to her spot with Jack as he stood nervously holding the rings on a pillow. Grace smiled and dabbed at tears, "You are stunning Ysabeau, I could not be happier for you than I am in this moment." she linked her arm into mine.

I swallowed hard, trying to fight tears so I would not ruin the makeup Kenzi had spent hours on, "Grace, you are going to make me cry." Aaron looked at Grace, "If you start crying, I am bound to lose it." he gently tugged at my arm, "Let's go ladies."

I walked arm in arm with Aaron and Grace, smiling as I saw my friends and family smiling back at me. I nodded gently at Laurens mother, Nora Lewis. I knew her father, Albert, would be walking her down the aisle. Albert and Nora were two people who accepted me with warm hugs and instantly made me a part of their family from the moment I rolled up in Laurens mini cooper that day Jack took me there for lunch. They already knew everything I had been through and had done for Lauren and were grateful she had found love in someone that loved her equally as much. Over the months, we would go once a week to their house for dinner. I could see Lauren in both of them, in their large caring hearts and their particular ways. I smiled wider as Laurens mom wiped away a tear. I finally had the large family I had dreamt of when I was little.

Grace stood by my side with Aaron as I took my place next to the priest. I waved lightly at Jack as he sat next to Kenzi, swinging his legs waiting for his turn in the wedding. I felt Aaron nudge me as he bent to my ear, "She's beyond gorgeous, Bo."

I looked up and caught Lauren at the end of the rows, her father on her arm, beaming as wide as she was. I placed my hand over my heart as I was sure I felt it stop just from one look at her. Lauren was wearing a white vintage wedding dress, that held close to her curves and fell back into a long train behind her. Kenzi had done her hair and makeup and I made a note to thank her heartily as Lauren looked like she fell from heaven. I smiled wide as she caught my eyes and blushed. I could not take my eyes off her as she walked the length of the aisle and stopped right in front of me. I barely heard the priest issue the common who gives the bride away, I was lost in the beauty of the woman standing before me. After Albert gave us away and Grace gave me away, Jack walked over holding the plain pillow with the rings on it. The priest blessed them and then looked to Lauren, "Lauren, you may begin your vows."

Lauren nodded, reaching down to pick up one of the rings, she grabbed my hand. Trembling lightly as she held my hand in hers, "Bo, I love you. I never thought that I would be asking you to love me in sickness and in death, forever until we grow old and tired. Especially on that first day you walked into my office, cocky and sassy." Lauren paused as she smiled from the few chuckles in the crowd, "But the moment I looked in your eyes, you stole my heart. No matter how hard I tried to keep it from you, you managed to slip in through the cracks. Your love has saved me a thousand times over and I promise to never love anyone but you." she slid the ring on my finger, "You have made my heart whole." She smiled as she ran her thumb over the ring.

The priest looked at me, "Ysabeau, your vows." I nodded and wiped away the tears that had freed themselves. I smiled at Jack as he held the pillow up higher for me to take the ring. I held Laurens hand and sighed, "Lauren, for all the lives I have lived, for all the loves I have loved. Not one of them compare to the life I have with you and the love I have for you. I once told you my heart was in a million pieces and that you were the only one who was putting it back piece by piece, You have also made my heart whole and full, where I once thought it would be lost forever. You are the strongest, bravest, most beautiful woman with a mean right hook I have ever met in my life, and I know there will be no other that could compare to you and how much I love you." I slid the ring on her finger as it settled perfectly against the engagement ring, "There's no turning back." I whispered the last part so only she could hear it.

The priest held up his hands, "With that, I now present to you the lovely married couple, Lauren and Ysabeau McCorrigan." I heard Grace gasp slightly as she heard the last name, I turned to her and smiled, nodding that I would tell her later. The priest closed his book, "You may kiss the bride." he stepped back as Lauren reached up, hands on the sides of my face pulling me into a deep, sensual but polite kiss. I held my hands on her side, knowing I was smiling too much for the kiss too continue. Lauren started laughing as she heard the applause, "You are my wife." I nodded, "And you are mine, Lauren." I wrapped my hand in hers, smiling more as our rings met. I looked out into the crowd and back at Lauren, "I meant everything I said, forever is only with you." Lauren smiled and kissed me again before we felt Jack pulling at us, I smiled and looked down at the little boy, "Can we go have the cake now, Mummy?" Lauren laughed and nodded, "Kenzi will take you over Jack." he giggled and ran towards Kenzi, grabbing her hand as they both ran over to the dining tent.

We were rushed by family and congratulations, Lauren went with her parents as they gushed over how beautiful the ceremony was. I was bear hugged by Aaron and his father, then Grace walked over to me. "Ysabeau."

I hugged her, "I know, we should have told you but wanted to keep it a surprise. Lauren and I thought it would be a fresh start for the both of us and our family, that the McCorrigan name lives on in us and in little Jack." Grace smiled wide as she fidgeted with the tissue in her hands, "I could not agree more."

I smiled and walked over to the dining tent with Grace, smiling from ear to ear as my wife walked over to meet us. Kissing me without embarrassment in front of everyone. Lauren and I looked out at the stone, just in view of the ceremony, she held me close as I smiled, "Welcome to the family Mrs. McCorrigan." I looked up in the golden brown eyes of the woman that held my heart and my new life.

The end.


	16. Alternate ending

**So this is the alternate ending, I have started it off where Bo and Lauren are in the heat of the gunfight that both are wounded in, please read through it and when you get to the next section there is a POV change. this chapter was a rough one for me to want to post, but I feel its a part I should share. I hope you enjoy after reading the last chapter I provided you all with!**

The three of us ran to the helipad, Lauren was met by one of the nurses and handed a large medical bag, a helmet and a flack jacket. I was handed the same and climbed after Lauren, I was taking the spot of the young private who found us. He seemed relieved but guilty, I winked at him, "Tell whoever the egotistical American made you get off, they will understand." I was tapped on the back by the door gunner, and helped in the helicopter by the other armed escort that was riding with us.

The helicopter lifted off quickly, Lauren was struggling getting her helmet on. I leaned over in my seat and took it off, yelling, "Put your flak jacket on first." she tried to shake her head no, signaling it was too heavy. I shook my head and forced it on her, "You are wearing it." I then helped her with the helmet. The helicopter turned quickly and I was lurched to one side in the middle of trying to get my flak jacket on, I lost the grip I had on my flak jacket, watching it tumble out the open door. I clenched my jaw, and threw my helmet on, I knew helicopters carried extras. I would grab one when we landed. I looked up at Lauren. She was trying to keep her eyes on the metal rivets, I could tell how nervous she was. I yelled into the microphone, "First time in one of these?"

Lauren nodded quickly, her death grip on the medical bag was the other give away. I smiled and motioned for her to look in my eyes, "Look here and I promise it will all be okay."

Her golden brown eyes focused on mine and she began to ease up. As the pilot announced we were getting close, and that we should brace for a quick landing, Lauren mouthed "I love you." I mouthed it back to her as the helicopter descended quickly.

The sounds of yelling and screams overtook the sounds of the helicopter blades cutting through the air. A dirty, bloodied soldier ran up to the open door, grabbing the medical bag he grabbed my hand as I unbuckled, he screamed in my ear as I was close, "I got two guys that are bleeding heavily, and one is having a heart attack, he is over by the Humvee. We chased the bastards off, but they will be back now that the helicopter is here." I nodded and let him pull me off the helicopter. Lauren was quick to follow me as we ran to the small squad. The two soldiers that were also on the helicopter followed us, keeping a close eye on our backs.

I ran to the two soldiers first as Lauren was taken to the one having a possible heart attack. I looked over them quickly, I started ripping open bandages and digging under the field dressings, one was in need of immediate surgery to remove the large chunk of metal that was lodged into his upper thigh. I yelled instructions to the other soldiers to apply pressure while I checked on the second. The second had a chest wound that had stopped bleeding on its own, but had filled the chest up with blood. I had to do a quick field chest tube and begin wrapping it up to stabilize the soldier. I looked up at where Lauren was, she was working on the cardiac arrest, giving him aspirin and trying to get him to calm down enough so she could get him back to the helicopter. She looked back and met my eyes. I went to smile at her to reassure her when I heard a quick series of pops, pops like firecrackers. I flinched knowing exactly what it was.

All of the soldiers dipped their heads down, I watched as the one with Lauren pushed her down to the ground. I laid onto of the soldier I had just put a tube in. that's when I remembered I had not bothered to grab the extra flak jacket on the way out. The door gunner ran over to me and dropped down, "We gotta get outta here, there's a large squad of bastards coming our way, the helicopter drew them out. The pilot is going to lift up, lay down some covering fire to scare them off. I need you and Commander Lewis to hustle your asses and get these boys closer to the chopper. We will drop back down and do a grab and run." he looked at me with wide green eyes, "You copy?"

"I copy." The door gunner stood up, fired a few rounds and ran back to the helicopter. I grabbed one of the other soldiers, "I need you to help get these two back that way. I also need one of you to help the other doctor, we have a few minutes at most to get these boys out of here safely." the soldier nodded and tapped a few of his buddies, they all moved quickly, laying down cover fire as I moved with the one with the chest tube. I kept my focus as the helicopter lifted up and spun around, emptying as much ammo as they could on the enemy. It gave us a reprieve as we pulled the wounded towards the landing zone. The helicopter lowered back down, the door gunner jumped out and helped to load the first two.

I looked back at Lauren, she was struggling with her soldier. I motioned to the door gunner that I was running back. He nodded and covered me as I ran. I picked up the end of the small tarp that we were using to carry the wounded. I looked at Lauren, her eyes were full of fear but determined to get the guy on the helicopter. The door gunner met us halfway with the other soldier who was riding with us, they took over for us, moving faster than we had back to the helicopter. I was two steps ahead of Lauren when I heard the firecracker pops start up again, followed by the barrage of return fire. I turned to Lauren, she was running towards me, when I saw a bullet tear into her arm as another hit her in the side knocking her from her steps, forcing her to drop to her knees.

I screamed, "NO!" I turned to run back, I felt a hand try and hold me back, I ripped my arm out and ran towards her. She was trying to get up, but I could tell the bullet had broken her arm. I made it to her and dropped to my knees pulling her up, "Come on, come on, get up, Lauren. We are almost there." She looked up at me with tears in her eyes, I forced her up. She had the wind knocked out of her and was going into shock. I wrapped an arm around her, "Three more steps and its back to the shitty meatloaf you love." I swallowed hard as I got her to jog with me, the back and forth of the gunfire radiating around us. The door gunner met us halfway, he scooped Lauren up like she was nothing and ran towards the open door. I ran as fast as I could.

Then I felt what felt like two extremely hot bee stings tear through my upper shoulder and on my middle back. It was so hot it forced me to a stop, the sound around me became muted and things felt like they were slowing down.

I instinctively looked up at the door of the helicopter, Lauren was sitting in her seat, tears running down her face screaming and looking at me. Her arm reaching out for me as the other soldier held her back, trying to strap her in. I tried to smiled and as I tried to run again, I coughed hard and tasted blood in my mouth. I reached up and wiped at my mouth, my fingers were covered in blood. I closed my eyes and felt woozy, I looked up at the door gunner who was running towards me, he was suddenly blurry. I reached for him, and the last thing in my head before everything went black was, I should have grabbed that goddamn flak jacket.

* * *

I watched as Bo fell into the arms of the young man. I was still screaming and trying to push the other soldier off of me, I had to get to her. The pain was too much and the soldier's grip was too strong. I couldn't move as he strapped me into my seat. I watched helplessly as Bo was loaded into the helicopter. She was unconscious, there was blood coming out of her mouth. The young man who had been the door gunner worked fast as the helicopter started to lift off, he was holding gauze over Bo's injuries, checking for vitals he started yelling at the other soldier to help him. I struggled to tear at the restraints as the helicopter lifted up, the two young men started CPR on Bo, screaming at each other and over the microphones on their helmets. I couldn't hear anything than the groans of the wounded and the frantic pace of the helicopter blades. I lifted my broken arm and tried to slide out of the seatbelt, to go to Bo, to do anything to save her. The surge of pain that rocked my body was too much, I passed out.

One Week Later-

"Bo, you should have listened to me, stayed home." I whispered it to her as I placed my hand on the simple white casket, draped in the American flag. I could barely get the whisper out, I had been crying the entire flight to England. I demanded that I would be the one to take her home. I stood next to her body, in my full dress uniform, my hand had not left her from the moment they took me to her after it was all said and done. I closed my eyes tight, remembering at the sight I saw a few days earlier and how it hurt my heart more than I knew I would ever recover from.

Bo looked so peaceful as she laid on the trauma table, everyone had done the best they could, Bo had lost a lot of blood in the short flight back to the unit. The doctors tried so hard to keep her alive, but her body just had enough and slowly went. I stood over her, my arm in a cast, bruised and battered. I reached out with a trembling hand, brushing her hair off her face, they had wiped most of the blood away. Her skin was still warm, but cooling fast. I couldn't stay strong, I fell apart when I went to kiss her forehead. I sobbed harder than I had ever in my life, knowing that she was gone, I could not bear it. The guilt washed over me, this was my fault, she was close to being free from this war and never having to look back. I brought her back, I brought her back into this war, and I was the one who brought her back to me when I was shot. I would not leave her until it was time for her to be cleaned up and sent home, I had stopped speaking completely, only sitting with her in the morgue, whispering things I had wanted to say to her but never got the chance.

Now as the engines died down, I ran my hand again over the rough fabric of the brand new flag, Bo was going home a hero, I had made sure of that. I kept my eyes on the spot my hand was as the rear doors of the AC 130 opened up to a rainy morning in England. I looked up, clenching my jaw to fight back the tears that never stopped falling, and never would. When the rear doors opened wide enough, I had to choke back a sob when I saw Grace standing with Kenzi and Aaron by a large black car next to the funeral hearse.

I had to look away as I saw Grace slowly fall apart when she saw the lone casket. Kenzi leaned against her, crying. Aaron was in his full uniform and walked towards me as the doors opened wide enough for him to enter. When he moved closer, I could see he had been crying as well. He walked to the end of the  
casket, placing both hands on the edge, "Goddamit Bo, you were the one to out live us all." his voice was raspy as he looked up at me, "Commander Lewis, we can take it from here. My dad has made arrangements."

I shook my head, "I am not...I won't leave her." I looked at the metal floor, "Not until she is safe."

Aaron gave me a steely gaze, I had a strange feeling he also felt that I was at fault for the death of the woman who saved him. He nodded slowly, "I understand." he turned and motioned to a handful of Naval officers, all who looked as if they had been crying as they walked to take their places on the side of the casket. I couldn't hold the tears as I saw Admiral Williams come up the rear and take his spot near the end of the casket. Aaron gave the command, each officer lifting Bo up gently and taking the slow steps out into the morning rain. I walked with them, ignoring the slight downpour that quickly soaked my hat and my uniform. I walked a few steps behind Bo as they loaded her with such care into the back of the hearse. I turned to look at Grace who was sobbing in her handkerchief, Kenzi was staring at me with so much sadness and anger. I took a deep breath and walked over to them, "Grace...I am..."

Grace shook her head, "Not now, I have to get my niece home and buried." her tone was soft and gentle, as she spoke. Her eyes were locked on the hearse as the casket disappeared. When the back doors closed and Aaron started walking back over, Grace smiled tightly, "Jack is at the manor, with John. He is awaiting you patiently." she turned to look at another black car waiting, "That car will take you to him." She took Aarons hand as he helped her into the car. I looked at Kenzi to say something, she angrily shook her head at me, "Don't, she did all of this for you, even died to keep you safe so you could come home to your son." her tone had an edge to it, "Don't shit on this second chance she gave you and him." Kenzi stopped as tears took hold and she grabbed onto Aaron's hand. He went to step into the car after the two women, I grabbed his elbow, "Where is...where is Bo going."

He swallowed hard, "Too be buried next to her parents on the far end of the manor property." he clenched his jaw, "You are more than welcome to come with us, I know how much Bo loved you." he smiled tightly as a tear slid down his face, "She was one hell of a woman, I am glad you broke through some of her walls and let her live again, even if it was for a short time. You know she saved all of our lives in one way or another." he nodded to no one and quickly sat in the backseat closing the door.

I watched as the hearse and the family car drove off, I couldn't tell which were my tears and which were raindrops on my face. I raised my head up to look in the sky, closing my eyes as I let the rain soak me. After a few minutes I felt a hand on my shoulder, and an umbrella come over me, "Ma'am? I can take you to the manor if you like." I glanced at the young driver as he tried to smile warmly for my benefit. I nodded and walked with him to the car.

When we drove into the manor's driveway, the rain stopped and the sun came out to poke its rays through the clouds. I sighed as I stepped out of the car and walked up to the front door, the doors opened and my son came running at me full blast, "Mummy!" I crouched down and held my good arm out to catch him in a hug. As soon as he crashed against me, I held him tightly and lifted him up. I was crying, as I held him. He whispered against me, "You are squishing me." I laughed lightly and set him back down. He held my face in his hands, "Why are you sad? Grace has been sad too." He looked around me, "She said Bo was coming home today, is she with you?"

I had to take a breath, how could I ever tell my son that Bo was gone. And that it was my fault.


End file.
